A/N: Oops, it's Monday! I overslept, sorry! But it's all good, you're all here now! Yeah!
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, all rights go to Kubo.
The woman stared up at her ceiling.
She had no sense of time. The hours and days were no longer concrete but muddled and distorted. Was it Tuesday? Thursday? The woman would be the last to know.
And when she dreamed, it was dark. There wasn't a sky or a ground. There wasn't a sound. There wasn't loud or quiet, but just her, dwindling and diminishing into the nothingness surrounding her.
…
Ichigo chucked his pencil across the room. He held his neck a squeezed the tension there. He was getting nowhere with his work. For the past two days, Yuzu's words had been going around and around in his mind.
It made him contemplate if his operation was the right thing to do. If… if a vasectomy was the right decision.
"Onii-chan… You need to be there for her this time."
Ichigo rubbed his hands through his hair, grabbing and tugging on orange wads. "I know…"
"You can't neglect her… not… not again."
But wasn't space the best thing to give in a time like this? Wasn't it a time to mourn? A time to think and rebuild oneself?
Ichigo took a deep breath and pushed himself away from his desk. The man trudged up the basement stairs and up to the second floor.
The man crept open his bedroom door.
A body sat still under the covers. Even when he climbed on the bed with her, she still didn't move. Even when he wrapped his arms around her, she lay motionless.
If they were to rebuild, they'd do it together.
Ichigo found her hand, cold from the lack of movement, and interlinked their fingers.
If they need to mourn, they'd do that together too.
But this… this dejection. It was unacceptable. His wife condition was unbearable. Even for him to watch as she deteriorated from the inside out was painful.
But he did this. It was his doing. His responsibility. And he had to make it right.
…
Ichigo finished adding rice to three plates before juggling them to the kitchen table. He called out to his children and in a matter of seconds, the little boy and girl sat in their respective chairs, waiting to be served.
Hitomi sat her Barbie and Ken on the table with her. She was recently playing a game with the dolls in the Dream Mansion. Hitomi wanted a Dream Mansion when she grew up and her own Dream Ken. Just like her mommy and daddy. The child picked at her rice, her mind bouncing from one subject to the next. "…Daddy?"
Ichigo chewed on his teriyaki and swallowed before answering. "Yes?"
"We, um, we made cards for Mrs. Tochigitoday. We made the cards be-because she is sick."
"Mhmm."
Hitomi stabbed her fork through the sliced pork chop. "…I want to make cards for mommy because she's sick."
Ichigo stopped chewing. Of course the children had notice Orihime's behavior. But it was never actually spoken about. Not out loud at least.
"Daddy…" Hitomi piled her rice over the pork chops and looked up at her father. "The cards…?"
"Oh, mhmm. That sounds like a great idea, Hitomi." He turned to his son who was eating quietly. "What do you think?"
Tamotsu glanced up. "Sounds good."
Ichigo knew this was hard for the both of them, seeing their mother like that.
"Dad," Tamotsu started and grinned. "I made the team."
Tamotsu was always practicing catching with his dad outside, but it was different out on that field. He tried his hardest during the tryouts. The first day everyone had to practice their throwing and catching. The next day it was batting, which was very scary, put Tamotsu guess he pulled through!
Seeing his name on that list outside of coach Aikawa's door made him the happiest boy alive.
"Our first game is next Thursday."
Ichigo smiled back. "That's my champ." Ichigo was glad Tamotsu had something to preoccupy his time with.
"Is mommy eating with us?"
Ichigo looked back at his daughter. She had managed to pile all of her rice on top of the pork chops, in a giant white mound and scooped the top off and into her mouth.
Orihime hardly ate anything, if anything at all. When Ichigo brought food to her the first few nights, it would sit there on her night stand all day, and Orihime would just stare, like she was punishing herself. It was the hardest to watch of all.
The father shook his head. "Not tonight honey."
Ichigo was stringing them along on hope. He knew his wife couldn't stay like this forever, she had to get better, and she had to realize that it isn't all bad.
And even if she did, would she be the same? Would she be the same bubbly, spirited, guileless woman he met in college?
