Sorry it took so long to update this :(
This chapter was really hard for me...that's what you get when you listen to what your readers want :D ;)
This one is for Josie, Mary and Randi. Thanks for your help, ladies. It is much appreciated :)
Once again, I do not own the characters of The Good Wife. I just like to play with them :P
Alicia lay in Peters bed suddenly wide awake again. Eli and Peter had sent her upstairs about an hour ago, because she could not keep her eyes open anymore. So they insisted she should go to sleep. She had felt exhausted, the last days had drained her and she knew the worst part was still to come. Telling her kids what was going on. Suddenly she no longer felt so good about her decision to come clean about everything. But the rational side of her brain told her it was the only chance on a clean slate and going on with her life afterwards without constantly being afraid that someone else would leak those photos. She sighed and stared at the ceiling. Her mind was racing and suddenly she remembered that she hadn't told her kids where she was. She glanced over to the alarm clock on the nightstand. 2am, too late to call them. She turned to her side facing the window watching the clouds travel fast before the black sky. She hoped the image would lull her to sleep, but a few minutes later she was still awake. She rolled on to her back again when she heard the door being opened slowly. Peter walked quietly into the room stopping briefly at the cabinet to retrieve some clothes to sleep in before walking into the bathroom. She sat up a bit waiting for him to get back in to the room. After a few minutes the door was opened slowly again and Peter walked silently towards the bed. When he looked up he saw her watching him.
"Did I wake you?" he asked in an apologetic voice while he climbed in to the bed next to her.
She shook her head, a small smile on her face. "Is Eli gone?"
"Yes, but I doubt he went home. I think he drove to the office to continue." Peter shrugged his shoulders and repressed a yawn, sliding deeper under the covers.
"Why are you not asleep?" he placed a hand on her shoulder stroking her lightly through the fabric of one of his shirts, she had put on to sleep in. She saw his lips curl up into a small smile. She scooted down from her sitting position, resting her head on his shoulder while he slid his arm around her, pulling her closer.
"Too much going through my mind, I guess." she whispered against his chest.
"If you're having second thoughts about this...It's not to late to stop it. You know I would still drop out to protect you and the kids from this, babe." he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead but she shook her head lightly against his shoulder.
"No, we are going through with this. I don't want to spend the rest of my life peering constantly over my shoulder." she exhaled deeply. "I'm just not looking forward to tell the kids about it tomorrow."
"I know." he found her hand that was resting on his stomach and squeezed it reassuringly.
She finally felt her mind and body relax. She didn't know why he had this effect on her, but she felt like she could leave everything that bothered her behind when she was in his arms. She just enjoyed listening to Peter's even breathing and feeling his fingertips drawing lazy circles on her back. It felt so familiar and yet so new. She realized this would be the second time they spent the night together in the same bed. A few days back after their big truth talk they had fallen asleep in their clothes and had just woken up in time for Peter to leave before the kids got up. She smiled at the memory and lifted her head from his shoulder, shifting a bit upwards so she could look into his face. He opened his eyes, looking at her smiling. He started to talk but Alicia silenced him by putting her index finger over his mouth. She watched his eyes, that mirrored all the emotions she felt. Worry, fear, uncertainty but underneath all this love. The love that had stayed with them through all that had happened in the last few years. There had been times when she'd thought she had lost it but she was glad she hadn't and she was still able to see it in Peter's eyes as well.
"I love you." she smiled at him and saw the surprise and relief in his face. She knew he had longed for her to say these words to him, but she had not been ready to say them until right now. She leaned forward, removing her finger from his lips to kiss him. Gentle at first but after a few seconds the kiss deepened and she felt Peter's hands slide under her shirt, caressing her bare skin. She moaned into the kiss and broke it off, both panting for air. Alicia turned on to her back pulling Peter with her. He started trailing tender kisses from her forehead down her cheek until he found her lips again and sealed them with a soft kiss before continuing his trail down her neck. She softly cupped his face in both of her hands making him look at her.
"Please make love to me, Peter."
Zach sat at the dining room table in their apartment and looked around at his family. His sister was sitting next to him as clueless as he himself was about the reason their parents had called this family meeting. He couldn't recall the last time they had one of those with all four of them present. Not since they had moved and his Dad went to prison. He remembered some talks with his sister and his mother, especially the one where she had told them she had separated from their Dad. Something like this went through his mind now, too. The fact that both of their parents were here couldn't mean something good. The word divorce shot through his brain and he hoped he was wrong. His sister had just mentioned a few days earlier that their parents seemed to get along better and she even hoped they would get back together. He knew that Grace would be more affected if they finally divorced, but he had to admit that he didn't like the thought either.
