Thank you all so much for your kind reviews and suggestions through just feeling these characters and what should happen. I find it all useful and encouraging. I've had a rough week, so busy with last week of school for my kindergartener AND both of us battling an upper respiratory infection! UGH! This chapter was tough and probably the least satisfying. Those who write, know what I'm talking about, eh? So stay with me…the thoughts and scenarios are in my head, it's just getting it down in words! Isn't it amazing how the story changes on its own once you start writing it?!

Chapter 4

Dinner service was torture for Carson. It seemed longer than necessary and try as he might, he simply could not concentrate. His mind was upstairs…with his love. He stood in place but his attention was not focused and when the Dowager addressed him with a question, it brings everyone's attention to his inattention.

"Carson?" Robert snapped in a loud tone.

"Milord…yes. I'm sorry." Carson steps forward, flushed with embarrassment.

"Carson, you seem a million miles away this evening, is everything alright?" Lady Mary questions with genuine concern.

"Yes of course Lady Mary. I'm fine."

The Dowager gives him a knowing glare. "Hmphf! I beg to differ!" she breathes under her breath.

Carson's eye catches Cora's and she gives him an understanding smile and slight nod. He remains staunch and moves to get the dessert wine to serve.

"How are you feeling Mrs. Hughes?" Mrs. Patmore questions her friend as she enters the kitchen.

Mrs. Hughes smiles slightly and nods. "I'm rested…I know that! How has the day gone?"

"Good, dinner should be done soon. Are you hungry? Can I get you something now?"

"No…no..I'm fine. I'll eat with everyone else in a bit. Thank you Mrs. Patmore." Before she can turn, Mrs. Patmore grabs her arm. "Dr. Clarkson was here, I heard?" she questions with a look of great concern.

Mrs. Hughes countenance drops and she pats Beryl's arm. "He was here. No news yet however. He was here to see her ladyship and thought he would stop to see how I was doing," she lied. She would let Beryl know the details soon but not now. She wanted to wait for Charles without thinking about illness right now.

"Well that was kind of 'em." Mrs. Patmore observes.

"Yes…yes it was. I'll let you know when I know something further," she promised and she meant it. She turns to go to her sitting room and closes the door behind her. It felt good to be downstairs; she had slept a good long while and felt rested. She hoped Charles would be happy to see her.

She heard the familiar sound of the young footmen descending the stairs and knew he wouldn't be far behind. She listened closely and soon heard that heavier, slower cadence of his rhythm on the staircase. She closed her eyes and smiled, anxious to see him. Elsie then heard the slam of his pantry door and it shocked her from her thoughts. She opened her door and went to the servant's hall, the staff was preparing for dinner. She glanced in with a stern look figuring one of the footmen did something to upset Mr. Carson.

Elsie wrapped on his door and turned the knob. Carson spun around to berate whoever was bold enough to interrupt him now. He was shocked when his eyes met hers. "Mrs….Hughes!?" he relaxes his posture and closes his eyes, motioning her in.

She crosses the room to him and puts a comforting hand on his arm. "What is it?" Her eyes follow his. "Jimmy again?"

Carson chuckles, "no…surprisingly…everyone at dinner service was spot on…all except me!" He rubs his brow.

"What? Whatever do you mean?"

"I acted like a nit!" Charles shook his head. "AW! It doesn't matter, why are you down here?" He leaned on his desk and grabbed her hands and pulled her closer. "I thought I told you to stay in bed today?!" he tried to change direction of the conversation.

Elsie smiled and lowered her eyes. "Truth be told, I was missing you and I've slept more today than the last week put together, Mr. Carson…" she caught herself, "Charles."

He pulled her into a comforting hug, held her tightly and considered never letting go. His nose buried in her lavender scented hair, stealing a nudge and kiss to the soft flesh behind her ear.

His lips on her skin sent shivers through her, set her lower abdomen to tingling before she pulls away. "Let's go to supper. We don't want to hold them up." Elsie knew being in here with him, for too long, would not only raise questions outside the door, but it would only frustrate him further.

"No of course not." He sighed inwardly at having to part from her but knew it was right.

It grew unusually quiet when the Butler and Housekeeper entered the servant's is until Thomas Barrow decided to break the silence. "So..looks like the love birds have decided to join us."

Charles jerked his head toward the middle of the long wooden dining table. Elsie was standing close enough with her hand turned just at the hem of his jacket; she knew this would set him off. She carefully reached around the back of him and touched his hand gently, encouraging him to let it go. Elsie glares sternly at Thomas as he grins. Carson stares him down as he takes his seat. "We will all thank you to shut your mouth for the duration of dinner, Thomas!"

"Here Here" Bates quips quietly, while giving Thomas a look of contempt.

"Just stating the obvious!" He purses his lips and takes a drag off of a cigarette before putting it out.

