A/N:This chapter is basically part two to chapter 17. We have so much more to uncover from our new addition to our Kurosaki family.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I make no money from this story. This is a disclaimer, people!... I don't own Bleach.
A box.
A transparent square-shaped box.
Neonatal intensive care unit... lungs... feeding reflex... coordination... weight gain...
Words... Words that meant everything, and nothing, all at once.
The father stared down at his daughter through the incubator.
The nurses tunneled a thin tube down Hitomi's nose. Patches, connecting on her stomach, lead to more wires and monitors.
All Ichigo could do was watch.
...
Her hands trembled from the chill that glazed over them.
Orihime curled her fingers and made her hands into tiny fists.
Two minutes... she held her baby for two whole minutes...
The mother took a deep breath and told herself to calm down. She was in a hospital. No matter what, Hitomi was safe. Ichigo was with her. She had to be safe.
Orihime blinked her eyes.
Her mouth was moving, reciting something over and over again.
"Breathing..." Orihime mumbled.
The mother wrapped her arms around her waist and gradually rocked. "...She couldn't breathe...She wasn't breathing..."
Unohana knocked gently on the door then walked though the threshold. She crossed the room and sat on the end of Orihime's bed.
Orihime stopped her mumbling and watched Dr. Unohana smile and wait for her incoherent mutters to cease.
"We've taken Hitomi to the NICU, where she'll be treated with the utmost care by our extensively trained nurses and practitioners." Unohana reported back in a cool, professional voice.
The woman squeezed her fists tighter. "Will... will she live?"Orihime wanted to ask, but she daren't say it.
"Yes, Hitomi will live." Unohana answered her calmly. Having dealt with situations as these before, she's become an expert on defusing a mother's anxiety. "Premature babies at thirty-four gestation," Unohana continued, "in Hitomi's case, thirty-four and four days, have very high chances of surviving."
Orihime digested the information. She needed to speak to Ichigo, to hold him and cry on him. She wanted to touch her child, her Hitomi. Why did they take her so far away?
Two minutes. Orihime wanted, needed two more...
"Can..." Orihime took a moment to attempt to gulp down the lump that presented itself in the back of her dry throat. "Can hold her?"
Unohana's blue eyes drooped with pity and sorrow. "Not at the moment, no. You need your rest and will be permitted to see her in the morning."
Unohana stood from the bed and poured Orihime a glass of water into a paper cup, sitting on the stand at her bedside. She handed the woman the paper cup and the mother sipped it gratefully.
"I want to see her now..." Orihime finally croaked, her throat a little less dry.
Unohana smiled her kind smile. "Mrs. Kurosaki. I'm the doctor." The doctor leaned over and placed her hand on top of Orihime's. "I am here to help."
...
The bright green line slowly went up then dipped down.
The monitor, to her left, tracked her heart rate. A different contraption, some sort of ventilator, helped her to breath. More monitors and pulse meters... A nurse, trained to handle "demoralized" fathers, explained the whole process to him. Ichigo zoned in and out, his eyes following the tubes and equipment. Seeing his vulnerable child caused his heart to wrench more and more.
If... If...
No. Ichigo thought firmly. No more "If"s. What's done is done and I can't change the past, no matter how badly I want to.
Isane smiled at the father and captured his attention again. "I know this is overwhelming, but it not as bad as it seems..." The nurse reassured. "She is progressing along well. Just a few more milestones she'll need to pass if she's to be released."
Ichigo swallowed nothing out of nervousness. "Could I have... Could I have a moment with her, please?"
In the corner of the doorway, a man loomed in the background, watching the monitors and zip up and down, side to side with information intently. Surprising himself, he let out a sigh of relief. Then straightening himself, he watched the silver haired nurse and orange haired father.
Isane nodded understanding his predicament. "Of course." She checked over Hitomi once more then gave Ichigo a bow.
"Call if problems arise or if any equipment begins to act differently."
