Minor Warning: There is slight nudity…

Chapter 9: Holding My Breath

Nightmares, my first year at the Akatsuki had laced my dreams with only nightmares. But this was a pleasant dream, at least for one night. I was sitting at my house, my mother and father were there, Sasuke was running around with wooden shuriken and all. My mother turned to me. "Itachi, when is your team coming over?" She asked. I glanced over towards the clock. I told her the time that was left. She smiled at me and nodded.

After a short while Sasuke had finally settled in the same room as everyone else and I heard the door. "I'll get it." I said and stood. With bright smiles one by one all of the shinobi I knew as my team filled with laughter and jokes. Taiyo, Youhei, Isako and then lastly Kaeda, but her long brown hair was down for once. They joined my family and it was all laughter and giggles from everyone. I had never been happier.

It was like that until Youhei stood and left the room and fading away completely. The laughter and happiness began to die out slowly. Isako was next to leave, fading away as well. Kaeda bit her bottom lip in pain. My mother and father were growing quieter gradually. Taiyo too stood and left. I watched Kaeda begin to cry and my mother and father not daring to look at me and Sasuke. My mother and father stood and left, my hands began to become covered in blood. "Please stop this." I whispered, feeling that this pleasant dream was starting to become a nightmare. I looked over to Sasuke and watched him fall asleep and then noticed Kaeda had stood. She went over to the boy and picked him up.

"Kaeda, no!" I shouted. She let him rest his head on her shoulder and she began to leave the room. "Kaeda!" I stood, my hands full of blood but I felt like iron bars where keeping me from leaving the room and going after her. "Kaeda…" I whispered and lowered my head. "Sasuke…"

"Did you really think that filth like that could touch them once again?" A voice told me that I recognized as Madara.

I awoke from the dream and my eyes snapped open. I was in cold sweat and found Madara sitting at my desk. "I suppose it would be normal that nightmares still plague you." He said. I sat up, pulling my hair into the usual ponytail. "I've come to see how you are doing, but from the looks of it, you're terrible."

I shook my head a little bit and pushed my bangs back and out of my face. "I'm fine." I dismissed the matter, quickly. "After all, they are only dreams, they will fade with time. Usually it's not even about the clan, it's about my ANBU team."

"Oh?" Madara said trying to pry for more information.

"They died, one by one and three of them died horrifically in a manner that doesn't wash out of your mind so easily." I explained. "The other one simply died by being poisoned but the thrill of trying to save her still lingers and everything."

"You five were close I presume?" Madara asked.

"Unfortunately." I replied calmly. I stretched a little. "Glad they are dead and out of my way."

Madara chuckled and I glared in an immediate response. "If you say so, Itachi." He stood and began to leave. "Oh, I nearly forgot why I was here." He said. "A girl, Kaeda Sato, took in Sasuke today in Konaha." I struggled to not make a reaction. "Do you know her?"

"No." I said, "And this matter is of no importance to me." I fell back into the bed and pulled the covers over my shoulders.

"Very well then I will leave her be then. I was hoping that you would ask to have her killed." Madara said.

"There is no point to doing that…"

Itachi dumped the corpse in Pein's office. He looked up at the Uchiha and the swordsman. "Excellent work you two." Itachi immediately turned and began to head out. Kisame sneered a little bit.

"I apologize, I think that he wants to make sure that his pet isn't dead." He explained to Pein.

And indeed that was the case. Itachi dashed to the kitchen grabbed some food and put it on a tray. The mission had lasted two days and considering that Kaeda couldn't leave, he knew she hadn't eaten. He took the tray and as he was covered in some blood, mud and wet from the rain he got to his room and opened the door. He immediately saw her and felt a wash of relief that she was alive and looked healthy.

She was in his bathrobe, her hair wet and the robe loose on her body. "I'll assume that's for me?" She said softly.