Ichigo missed her smile, the color in her face, and her laugh most of all. Now she was just… not the same.
Hitomi waited until her father spoke again. The child shoveled another forkful of rice in her mouth. Food always tasted better when it looked better. Presentation was key.
"Maybe if you ask, she'll eat with us tomorrow." Hitomi watched her father's face fall further then it had in the past days. "…But right now she just needs some rest."
A few days later.
It was easier to sleep. It was easier to slip in and out of consciousness and her thoughts. But sometimes… sometimes she was locked in the world with no real color or light. It was no longer pale trees and dim skies, but nothingness. There was nothing and her.
It was those dreams that would haunt her. Trickling laughter would fade and grow all around her. She knew they were the laughs of Chīsana ichi. She missed her little one so bad.
It was those dreams that killed her inside. The dreams wouldn't let her leave until they wanted her to leave. It was impossible to wake her up.
It was those dreams that could span for seconds to hours. She would sleep for minutes of sometimes a whole day. She was never hungry yet never full. She was a dry husk, needing nothing yet everything.
"I should have never gone through that door…" Orihime whispered. She waked, but not on her own account. "I'm so sorry baby."
Orihime gripped her sheets tights.
"…I'm sorry that I didn't give you a chance." Orihime turned over in the bed. The pit of her stomach seemed to clench with each word. Her insides twisted at the apology. "…It's all my fault… I hope you forgive me…"
Shrill and high, the laughter started low, far away. And it grew, gradually.
It was so distant, at first; Orihime didn't know what it was. It seemed to be a constant ring in her ear. But it echoed through out her body and continued rising.
Orihime lifted her head. It came from the right. Then the left.
Just like in her dreams, it taunted and haunted. It was an unknown memory, a never realized recollection.
But… she wasn't dreaming.
Orihime pushed the covers off of her. "Chīsana ichi?" Her head twisted in every direction, every way the laughter rung. She only saw a haze, a glassy reflection of what could have been. A ghost, maybe? No. That would be too histrionic. But there was definitely something there.
"Chīsana ichi…?" Orihime called again.
The apparition jumped from one side of the room to the next until it appeared by the bedroom door.
It smiled.
Orihime stumbled out of bed. She hadn't known her legs so weak after days of lying about. "Chīsana ichi?" Orihime said and it giggled again and disappeared.
Orihime staggered to the door and called for little one again. The giggled sounded and Orihime walked out into the hallway.
It was warmer out there. Though she lay with the blanket wound tightly around her, it was forever cold in that bed. It made her muscles stiff and her mind null, enough so to send her asleep, or leave her thinking and spiraling into shame.
"Aah!"
Orihime turned her head left.
Chīsana ichi stood at the bottom of the steps. Their gray eyes glistened and light brown hair flowed in an invisible wind. Chīsana ichi held their hands out, inviting her down the steps.
Orihime took a deep breath. She took her time walking, lifting and lowering each leg slowly as too not frighten the apparition.
"What's that one?"
Orihime stopped. Ichigo's voice asked someone a question. Chīsana ichi still waited at the bottom so Orihime continued on her way.
"That's the flowers, and the sky, and our house!" There was a rustling. "Tammy's is wow!"
Orihime took another step. She could see them but they couldn't see her. They were all sitting on the floor, writing on something. All three of them, Ichigo, Hitomi, and Tamotsu.
Tamotsu leaned back and grinned his wide, familiar grin. "I finished mine."
Orihime took another step.
"Yeah we should hang these up-"
Hitomi jumped to her feet and pointed at the stairs. "Mommy!"
Orihime came all the way into the light, and when she did, Chīsana ichi vanished.
Orihime's jaw lowered. She had to get it back, she had too. Chīsana ichi couldn't leave… not just yet.
….The apparition faded but she was still here. She was still living. There was more rustling coming from the living room so she walked all the way down the steps. "…What are you doing?"
Tamotsu ushered her to a couch and got into position.
All three of them stood in a line with their backs turned. Ichigo, Hitomi, and them Tamotsu, all of them with papers in their hands from what Orihime could see.