After the tall nurse left, it was just the father and his daughter again.
The man and the box.
Ichigo clenched his teeth.
Her symptoms weren't fatal. She just needed to work on her respiration and body temperature, along with a few other minor complications that accompanied preemies. The steroid shots injected into Orihime would have passed on to Hitomi by now, helping her to clear her lungs. Hitomi would survive.
Ichigo knew all of this. But deep down inside it hurt him. He couldn't touch her. Not yet he couldn't.
He wanted to hold her, to feel her warm, fresh skin. To touch her light brown hair. His first and only child... his Hitomi.
And after everything... the one obstacle that prohibited Ichigo from holding his only child...
Was a glass box.
...
Changed into a fresh gown and socks, Orihime laid in her bed, counting the seconds until she could hold her baby.
Someone knocked on the door. Orihime prayed that it wasn't Dr. Unohana. She meant well, she really did. But already the doctor has visited Orihime twice, each time coaxing her to sleep.
"I don't want to sleep, damn it!" Orihime wanted to shout at her. "I want to see my baby!"
One time too many, Orihime had had her baby taken from right under her. She couldn't bare it again. The mother knew that Hitomi was alright, but the more and more they stayed apart, Orihime's mind made wild accusations, causing her to make worst case scenarios in her mind.
What if Hitomi's incubator was defective?
What if Hitomi's heart had gave out in the middle of the night and no one told her?
What if
What if someone stole her?!
There were louder murmurs and another knock. The door creaked open and Orihime squeezed her eyes shut and stood as still as possible so Unohana would think she was sleeping.
"Mommy?"
Orihime turned over in the blanket and faced the door.
Tamotsu remained at the threshold. His small shape a beacon of joy in Orihime's heart.
"Mommy!" He said more certainly and Orihime beckoned him.
He was weary at first when she lifted him onto the bed, knowing full well that he wasn't supposed to be there.
Orihime praised him in her mind at such a well-behaved and self-controlled boy he was.
"I missed you Monkey."
She kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tight.
Tamotsu finally relaxed and sunk into his mother's embrace. "I miss you too mommy." He rewarded her with a grin along with the hollow space where his missing tooth stood out.
The duo sat quietly for a few minutes, relishing in each other's warmth.
Tamotsu knew something was wrong with his mommy, but he didn't disturb her. He held onto the arm that wrapped around him and he allowed her to cling to him.
"Oh my God!" Someone shouted spoiling the moment. Mother and son looked up to see Tatsuki running down the hall past the open door. She came back round and stopped at the doorway. Clutching her chest, she huffed in relief. "I thought I lost you!"
Tatsuki made her way to the bed, her face softening as she approached. "I'm sure you would have killed me if I lost your son."
Orihime pushed Tamotsu's hair back on his forehead so she could see his full, round face. "He'll always find his way to me. Isn't that right?"
Tamotsu shook his head, making all off his dark curls tumble back. Tatsuki-san and his mommy began speaking to each other. Tamotsu glanced from face to face. Tatsuki said that Grandpa Isshin was at home and Karin-obasan and Yuzu-obasan were on their way... Daddy was in the building somewhere... Someone was missing.
Tamotsu twisted in his mother's arms and noticed the flatness of her belly.
"Mommy... where's the baby?"
The women stopped in mid-sentence to stare at the child.
His innocent face stared up at his mother, almost demanding Tamotsu wanted to know. That was why they were all there, right? Daddy promised that he'd see the baby soon. And in his pocket was the picture he drew for her. The one where she was nestled in a bunch of leaves in mommy's garden...Tamotsu demanded to know. Where was his baby sister?
Orihime licked her dry lips. She could see in her son's eyes, with all of its determination, that she couldn't dismiss his question. He had a right to know after all.
"….Tamotsu... the baby, Hitomi, is sick." Orihime paused when she saw his dark eyes widen. "...She's not feeling well and the doctors are giving her medicine."
