Chapter 2: When Skies Are Grey
Authors Note: Hello! I am sorry that it has been such a long time. However I can explain. The day after I posted chapter 1, my computer died and when I got it back two days ago the hard drive had been replaced therefore meaning that I lost every other chapter I had wrote (2-6) so I have had to rewrite this and it I apologise if it is not that great because this is being wrote very quickly. Anyway moving swiftly on here is chapter 2!
Early December 2004
Hermione lay in bed wide awake. Her eyes felt heavy and strained. Sleep eluded her tonight as she stared up at the white endless ceiling. She had no idea why she could not sleep and yet everyone else on the planet seemed to do so quite easily. Slowly, she glanced over at the alarm clock before sighing, 6 AM – she had survived a sleepless night so it seemed. If this was a few months into the future, sunlight would be streaming through the navy blue curtains and silhouettes would dance and chase each other to and fro in the dawn's orange, yellow and golden rays. It would be calm, blissful and idyllic. But it was not like that. In reality today seemed anything but that. Today seemed dark, dismal and bitterly cold. Today was going to be a grey day, and it was only six in the morning. There were still eighteen more hours to go.
She then rolled onto her side and gazed exhaustedly at Ron. He looked happy, and peaceful, the polar opposite of her current state of mind. Right now his arm was still wrapped tightly around her waist, as it had been when they had gone to bed so many, many hours ago. One of the worst parts of this night definitely had to have been the snoring. Ron snored with the loud rumble and power of a dozing lion and it was as if a thunder storm was about to erupt. The snoring scenario happened very rarely, but it was happening now.
A sudden pain surged through her body, feeling like burning daggers stabbing fiercely and viscously at her back and stomach. She instantly knew what was going on and breathed a deep sigh, "Great. Just great" She thought as she slowly and carefully disentangled herself from Ron's tight, vice like embrace and hurried out of the room and towards the bathroom just down the upstairs corridor. "That is all I need." She screamed inside her head as she quickly took off her clothes and climbed into the shower, the warm water cleansing and washing the scarlet blood away from her legs. She hoped that the water and shower gel would wash her worries away. But it didn't, instead it was a stinging, sharp and piercing reminder that gradually they were getting further and further away from their dream. A dream that had forever been on her mind.
After climbing out of the shower and getting dressed Hermione's mind wandered to what could have been happening right now. If they had been successful as soon as they had started trying things would have currently been incredibly different. She would be five nearly six months pregnant and it was highly likely that they would be happier than ever. She assumed that they would probably know whether the baby was a boy or a girl, they would be starting to prepare the second bedroom for when they were born. This upcoming Christmas, would be their last not being regarded as parents. However it was anything but that scenario. They had now being trying for five months and still nothing. It was gradually beginning to see the rest of the Weasley family and the majority of their friends gradually getting married and developing their own families if they did not have one already by now. She knew that things like this could take time however it hurt how everybody was finding their feet so quickly and yet she and Ron were getting nowhere.
Suddenly she could here footsteps. Footsteps that were gradually getting closer and closer to the bathroom. It was incredibly obvious that it was Ron because A; he was the only one in the house. And B; he did what she liked to call a sleepy shuffle, a series of steps in the early hours of the morning which involved Ron not even picking his feet up off the soft, carpeted floor as he trudged towards the bathroom. It was heart warming, and sweet, but sometimes downright irritating. One perfect description for Ron.
"Hermione?" Ron's voice said following on from a knock on the door and Hermione's heart jumped into her mouth. Sure, she had already had to say a conversation similar to the one she was about to have a few times before now, but it was still painful to see the look on his face when she informed him that their attempts had not been successful... once again.
"Hermione? Are you alright?" Ron asked, and it became clear that he was growing more and more concerned due to their being no reply from her. Instead she simply slumped against the wall and let herself fall slowly and effortlessly to the faux slate tiled flooring.