Hitomu twirled around first, holding a giant colorful paper in front of her. It looked like their home.
"Mommy!" She shouted and turned over another page which had a drawing of her on the front. "Beautiful!" Then another. "Pretty!" Then another. "Smile!"
It was Tamotsu's turn next. He held up a wonderful drawing of a woman holding a newborn. "Mother." He said. "Nurturer. Forgiver. Protector."
Ichigo was last, turning around and holding up a single paper with words written on every corner, every space. Orihime couldn't read them because her eyes were filling with tears.
"Wife. Lover. My rock." Ichigo flipped the page and it was blank. "Best friend."
Hitomi threw her papers into the air. "We love you mommy!" The girl hoped to the couch and wrapped her arms around her mother. Tamotsu came over and did the same.
Ichigo walked over to the huddle. He found her hand and helped her stand.
"We love you."
And it was him. It was him and his height, his shoulders, his orange hair and peach colored skin. His sideburns, amber eyes and rough lips. She loved this man. And how selfish of her to deprive him and her child of herself. They needed her and loved her. Orihime didn't want to think about what she had done.
Instead, the woman threw her arms around his neck and yanked him down into kiss.
Hitomi clapped and cheered. "Yeah! Mommy and daddy sitting in tree. K-s-i-i-i-n-g!"
Tamotsu giggled which triggered Ichigo's own chuckle which left Orihime in a complete fit. Once she started, she couldn't stop. There wasn't anything remotely funny, but it wouldn't stop coming. The laughter that is.
Tamotsu hugged his mother's body again. "Mom, I missed you."
Orihime kissed his head. "I missed you too." She smiled. "All of you. So much."
And she did. Already she could feel the cold chill, the stiffness in her bones and muscles lift from her body, from her soul. She wasn't giving up on Chīsana ichi. But she was living. Living and being with the ones who loved her back.
Days later.
Orihime never knew how much she missed out on. Hitomi put on a little Barbie play for the family, Ichigo gained an official new client, and Tamotsu made the town's Little League softball team!
Everyday she caught up on everything she wasn't awake for. Everyday it was something new. She couldn't believe how much she had given up.
"Hi!" Orihime said breathlessly. Ichigo came in a kissed her on the cheek. It was late and Ichigo was just getting home, but that was fine with her. Time was no longer an issue for her.
"I'm working on this new recipe!" Orihime lifted the bowl she was mixing in. Yes, she had an electric mixer, but hand mixing was still effective too.
Orihime watched a tired Ichigo sit on a stool at the island. Orihime dashed a few more things into the concoction before mixing it again. "I haven't been in the kitchen for so long. Once I started cooking I couldn't stop!"
Ichigo nodded, staring at his wife, his lids heavy.
"Wanna taste the batter?" Orihime asked.
His lids fluttered. "Huh?"
Orihime shoved a spoon in his face. It was piled with a brownish batter. "Here!"
Ichigo wanted to protest but he didn't want to make her upset. So he took the spoon to his mouth and swallowed. All types of cinnamon-y taste swirled on his tongue.
"So," Orihime wiped her hands off on a rag began buttering a pan. "How was your day?"
Work was the last thing Ichigo wanted to talk about. Scratch that- the first thing needed to talk about was the last thing Ichigo wanted to talk about. He didn't know when he should bring it up, but he needed to bring it up soon- very soon.
But how would he start it out? "Hey honey, but I'm shooting blanks"? No.
"Boring paperwork, annoying clients?" Orihime suggested, trying to get a conversation going.
"Orihime…" Ichigo let his mouth move but only half sounds and words came through. He rubbed his hand over his face. "I have something to tell you…"
"First, tell me this." Orihime tapped her forefinger on her bottom lip. "Does it need more nutmeg?"
"Orihime-"
Orihime dipped her pinky into the batter and licked it off. "The sweetness needs a balance…"
"Orihime-"
"Ichigo." Orihime stood still for a moment, her held bowed so her ponytail swayed to one side. "Ichigo… if it's anything bad… I don't want to hear it." Her head rose slowly and she smiled. "Can't we just be happy for once?"
