So, here it finally is. The next chapter.

I thought a lot about if I should include the Alicia/Will kiss from 4x14 and finally decided against it, although I have included other facts from that episode, that fitted into the story how I had it already in my head before the episode aired. The kiss just didn't fit.

I also included something that Josie found in the original pilot script online. The quote of that can be found at the end of the chapter.

Again my thanks go to Josie for her never ending input and help :)

This is again for my A/P girls :) Remember, she loves him :D

Again I don't own The Good Wife or 'Hurt Lovers' by Blue

So when all that you ever believe

Comes apart at the seams

And when all of the bridges you built

Are washed away in a stream

Whatever comes

It's not the end

We gotta fight

And take a stand

We're standing in

the line of fire

Tryin' to make two wrongs a right

Hurt Lovers, hurt so bad again

Find something, to make things right again

It don't matter who wins out in the end

You gotta try

Can I really do this?

Alicia let out a heavy sigh, closing her eyes briefly before concentrating again on the road. She couldn't believe what had happened in the last few days. She shook her head lightly in disbelief, reminding herself it had only been days and not weeks. She felt a little like back when the scandal around Peter was revealed; hurt, shocked, not quite realizing what was happening. But something was quite different this time. She didn't feel as helpless and alone as she had felt when her world had crashed down around her the last time. She had the advantage of knowing what was going on now, making her able to act not just react. And she was about to do just that.

She was on her way to see Peter, telling him what she was planning to do. She knew he would try to keep her from doing it, but she somehow deep down felt certain this was what she had to do. She was tired of other people deciding her life for her. It was about time she started doing so herself. And she really hoped she could convince Peter it was the right thing to do. She felt suddenly short of breath as she imagined going on without him. There had been a time, not so long ago, when she had believed she was able to live her life without him. Now that thought alone scared her. Once again he was the only constant in her life, the one who stood by her after all the other ones, she had placed her trust in, had disappointed her.

It had hurt her to learn she had been offered partnership not because she was good and deserved it, but simply because the firm could use the money she had to provide to get the partnership. She had felt reduced to a number and was about to decline the offer, but Diane's words had made her rethink that again. How stupid had she been. She laughed bitterly about herself when she thought back of David Lee's words telling her they had postponed their offer on partnership. Again she was only a number for them, but this time one that would cost them. They had been happy to accept her money when it served their goal to beat bankruptcy. But now, after that was accomplished they refused to share the profits. That had been the first time she thought she had to act on her own. And so she had agreed on Cary's idea to scare the partners a bit. And to her surprise it had worked, they had got them worried and forced them to make a decision. A decision she despised them for. By offering her the partnership once more they had only thought of their advantage again. Picking her alone out of the 4th year-associates to make partner should have been a credit to her achievements and hard work over the last years. But again she had been reduced to something else, not money this time, but prestige.

She had been struck by David's bluntness when she had asked why her alone had been offered partnership again. We think your husband's gonna be governor! He had not even tried to conceal the real reason why they had picked her. And that had made Will's words about her deserving it because she was good even more hollow.

All this combined had let her to her decision. She just wasn't 100% sure she could really see it through.

She finally had arrived at the house and made her way to the entrance. She had called him earlier, so he was expecting her. She didn't bother knocking, just walked trough the unlocked door. She called out Peter's name and hung her coat.

"In here!" his response came from the living room.

She followed his voice and stepped from the hall into the adjacent room.

He stood from the couch and came towards her. She saw a flicker of insecurity in his eyes, as if he was still not sure how to act around her, if the rules she had set when they started having sex again still applied.

She quickly closed the distance between them, smiling brightly at him, placing a tender kiss on his lips. She felt his arms slide around her waist, pulling her closer and a small sigh of relief escaped her when her head came to rest on his shoulder after they had broken the kiss.

"Are you alright?" she could hear the concern in his voice.

"Yes,...no,...I don't know..." she wished he had not yet asked her how she was doing. She had hoped to just stay in his arms a little longer, enjoying a moment of normalcy in all this craziness. So she reluctantly loosened the embrace when he gently pushed her a bit backwards to be able to look at her.

"What is going on, Alicia?" he looked her directly in the eyes and it felt as if he could read her like an open book. She stepped back and walked over to the couch, sitting down indicating to Peter to do the same.

"You know I've been offered to become partner again." she started while he sat down next to her.

"Yes, and I already wrote you the cheque for your capital contribution. It is in my study on the desk." he nodded, smiling at her and she could see the pride he felt for her in his eyes.

"About that..." she cleared her throat. "Would you still front me the money if I would refuse the partnership and open up my own firm?" she kept her gaze on his face and saw the smile fade slowly, his eyes watching her in disbelief.

"What?" he shook his head. "Why would you want to do this?"

"Because I have enough of being a pawn in their game, only being appreciated when they need me. First for the money they were desperate for to save the firm and now for the prestige I could add as they think you will become governor. And what upsets me the most is that they couldn't be honest with me about their reasons. At least Diane and Will weren't. They still make it look like they want me as partner for my work and not because it suits their agenda." she realized her voice had gotten louder and she felt rather angry. She took a deep breath to calm herself and studied Peter's face. He had been quietly listening and she had no idea what he was thinking.