"I do not want to talk about it." Hermione sighed, wiping a few stray and accidental tears away from her chocolate brown coloured eyes.
"Please will you let me in?" Ron enquired and she reached up and unlocked the door. "It's open." She mumbled before he entered. A sympathetic and sorrowful look spread across his face as his eyes very slowly met his wife's that not surprisingly mirrored and conveyed his sadness in addition to her own.
"Are you sure?"Ron questioned and Hermione exhaled deeply, already knowing what her answer would be before he had even asked that question.
"Yep. I am sure." Her voice cracked as she brought her knees closer towards the rest of her body.
"Well, no offence or anything, but I kind of would like to talk about it." Ron said as he joined Hermione and too sat awkwardly on the floor, reaching for her hand as he spoke softly in order to comfort her in some way. "I know this does not affect me anywhere near as much as it does you but we are still in this together."
Hermione did not know where to start. She would say what she would say every time but it ached when after she had said what she had to say she looked back at Ron. Although something like this was very awkward to talk about, given that they were in a difficult situation they ended up having to talk about these things anyway in spite of their obvious feelings of being uncomfortable.
"I... well, I am not pregnant." Hermione said quietly gesturing to the pile of clothes bundled in a ball next to her knees.
"Hermione... I ..." Ron was equally experiencing a loss of words. There were only so many times you could have this conversation before there really were no more words to be said. This was one of those times.
"I really thought this time. You know... maybe it would work." Hermione wiped a few tears away once again. "I know that it sounds stupid and like I am blubbering but sometimes you feel like you know these things, a certainty almost. That is the only thing I can hold onto before something like this happens."
"Hermione, this doesn't mean that we cannot keep trying. Yes, it has set us back a little but that is all." Ron said positively.
"We can't go on like this. We can't go on pretending that nothing is happening when all the time we are just sailing further and further away from land." Hermione glared at Ron and he felt a stinging feeling shoot through his body at the reality of their situation.
"Did you not just listen to what I said?" Ron raised an eyebrow. "I said that this doesn't mean that we should not even bother anymore. There is still a chance. We still have years of chances."
"I know exactly what you said Ron. I have listened to almost every word you have said in the past six years that we have been together and have remained completely sane. Did you listen to what I said? We do not seem to be getting anywhere." Hermione exclaimed before getting up and gathering her pile of clothing.
"It has been five months. Not five years." Ron suggested.
"It has been five months more than a lot of people that we know." Hermione replied heading out of the room and quickly pacing down the stairs and towards the living room as Ron followed her. She shoved her clothes into the Muggle washing machine and headed hurriedly to the front door in search of her keys.
"It is seven in the morning. Where are you going?" Ron asked sceptically.
"Out." She said firmly.
"Out where?" Ron responded to the simple answer.
"Out of sight, out of control, out of my mind! Just somewhere. Somewhere away from here." Hermione answered and the sound of apparition rung loudly through Ron's ears after the slam of the front door.
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Today was dark and gloomy. A lot gloomier than it usually was at this time of the year, even though it was December. Not Death Eater dark – the dark that literally was the quiet before the storm but dark enough that the sky looked as if an artist had climbed an incredibly high ladder and just painted it a depressing shade of grey. Ironically, the weather today seemed to coincide with Hermione's mood perfectly. It felt like a murky, sinister cloud was hanging over her head as she walked along. Sure enough, with a snapping crack of thunder, the rain started to make its long and sudden descent from the sky. But today, Hermione could not care less that she was getting wet, that was not the point of everything. She just continued walking on her journey.
Not long into the early morning storm, Hermione reached her destination. The house looked particularly peaceful and quiet on this day. All the flowers that were normally in the front garden had died down a few weeks ago and the skeletal trees were bare, naked so it seemed. The two people who lived there were probably asleep, well, for now at least. Upon arriving on the rain soaked door step she shakily raised her hand and knocked on the door twice, hoping someone may answer in spite of the pang of guilt that surged through her rapidly. A few moments later, the sound of feet slowly stumbling down the stairs became apparent and the door slowly opened.