The woman around the island. Her smile dimmed into a smirked. "I was thinking…" she said, sliding her hands against Ichigo's chest. "I'm feeling much better now…"
She leaned down and kissed the back of his neck. Her hands ran down his chest to his muscular abs under his crisp collared shirt. "We should start trying again, really soon."
"No."
Orihime's hands were stopped, gripped by something. The woman pulled away, surprised. "Huh?"
Ichigo sat hunched over the marble top. "…No…" He sat up straight and twisted in his chair to see his wife. "Orihime…. There's something…." Ichigo took a deep breath. "Orihime I'm having an operation."
Rejection wasn't anything new to Orihime, but it still hurt nevertheless. She blinked a few times, coming to terms with his refusal. The woman walked back around the island to her bowl and pan. "…What kind of operation?"
Ichigo folded his hands, looking her in her eyes. "A vasectomy."
Shattered hadn't even come closer to how her world felt at that moment. It was completely demolished, ruined, and swept away like it was nothing.
Ichigo's wife stared into space. Behind him, but at nothing specific. Ichigo's eyebrows crumbled. "Orihime, I said-"
"I heard you…" Orihime closed her eyes and breathed. Breathing was the only thing she could do at this point. "Why… when?"
"It hasn't gone through, not yet. I'm scheduled for next week, Wednesday."
The kitchen grew quiet. The only sound was the oven "ping" indicating that the preheating was done.
This surprised Ichigo. He thought it would have been much worse. He thought it would have been screaming, yelling, and accusing. But this wasn't his first rodeo. This… this was just the calm before the storm.
"But… but what about Chīsana ichi?" Orihime held her belly. All of her chances, all of dreams, her efforts were a waste. Her child flushed down a toilet. "We can't give up… We can't give up on him!" Orihime shouted. "Not now!"
Ichigo lifted both brows. Chīsana ichi? He shook his head. "What are you talking about?"
Orihime threw her rag on the ground. "My baby, our baby, Ichigo!" She wiped her face with her hands, running it back into her ponytailed hair. "We can't give up!"
"Orihime…. Why do you still persist?" He stood. "I can't stand to see you this way. The children noticed. I told them you were sick but they know something's up. Do you know how devastated Hitomi was when she found out there was no baby? She cried in her room for days!"
Orihime licked her dry lips. "That's not fair!"
"What isn't fair is that you keep putting us through this." Her came up to his wife and held her arms though she resisted. "It has to end." He tried to look into her eyes put she kept looking away, like a child. "Orihime- Orihime, look at me!"
"After everything we've been through…" Orihimes' hands became fists. "You still want to take what I desire from me." Her head came back up and there were tears there, rolling down her cheeks. She didn't want to cry, she was sick of crying, she was always crying. But she couldn't help it. He hurt her. He hurt her bad this time.
"I just want to have your children Ichigo… and you won't let me…"
He gave her arms a tiny squeeze. "This isn't what that is about."
"Then what is it?" she whispered.
How hard it was to convince such a stubborn woman. He bent down to get a closer look into her smoky gray eyes. "It's about you seeing everything that you have in front of you. It's about the kids." He squeezed her arms again. "It's about us."
Orihime pushed him away and shouted: "Ichigo, you ruined us!" Then the woman stormed up the steps, entirely oblivious to the awake children, sneaking back into there beds before anyone could take notice.
A few days later.
When the front door opened, Tamotsu immediately jumped to his feet and ran to the figure. "Tatsuki-san!"
At the name, Hitomi jumped up too and grabbed onto the woman's leg.
"Guys! I need my legs to walk!" Tatsuki shouted and tried prying Hitomi off her calf to no avail. They soon backed off and tried pulling her to each of their new projects. Hitomi tried to get her to play a round of Barbies, and Tamotsu made her look through his telescope though it wasn't a good idea with the sun high in the sky.
"Let the woman breath please," Ichigo said as he brought his long time friend into the kitchen. He handed her a cup of tea as she tried to shoo his daughter away.
"But Barbie needs a Ken!" Hitomi whined and pushed the male doll into Tatsuki's hands.