Itachi kept his emotionless mask on. He set the tray on the bed. "Like I said, you dying would get messy." He said. He took off his cloak and set it on the coat rack. He made his way into the bathroom to take a shower. He left the door half open, in order to watch her so she didn't do anything stupid. He took off his shoes and set them aside and then took off his shirt. He peeked through the door and watched Kaeda for a moment eating the food he had brought her, but what caught his eye wasn't her eating but it was the robe she was wearing.

She hadn't fastened the belt well enough and it created a dip at the neck of the robe and revealed her side of her chest but her chest was covered enough so the nipples on her breasts weren't showing. Itachi noticed how petite she was in every way, even breast size. He stepped away from the door. He shook his head clear of any male, sexual and impulsive thoughts that began to plague his mind. Itachi stripped himself finally of his pants and boxers before stepping into the shower. He turned on the cold water and sat there as it hit him. Of course, Itachi had lovers before, but that was one thing, seeing a woman on your bed is a completely different matter.

Itachi felt his head hitting the tile wall across from him. Not only that but Kaeda had grown from a girl to a woman before his eyes, quicker than he imagined. Itachi closed his eyes, "Captain!" He could still hear her voice ringing in his ear. He placed his hands on the wall and pushed him back so his whole body hit the cold water. He thought about taking her but that wasn't the kind of man he was. He had never and would never claim a lover without consent. He might be a merciless killer to most but who he was inside was not that cold man that everyone thought he was and he couldn't just discard his most inner being.

"I killed her." He whispered to himself. The cold water that ran down his body was helping him regain his senses. "I killed my lover… on the day of the massacre. I strangled her and left her there with the rest of the corpses." He whispered and slowly felt his body relax and the perfect mask he had formed fall back over his face and his mind. Itachi sighed heavily and felt the fake him resurface.

This mask of a man reminded Itachi, that she only lives on a whim and she can die on whim. Kaeda is nothing more than a sport to him and that is all she could be. If he wanted her he could have her. You can't hurt her. He let the battle in his mind rage on as he showered and bathed. His thoughts were leaning towards the more sinister side of him and not like he could help it, it was who he was trying so hard to be.

He heard her sigh and assumed she had finished eating. Stop, he thought to himself, women are supposed to be banned from my existence and certainly women from Konaha, and certainly Kaeda. I cannot harbor sexual or anything that resembles romantic thoughts for her. I must not. I can scare her to put her in her place and keep her quiet to keep her safe. But I cannot fall in love with Kaeda. I must not fall in love with her. Nor can I have a physical relationship with her either. This scenario is starting get absurd.

He turned off the water once he finished cleaning himself. "Damn it, Uchiha." He whispered to himself in vain. He was worried about harboring emotions towards a woman that he could no longer keep in check the malice he had towards himself.

Sasuke opened the door to the apartment tired from a wacky mission and picking up his things from the hospital. Though he had to admit, trying to get to see Kakashi's face was pretty entertaining and in some sort of way it was also pleasant to have a moment were the team got closer together. He stumbled in and dropped his bag. He noticed that no crazy woman ran out from the hall way to embrace him. That only meant that Kaeda wasn't home yet.

It had been days and it shocked him that she hadn't even sent a letter saying how much she missed him and how worried she was and how he should eat vegetables and get a good night's sleep. He went to the kitchen and tried to see what they had and found a hidden tuna and salmon. He assumed that it was for his upcoming birthday and decided to put it back in the hidden crevasses of the refrigerator. Instead he took out some eggs and made that for dinner, after all, Kaeda couldn't tell him no.

He let the eggs sizzle and cook under a low fire as he cut fresh tomatoes to go on the side. He was content with this, this peace and quiet. No nagging. No nothing. It was silence and calm. It was a life that he alone would mold how he wanted whenever he wanted. He turned off the stove top and placed the eggs in a plate. He washed the pan he used and put it in its place before he ate. Once he sat down was when he was starting to miss the nagging.