Harry's jet black hair stuck out in every possible direction, as if he had been electrocuted. Dark circles lay softly under his emerald eyes which were wide in the wake of not having his glasses on. "Hermione?"
"Hello, Harry." Hermione said weakly.
"Are you alright, it is nearly half past seven in the morning." Harry questioned looking suddenly worried and concerned over his best friend.
"I just really need to talk to someone." Hermione sighed in response.
"Of course, please come in or you'll catch a cold." Harry gestured taking her coat from her and draping it carefully over the radiator. Both of them then headed towards the sofa and sat down in silence. It was not uncomfortable; it never had been between the two best friends. It just felt right and safe, exactly what friendship meant to them.
"You look like hell." Harry said and Hermione chuckled softly, knowing that he was exactly right.
"Cheers. You do not exactly look that good looking either. Bad night?" Hermione enquired
"You don't know the half of it." Harry replied
"So what is it you wanted to talk about?" Harry asked and Hermione sighed as she looked into Harry's eyes.
"It is...complicated." Hermione figured.
"Does it have anything to do with you two trying for a baby?" Harry questioned and Hermione's eyes widened. They had not told anybody that they were trying for a baby, well, other than Ginny. She had promised that she would not say anything to Harry given that it was supposed to be somewhat of a private matter. Although Harry was one of her best friends, Hermione suddenly felt the conversation become instantaneously awkward.
"How do you know about that? We asked Ginny not to say about it to anyone." Hermione queried, searching Harry's eyes for answers.
"Oh no, honestly it was not Ginny. It was Ron. He was quite miserable for a day at work, possibly the most miserable since Fred's funeral. Sorry, but I kind of forced it out of him." Harry informed her. "If you want to talk to Ginny, I understand. She will be a lot better at this conversation than I will ever be."
"What conversation?" A calm voice asked and they both turned around to find Ginny stood sleepily in the doorway. Her red hair wild and tousled in the early hours of the day. Hermione wondered just how long Ginny had been stood there and exactly how much had she heard of the conversation. Upon seeing her, Harry patted Hermione on the shoulder before standing up and moving away towards the next room.
"I think this conversation is more up your street than it is mine, love." Harry said "I will be in the kitchen."
"So what is this about?" Ginny questioned softly as soon as Harry left as she carefully sat on the sofa next to her sister in law. Hermione knew if she was going to confide in anyone, it was probably for the best that it was Ginny who she told.
"Ron and I have been trying to have a baby." Hermione sighed and Ginny's eyes widened.
"Oh."Ginny replied with a strong tone of surprise.
"How long did it take for you and Harry for you to you know? How long did it take for you to get pregnant?" Hermione asked and Ginny's expression softened as it became very clear to her where this conversation was heading. Not long after Ron and Hermione had decided to have a baby, Ginny announced that she was pregnant.
"I don't know how many "attempts" exactly, but less than a month. Why?" Ginny asked, still tiptoeing around the actual situation and Hermione nervously took a deep breath.
"It is taking a lot longer than we thought. A lot longer. I only noticed that we were not getting anywhere when you announced you were pregnant, as it was actually just after that that we got thinking about having our own family. This time I thought I was because I thought I had missed it but I guess that was just down to stress of waiting for something to happen. I am trying, I really am, but the more we try the more it just knocks you down and hurts." Hermione informed her and Ginny sat silently. Hermione had never said any of that to anybody, even Ron in spite of it being the truth. It had only been five months , which was a lot less than some others that would have been trying for perhaps years, but Hermione still thought that something was not right and from the way she was being looked at she believed that Ginny thought there was something wrong too.
"Hermione, I am no expert but I really think you should see a healer. I know that it has not been that long but there still could be something that is stopping you from getting pregnant. They might be able to pick up on something that you and Ron might not uncovered yet. Just please think about it?" Ginny advised
"I will talk to Ron about it first, but thank you." Hermione nodded. "So, how are you?"