"We can play after me and your daddy finish talking, alright." Hitomi harrumphed and crossed her arms. Tatsuki pointed to the kitchen doorway. "Now scat."
Hitomi took her Ken back and left the room, giving Tatsuki the perfect opening to begin their much needed conversation.
Tatsuki took a sip of her tea. "So. How she been?"
Ichigo sighed. "Not good. I was hoping you could talk to her for a while, make her see my point of view."
Tatsuki nodded. "Gotcha."
They left the kitchen and Tatsuki started up the steps but stopped.
"And Ichigo…"
He glanced up. "Hmm?"
Tatsuki gripped the railing as she spoke. "I think what you're doing is good… but you went about it the wrong way… You can't through something new and unfamiliar in front of Orihime, or she'll shy away. That's the way she's always been."
Ichigo shoved his hands in his pockets and huffed. "Yeah, I know…" He huffed again and then smiled up at his long time friend. "You she would have just talked me out of it."
Tatsuki grinned back. "I know that too."
The woman continued on to the bedroom, knocking once before walking inside.
"Hey!"
The body rolled over in the bed and a head poked out from under the covers.
Tatsuki grabbed her bench from her vanity and pushed it over to the king sized bed. "Well don't look too happy."
Orihime blinked, unbelieving. "Wha-what are doing here?"
"Why can't I visit my best friend?" Tatsuki mockingly placed her hands on her hips. Years hadn't done much to change her. She still had her cropped hair cut and toned body, and very present sassy attitude. "I know it's been a few long months since we talked but I'm here now… that's all that matters right?"
Tatsuki has shown up on their door step plenty of times, she was always invited. But this felt different somehow, planned in some sort of way, right under her nose. "Ichigo sent you here."
The woman rolled her eyes. "Well I won't lie to you."
Orihime shook her head. "You know what he's doing right?" She sat up. "Can you believe him?"
Tatsuki sat on the bench. "Honestly, Orihime, I can't believe you."
Orihime gasped. Her best friend wasn't taking her side? Why?! Why was everyone turning against her?
Tatsuki rubbed the back of her neck. "…You and Ichigo have been trying the moment you got married. Nothing happened for three years. Trying and trying for months and nothing happened. Then you miscarried and the both of you had no idea what to do with yourselves. Both of you were trying to fix it the wrong way…
"And then Tamotsu was born, albeit, with another man. But it was still wonderful. And then Hitomi came along… she was a complete miracle.
"And now we're back to square one…. Don't you think your body is tired? You can't keep doing this to yourself."
Orihime shook her head again. "It still doesn't make his decision right. It's not fair-"
"What's not fair is what you're putting your body through. What's not fair is your whole household is at a standstill, waiting for you." Tatsuki's eyebrows came together like they always did when she makes a good point. "Like I said before, the both of you didn't know what to do the first time. But now Ichigo has come up with a solution and you want to run away from it."
Orihime placed a wall up immediately when she heard Tatsuki admit her side. But now the wall was crumbling, it was crumbling to logic, but Orihime pressed on. "You wouldn't… you don't understand…"
Tatsuki stood. "Orihime, you're so hell-bent on trying to reach for something you already have. You wanted a family, you got it. The perfect life, the perfect house, its right here in front of you! Your judgment is just so clouded by years of rejection that you can't see what you already have."
"You don't-"
"I do." Tatsuki sent out that gaze that always seemed to put Orihime in her place. A place where she felt like she was hiding under a table to avoid getting hit after her parents had gotten into a drunken argument.
"I seem to understand better then you do." Tatsuki made a gesture to the bed entirely. "You sitting around isn't going to change a goddamn thing, Orihime. Wake up."
Tears surge from nowhere and spilled out from her eyes. Orihime shielded her face from the room and she bumbled into her hands: "I don't want to wake up… little one isn't with me when I'm awake…"
Tatsuki waited a few beats before sitting on the bed next to her. "I don't want to make you cry, this isn't my point." "I'm just here to let you see. Ichigo is doing this because he loves you. You and no one else… He didn't sign on to marry someone who lays in bed all day, depressed, but he still loves you."