"Sick...?"
The mother nodded and kissed his cheek again, "She's going to be okay. Okay?"
"Excuse me." Dr. Unohana stood rigid in front of the doorway, a smile on her face. Orihime could no longer tell if it was genuine or artificial. "Mrs. Kurosaki needs her rest... we aren't allowing visitors at the moment."
The doctor's eyes took in Tamotsu and Tatsuki, her professional face relaxing just a bit.
Orihime bit her lip. "They... can they see Hitomi?"
Orihime knew begging them to stay was a lost cause, but if they could see Hitomi then they could reassure her, honestly and truly reassure her, without formal statistics or facts of some sort, that her baby was alright.
Unohana looked at the visitors again then at Orihime's hopeful face. Her professional face crumbled as she gave into a kind, real smile.
"Fine. Follow me, if you please."
...
Hitomi bunched and unbunched her tiny, pink fist.
She yawned as wide as her little mouth could go.
He didn't know how long he was standing there. For hours, maybe. And he could continue watching her for days. She was just that amazing.
But in the back of the room, Ichigo felt a strong presence appear behind him. In fact, if he thought hard enough, he was there the whole time.
Ichigo just didn't have the energy to pick a fight anymore. He's invested too much time being a boy. It was time to be a man.
"Her health is sufficient?" Aizen asked as he stopped and stood a few feet from the father.
Both men watched the small baby squirm in her incubator, completely absorbed in her little glass world.
"...Yes."
It was quiet again save the everyday sounds of an operating hospital.
Ichigo stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels. "I suppose this means I should repay you back in some way or another…."
Aizen blinked, his eyes never leaving the lethargic Hitomi. "If you find it necessary…"
It was weird. Weird was the only word Ichigo could describe it as.
He... couldn't hate him. He felt no urge or desire to. The man helped his wife to the hospital and stayed until he knew she was okay. What type of man would do that for someone else's wife? How many men like him could you count on your fingers?
Ichigo was to shout or laugh, maybe even cry at the irony.
The silence seemed to go louder as the noise in the hall began to dissipate
Hitomi found the silence peaceful for she nestled down in her white blanket and hat and continued her slumber.
"There's many beauty in creatures that are delicate and innocent…." Aizen started.
Ichigo was all ears yet his eyes went away from his daughter.
"The simplest of mistakes can bring those of magnificence crumbling down. Some mistakes can't always be fixed."
Ichigo took a deep breath. "Aizen-"
"But if I need a favor, however unlikely, I'll be sure to contact you."
This time, the silence didn't last long as Ichigo let those words sink in.
In his dark blue, pinstripe suit, Aizen walked away, and out of the room, speaking into his cell phone.
Of course, this was the bastard's fancy way of saying: "Don't fuck it up." But Ichigo appreciated it.
The father smiled and moved closer to the glass box, smiling down at his sleeping little girl. She wriggled around some more, the hat sliding off her head and revealing some of her light brown hair.
"Thank you, Aizen."
...
Tamotsu walked down the big white hallways with Tatsuki-san. The child's eyes enlarged when he realized women and men were wearing dresses.
Long white garbs that didn't cover them up completely in the back, most of them relieving their modesty.
"Hmm..." Tatsuki grumbled to herself, checking the numbers on each door then continuing forward. Dr. Unohana was whisked away to another patient so she told Tatsuki the directions. So far, they haven't reached their destination, and Tatsuki didn't want Tamotsu to become restless.
But the boy's sneakered feet kept up quick with her fast steps.
Tamotsu looked straight ahead as Tatsuki continued her search for the right door. Onward, Tamotsu looked.
Tatsuki suddenly halted her steps and stared at the hospital directory. She placed her hand on the poster and moved her finger along it.
"...Come on, Tamotsu." Tatsuki said after a minute. "I think I found it."