The sides of Carson's jaw flex and Elsie gently covers his knee with her hand, again to encourage him. He wasn't the least bit ashamed or embarrassed of Thomas' words, in fact, it would not be long before he could announce to all of them his intentions where Mrs. Hughes was concerned. It was Thomas' constant need to be at the center of attention. his perverted way of blasting anyone with a tiny bit of a story to tell. He had argued in the past with Mrs. Hughes, she seemed to carry some sympathy for him but Carson could not understand it. He felt nothing but disdain for the young man. Her soothing touch did just that..soothed his senses and distracted him from wanting to sucker punch Barrow as soon as he could. He reached below the wooden table and squeezed her hand in his. That's all he needed he thought. Her touch to bring him back, her words, her love to balance him. It's all he has needed for as long as he can remember and now, he hoped...prayed..it would be there for as long as he lived.

They finished supper and the staff commenced to finish their nightly duties before turning in. Elsie returned from the attic to a quiet and dim hallway. She stopped and stood for a moment, taking in the silence. This day had been more silent than any she had spent in a long long while.

"Well you decided to join the living today I see!" Mrs. Patmore chided her friend, playfully.

"Oh yes. I was ordered to my room and I must say it was nice…to rest…" Elsie smiled.

"Come on, I've got something to tell ya." She gestured for Beryl to follow her to her sitting room.

"Robert, you must see how important this is! We have an obligation to care for our staff." Cora sat at her vanity, smoothing cream over her arms and elbows. Robert sat on the chaise near her, mostly thinking and not listening.

"I DO care about our staff, Cora!"

She stopped him, "yes I know you care about them but we must care for them when the time comes and that time is here." Cora stops and looks intently at him.

"We don't even know yet if Mrs. Hughes is ill. I think we are putting the cart before the horse here."

"While we don't know the exact prognosis for Mrs. Hughes, we do know how Carson feels about her and that it is his desire to pursue that. Robert?" Cora moves from her vanity seat and to the chaise with him. She snuggles into his lap and he leans back to allow her room. "Darling, put yourself in Carson's place, for just a moment, think about how he must feel."

Robert leans his head back on the chaise lounge and closes his eyes. He knew he was not going to win in a war of words with her and particularly where relationships were concerned. However, he did as she asked and he thought about Carson. "Cora, are you forgetting that he chose a life of service."

She continued as if he hadn't spoken. "Imagine being in a position that held you prisoner when you longed for something you could not have. If you were denied the right to love someone and be for another person what you ached to be." Cora ran a slender finger in between the buttons on his pyjamas and began making slow circles in the soft hair at his chest. "I went downstairs to speak with Carson today. He is sick Robert…sick with love. You can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. I think we all witnessed it at dinner." She laid her head on his shoulder.

"Cora, are you trying to seduce me into oblivion so I will agree?" He grins.

"Not at all. I truly want you to do this because you believe it's right." She gets up and leans down to kiss him tenderly on the lips. He receives it but furrows his brow in confusion when she walks away.

"Where are you going?" He sits up on the lounge.

"To bed. I think it best if you sleep in your dressing room tonight. Please consider what we have talked about. Please lay aside your own feelings." With that Cora left him sitting there and walked into her bathroom and shut the door. Robert sat, somewhat frustrated, his own need growing in his pajama pants. He shook his head and stomped off to his dressing room.

"So we won't know until the report comes back from the pathologist or something or other in London." Elsie spoke softly to her closest female friend in the house.

"But…but the other doctor…" Mrs. Patmore's face was screwed up in confusion and concern.

"He thinks it's cancer." Her Scottish lilt was thick and sharp.

"But…what does Dr. Clarkson think?" Mrs. Patmore was not sure how to respond, she was grasping for any hope.

"He doesn't know. He wants me to remain hopeful during this time and rest as much as possible. It could be weeks before we know anything.

"My God…" Mrs. Patmore shakes her head. "They can create something as useless as the telephone and can't read an x-ray for weeks! I just don't understand!"

Elsie chuckled at her frustration. "Well we will just have to wait it out." Elsie wondered if she should tell Beryl about Charles and his admission to her this morning. She knew it would thrill her beyond words. Beryl had teased her mercilessly for years about the connection between them. It was the only cause of her hope right now, she figured it would be out soon enough and she definitely wanted Beryl to hear it from her.

"I've got another bit of news." She could hardly contain the glee inside her.

Mrs. Patmore looked up with a suspicious glare. "What?" Elsie brought her hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle. "Well what in the world is the matter with ya? You just deliver the news that you may have cancer and are now giggling like a school girl!"

"He told me he loved me!" Elsie laughed.

"What?"

"He TOLD me he loved me!"

"WHO?" Mrs. Patmore questions, knowing exactly who she was talking about.

Elsie rolled her eyes. "MR. CARSON! He told me he loved me and intends to stay by my side through this." She sits up a little prouder.

Mrs. Patmore stared like she had been slapped. "Well….what did you say?" she finally questioned.

"I told him I love him back." Elsie laughed again. Her insides jumping with excitement at talking about Mr. Carson like this.

The two friends talk a bit longer until there is a soft knock at the door. They both look at each other and smile. "I'll be going…leave you two to….." she stops herself before she goes too far. They both giggled.

Elsie stood to see Mrs. Patmore out as Charles opened the door. "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt…."

Mrs. Patmore cut him off. "Quite all right Mr. Carson, I was just leaving." She stopped inside the door way and looked up at him with a goofy smile then walked away shaking her head.

Charles' eyebrows waggled curiously at Mrs. Patmore then to Elsie.