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Chapter 14

Richmond, Virginia

Deacon pushed his way past the stagehands and the fans with backstage passes. He ignored his name being called as he sprinted towards the exit sign. He pushed the metal bar to open to door and a cold breeze whipped around him.

His throat was dry. His tongue felt swollen. He didn't need to see his hands to know they were shaking. Go back in there. Go back on stage. Juliette needs me. The band needs me. He leaned against the back wall of the coliseum and tried to steady himself.

Deacon heard the booming of the speakers through the walls. A few beats in, he heard the muffled sounds of 'Boys and Buses.' Guess they don't really need me either.

In his head he tried to list out the reasons to go back inside but the list was short. His thoughts were cloudy, too mixed up to form anything that made sense. He pushed himself off the wall and headed out into the dark night.

Richmond City Jail

5 hours later

Deacon swallowed harshly, recognizing the click of her heels. His eye was throbbing and was almost swollen shut . Where in the hell is Juliette? He didn't look up as the bar screeched at being opened. The fat guy in the corner called Rayna by name, causing all dozen or so guys in the holding cell to look towards her. He heard her voice give that way too sugary "Hey Y'all" to the whole cell.

The prison guard called his last name. Great. Just what I need. Deacon didn't bother acknowledging her presence until the guard led them into a small room unstead of towards the front doors. What in the hell is this? A second later his questions were answered.

"Mrs. James, thank you so much for the autographs and the pictures. My wife is going to flip out when I show her these. I mean she was at the show tonight and I actually got to met ya."

"Bill you are so welcome. And let her know how awesome the crowd was tonight. I've always performing in Virgina."

The door closed behind the guard with the lock turning behind him. Only then did he face her, "Juliette is on her way to bail me out."

Rayna put her hand on her hip, "Who do you think called me?"

Deacon rolled his eyes for a minute and winced. He was so lost in the pain of his eye that he didn't notice her approaching him. He tensed as her hands touched his face and repositioned his head towards the light. When he tried to push her away she snapped at him to "stop before I punch you in the other one." She ordered for him to roll his eye as she assessed the damage. It was then he noticed the way her top clung to her breasts and the lingering scent of her perfume.

"It isn't anything major, but you won't be able to see out of it tomorrow."

He let himself relax against her for a moment before stiffening. What in the hell am I doing? We are acting like it is 1997 and everything is just great between us. He took a step back, "Can we go now?"

Rayna looked startled at how quickly the conversation had changed but then recomposed herself. She never lost it for very long. Still, he could tell she was nervous. Her lips were pressed tightly together while she waited for the words to come. "I…I think we need to talk."

Deacon winced as he face contorted, sending a shooting pain to his eye. "I don't want to talk."

The two looked at each for moment, each waiting for the other to say something. Deacon finally lowered his head in defeat. "You can talk. I'm going to sit in the chair and ignore you."

Rayna let out a deep breath as Deacon pulled one of the metal chairs out. He sat down, straddling the back of the chair, giving her the floor. His eyes flashed with anger, he was looking for a fight.

3 Minutes Later

"I didn't drink tonight," warned Deacon.

"I know that. It has been a while but I know when you've been drinking." promised Rayna. "But you still went to a bar tonight after you left Juliette three songs into the set."

Deacon snapped back that it was none of her business what he did.

15 minutes later

Rayna yelled back, "I did go to see you. I went to the center to tell you about the baby."

Deacon scoffed, "Like hell you did."

"I did," Rayna insisted. "That is why I freaked out when Matt Lawson starting talking to the press."

Deacon put his hands on his waist, his eye hurt as did his head at this point, "Look I don't care at this point so just save it."

Rayna breathed out slowly, recalling the conversation. "You were in your group session when I got there. They buzzed your room and the Lawson kid came out. He told me how you talked about me all the time. "

Deacon's jaw tightened. God that sounded pathetic.

"He said you were doing well, that you'd been sober for 56 days."

Deacon spat back, "Oh and that didn't live up to Rayna James' standards?"

Rayna shook her head, "He told me you wanted to get sober for me. That you talked about it all the time, how we were going to be together once you got out of rehab."

"And that was a bad thing?" he asked quietly.