Moving down the hall in a leisurely pace, Tamotsu recognized a face. A man.
Tamotsu squinted at a familiar head. "...Mister...?"
Tatsuki looked down at the boy. "What was that?"
"...Mist-" The boy gave a tiny gasp. He disappeared! He wasn't there anymore.
...But... but... he saw him!
Mommy said... mommy said Mister didn't exist...
The child shook his head, shaking all of the bad thoughts out with it.
Mommy was right. Mister didn't exist. That's why he disappeared, because he wasn't real.
Tamotsu could have sworn... He saw.
But Tatsuki yanked his arm around a corner and his body followed. He found himself in an open room. His daddy was standing by a clear box.
Mister completely forgotten, Tamotsu approached his father's leg.
The tip of his head reached the rim of the glass box, so Ichigo lifted him up so he could see overhead too.
The child didn't understand. He didn't know what he was looking at. A giant, bundled up blanket? What was- Oh!
A tiny, fleshy pink hand curled around the corner of the blanket. With its tiny fingers, it pushed the blanket away from its face.
Tamotsu stared at the being with wonderment.
Ichigo smiled at his son's expression. "Tamotsu, don't you see her?" He asked. "That's your little sister. Hitomi."
One day later.
Orihime couldn't wait, not another second.
She would have run through the whole hospital, looking for her, if it weren't for Dr. Unohana, going on about her vitals and such.
Of course Orihime listened; it was about her baby after all. But she wanted to see her. Everything else seemed tedious in comparison.
"Before she can be discharged, it is absolutely essential that Hitomi meets all of the milestones our NICU requires." Dr. Unohana said. "She can now breathe on her own, without the help of respiratory support. But we'll keep her on it until we're completely sure she doesn't need it. Her temperature is stabilizing; she will no longer need the incubator. But at our unit, we do recommend the continuance of Kangaroo Care. The skin to skin contact that a baby feels with a mother is important to make a stronger connection after being apart for so long.
"I am concerned with her coordination when it comes to feeding. She's being fed through a feeding tube, but today we will see if she's made any improvements in sucking and swallowing. Furthermore, Hitomi needs to learn how to feed from a bottle. It's an alternative but a necessary precaution. Also, our nurses have detected a hint of jaundice around her face. But it is disappearing on its own. If it becomes more serious, our phototherapy will help to clear it out."
Dr. Unohana took a short breath and looked at the mother.
Orihime's gray eyes were wide as she stared down at the floor and took in all of the information, completely overwhelmed.
Retsu placed a hand on Orihime's shoulder, stopping her sullen stride. The doctor knew it hurt a mother when all she heard was the bad.
"But she has also gained two ounces. She is now 4.4 pounds, born at thirty-four weeks and four days."
Orihime set her hand on top of the doctor's. Orihime was grateful that a person like Unohana was helping her along with this. She felt as though she was being swallowed whole with all of the information. All Orihime wanted to do was hold her baby.
Unohana started again and Orihime followed her down the hall. When Orihime caught a glance at the NICU sign, she wanted to jump for joy.
"This is our neonatal intensive care unit." Unohana explained. "We hold all of our premature babies here. From anything to everything under thirty-seven weeks."
Orihime looked around. There were many rooms. Parents were standing over their own baby-boxes. But Orihime didn't see her own family.
"Well... where's Hitomi?"
Unohana grinned and pointed at the curtain behind her. "Right through here."
Unohana pulled back the curtain and immediately, Orihime's eyes connected to her husband's. He met her halfway across the room and hugged her tight.
"We've been waiting for you." Ichigo mumbled into her burnt-orange hair. He gave her another squeeze and looked down at her face, but she didn't look back.
Orihime was staring at the glass box in the corner of the wide room. Her hands tightened around his arms and she couldn't ignore the thick bulge, which rising tension created, in her throat.
"Is she alright? Does she look okay? You know..." her gray eyes flashed from the box to Ichigo and back to the box again. "...normal?"
