Chapter Eight: Vicious and Bitter
We are the expendable pawns and we suffer the most loses. Knowing that simple truth…
I woke up that morning, my whole body was sore, the mission yesterday had left me utterly weak and in pain. I had taken damage nearly everywhere and the fact that when I came home Sasuke tackled me… did not help. I pushed my bangs out of my face and looked out the window. The birds chirped their usual tune, not even letting the skies cry for a sad day like this. It made me think about my mission and I was sure that the only thing that would be crying that day would be Sasuke.
I would be just as contradictory as the sky on the day of a funeral. But before I could prepare for that one I had to prepare for the funeral before me. I got up and looked at the clothes I had laid out the night before. It was a shame to have to do something like this. I had been to one too many funerals lately. I never would have thought that such bad luck would have befallen my team and one by one they would fall to the ground like leafs on an autumn day. I wasn't sure whether this was a sign for me, whether it meant that no matter which path I decided to take would simply lead to more pain.
Pants, shirt, shoes, comb hair, wash face, brush teeth. I was done for the morning. The heavy pit in my stomach told me that I would not be eating breakfast that morning. I walked out of my room, the morning dew still in the air and I went through the kitchen, my father the only one who was awake. I was glad Sasuke didn't have to see me in this state. Wearing all black and having to attend the funeral of someone who was meant to be close. My father raised his head to watch me as I passed through in the hallway. I nodded in respect and he said nothing. I was glad, he understood me at least to that degree.
I stepped out of the compound and headed towards the graveyard. On one of the corners I found Kaeda waiting there, a box in her hands decorated in with a light blue ribbon. She was in a black dress that reached her knees and regular shoes. "How are you feeling, captain?" She questioned. Formal as ever. I looked at her brown eyes and couldn't respond. I was too upset to respond. Her words it allowed me to realize that this was the lowest pit of loneliness, and I would be here again but instead of going to a friend's funeral… I would be attending my families.
I was torn, torn apart, torn to pieces. I was chewed up and spit back out. How are you feeling, captain? How am I feeling? Is hell even a feeling? Oh, Kaeda, Sasuke, my thoughts work independently of my heart, and I am a coveted being for this very reason, damn my passivism. Speaking from the heart… how could you ask me to do that? I am a shinobi, an ANBU, silence is how I have been taught to work, to live. My thoughts and my heart could be screaming but my mouth won't utter a thing.
Detached… this is a word my father sometimes uses to describe me. And maybe I am detached. But not Kaeda, she screamed and cried all the time, she had blurred the line that I could not. We were so different in that regard and there were times that I was envious of it. However, I also saw where the detachment came in good use.
"I'll survive." I answered after my moment.
Kaeda lowered her head and she let me pass by her. I could feel her sadness and anxiety building up in her. Women… "Captain!" She shouted behind me, turning towards me sharply, her braided hair flying off of her shoulder. I stopped in my tracks to hear what she had to say. "… I am sorry. It should have been me, not him. He was the better shinobi too… this is disgraceful on my part. I apologize."
I was silent for a moment too. "One way or another, death would have taken someone. Kaeda, just be thankful you are live. One more day alive, that way you will be one day closer to your goal of becoming stronger."
"What's strength if it can't help you protect those close to you?" She said, shocking me. I had miscalculated her.
My eyes turned back to her. "Come, let's go pay our respects. We can change many things but death is not one of them." I said.
She looked up. "Yes, Captain." She said and stepped forward. If I had only known to warn her of what was to come.
Thunder made the skies sing, but it wasn't a pleasant tune. Everyone had huddled inside their homes and made sure that their windows were tightly closed and that all lights were on to prevent the darkness. These things Kaeda had done. Her back was pressed against one of the two windows in the room and she was humming to pass the time. Since the whole room was sealed, she was a prisoner within a room. She was actually contemplating killing herself.
The reason was for the one too many failed attempts to kill Itachi in his sleep. He was right about her. She didn't have the will to kill someone in their sleep; she could not end the vendetta of Sasuke while someone slept. How dishonorable. Her captain would have never condoned such behavior. She had stretched, exercised, ate, slept and would try to kill Itachi during the night. She would stay awake, and take out a kunai she kept under a pillow on the desk chair he had and raise it to his neck as he slept. She couldn't. Every damn time, she wasn't seeing a vicious killer; she was seeing the dearly beloved captain she had.
