Chapter 5: Peace of Mind

Authors Note: I have decided that I am going to try and update more frequently, essentially because before my laptop's hard drive broke and wiped everything I had wrote up to chapter six, so had it not broken I would have been perhaps a fair bit further along in the story than I currently am. So do expect hopefully more frequent updates. Anyway, I think most of you will have worked out what this chapter consists of already so here is chapter five!

January 2005

The pungently clean smell of antiseptic and domestic cleaning products like bleach or kitchen cleaner was the first thing that Hermione had noticed when they had arrived at St. Mungo's Hospital. The walls were painted a sickly off white colour with lime coloured seats in rows and lines, along with the occasional coffee table dotted around the waiting room. Since the Second Wizarding War, they had built another few floors above the tearoom and gift shop, including a maternity and children's floor; this was where Ron and Hermione were currently sat. Ron, at the moment, was drumming his fingers on the chair next to him and the other hand was clutching Hermione's tightly, both of them feeling equally nervous.

Hermione felt sick. She hadn't felt this sick with nerves and anxiety for years, actually, it was that long that she couldn't remember the last time she felt this worried and concerned. She cast her eyes down to the coffee table in front of them for the first time, and quickly turned her head away again in response to what she saw, several Wizarding versions of baby and pregnancy magazines randomly assorted and scattered, imminently making her feel worse. Her eyes then caught two people walking along joyously. The man and woman looked like they had just left one of the healers offices and huge smiles were spread across their faces.

"A girl, I love you so much." The man said, a little too loudly, also unintentionally catching Ron's attention as well and many people and patients in the waiting room turned to look at them as the man embraced who appeared to be his wife tightly. Once they had walked away and out of the waiting room Ron looked into Hermione's eyes concernedly. Over the past few weeks since Christmas Day, Ron's concern for Hermione had become a lot greater as he could now clearly see not just how much this whole situation was getting to her but how much it was getting to him and effecting every day. The one good thing about feeling like this was that he could reassure Hermione that he knew how it felt, but sometimes that was not always enough. Until they had done this, he believed that nothing would ever be enough.

"Mr. and Mrs. Weasley." A voice called kindly from across the waiting room and both Ron and Hermione approached the woman who appeared to be a healer and followed her into a small office further down the ugly off white/ creamish corridor. She looked surprisingly familiar with her long dark red hair tied in a neat ponytail, her eyes were a piercingly cold blue, although it did not click in neither Ron nor Hermione's heads who she actually was.

"Hi, I am Healer Moon and I will be your healer for today, at the least." Healer Moon said, "It says on your notes that you were here for a few tests. Please could you tell me what has been the problem?"

"In July we decided that we would start trying to have a baby. And we are here six nearly seven months on and still nothing has happened. In the rest of our family all but one of my siblings have children and it has taken nowhere near as long as this for them to conceive. My sister and her husband decided to have a child around the same time as we did and she is due in April, and so we just wondered if there could be any reasons behind this and if there were any tests that could be done to see if we have not known or missed anything." Ron said.

"Is your sister Ginny Potter?" Healer Moon asked

"Yes." Hermione replied in response before Ron could say anything else. "Why?"

"I am her healer for her pregnancy. Did they tell you it's a boy?" She asked

"Yes, they told us at Christmas." Ron answered.

"Anyway, there are a few fertility tests that can be done to see if there are any problems or issues and so Ron if you will please head into the next room where there is a healer waiting for you, and do not worry hopefully it will not take very long." She smiled softly.

"See you in a minute." Ron said, squeezing Hermione's hand before leaving the small healer's office.

"I am sorry, do I know you?" Hermione asked Healer Moon as she looked through Hermione's papers. She knew she remembered her from somewhere but could not put her finger on it exactly.

"Lily Moon, I was a Gryffindor and in your dormitory at Hogwarts." Lily said and Hermione instantly remembered, the smart yet humorous Gryffindor who had been friends with many people that she and Ron were still in contact with. She had talked a lot to Lily throughout her years at Hogwarts as given that they also had Pavarti Patil and Lavender Brown in their dormitory, Lily and Fay appeared a lot closer to her own wave length. But then as time had moved on Lily and Fay had become best friends and she had not seen her since Dumbledore's funeral at the very end of sixth year.

"I have not seen you in years. At least since way before the Battle."Hermione said sighing and feeling slightly guilty that she had not kept in contact with her.

"I was there for that. That was when I met Stephen." Lily replied and Hermione raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Stephen? As in the Ravenclaw Stephen Cornfoot?" Hermione enquired, shocked as she remembered the tall, shy boy with dark brown hair and tended to have his head in a book of some sort for the best part of seven years.

"Yes. Although we had had lessons together it was only after the battle that we properly had a conversation. We actually got married last March." Lily said and Hermione caught the silver wedding ring on her fourth left finger.

"Congratulations." Hermione responded and Lily smiled

"Okay sorry about the brief tangent but please could you lie down on the table for me, Hermione." She asked as Hermione did so anxiously, "I will just cast a few spells over you and then do a blood test to see if there are any concerns." Hermione felt the sharp needle go into her arm and quickly drew breath at the sudden pain but instantly remembered pain she had experienced that was indescribably much worse.