Ichigo smiled his bright white smile. "Come see for yourself."
Hand in hand, the man led her over to the incubator.
At first, Orihime began to panic for Hitomi wasn't moving. Nothing jerked or squirmed or even twitched as she looked down into the transparent container. Not until she gave a little yawn and stretched out her tiny pink hand.
Hitomi's tiny tongue darted out between her lips. Her eyelids squeezed tight and her hands curled up around her face.
"…Can I hold her?" Orihime surprisingly found herself asking.
The nurse in the corner, who Orihime recognized as Isane, nodded.
"Of course you can. She's yours."
It was… intimidating, holding her for the second time.
She was smaller than Orihime remembered. More fragile. Sturdy but delicate. Definitely not as heavy as Tamotsu was. She was much lighter.
And the feelings that surged into her body at once were… overwhelming.
She was so happy. Completely overjoyed! ….But… her heart couldn't deny the feelings of guilt and shame. She did this to her baby? How small and pink she was? Her soft flesh and wrinkled skin against her tiny fingers and toes.
Orihime kissed all five of them on each hand and foot, counting the appendages thrice.
Then the feelings of triumph and success washed over her. Her baby had been born premature and lived. This was a feat that Orihime thought she would never be able to accomplish four years ago.
"My little survivor." Orihime whispered to the tiny creature bundled up against her chest. Hitomi yawned again and stretched her limbs again. She was waking up.
"She's a tough one." Ichigo agreed and pushed the thin wisps of light brown hair around on his daughter's head.
Orihime trailed her finger down Hitomi's mini nose down to her puffy, rosy lips. She shuffled under the blankets and turned towards Orihime's chest. Then one after the other, a wrinkled lid opened slowly uncovering circular amber eyes.
Something in Orihime's heart churned. It was a good kind of churn, a realization kind of churn.
Orihime glanced behind her at her husband.
Ichigo smiled back and nodded, his own amber eyes glistening.
Orihime stared back down at her daughter in astonishment. "She… she looks just like…."
"Masaki." Ichigo answered for her. The day the doctors first took Hitomi into the NICU, Ichigo noticed her resemblance when her eyes had crept open for the first time. Even from across the room, Hitomi's eyes were glued to him. He was hurt at first. The pain and humiliation all came rushing back to him and all he could do was stand there and watch her sleep.
But, as soon as she opened her eyes again, he knew she was not Masaki and there was no need to fear her, or what he's done- or better yet, what he couldn't do. She was his daughter. She was Hitomi.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Ichigo murmured over her fragile head and gave it a kiss.
Orihime watched as she blinked her heavy lids and stared back up at her. "She's just full of surprises."
Isane suggested that she begins the breastfeeding process, just to experiment. After four tries, Hitomi finally latched on and began to eat like she was starving in a cave for days… Well technically, she was.
"Fourth time's the charm!" Ichigo said proudly once Hitomi got the hang of it.
Orihime nodded in agreement. It reminded her of all her numbers. Thirty four weeks and four days, 4.4 pounds…. It was settled. "Four's her lucky number."
When she was finished, she turned her head away and slept. Ichigo said it was better than crying and Isane said she hasn't cried much because her body and mind hasn't caught up with the present yet.
Orihime spent all day in the NICU with Hitomi. Ichigo leave because visiting hours were over, and Tamotsu and Tatsuki were already home that morning.
Orihime guessed that Hitomi was still drowsy from the drugs because she slept in her arms for most of the day, only stirring or squirming when she was hungry.
The next day, Hitomi was discharged.
The whole ride home in her car seat, she slept peacefully. Orihime sat in the backseat with her just in case anything happened.
Contained energy balled up inside of Tamotsu when he saw Hitomi sitting in her mother's arms. It was that creature, sleeping on his mother's chest.