Kaeda mentally kicked herself, some shinobi she turned out to be. Can't even kill a man in his sleep... pathetic. "Dear Fifth Hokage, I, Kaeda Sato, resigns from being a jounin for my incompetent skills of being a kunoichi and lacking the ability to kill a traitor in his sleep. By the way, no, I have not tried killing him while he is awake!" She groaned and ruffled her hair. Out of frustration she fell into his bed and let herself indulge in his scent for a moment. "I hate men. Stupid men."
"This is why I hate women!" Loud mouth Deidara called inside the common room. Konan who was walking past the room twitched in annoyance. "They always want something. They can never be relaxed with what they have, yeah." He said and looked out the window. The men around him began to buzz. Itachi glanced over from his spot on the couch and went back to his book. "Hey, bird brain, don't roll your eyes."
Kisame sneered. "Itachi seems to be thinking about a certain woman."
"Dead lover, dead woman." The men went silent. "Killed in the massacre. She was… unneeded."
"Oh, I never knew that Itachi had accepted a woman in his life." Kisame remarked.
"She was a great listener, she had a gentle yet strong handed, she was loving, she was always giving and she never asked for a thing. But she was strong, she was perfect to test my abilities on… and she was weaker than me, perished along with the rest of the Uchiha." Half a lie. She was all those things… and perhaps… she did perish with the rest of the Uchiha. I never bothered to ask.
"Do you feel no remorse?" Sasori asked. "You could have had something completely eternal, it would have been love, and not many men accomplish such an emotion."
"The power I gained outweighs all of those attachments." Itachi responded. The lightning lit up the room.
Hidan giggled, "He really is heartless." Maybe I am. Maybe… I am all those things I despise. Itachi shut the book and stood up. "Did we hurt your feelings, bastard?" Hidan asked still letting all the vial things slip through his mouth.
Itachi's half open eyes turned to Kisame. "I'll be back. And then we should get started on our mission." Kisame sighed heavily as Itachi turned to leave. He did not waste a second glance on them. There was no need to.
Itachi went to his room with heavy thoughts of the girl he had spoken about. He saw her smiling face, the concern that sometimes washed over it, heard her soft laughter. He then saw the whole team sitting before him, all around the fire. We can rest in peace, since we are all in one way or another dead to this world. Itachi thought before opening the door to his room to find Kaeda sitting there on his bed and staring out the window at the rain. Itachi stepped in, closed the door behind him and picked up his cloak from a coat hanger he had stationed near the door. Only when she heard the ruffle of the cloth did she turn her head towards Itachi.
He paid no mind to the woman in his room and went up to the study and office area he had. He placed his book where it came from and set off to the other side of the room, Kaeda's eyes watching him the whole way. He wondered if she would stay silent, try to make small talk, or something of that nature. I imagine that she has changed a lot in the past 4 years. He thought then of Sasuke. He thought that those two had spent the last four years together. It made him wonder what day to day life was like for them and imagined it would be greatly uneventful. Knowing Sasuke and his attitude change over the years, he must have hated Kaeda's essence let alone her presence.
Once he made it to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face, he came to a realization. Whether he liked her or not, that is irrelevant. What is relevant is that she started putting him on a better path. A path with guidance and with friends and love. Something that I want him to have, but he will never have true peace if he doesn't destroy me first. Itachi's thoughts over took him and he lost himself as he stared at his reflection for about three minutes, just lost in thought.
Kaeda tilted her head to be able to see into the bathroom. She then heard a knocking sound on the door, she looked at the door and then at Itachi who did not seem fazed by the sound. Kaeda sighed. She stood and went to the door. "Yes?" She said to the door, hoping the person from the other side could hear.
She heard a noise somewhere between a chuckle and a sneer. "Oh, his little pet answers the doors?"
"He's… out of it." She said, noticing the voice as Kisame.
Another strange noise. "Well, Itachi's pet, get him." He said.
Kaeda rolled her eyes and went towards the bathroom. Itachi had not moved at all. You thought you could do the impossible right now. And how utterly wrong you are. Noticing that Itachi's guard was completely down, she thought... she could possibly end the hatred between the brothers. She approached Itachi casually. She let her right hand fall slightly behind her. She let the kunai she had hidden slip out of her sleeve and into the palm of her hand. She gripped the handle tightly.