"I am just going to take these to be analysed, it probably will not take that long but just take a seat, and those spells will probably make you feel a little dizzy. See you in a bit." Lily said before leaving the room and Hermione was finally alone in the tiny, confined office. Being alone made her mind wander, and it wandered to a particular point when she did begin to notice something was not right.

Flashback.

29th September 2004

Over the years, the dining room table at the Burrow had gradually gotten bigger and bigger. Originally it had been a small table for four, as Arthur and Molly Weasley had never really intended on having seven children over the course of eleven years. At first, the plan had just been two or three. But plans changed, and soon enough the small table had expanded into a long almost endless rectangular shape. And as their sons and only daughter had gotten married, and most had gone on to have children who were gradually getting older and older, the table had gotten longer and longer. Although it had already got to the point where they had to expand the whole kitchen twice already it was worth it to see the smiles on everyone's faces as they sat there almost every Sunday evening for the past six years.

This chilly, autumn evening in late September was just a typical Sunday evening, like any other one there was. People laughed, people ate, people talked and people smiled. Nothing ever really changed, apart from the growing numbers of children, and people liked it that way. People had been talking to one another quietly and there were not ever any large conversations, there was always a quietly loud him of chatter. It was only when Harry said something that everything that day changed.

"Excuse me?" Harry said clearing his throat distinctively so people could hear him. "Sorry, and I hope you do not mind for a moment, but Ginny and I have something to say." As soon as Harry said this, immediately everyone's heads turned towards Ginny, frighteningly prompting her to continue with the talking.

"I am pregnant." Ginny said rather quietly before a few smiles and cheers along with Mrs Weasley flinging her arms around the pair of them.

"I knew it. I told Arthur but I knew something was different." She said joyously to both of them and both Harry and Ginny laughed before other congratulations came in from the rest of the people around the table.

XXXXXXXXXX

"How long have you known?" Hermione asked as she, Ron, Harry and Ginny sat in a quieter corner of the Burrow's living room. After escaping many long and slightly uncomfortable talks about children and babies it was very clear that both Harry and Ginny were glad to get somewhere more peaceful and private.

"A week, we did not know when would be the right moment to say anything." Ginny said.

"You were going to have to tell us at some point, before it became noticeable though don't you think?" Ron said and Ginny raised an eyebrow.

"Of course you loveable idiot. We were not born yesterday." Ginny joked. It was at that point that Audrey, slowly approached the four friends in the corner, holding a small content Lucy Penelope Weasley who was little more than a month old, having been born on the sunny day that was the fourth of August.

"Hi." Audrey smiled and they all responded with the same happy smile back. "Sorry to bother you, but please could you just watch Lucy for a few minutes whilst I use the bathroom. I have just calmed her down and it is far too loud for her over there." She added

"Of course we will." Ron said as Audrey handed Lucy to Hermione – the closest person to her and thanked them before hurrying off. Lucy gazed up at her two aunts and two uncles and a tiny innocent smile spread across her lips, blue eyes darting back and forth between the faces and her curly brown hair in spirals on her tiny head. Everybody's eyes were affixed on her, that is what the power of a child really did.

"She is beautiful, isn't she?" Harry said just above a whisper, breaking the silence but as not to disturb Lucy who was slowly drifting off.

"Hey, soon you will have one of these yourselves." Hermione spoke softly, looking across to her brother and sister in law and they looked at one another smiling.

"Yep. Two down seven months to go." Ginny sighed and Harry squeezed her hand kindly.

"It will be worth it." He informed her and she beamed in response. Ron and Hermione both knew that if Harry and Ginny's child were anything like their parents they would truly be one of a kind, and they were certain that Harry and Ginny would be amazing parents.

Flashback Ends.

The door opened and Ron came in looking a ghostly pale, almost dead as he slowly paced towards her and sat down. She knew it was probably something to do with or on the lines of a blood test. In spite of them being in a war, several battles as teenagers, and going on the run for the best part of an entire year, none of them (Harry, Ron or Hermione) were actually very good with blood. This was most likely because it had tended to be that when there was a fair bit of blood involved something bad had happened or they were in danger, for example, Ron being splinched or the scars on Hermione left arm and neck. For a few brief moments they sat in a comfortable silence, clearly not looking at one another before Hermione decided to make some sort of conversation whilst they were waiting for their results to come back.

"Blood test?" Hermione asked.

"Yep. I...I sort of nearly passed out. You?" Ron answered trying to keep some dignity as Hermione turned and smiled at him, giggling.

"Yep... but... without any of the fainting." Hermione replied. "Did Healer Moon look familiar to you?"

"Yes, but I could not quite put my finger on it. Why?"Ron enquired, furrowing his eyebrows and Hermione began to explain the conversation she had with the Healer asking if he remembered the quiet, witty girl that was a Gryffindor in their year and was best friends with Fay Dunbar, before finally telling him who she was.

"It is Lily Moon." Hermione said and Ron remained with a quizzical and puzzled look on his face.