The whole morning had been rather strange. They had woken up and found their mother had not spent the night at the apartment without calling and telling where she was or sending their uncle Owen over to babysit them. They had just started breakfast and making jokes that maybe Alicia had finally acknowledged the fact they weren't toddlers anymore and capable of spending a night unsupervised when she entered the apartment. Grace had walked to the door greeting their mother when their Dad also stepped into the apartment. He had known from that moment on that something was not as it should be. Grace had offered some of the waffles they had made for breakfast, but both of their parents had declined. Oddly neither Grace nor him had asked where they came from together on a Saturday morning. They simply had helped themselves to some coffee and said they had something to tell them. So here they were sitting at the table for a few minutes now in silence. He observed the nervous looks his parents gave each other. It seemed like they didn't know how to start. Suddenly Grace broke the silence.
"Are you going to get a divorce?" she looked from Alicia to Peter and finally towards him, her eyes asking him for back up.
Zach watched his parents who looked surprised by Grace's question.
"No, Grace, we are not getting a divorce." his father answered before he could say anything. Zach heard Grace exhale and she smiled at their Dad.
"Actually we are back together." he smiled towards Alicia who returned the smile and put her hand on top of his, that was laying on the table.
"Really?!" Grace beamed at their parents, jumped from her chair and went over to hug them.
Zach just smiled at them and felt relieved. But he couldn't shake the feeling that this was not all they were about to learn today. He waited until his sister had resumed her seat before he spoke.
"But this is not all you came to tell us, right?" his gaze wandered from his father to his mother, their expressions getting serious again.
"No, Zach. There is more." this time his mother spoke and he could see in her eyes that she wished she didn't have to tell them.
A few minutes later Zach knew why this conversation had been so hard on their Mom. He and Grace had always suspected that there had been more than friendship between their mother and her boss. But hearing it was true and that his fathers opponent in the gubernatorial race wanted to use the knowledge of this affair to force him to drop out was difficult to stomach.
Grace and him had listened silently to their parents while they explained what they had decided to do about it. Zach thought that the plan was nearly as crazy as the situation in itself, but he hesitated to say it. Grace was the first to find her voice again.
"But why, Mom?" she swallowed hard and Zach saw that she had trouble holding back on the tears he could already hear in her voice.
"Why do you want us to go through something similar like we already had to with Dad's scandal?" finally the tears started to stream down her face and she looked desperately at their parents. His mother rose from her chair and knelt beside Grace, pulling her into a hug.
"I know, Grace. And I am sorry for putting you through all this, but I see no other chance to go on from here without telling the truth." Alicia leaned back and looked her daughter in the face while grabbing both of her hands.
"I really hope you can forgive me that, Grace. And you, too, Zach." her gaze wandered to him and he could see the sadness in his Mom's eyes. He smiled weakly at her, telling her silently that he understood.
"Your Dad made mistakes in the past and he paid for them by going to prison. I also made a mistake and I have to make it right again, so we all can leave this past behind us." Alicia got up from her crouched position. His father also rose from his chair walking over to Grace and Alicia.
"The following weeks will be hard on us all. But we will face them as a family. And we want you to know that we will always be there for you." Peter put one of his arms around Alicia's shoulder and pulled Grace in an embrace with his other. Grace buried her face on her fathers chest, still crying but nodding her head.
"Are you ok, Zach?" his mother looked towards him, tears running down her face now as well.
He stood up and walked over to his family, joining in the hug.
"Yeah, I am good. And I understand your reasons, Mom." he smiled at his mother.
"And I will be there for you and support your decision." he looked at his Dad, who nodded at him, also smiling.
Later that day Eli showed up and Alicia and Peter spent most of the afternoon going over the preparations for Mondays announcement. They were in the middle of discussing some details when a beep from Alicia's cell interrupted them. Alicia reached for the phone and read the text that had just arrived.
"Damn." she tossed it back on the table and leaned back in her chair groaning quietly.
"What's the matter?" Eli asked, rising an eyebrow at her.
"Will asking about my capital contribution cheque." she exhaled sharply. "I need to tell him that I am quitting. He needs to know before Monday. This..." she gestured to all the papers laying on the table before her "...involves him, too."
"I can call him now and tell him what he needs to know." Eli offered quickly.
"No, I have to do this myself." Alicia watched Peter's expression. He slowly nodded his head.
"Yes, you are right, Alicia. You need to tell him yourself." he smiled at her and she was thankful he understood that she had to do this in person.
Later that evening Alicia and Peter stood in the elevator going up towards the L/G offices. They had decided to drive by so Alicia could put her resignation on Diane's and Will's desks and collect her things from the office. Afterwards she would stop by Will's apartment to explain the situation to him while Peter took care of some things at his office.
Although chances were slim to run into anyone at this hour on a saturday, Alicia felt nervous and realized this might be the last time she set a foot into these offices. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes when she felt Peters hand reach for hers. She opened her eyes and flashed him a small, grateful smile.
"I know this is not easy." he returned her smile and squeezed her hand.
A few seconds later the elevator came to a halt, the doors opened and they stepped in to the deserted lobby.
"What first?" Peter asked her.