"I am good. It is getting harder to find clothes that fit though. I have tried using an expansion charm on everything but the reality is that things will only stretch so far before they just rip. Also it gives me an excuse to go shopping. They are kicking a lot more as well. Though the worst part is that that part generally takes place in the late hours of the night. Often when I have just drifted off to sleep too." Ginny smiled, and it became very apparent how excited she was about the prospect of she and Harry having a child of their own within the next few months.
"You know when you say "they", do you mean that you have not found out whether it is a boy or a girl yet?"Hermione enquired curiously in surprise. She had almost assumed that given how thrilled they were at Ginny being pregnant they would have found out this minor detail as soon as they had the chance to.
"We decided we would wait a little longer, perhaps until January. Then at least if I am six months along it is unlikely there will be any mistakes or surprises. Listen, do you want to stay for a few hours? We do not have any plans and it feels like forever since we last saw you." Ginny wondered
"I would love to, thanks. Are you sure Harry will not mind?" Hermione responded
"I am sure whatever it is I will not mind, Hermione." Harry said poking is head around the kitchen door, clearly having heard the last sentence.
"I said to Hermione that she could stay for a while, just to clear her head." Ginny informed him and Harry smiled.
"Of course, besides, it is ages since we saw you." Harry said hugging Hermione warmly and Hermione laughed once they broke away from one another.
"You know, your wife just said almost exactly the same thing before you came in." She grinned
"Ah, well you see, great minds think alike." Harry said and he, Ginny, and Hermione laughed, Hermione's worries suddenly dispersing for a few hours.
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Ron sat at the kitchen table, staring into the boiling mug of tea that lay steaming furiously in front of him. Instantaneously he was reminded of being in Professor Trelawney's Divination class during third year. The thought sickened him. Especially because of the fact that a lot of things associated with Lavender tended to take place within those four walls, well actually the classroom was circular but still it kind of had the same meaning. His thoughts then wandered to his wife, Hermione and where she was. He knew that them trying for a baby was gradually breaking her as they had less and less success. He could see the dullness gradually consuming her eyes and the ghostly paleness of her face that came hand in hand with sadness and extreme exhaustion.
Although he admitted he was not as intelligent as Hermione in some ways, he knew very well how her mind worked. He knew how desperately she wanted children, and he did as well, but was concerned about how much it was affecting Hermione and their relationship.
The sound of the front door opening and closing suddenly became apparent and Ron recognized that Hermione was at home as well. His gazed lifted to see her slowly pace through the darkened living room and into the kitchen where Ron was sat. For a moment, she did not sit down, she did not move, she did not speak. She just stood there, not knowing what to say.
"Are you alright?" Ron asked after a moment, he knew that she probably would have been at Harry and Ginny's house but it was not like her to have been out so long.
"Ron I-" Hermione started
"Hermione, please just tell me that you are alright." Ron said cutting her off. "I know you were at Harry and Ginny's I just love you too much to go by in a situation like this and not ask if you are okay." There was then silence again before Hermione broke the ice that was rapidly freezing between them whenever they stopped talking to one another.
"I'm sorry Ron..." Hermione trailed off tears streaming down her cheeks. Her breaths gradually turned into sobs and Ron instantly got up and embraced her powerfully, holding her against him as she cried.
"It's okay; everything is going to be okay." Ron said softly, noticing the sudden crack in his voice as he buried his nose in her bushy brown hair, knowing right now they needed each other more than ever.
Authors Note: Sorry that that took me such a long time. I had my last few weeks at school and I was also trying to remember what I put in the original version of this chapter. Anyway, although it was sad I hope at least one person liked it. I will be updating more frequently now that it is the summer holidays. Oh and congratulations to Prince William and Kate Middleton whose first child was born on Monday! Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge – I like the sound of it. Also he is adorable. Anyway PLEASE REVIEW!