A/N: Hello, hello! Ok, I'll admit, I've had some writer's block for Nutmeg's Story, but I DID have a bright idea in the 'Munk fandom. The thought of Brittany as a mother is funny enough, and I love seeing humorous takes on that, but it's even funnier when I try and imagine her helping her sons out with their first crushes. Behold, Brittany the Love Doctor! Well, not really. I mean, she doesn't have a Ph.D. in Love, but nobody cares. Any potato, I'll shut up now, so ya'll can read the one-shot.
Disclaimer: No characters belong to me, Alvin Jr., Alvin, & Brittany all belong to Ross and Janice. Plotline alone is mine.
Monday afternoon. The dreaded first day of the workweek was over for Al and Alvin Jr, as they joked and chatted on the school bus as it careened back to their bus stop. Alvin was explaining just WHY they should sign up for Teen Living right as the bus stopped at Maple Street.
Suddenly, she walked by them, meekly asking Al Jr. to move his leg, which was comfortably positioned as if it was a barrier to keep everyone behind them stuck eternally.
Instinctively, Alvin Jr. yanked his brother backwards, slamming his head against the window and awkwardly placing Al Jr. in his brother's lap. "Hey Mister, what was that for?"
By now, Alvin Jr's cheeks were a rosy shade of pink. "Uh..." he stuttered, racking his brain for an excuse. This was usually his forte, especially with his brother, but now he was totally tongue-tied. "Y-you see.."
"I see what?"
"I... I was just, um..." A not-so-bright, but acceptable excuse popped into his head. "I was curious to see if it would hurt your head!"
Al Jr. looked up, skeptic. "Uh-huh. You know what they say? Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."
Alvin Jr. opened his mouth and closed it again. The tint in his cheeks only grew deeper.
Al glanced at him. "What, do I have a tomato for a brother now? Mom must've forgotten to tell me," he snickered.
"Shut up," he retorted.
"Call that a comeback? Try asking that dork there for some advice," he laughed, gesturing to a bespectacled fifth-grade boy who had his nose stuck in a book.
Hearing him, he waited until Al Jr turned before hurling his hard-cover at the back of his head. Alvin, struck with an idea, looked to his brother. "Hey bro, look over there!"
Al turned around, and time seemed to melt as 'Organic Chem Vol. 2' made contact with Al Jr's nose. Al clutched his nose angrily and whipped around only to see his brother chortling. "Really, dude? That's just cold."
Blood dribbled from his nose and coated his lips, making it look as if he was wearing Brittany's lipstick. The very thought made him laugh harder.
Al narrowed his eyes and turned around, cursing under his breath. Locking his gaze on the dork who had dared to defy him, he gave him the death glare- as much of a death glare as you can when half of your face is covered in blood and your hands.
Five minutes later, the bus drew up and halted at the bus stop located on Scarlet Street.
The twins got off, Al stumbling and smacking his face on the concrete. "Just perfect..." he muttered.
As soon as Brittany laid eyes on her son, who now had a bleeding cheek as well, she shrieked and fell onto the carpet. "Alvin, fix him!"
Alvin, who finally had a break from work, looked down the stairs and raised an eyebrow as he saw Brittany laying on the carpet. "I'm guessing you want to audition for the part of Sleeping Brittany.. or you really love our carpet?"
Brittany got up, pissed that Alvin had ruined her drama performance. "Really? You wouldn't know the words 'Academy Award' if it slapped you in the face with a baseball bat!"
"That's nice and all... but what am I supposed to fix?"
"HIM!"
"What, the Lamborghini is a 'he' now?"
"NO, your son is!"
"Oh.. but how do you fix a 'son'?"
"With a first-aid kit, you idiot!"
"Alright, jeez Brittany," he scoffed as he cartwheeled down the stairs. "Holy crap... what happened to Al?"
Al looked at his father. "A nerd and Junior," he muttered.
"Mhm. Let's take you upstairs and see if Mom's makeup has anything we can use to fix up your face."
At the mention of 'makeup,' Brittany whipped around. "No, you will most certainly not root around in my makeup kit!"
"Watch me."
Soon after Alvin and Brittany had completed their latest feud that afternoon, Alvin Jr sat alone in the family room, staring dejectedly at the blank television screen. His thoughts raced a million miles every second, just because of her. No crush had ever made him lose control like this. No crush had taken over his mind like this. No crush had ever been his best friend prior.
No, this wasn't any old crush. He knew that all too well.
But what exactly did that mean? Were they going to be soulmates? Somehow, he didn't think so.
Still, whenever she crossed his mind, a familiar tug overcame his stomach. Why did she have to be a dumb exchange student? He thought bitterly. Why couldn't it have been an ugly dork?
He glanced over at the wall clock. 5:00 PM. Almost time for Brittany to watch her daily dose of Hilltop Beach.
And there she was. Right on time, Brittany walked into the living room, sighing and sitting beside her son on the loveseat.
"And why do you look so glum?" Brittany turned towards him.
"Girl problems," he muttered.
"I see. Want help?" She offered. "Of course, if you actually know your mother, that wasn't a question," she laughed.
"Well..."
"Too late! Now, do you like her or is she a little leech?"
"Can't you guess?"
"I can. I just wanted to hear from YOU."
"Whenever I see her... I just get this tug in my gut. Does that count as liking her?"
"It most definitely does!" exclaimed Brittany, eager to see the tide was in her favor. "Good, so this is a situation in my forte."
"So can you tell me how to impress her? Without a tuxedo?"
"You're really tying my hands here... The only way to impress her is with a tuxedo and flowers!"
"Oh, brother," the red-clad chipmunk groaned. "Really?"
"Yep!" Brittany chirped brightly. "Hey, if you asked your father, all you would've gotten are the crappy pickup lines he tried on me in High School. They did NOT work."
"Okay, then, if you say so, Mom."
Suddenly, Alvin, who was eavesdropping on their exchange, poked his head in. "So, you're letting Dr. Brittany fix your problems? You must be desperate," he whistled.
"Shut up, Alvin, as if you know any better!"
"I do. Now, listen, son, if you want her to really fall for you, you have to go for this 'Bad Boy Biker Lo-'"
"ALVIN! He will most certainly not present himself to her as a badass!"
Seeing his chance, Alvin the Younger desperately ran out of the living room and into his bedroom, thus ending Brittany's short career as a love doctor, though she never noticed until, say 30 minutes later.
*End*
A/N: Yep, she never actually helps him. I didn't want to embarrass him TOO much. But really, what did he expect Brittany to do?
Anyway, I hope you like this one-shot! This was a bit of a warm-up for me, mostly intended to get my juices flowing. I need serious juice stuff for Nutmeg's Story. I know what I want the chapter to be, it's just that I can't write it out the way I want it. Perfectionist people out there, I have a feeling you'll understand...
Any potato, please R&R, no flames, please. :DD
- Gwyn