He left the food half done before standing. He wanted to go to bed but instead of going to his room he took the ten extra steps to go o Kaeda's room. He sat on the bed and noticed that when they had moved in, he had taken the larger room. He looked around and spotted a box on the ground. He got up and knelt in front of it. He opened it up and found her ANBU things.

Her mask was the first thing on top of it and beside it was the pin that Itachi had given her, Iruka had placed it there but to Sasuke it looked like she was finally ready to bury him into the past along with her days as ANBU. He picked up the daisy pin and twirled it in his fingers. "Itachi…" He said with hatred in his voice but just as the memories of his brother flashed before his eyes, the memories of Kaeda flashed after words. "Kaeda…" He whispered afterwards. He had just begun to notice that they are like day and night. She had genuine kindness and love in her heart unlike Itachi who had genuine cruelty and hate in his.

He placed the pin back in its place in the box and picked up her mask. He looked over the marks that made it look like bird mask. He stood with the mask in hand and walked over to the mirror that had been replaced. He placed it in front of his face wondering what had scared Kaeda so much that day.

Simply seeing himself there covered by the mask he understood. He held it to his face and looked straight at his own reflection. He tilted his head. It held every memory she had up to the point where she took Sasuke in. The past she had was a past that they had with the one certain man. Their only difference was that Kaeda had felt the pain of loss earlier than him with all the team members she had lost.

He remembered everything about those days. He looked into the mirror and without his own will his sharingan was flaring in his eyes and a large dark aura engulfed him. "My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I hate a lot of things," The thought of Itachi flew through his head, "and I don't particularly like anything..." He thought of Kaeda laughing. "What I have is not a dream, because I will make it a reality. I'm going to restore my clan, and kill a certain someone."

There was silence in the air. "I can never forgive him. Never no matter what happens I can never forgive him, nor can I ever forget what he has done." He finally pulled the mask away from his face and looked down to examine it. His red eyes still pulsed with hatred. "I will never forgive him."

And this Sasuke is your reality, the reality that I wanted you to have, the path I wanted you to walk. The wrong path and a path full of lies and deceit. This road I paved so in the end… perhaps by someone full of love and hope you can find your road and all the hate I have received you can make it into your own love.

Someday…

Itachi stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He walked out of the bathroom just like that. He wondered why Kaeda wasn't shouting something and then he noticed her standing at the window humming a song softly. Her hair was only half dry at the moment and her robe was still loose. He stood still and watched her for a long while. Once her song ended she began another one. Her hands pressed against the glass of the window as if they could just phase through the glass and she could touch the rain outside.

His feet guided him forward until he was standing behind her. Kaeda finally lowered her eyes sensing him so close to her. She watched his hands go past her and open up the window with a quick yank, leaving her shocked. A burst of wind gusted in. It blew in their faces and chilled them both due to their lack of clothing. Itachi took her hands in his and placed them outside the window, her palms facing up. The small water droplets touched Kaeda's palm and trickled down. Itachi looked down at her since she only came up to his collar bone. He watched her bite her bottom lip gently.

She was restraining herself, restraining possible tears of either joy or sorrow, Itachi couldn't tell. He held her there for a while before pulling her back into the room by wrapping one arm around her and closing the window with his free hand. He caught a glimpse of Kaeda's crushed expression, an expression that was very similar to the one she made on the night of the massacre. This expression had allowed for his true self to surface. His arm left her waist but she didn't move, instead he turned her around so they were facing each other. One of Itachi's hands lifted and brushed back some of her hair. Their eyes locked for a long while and no words were spoken, neither wanting to ruin this moment.

They were thirteen again, even if it just for this moment.

Once this moment had come to an end, Itachi yanked the robe around her over so it would cover her up more and tightened the belt to the point where she couldn't breathe until she adjusted to the crushing pressure. "If you were trying to seduce me, come up with a better method of doing it." He said and headed towards his dresser, still only in a measly towel.

Kaeda pulled her arms up over her chest, as if to shield herself and her face turned a bright red. "Pervert…" She whispered accusingly. "You're the one in the towel." He pulled out a pair of pants and boxers and with his back to her immediately dropped the towel around his waist. Kaeda turned a bright red and turned towards the window again. "What the hell are you doing?" She asked.