Tatsuki was right. She was always able to make her see the right way even if it involved hollering on Tatsuki's part and crying on her own.
Tatsuki waited until Orihime got herself together. She handed a tissue from the box on the nightstand and smiled. "And if he believes a vasectomy will cure all your problems, I wouldn't put it past him."
Orihime nodded. "You're right…. Enough is enough."
One day later.
"…Funny how things change… but still remain the same?"
Ichigo nodded. "Yeah."
The family had somehow managed to all get outside at once. Tamotsu was practicing his throwing by gently tossing the ball back and forth to his little sister and Ichigo and Orihime watched them from the deck.
"Ichigo…" Orihime pushed her hands through her thick hair. "…if a vasectomy will fix this… then fine." She gathered her breathing. "I'm happy with that decision."
Ichigo lifted a brow. "Happy?"
"No." The couple laughed at her immediate answer. "But I will be." Orihime nodded. "One day, maybe."
Tamotsu threw the next one a little too high for his sister to grab. But she jumped high anyway and caught the tiny white and red ball. She hopped to her feet and cheered, screaming touchdown.
"I know you wanted this, so bad…." Ichigo said, looking back at his wife. "But I can't watch that happen again. Not to my family, not to my wife."
"I understand."
When Orihime looks back now, from the outside in, it would have been very painful to watch. Yes, she herself was still hurting. But what she put her family through in those three weeks was reminiscent to the short fifteen minutes as she watched her brother Sora die from the car accident.
"When do you go?" Orihime finally asked after a few more minutes of watching their children.
Ichigo's eyes fell back on her. He studied her expression before answering. It was happy, not happy but relaxed and pleased. And it still held a tinge of sadness which couldn't be ignored. "Tomorrow morning."
Orihime's eyes widened. "It Wednesday already?"
Ichigo smirked. "Time flies when you have fun."
The giggled at his joke. The past days had been far from fun. But they'd been the best days Orihime's had in a while. And she hoped that it'd keep getting better and better.
Later that night
This was going against everything Ichigo was trying to achieve. It was devoid of any logic and reason, but he did it anyway.
Ichigo crawled atop his wife and smoother her mouth with his lips. It certainly woke her up but it didn't take her long to catch on.
Ichigo moved quickly before either one could speak, pulling his boxers down and her shirt up. He kept his voice at bay with the constant smooches.
"What are you doing?" Orihime finally asked; her voice heavy and breathless, thick with anticipation.
Ichigo rubbed his hands down her sides. "This is our last chance… if it's meant to happen, it will happen." His hands came up and held the sides of her face. "If not… it just wasn't meant to be."
Orihime would have protest but his lips stopped hers again.
And why should she protest. Chīsana ichi would be reality and her family would finally be complete. These were the happy thoughts going around and around in the back of her mind and she and Ichigo made love multiple times that night. Each time increasing her chances and pleasure.
Each time his mind berated him. Telling him how wrong it was and how this was the complete opposite of what he wanted. But his mind replayed her face on the deck over and over again. This is what she wanted, what she needed. And who was he to deprive her of it forever. Even if they were running off hope and chance, he just wanted to make her happy.
Each time bringing them closer together.
In the morning…
Ichigo entered the car and strapped on his seat belt. Was it painful? Not too much. Was he sore? Yes, and oh so drained.
Orihime glanced his way and started the car. "How do you feel?"
Orihime made a promise to herself. She wasn't going to make this day any harder for her self or for Ichigo. They both had been through enough the past couple of days.
"I've felt better," he simply said and stared out the window as they pulled in to traffic. "How do you feel?"
Orihime looked out at the moving cars in front of her. "…I've felt better."
The rest of the car ride home was quiet.
The next day.
"What number is Tamotsu again?"
Ichigo took a bite from his hotdog. "Um, seven."
Orihime scanned the wooden dugout for the specific number. Then she saw him. He had his back turned, talking to another young boy, the blue "7" bright as day. "Oh! I see him!" Orihime stood and waved her arms. "Hi baby!"