"You think I am overreacting?" she asked him in a low voice, searching his face for an answer.

"I can't tell you how you should feel about this, Alicia." he looked straight into her eyes, pausing before he continued.

"But I can tell you that I will stand behind any decision you will make. That cheque is yours. Take it to become partner at Lockhart/Gardner or use it to open up your own firm. Both is fine by me. But please don't consider to quit altogether. You are too good for that." he smiled at her and she released the breath she had held while he talked, a wave of relief washing over her.

"Thank you, Peter. That really means a lot to me." she smiled back at him and found his hand, squeezing it slightly.

"But this has nothing to do with Will, does it?" his gaze became more serious again.

"No!" her answer came without any hesitation and she saw him relax again.

"Actually this was Cary's idea. He suggested we should open up a firm together. I turned him down at first, but now I really think he's right."

"Cary and you as a team? You'll be tough to beat in the future. You both have insider knowledge." Peter chuckled. "Something to look forward to now that I am going to stay State's attorney."

"About that..." Alicia cleared her throat, suddenly feeling rather nervous.

"Did you make any more life changing decisions?" there was still humor in Peter's voice but she knew that would be wiped away by what she was about to suggest to him.

"No, not yet." she blinked nervously when she saw the smile leave his eyes, his gaze watching her curiously.

"I don't want you to give in to Kresteva's threat. I want you to stay in the race for governor." she spoke fast, worried the courage would leave her. She heard Peter gasp at her words, his expression one of pure shock.

"No." he nearly shouted the word at her. "That is a non-negotiable, Alicia." he shook his head at her, his voice at a normal volume again.

"But, Peter...at least listen to me..." Alicia started, but he cut her off.

"No! How can you even think that?" he stood from the couch, walking over to the window. She could see his reflection in the glass, a desperate expression on his face.

"I will not let you go through this again. Never!" his voice was barely a whisper now but she could hear the determination in it. He still faced the window, eyes closed.

Alicia stood up from the couch and walked over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. She could feel him slightly wince at her touch not having realized she stood behind him.

"Peter, please. Hear me out." she said softly.

She felt him shrug slightly, her hand still on his shoulder. She took it as permission to go on. She watched his features closely, his eyes still closed.

"Back then, when the scandal came out, I made a vow to myself." she paused, sighing deeply, letting her hand slide down Peter's arm taking his hand in hers.

"I promised myself, if I had to ever go through something like this again, it will be my own doing, not because somebody else made the mistake. And this I did myself, Peter. Let me make it right again." she squeezed his hand and let her forehead rest against his shoulder.

They stood like this for a small eternity. Peter still had his eyes closed, his brain playing Alicia's words on repeat. Once again it hit him how deeply he had hurt her and he still had difficulty wrapping his brain around the fact she was really giving him a second chance. But he couldn't let her do what she had just told him. He felt her hand in his and started stroking it with his thumb slowly.

"So, Will was a mistake?" he finally opened his eyes and turned towards Alicia, forcing her to detach her head from his shoulder and look at him.

"Yes, in a way, he was." he saw her look down towards their joined hands.

"But he and what I had with him belong into the past. And to keep it there I can't go on with the fear haunting me that these pictures will get out someday. Because how do we know that Kresteva won't give them to someone else who will use them in the future. We can end this now, Peter." she looked straight into his eyes and he had to admit there was some truth in her words.

"You're right. But don't you think that is a small price to pay compared to what we are facing by allowing them to go public now. Think about the kids, Alicia." he reached for her other hand, frowning at the thought alone his kids would see these pictures.

"It won't be easy talking to them, Peter. Not for them and not for us. But we'll have the advantage of telling them beforehand and not risk they'll see them by chance without an explanation. We can act before Kresteva leaks them to the press and won't be forced to just react if they surface anytime in the future." she let go of his hands and slid her arms around him, resting her head against his chest.

Peter returned the embrace, releasing a heavy breath. He couldn't help to see the logic in what Alicia had said, but he still felt uncomfortable and wished she had never come up with it.

"Is there anything I can say or do to keep you from making this sacrifice? You don't have to do this. And I hate the thought you might regret it someday, because you think you had to do this for me." he stroked her back in small circles and placed a kiss on her hair.

"I'm not doing this just for you, Peter. I do it because it is the right thing to do for me to put the past behind us and start anew." she looked up into his face and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, which eventually put a small smile on his lips.

"But you can do one thing, Peter." she still had her gaze on his eyes. "Stand by me, like I stood by you and help me, help us, through this. Will you do this?"

"Of course, I will, Babe." Peter pulled her closer and placed another kiss on her forehead. She smiled at him and he could see a mixture of relief, happiness and love in her eyes. But also a glimpse of fear. He was sure that same fear was visible in his own eyes right now, but he pushed that thought away and returned the smile.

"Ok, let's call Eli!" she left his arms, walking over to retrieve the phone from the coffee table.

"Yes, let's call Eli."

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Quote from the original pilot script:

'No, Jackie. I woke up, and I'm not

going back to sleep. If I ever

have to go through something like

that again, I want it to be because

of something I did. I'm not going

to live or die by someone else's

mistakes.'

The script can be found here: tv-shows/the-good-wife-2009/scripts/the-good-wife- script-plot