"This is my room, Sato." He said getting dressed, amused by her reaction.

"My name is Kaeda, not Sato."

Itachi rolled his eyes but she couldn't see. "I will not call you by your given name." He slammed the drawer of the dresser shut and went up to his office space.

There was a pause and her silence confused Itachi, causing him to turn towards her shocked face. "We are having a conversation." She whispered. Itachi scoffed and looked back at his desk. "Plus, I won't want to seduce you. You are too… too…" Itachi turned his chair and cocked an eyebrow at her. "…mean." She finished.

The Akatsuki member smirked. "You want me to be nice? Are you forgetting who you are talking to, Sato?" He stood knowing he wouldn't be able to concentrate. Kaeda stepped back. "Go ahead tell me, who you are talking to."

"Itachi Uchiha," He took a step closer to her and she took a step back. "A cold man," He stepped closer and she took a step back. "A hardheaded man," The tango continued, "A stubborn man," The next step was Itachi descending the first step from the office area and Kaeda falling back onto the bed, she sat upright but frozen. "A heartless man." Kaeda closed her eyes and listened to him take another step towards her. "A murderer." She opened her eyes and found Itachi standing in front of her.

His hand slipped into her hair, gripping the back of it. His knees lowered onto the edge of the bed, one knee on either side of her knees. His hand forced her head back, her eyes shut tightly. He watched her hands grasp the quilt under her. "Would you like to add rapist to that list?" He asked.

"No…" Kaeda said quietly.

"Then go to bed." He told her coldly. "Go to bed and stay quiet, Sato."

Kaeda didn't move, Itachi released her hair and left it on her shoulder and slowly back away from her. He turned around and went to the bathroom to get dressed. "I-I never asked." Itachi stopped in his tracks. "I never asked how you felt after all these years."

Itachi gave her a dark glare but it had no hate behind it, it was just a dark and tired gaze. He entered the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Kaeda lowered her head and covered her mouth in order to hide her tears.

That night it was silent as the Akatsuki were sitting in the common room watching a comedy as they ate dinner, or in Itachi's casing, playing with his dinner. There were laughs and shouting, a house of men… and the single woman at the side. Kisame was laughing with Hidan about something in the comedy until he noticed his partner sitting on the couch staring off into space. He took his plate of food and went over to him crashing down on the couch beside him.

"I assume your little pet did not like seeing you back?" Kisame asked and only received a grunt as a response. "I assume that she would like to get out of the room?"

"If she did it would be dead or to be transferred to a cell." Itachi replied.

"Why not let her out into the rain for a little while, it'll help you relax and she can stretch her limbs, plus she won't be able to escape in Pein's rain. If she does try to escape I can cut off a few limbs." Kisame smirked. Itachi chuckled a little bit.

"That's not the problem; the problem is once you give someone the essence of freedom they crave more. It's like an addiction; it becomes a habit and problem." Itachi explained his reasoning. Kisame sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "Though, I would like it if she could be out of my room until I fall asleep. Two days ago she tried to kill me, she thought that I didn't realize but I did. I want to remove the weapons from the room without her being there."

Kisame smirked again when Itachi pinched the bridge of his nose. "Would you like me to take your pet out on a walk for an hour, Itachi?" He asked.

"That would be much appreciated."

Kaeda stared out the window again. Her hands were touching the glass softly. She wished that Itachi would let her hold her hands out into the rain again. She enjoyed the feeling of cool air. She rested her head on the window on the window. She thought of Sasuke and wondered how he was doing. She smiled as the thought 'is he eating properly?' crossed her mind. A few tears slipped down her face.