Hiroyuki Tanaka was in the middle of telling a joke which all the boys around him were listening intently to when he looked up and pointed. "Tamotsu…"
"Huh?" The boy twisted his head and drained. There stood a woman, hopping and jumping in place, waving at him and only him. It was his mother.
"Hi Monkey! You do your best, okay! Winning isn't everything!"
Tamotsu turned back to his friends and saw their bubbling faces, holding laughter inside. Tamotsu pushed Hiro on the arm. "Shut up! Your mom calls you dumpling!"
With that, the rest of the boys balled out in laughter.
Hiro's blushed. "Hey!" He would have punched his friend on the arm if it weren't for their coach calling them 'round.
When Orihime finished waving and sat back down, Ichigo kissed her cheek. He liked seeing his wife like this. He missed this. He missed her.
Orihime blushed. She didn't know why. She'd been kissed by her husband in public before, plenty of times. But this time, it was different.
Hitomi only cheered when everyone around her cheered. She even cheered when two fathers of opposite teams got into a little dispute in the stands.
It was simply in her nature to be loud.
Ichigo clapped his hands when Tamotsu came up the bat. "You got this champ!"
Tamotsu got into a stance. His feet were spread apart with his left foot lifted a little. And his arms were high and tilted; the bat hovered over his right shoulder. The ball was pitched, he swung and missed.
"That's alright!" His coach, Love Aikawa said and clapped.
Again Tamotsu got into his stance and waited, taking a deep breath.
The pitched ball whizzed through the air so fast that Orihime thought it would had hit him. She almost jumped over the gate and ran in front of him. Instead she closed her eyes and squeezed her hands together tight.
"Monkey!"
"Tammy!"
"Yeah! That's my champ!"
Then she heard the "pop" sound of aluminum hitting leather. She opened her eyes. Tamotsu dropped the bat and ran to the first base, passed it, and continued on the second. The ball flew into the outfield and rolled until one of the boys on the opposite team caught up to it. It was thrown and he finally stopped at third.
"Oh! Oh, Monkey!" Orihime waved at her son.
Hitomi hopped up and shook the gate in front of her. "Wooo! Tamm-eeee!"
Tamotsu grinned and gave two thumbs up in his family's direction.
It ended in the sixth inning, and from Ichigo's knowledge, they didn't win. Tamotsu tried his hardest though; he didn't hit any home runs, but was close to one. Orihime didn't want him to be upset because he lost his first game, though he wasn't the one who needed the solace.
"But-but! But… but the ball! The ball was hit, mommy!" Hitomi caught her breath and more tears fell. "The ball… and the- the bat! Mommy!"
Hitomi was cheerful the whole game until she found out the news in the end. She started crying and three minutes later she hasn't stopped.
Orihime held her daughters cheeks and looked into her amber eyes. "I know baby, I know." She smiled and rubbed the tears with her thumb. "Next time we come, we will win."
Hitomi nodded and wiped her face with her sleeve.
Ichigo rubbed his hand down on his son's hair, ruffling the brown locks. "You did a good job, slugger! I'm very proud."
Tamotsu placed his blue cap back on his head and beamed. "Thanks dad."
Orihime carried the disappointed six year old. "Yes, Tamotsu, you did very good!"
"Thanks mom."
The family piled into the car and as soon as Hitomi's head hit the cushion, she was fast asleep. It wasn't much of a hassle putting her to bed that night.
Orihime crossed her legs, one over the other, on the couch. "It was fun today!" She said to Ichigo as he sat down beside her.
"I'm glad you enjoyed it," he murmured. It was a fairly long day. Everyone was happy about, well, besides Hitomi, everyone was happy to see Orihime happy. It was amazing to see her back to being her old self again.
Ichigo leaned in and kissed her on the cheek again.
Orihime placed the television remote down and kissed him back.
"Is it the same?"
Two minutes later, Ichigo held her legs on either side of him which gave him easy access to everything. He was in the middle unbuttoning her sweater when she asked her question.
Iwamoto said the procedure wouldn't change his sex life in any way, besides the absence of sperm.
Ichigo pulled the side of her sweater off her shoulder and kissed the skin there. This would be their first time since the operation, something Ichigo had been anticipating apprehensively. But he wouldn't let her know that.