Mommy patted the cushion beside her and Tamotsu climbed onto the sofa and gawped at the baby. It was different from what he expected. He thought she would look like the purple flowers in the bushes at the playground, like a garden. But now, as he stared at the baby, it was small, a lot small, smaller than himself. And it was all pink and flushed, like its whole body was blushing. Is that what sick looked like? Mommy said the baby was sick...
Orihime leaned over so her son could get a better look. "Tamotsu. This is Hitomi, your little sister."
"Sister…?" Tamotsu looked at his mother and to his father.
"This means you are her older brother." Ichigo confirmed.
"Brother?" Tamotsu repeated…. He liked the sound of that.
Orihime nodded. "Mhmm." She pushed the blanket out of Hitomi's face so he could see her completely. "This means you have to protect her and love her."
Tamotsu looked around the room again, then back at Hitomi. Her eyes open a little then closed again. When daddy was sleeping, Tamotsu would always open his lids to see if his father was playing around, so he tried to do the same, until everyone stopped him.
Ichigo grasped his wrist before his finger could touch Hitomi's delicate skin.
Orihime transferred Hitomi from one shoulder to the other. The parents looked at each other, unsure how to put it.
"Tamotsu, do not-"
"You can't-"
They looked at each other uncertainly again. How were they supposed to explain "touching" to him without sounding too harsh? They didn't want him to believe Hitomi was completely off limits, they didn't want him to hate her. But the parents definitely needed to lay down the law.
Orihime bit her lip. "…Erm, Tamotsu." The boy looked back up at his mother. "…You just can't touch her. Not yet."
"She needs her rest." Ichigo said from behind. "Right now, we just need you to be careful around her."
Tamotsu blinked his large brown eyes and looked at the baby again. Tatsuki told him that he would have to be careful. Hitomi was not like his Grandpa or his teddy bears. He couldn't throw her or wrestle with her.
Orihime stood up and asked her son: "Do you want to help mommy with Hitomi's stuff?"
He nodded his head and reached out to grab her hand, but it was tucked under Hitomi's body.
He lowered it slowly and shoved it in his pocket. Mommy didn't want to hold his hand anymore…
For the rest of the day, mommy stayed upstairs with the baby. In the ocean room with all the shells and pillows.
He watched his mommy rock the baby back and forth in the fluffy chair. She was humming a tune he didn't know.
When his mommy placed Hitomi back in her crib, his mommy called his name.
Tamotsu blushed when he was discovered and revealed his hiding spot from behind the door.
She picked him up and sat him down on her lap. Yet again, she hadn't realized that he was becoming heavier. It was nothing too strenuous, but it took more effort than before.
Orihime saw his face when she didn't grab his hand. She wanted Tamotsu to understand that the family needs to make room for the baby and that all the attention won't be on him all of the time. When she said this, he nodded. He could comprehend, he was a smart lad.
"Tamotsu, I want you to know that I will love you just as much as I love Hitomi."
Tamotsu glanced at the crib and the baby inside of it. He could make out her hot pink romper and matching hat through the white bars.
Orihime kissed his forehead. "Don't think any differently. You are so special to me."
Tamotsu looked back at his mother and nodded. "Okay mommy."
He wasn't going to make her explain anymore. She looked tired and though it hurt when his mommy rejected his hand, he knew that it wasn't anything personal. He knew his mommy loved him and that was enough for the boy.
Tamotsu wrapped his arms around her throat and hugged her. "I love you mommy," he whispered in her ear and squeezed her tight.
Orihime rubbed his back in large circles. "You're my Monkey. You will and forever will be my baby."
So that's the end of chapter 18!
But I wish I could say it was the end of their problems, I really wish I could! Don't forget, Aizen still has visitation rights. Rukia's been rebuilding her image in the media for the past months. And is Hitomi completely healthy?
I hope I got you all excited for next week! It won't be all rainbows and sunshine like after Tamotsu's birth.
Rocka.