"Let's put these on Diane's and Will's desks." Alicia held up the two envelopes with her resignation and some personal words she had written for them both.
Peter nodded in agreement and they walked towards the name partners offices still holding hands.
Suddenly Alicia stopped in the middle of the hallway. Peter looked at her confused.
"There is light in Will's office." she motioned towards a glass wall on the right. The blinds were partly shut and beams of light shone through it.
"Go, I'll pack up your things in the meantime." Peter nodded towards the open door of Will's office and smiled at her reassuringly.
"Ok." she exhaled deeply and placed a brief kiss on his cheek.
"Hi, Alicia, Peter!" Will's voice startled them both. They turned and saw him standing in the door.
"Hi, Will!" Alicia gave Peter one last glance, telling him silently that she was ok, before she faced Will, letting go of Peter's hand slowly.
"You didn't have to come in today to bring the cheque, Alicia." Will stepped aside to let her walk through the door in to his office, eyeing her inquiringly. "Monday would have been early enough. You wanna sit down?" he motioned towards the couch under the window.
"No." Alicia shook her head. "I'll make this brief, Will." she handed him one of the envelopes. "I am not taking the offer for partnership. This is my resignation."
"What?" Will blinked twice and looked at her in surprise. "You don't have to resign if you don't want the partnership, Alicia. I really don't understand?" he threw the baseball he was holding absent-minded from his one hand to the other.
"I know I don't need to, but I want to, Will. And you'll be glad I am doing it once you know what I came to tell you."
"Ok, I'm listening." he looked at her, a mixture of curiosity and worry in his face.
"Someone found out about our affair." she looked out the window in to the night-time sky and heard Will inhale sharply.
"Are you sure this time?" he continued playing with the baseball in his hands.
"Yes, there are explicit pictures of us in a hotel room." she glanced at him and saw his eyes widen in shock.
"They will release the pictures if Peter doesn't drop out of the race for governor."
"And you're taking the fall for him a second time, Alicia?" his voice got louder and he looked at her angry.
"No, he was ready to quit to protect me but I won't let him. I want to come clean about this, Will. And I know you might not understand my reasons but I have to do this."
"Then test me. Explain to me why you'll be willing to throw your career away to save his ass again." he let himself fall in the armchair and looked at her challengingly.
Alicia exhaled slowly.
"I am not doing this to save Peter or to protect my kids from the truth, but for myself, Will. I need to be able to look in the mirror and live with myself. I won't be able to do this if I let Peter sacrifice his ambitions for a mistake that I made. I would risk he'd end up hating me one time and my kids might too if they ever learn I protected you instead of their father." she looked at Will and still saw anger in his eyes.
"See, you said it yourself, you are protecting Peter and not yourself. And calling what we had a mistake. That is not you talking here, Alicia."
"You don't get it, Will. Maybe you can't understand because you don't have a family. They are what's most important to me. I can't risk that my kids learn about this and see these pictures without me being able to tell them before. I wouldn't be able to live like this. Always glancing over my shoulder, afraid of what might happen. The last days made me realize that I want my family back, including Peter. And I can't start anew with them if my past keeps haunting us." she shook her head slightly.
"And in hindsight our affair was a mistake for me. You always were the road not taken, Will. But I should've seen that we would've never worked. Not in broad daylight. I am sorry for never telling you this before."
"So, basically I was just your rebound before you were able to fall back in Peter's arms. I helped you and gave you a job, Alicia. A job you are willing to throw away now for him. Why?" he rose from his chair and walked towards her a bitter expression on his face. She backed away a few steps.
"Do you really think it would be a good idea to stay here after it is public knowledge that we slept together? You are my boss, Will. If I stayed it would look even worse."
She was looking straight in to his eyes now.
"And I don't think you gave me the partnership offer only because you think I deserved it most, but I could serve your agenda to add more prestige to the firm, by making the wife of the possible future governor a partner. I am sick and tired to be used like a puppet just because of my last name." she had nearly shouted the last words at Will, because she still felt so angry about this. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down.
"I am sorry you see it that way, Alicia." he shrugged his shoulders. "You despise us for using your name but you are willing to let Peter use you for his campaign. Where is the difference?"
"Because I told him it was ok to use me, Will."
"You are right. I don't get it. None of it." he shook his head, looking towards the floor.
"You never gave me a real chance, Alicia. You never really let me in your life." he lifted his head, a sad glimmer in his eyes.
"Yes, looking back I should've never started something with you. But I wanted to know if I had made the right decision back then in choosing Peter over you. And I did, Will. I loved him back then and despite all he did to me I still do today. I am sorry, if that hurts you, but I have to be honest with myself here and with you. We were never meant to be more than friends. And I hope we can be that again some day." she flashed him a small smile.
She saw a movement in the corner of her eye. She turned her head and saw Peter appearing in the doorway.
"Maybe one day you'll understand me and be able to forgive me. Goodbye, Will." she turned and walked towards Peter and left the office with him, not looking back.