"Lily Moon." Ron repeated as if trying to recall the healer in sixth year – which was the last time they had seen her. "Oh! Lily Moon! We have not seen her in years."

"I know, it is weird though because we stayed in contact in some form with most people from Gryffindor, well apart from Fay and Lily but we even stayed in contact with Lavender. How did we stay in contact with Lavender but not Lily?" Hermione questioned.

"We only stayed in contact with bloody Lavender Brown because we like Seamus. We would have no contact with her whatsoever if she had not married Seamus. I guess because we have not seen her in nearly eight years and we were not quite sure whether she had survived the Battle or not, we just forgot about her." Ron said and then as if like beetle juice Lily quietly opened the door and sat down at her desk, a soft expression was worn on her face.

"Okay, so I do have both of your results back from both the spells and blood tests that we performed on each of you." Lily said and Hermione found herself squeezing Ron's hand tightly, and she was not surprised to find that he was squeezing hers back. It felt cold and clammy, a little like she was going to pass out herself, but he wanted to reassure her in at least some sort of way. "Ron you are absolutely fine and we could not find anything of concern."

"Hermione may I ask you a few questions?" Lily questioned and her expression became even softer, almost sympathetic and Hermione knew that there was something. There had to be something.

"Yes. Yes of course." Hermione replied stumbling on her words and she found herself becoming even more nervous to find out what was going on.

"Have you ever had the Cruciatus Curse cast on you?" Lily asked and Hermione felt as if her heart had stopped beating and like everything had frozen in time. A sharp inflicted wound that pained her like nothing else had before, like that very Curse Lily mentioned of.

"When we were eighteen and Ron, Harry and I went on the run, there was an incident just a few months before the Battle that we got caught by the Death Eaters. We were then taken to Malfoy Manor, and whilst Ron and Harry were locked away... I was tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange. That is what this, is from." Hermione sighed gesturing to the long red scar on her neck. Harry, Ron and Hermione had agreed to inform very few people of what happened at Malfoy Manor and only the people who really needed to know, for example, Hermione's parents: Robert and Helena, the Weasley's, and now Lily Moon. Hermione knew that they did not ever really like telling people about this part of the Horcrux Hunt and being on the run but given that she was a Healer it was only right to say something for medical reasons.

"Hermione, from your blood test we found a few issues within your reproductive system. As you have had the Cruciatus Curse placed on you, and quite strongly by the looks of it, it means that there is less chance of you conceiving a child. I does not mean that you can't, but just that your reproductive system has been weakened by the curse and so is a little slower than it should be. It is highly likely that you will have a child at some point but it just so happens that it may take a little bit longer for you two than it would for other couples. I am sorry." Lily informed her and Hermione felt her eyes sting sharply with the acidity of her tears.

"Thank you very much for helping us. If we do have a child we will definitely contact you." Hermione said shaking her hand and Ron did the same before they headed out of the small office. As they walked along the corridor, it was apparent that Hermione was clearly spacing herself away from Ron and could not bring herself to look at him. Once they finally reached one of the designated apparition points, Ron reached for Hermione's hand and turned to face her slowly. Her face was white and pale, like she was lost or alone, and Ron did not know what meaningful words he could say to her.

"Are you okay?" Ron asked, regretting asking the stupid and obvious question as soon as it came out of his mouth.

"Please can we just go home?" Hermione questioned sighing before Ron nodded and they disapparated back to their home.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I knew it! I knew something was wrong and it is all down to her and that curse!" Hermione said sharply as she paced back and forth in the living room the minute they arrived back at Snowberry Road.

"Hermione, it does not mean that we can't have children though, surely that is a good thing. Is it not?" Ron said reasonably.

"No but we have less chance and that is because of me, Ron. Not you, you are fine, that was obvious from the start." Hermione's voice cracked and tears fell down her face.

"Hermione it is not because of you, it was never your choice. Sometimes things happen and perhaps this is just one of those things." Ron said and Hermione started to head out of the living room.

"Where are you going?" Ron questioned, he knew she was angry but it was never like her to just walk away from something so big. "You can't just walk away from something like this. This is real, this is happening."

"I don't know, I just need to clear my head. And I know it is happening Ron. Do you know think that I know that this is happening given that I know that I am the one at fault and causing the problems." Hermione retorted, raising her voice.

"Why will you not listen to me?" Ron shouted as their argument escalated. "It does not mean that it is anyone's fault. And it does not mean that we cannot keep trying."

"Yes, Ron it is someone's fault. It is my fault that we can't seem to have children. It is my fault that we don't seem to be getting anywhere. I am the one that has been causing problems for us all along and I do not know if I can take this for much longer." Hermione cried, her voice breaking as tears fell down her face uncontrollably.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ron croaked, his voice softened immediately as he looked at his wife through misty eyes.

"I am saying that I am not sure if I want to do this anymore." Hermione replied, leaving Ron on his own.

Authors Note: Hi again. So I am sorry for the fairly sad ending but I feel that that is the direction that the story was naturally heading in and that is what I think I have always had in my mind for Ron and Hermione's story. But anyway thank you for reading this chapter and PLEASE REVIEW!