His lips rubbed from her shoulder to the crook of her neck. He paused and hovered over her skin, breathing lightly there, making her shiver a little.
"You won't notice the difference."
Ichigo leaned back in to kiss her but her hand hindered him from coming any closer.
"But it will be different."
Those were the words Orihime wanted to say, so instead she leaned away from him and untangled her legs from his body.
Sure, maybe not physically performance-wise, but emotionally, mentally, it would never be the same. It just wouldn't be… the same.
Orihime didn't know why she listened to that voice. That voice, the one always in the back of her head, twisting reality and making things seem worse. She didn't want to stop Ichigo, she really didn't. But the voice in her head, the one who still loathed him, not her! The one who hated him for doing what he did to her stopped him from coming closer. And now the twosome sat quietly, if not awkwardly, in front of a muted television.
Orihime pushed her burnt-orange hair out of her face. "I… I'm a little tired."
Ichigo nodded. "Understandable… long day."
"Mm." Orihime pulled her sweater back over her shoulder and folded her arms. "Well… goodnight." The woman stood and walked to the step, never meeting his eye as she went.
Days later.
Orihime busied herself all day, visiting BabyCakes, raking the yard, organizing her and her husband's closet, and clearing the children's rooms.
It was an active day, but now, it was time to get serious.
Shaky hands torn open the plastic casing and pulled out a curvy white cylinder.
She felt like that little girl ten years ago, scared and helpless.
After she finished, Orihime placed the test on the counter. And waited. And waited. And waited. If Orihime poked her head out of her bathroom she could see Ichigo's alarm clock on his nightstand. She glanced back the stick. It still had no answer.
The box said five minutes, it had already been eight.
Orihime tapped her foot. "Come on, come one…"
She let another long minute go by before she took another peek. Orihime closed her eyes tightly and lifted the stick. A smile grew on her face. She knew she was pregnant, she had to be. She just had to be. Ichigo gave her another chance. Chīsana ichi had gotten another chance. It was all no coincidence.
Orihime opened her eyes and her smile fell.
One line.
One simple pink line.
It meant nothing and so much at the same time.
She wasn't pregnant after all….
…
Orihime placed the test down. She needed to get away. She needed to get away from the test, from the mirror. The woman walked down stairs, slowly coming to terms… After years and years of trying to achieve one thing, she can no longer have it.
Orihime paced the living room. It was done. It was over. The operation was shut down, the doors closed, the lights off. She would never have children again.
Orihime continued to pace to keep from crying. Crying was weak. And she was always crying so was she always weak? Is that why a baby won't hold? Is it because her body's weak? Because she isn't strong enough and her body aborts everything before a baby can do any real damage to her body?
Is that why?
All of these questions running through her mind… she needed it to stop. It was that voice; that voice all over again, feeding her bad information, twisting every comment, every action into a negative against her. Making her feel as though the world was out to get her.
A card slipped through the mail slot.
Orihime stopped her pacing a faced the door.
A single cream colored envelope sat on the carpet. As Orihime came and picked it up there was no doubt as to who it was from.
She opened it and read his letter.
Minutes later, Orihime sat down at the kitchen table, paper in one hand, and pen in the other.
I'm glad you enjoy the telescope….
…expand your mind to new worlds…
…such intellectual promise…
-A
Snippets of his written words ran through Orihime's mind. It motivated her, it drove her to write. It kept her going. She wrote about his school life, his development, and his first baseball game and even mailed him a picture of the boy in his uniform.
When she pulled down the tad to the mailbox, she wasn't uncertain this time. If Tamotsu and Aizen were to meet, it would be on their terms, when Tamotsu is old enough. But she can't not right now.
She had a life to live, even with out Chīsana ichi. It just wasn't meant to be. She just had to keep moving forward, and wake up. Enough was enough.
She wasn't a little girl anymore.
So, tell me what you think? Your opinion, good or bad, I don't mind, just as long as you aren't a flamer, I'm fine with criticisms or critiques on the story so far.
The next chapter will be a time skip, I do believe, and a major one at that!
Rocka.