Her voice shook with the tears she was holding in. "The first four times you went to rehab you were going for me. When I dropped you off the fifth time, you were going for me then too. Deacon…if you knew about the baby, you'd want to get sober for her too."

"AND? GOD FORBID I GET SOBER FOR MY CHILD."

"I COULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU." She quieted a little, "I couldn't do that to her." She stomped her foot in frustration. "I couldn't have your child be the reason you got sober. I couldn't watch you blame yourself for failing your child if you drank again. I couldn't watch your child wonder what she'd done wrong to cause you to drink again."Rayna wiped the falling tears away, knowing her crying was doing nothing but pissing him off. "

Do you remember the night you drank after your fourth trip to rehab? You'd been clean for months, three months there and then almost three months at home." Deacon looked at her waiting for her to keep going. "When I brought you home that night, I cried for hours in the bathroom. And for days after that, I tried to figure out what I had done or not done or what I should have said or how I messed up."

"Ray…"

"No. I need you to understand. I get logically alcoholism is a disease. That it is never my fault or Vince's fault or anyone else's… but you were fine. You were good. We were good. and everything was good. Then you weren't. And I blamed myself. Like I did every day you got drunk."

Deacon scoffed, "I've told you a million times, it isn't about you. My addiction has never been about you…

She knew her voice was louder than it needed to be but she couldn't help it. "How is it not about me? How would it not have been about her? Seriously, Deacon. How can I not blame myself? You've been sober since we've broken up. We get back together and you start ordering drinks in bars and getting into fights with guys twice your size."

Deacon punched the air, feeling himself growing angrier. I ordered the drink. I got into a fight cause I couldn't stop myself from drinking any other way.

He hated having this conversation with her. They'd had for fifteen years. Why couldn't she understand his drinking wasn't about her?

He took a moment to clear his head, "Look, I am done with whatever this is. I don't want to keep going around in circles with you." Deacon banged on the door loudly and waited for the guard to show back up. He started walking towards the front lobby as Rayna ran to keep up with him.

The Hotel Elevator

The cab ride was quiet and uneventful but then her hand brushed against his. He'd let her fingers linger for a moment before pulling his hand away. Then he'd helped her out of the cab and opened the door to the hotel. They both got into the same elevator and he felt the air shift. Deacon pushed the button for the 11th floor, then for her he pressed the 19th..

He knew without looking at her that she wanted to ask. Hell, he was half hoping she'd ask and half hoping she would just let it be for now.

"Deacon, you don't have to go back to your room."

Okay she asked, well sorta asked. He stole a glance at her. She was looking straight ahead but her body was tense and he could tell she was close to tears.

He wanted to yell at her, to make some smart ass comment but instead he sighed. God he wanted to go with her, just get lost in her for a while. Forget she'd lied to him. Forget she let him miss his daughter's life. Forget she chose some stranger to raise her child and be her husband over him.

He felt her body close the space between them, unwilling to stop her. She pressed her chest against his and whispered his name against his neck. He didn't touch her, holding onto the chair rail of the elevator to stop himself. Deacon closed his eyes as she pressed her lips against the corner of his mouth. Her lips lingered there for a second before moving slightly. She kissed him hard and let her hands move up his shoulders to pull him closer. She groaned when he finally wrapped his arms around her ass and pulled her against him.

But just as quick he pulled her off of him. He looked at her confused expression.

He sadly asked, "What is this going to fix?"

She whispered, "I don't know, but I miss you."

Deacon felt his anger rise back up. Who in the hell does she think she is? She felt his hot breath against her cheek before he moved away from her. "Yeah well I missed the first thirteen years of my daughter's life so I guess you can figure out a way to deal with it."

She looked like she'd been smacked in the face. The elevator dinged and he walked off, without a backwards glance to Rayna. He heard the doors close and closed his eyes. I should go after her. I should apologize for being a complete asshole. He'd tried to hurt her and he knew he had succeeded.

As Deacon rounded the corner to his room, he was surprised to see someone already standing at the door knocking. His eyes narrowed when he realized who it was. Don't do anything stupid, he warned himself. A second later he shrugged, what the hell? as he approached the door and the woman standing in front of it.