Itachi nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Kaeda's left hand touch his shoulder. He glared at her with his Mangekyo Sharingan in his eyes. Kaeda lifted her hand off of him. "Sorry… um, Kisame is at the door." Itachi didn't even acknowledge that she had spoken, simply whipped towards the exit and headed for the door without another delay. Kaeda placed the kunai knife on the counter of the bathroom and followed him. "Uchiha?" She said, worried about his expression. He didn't make any sign of noticing her speaking. "Captain!" She shouted at him.
He turned a little towards her.
"Are you alright?" She asked. For a moment Itachi swore that his eyes had gone bad completely. He wasn't seeing Kaeda, he was seeing the lover that he had killed all those years ago. He wanted to reach out to her, touch her long hair but then decided against that idea.
"And why would you care?" He asked. He opened the door passed through and slammed it behind him. Kaeda cringed at the sound. She sighed again and fell back onto the bed. She pulled the pillow and held it close to her. She thought about Sasuke and wondered how he was doing. I lie there during the night sometimes too and wonder the same things about the boy. And your pain while thinking of him will last so much longer than my own.
Kaeda woke up about two hours later, in cold sweat. "Sasuke…" She whispered.
Kakashi was finally out of bed out and about, running little errands here and there but all in effort to avoid the inevitable return of the little raven haired student. There was a game of hot potato, as all the jounin involved tossed the duty of returning Sasuke home to each other and just as the leader said stop, the potato, or the duty, had landed in Kakashi hands. He sighed, "I'm not good with this kind of stuff." He said softly to himself as he made his way back to the hospital.
With heavy feet he made his way to the boy's room. He could smell the fired rice and chicken that was serving as his lunch. He knocked on the door. "Come in." the cold voice said. Kakashi entered the room. Sasuke turned his gaze over to Kakashi. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, huh, well the thing is…" Sasuke raised an eyebrow at Kakashi strange behavior. "Ah, uh, Kaeda, is out on a mission."
"Oh, did she leave something for me?" Sasuke asked casually.
"Leave something?" Kakashi asked tilting his head to the side.
"Yeah. Usually she does this whole thing when she goes out on a mission, she writes me a note. She leaves me bento boxes for every day that she will be gone, plus two extra days and money for an emergency." Sasuke muttered.
Kakashi chuckled lowly. "Well, huh, it was an urgent mission so she had to leave right away, there is no telling when she'll be back so no she didn't leave anything." Sasuke shrugged. Kakashi sighed quietly glad that went well. Kakashi scratched the back of his head.
"What kind of mission is it?" Sasuke asked as he continued to eat. "What rank?" He asked.
"Top-secret, S-Rank. The elders are using her previous status as ANBU for this mission." Kakashi said and crossed the room to go to the window. "She nearly didn't leave here; she didn't want to leave your side."
Sasuke clenched his fists. "She's so stupid." He said, his bangs covering his eyes. Kakashi turned his head towards him. "She's always so stupid." Sasuke could see her in an apron making him dinner with her bright smile on her face giggling light heartedly. Sasuke knew that it took strength for her to smile like that for him, he wondered if maybe he hated it because it reminded him too much of the brother he once knew. She is the only thing that resembles peace to you at the moment, because every symbol of peace you had, I have taken away from you.
Kisame was walking besides Itachi on the roof tops of the rainy village. "May I ask you something?" Itachi looked back at him as if giving him permission. "The girl you brought with you…" Itachi looked forward again. "Is it the girl, the lover you killed?" Itachi's eyes threatened to widen at shocked that coursed his veins.
"Happy birthday, Kaeda." I said handing over the small box. She smiled her usual warm smile, the one that made you feel like nothing could possibly go wrong.
"Thank you, Itachi." She said, taking the box and holding in both her hands. It made me notice that, for a sentinel, someone who specialized in hand to hand combat and defense, she had such smooth and delicate hands.
"Hey, Little Kaeda! Open his gift." I couldn't help but chuckle a little at Youhei. Everyone watched as she opened up the box and reveal the little hair pin inside.
Kaeda's eyes lit up. "It's wonderful." She said with a large smile. "Thank you so much."
Itachi shook his head. "No." He said. I could feel her nails digging into my hand trying to pry it off her neck. "Like I said, I killed my lover…" Her feet dangled as they tried to reach the ground. I wanted to say it; I wanted to say stop struggling, stop struggling and pretend to dead. "Ita-", her voice started as a soft murmur but instinctively I have a quick jolt upwards "Ah!" She screamed, barely breathing and in pain. Itachi looked up into the rain, "a long time ago." He finished.
Kisame smirked. "Then have fun with your pet."
Itachi chuckled. "Believe me, I will." He said.