She wondered why this had to happen to her, or more importantly, why she didn't trust herself enough to stay by Sasuke's side. She imagined him in the bed they had placed him in the day Itachi attacked. Covering her face to rid herself of the image she wondered if she was going to cry again. She knew that in some ways this was punishment, for forgetting that he was a murderer. No matter how much she wanted to believe in the Itachi that she once knew, she knew more that Sasuke was right. No matter what he once he was, now he was a cold blooded killer. Tears kept going without her consent.

The door opened behind her, she didn't even have to turn around to tell that it was Itachi. She took the sleeve of the robe she was wearing and tried to whip her eyes but she didn't have time to properly clear her face. Itachi abruptly turned her around only to see her tear stained face. He made no reaction to it. "You are going outside of an hour." He said.

Kaeda lowered her head. "But I am not free am I?"

"Of course not." He replied. "Stop your crying it's an eyesore." He said. She lifted her hands against to whip her face. "Kisame will be the one escorting you. And try not to anger him, he cuts limbs off when he is angry."

Kaeda giggled, like they were young again. "It doesn't shock me that you made those kinds of friends."

"He's not my friend." He stated and walked away back to his desk. "Dress properly." He ordered.

She swung his closet open. "Stupid Uchiha…" She muttered under her breath. She looked through the clothes; she took out a fishnet shirt, a navy shirt to go over that and a pair of pants. "Itachi?" She got a grunt as a response. "Can you get me clothes?" Silence. Kaeda started to feel nervous. "I mean, you're not going to let me go, and I doubt you want me in your bathrobe all day long." She said quickly in order to sooth whatever emotions he could possibly be feeling.

"Shut up." He said to her. From his desk he watched her frozen form relax. He was actually contemplating the same thing. He watched her go to the bathroom to change and glad she did. She's a distraction, a female distraction, with the breasts and everything. Itachi thought and pushed his hair out of his face, irritated by the thought.

He heard a knock and stood. He went to the door and opened it to find Kisame there. "I'm here to pick up the little pet." Itachi nodded and gestured his head towards the bathroom. "Oh I see." They waited a moment before Kaeda stumbled out of the bathroom wearing Itachi's clothes. She was actually using a sash from the clothes she came in to keep the pants up. She jumped when she saw the fish man. "Don't worry, I promise not to skin you alive."

"Somehow that doesn't seem very comforting." Kaeda said with a slight chuckle. At least she hasn't lost the witty comebacks. Itachi thought. He walked over to the coat rack and tossed his cloak onto Kaeda and then his straw hat. Without another word he marched to his seat at the desk and began working, ignoring the distraction at his door.

Kisame chuckled. "I think that means don't get cold and don't get spotted." Kaeda put on the cloak and buttoned it up. It covered most of her face, except her eyes. "Let's go." He said and took his leave Kaeda followed and put the straw hat on, the bell chiming after her. She stopped rushed back, closed the door and then rushed after Kisame again.

Pein watched from high above, as he saw the two Akatsuki cloaks stepping outside of the base and onto the largest balcony they had. He knew it was Kisame, but the second figure was unfamiliar. "It's the girl." Konan responded. "The girl that Madara said Itachi brought with him." Pein furrowed his brows and Konan raised hers. "What's wrong Pein? What do you sense?"

"Can you sense something from her?" Konan leaned in a little. "Her body feels as light as air in the rain, but the rain also feels something else, this strange heaviness…" Pein leaned back a bit once he came to a conclusion. "Her heart is heavier than her body." He said.

Konan looked over at Pein. "Do you believe that Itachi is the same way?"

"I know so." Pein turned and took his leave. Konan followed close behind.

A/N: One, please tell me if I need to change to rating for this. There is nudity in this chapter, gasp! But in all seriousness, please review or pm me if you think I need to change the rating because of this chapter. Two, I had to rewrite this chapter so many times. It was literally so difficult to be in the mind of Itachi, feel one thing and then say another. I don't know if this chapter came out well, I just know how difficult it was to write. I had to watch a lot of episodes and read a lot of chapters to get into the mindset and even then it was hard. Itachi is an amazing yet complex character and I only hope I did him some justice in this chapter and forgive me if I did not.