Commissioners note: This story is a fanfic I commissioned from Dux Interitio and was given permission to share for everybody. If you enjoy, consider checking them out if you want to have your own story as well. Check them out on duxinteritio. wixsite. come/my-site/ (remove spaces)
Mari chewed on her lip as she walked down the hallway. There were so many things she needed to figure out and worry crowded her mind to the point of nearly drowning her. She forced herself to keep her breathing calm, there was no point in having a panic attack and letting people know that something was wrong. She blinked slowly and reminded herself nothing was really wrong. It was just unexpected. Unexpected did not make it wrong.
Rolling her shoulders again Mari lifted her hand and trailed it through her hair trying to decide how to best approach the subject with Shinji. It was not like it was something she could just not tell him. Especially when she had to take leave. She could not pilot her EVA after a certain point after all. A couple months if she was lucky. Though the doctor's voice echoed in her mind, telling her the sooner she stepped away from piloting the better. Mari looked down and watched as her feet moved over the familiar hallway.
"How did we even get here?" Mari asked the air, she knew the answer, but it still seemed so surreal to her.
Seeing Shinji with his headphones in was not unusual. Mari would argue seeing him without his headphones would be the unusual. But still she could not stop her eyes from following him as he walked down the sidewalk. He did not appear to be aware of his surroundings though she did note he did not come close to bumping into anyone. Brining her thumb to her mouth she chewed on her thumbnail for a moment. They were not working together at the moment, she was not even sure how good of friends they could be called, still though, curiosity had her walking towards him. It felt strange to see him away from work. Like a strange fish suddenly jumping out of the water and climbing a tree to munch on some grapes. Nothing about it really made sense but one could not help but to watch.
Mari smiled and skipped up to where the man was walking and lightly touched his shoulder to get his attention. She half expected him to ignore her. After all he had not acknowledged any of the people who had waved at him so far. But then again none of them had reached out and touched him either.
Shinji had half a glare in place when he turned to see who would touch him. He was surprised to be greeted by Mari's easy smile. He wondered how she could be so open with everyone. It seemed almost unnatural some times. The way she was always smiling and happy no matter what was going on. He reasoned she was at least one hell of a EVA pilot even if the evidence suggested she was slightly insane. Not that Shinji thought he had much room to talk. After all, he had heard people say the same about him for different reasons many times. Still there was something about the woman's presence that soothed him. He let his shoulders relax and pulled his headphones away from his ears with a soft smile.
"Hello?" Shinji hoped his smile did not look forced. He was never the most comfortable with them and worried he that it would be painfully obvious it was not as natural for him as it was for her.
But then again she had met him enough times she had to know how awkward he was with emotions in general. Shinji mentally scolded himself. Since he had realized his feelings for the woman were beyond that of simple coworkers or even friendship he had found himself struggling for how to interact with her. The last thing he wanted was to chase her away in any way shape or form. So he forced a smile and did his best to appear calm despite the increase in his heart beat when her hand remained on his arm for a moment longer than strictly necessary.
"I was wondering if you'd like company?" Mari smiled with more teeth than was really necessary but made Shinji's shoulders relax a bit more. He considered pointing out that he rarely wanted any company. That he was fine by himself more often than not. But the thought of chasing her away stopped the words from slipping from his tongue and instead he gave a small shrug and tilt of his head. It was apparently enough because Mari's smile brightened and they started walking down the path together. Shinji listened to the sound of her voice as she talked, he was barely paying any attention to what she was saying. He forgot about his headphones and the music until they parted ways and he realized he had never even paused the music during their hours of walking.
Shinji stood straight with his hands folded behind his back as he stared ahead at perfect attention. Shame coiled deep in his gut at the realization that he had failed. He had let people down. All because he could not stay focused on the mission. On the task at hand. Instead he had been caught adrift with his mind drifting away to the sound of Mari's voice. He had lost focus and the result was nearly a failed mission. Luckily Mari was a good enough of an EVA pilot to pull their tails out of the fire, but Shinji had still failed. He had still let people down.
Finally dismissed from the scolding he felt was more than well deserved, Shinji did not even notice anyone was waiting for him until a hand lightly landed on his shoulder. Lifting his gaze Shinji was surprised to see Mari looking worried at him with an apologetic shine on her eyes.
"Did you get in much trouble?" Mari asked gently. Shinji turned his head away not willing to let her see how ashamed he felt. He started walking away and figured she would just go her own way.
Instead she fell into step beside him. "For the record I don't think it's your fault."
"I was mission leader." Shinji grumbled half irritated that the woman would not stop following him. The other half wanted nothing more than for her to place her hand back on his arm.
Mari only shrugged her shoulders. "We all have radars. None of us noticed them coming up on us either... I overheard some people in the labs. It seems like they were using some new cloaking technology. They seemed surprised we all survived."
"That's-" Shinji cut off his comment about it not being comforting. Because while true it also was not true. New technology that let the enemy sneak up on them was not a comforting thought. It was terrifying actually. Something that could easily give him nightmares. Something that would make him want to be anywhere else. But on the other hand, it meant what happened was not as much his fault as he had initially thought. That was comforting.
"You're welcome." Mari smiled softly even though Shinji had not spoke since cutting himself off.
"I never said thanks." Shinji lifted his head and looked at the woman from the corner of his eye and letting himself get half lost in her beauty.
"You can take me to dinner." Mari smiled brightly. "To make up for your forgotten manners."
Mari laughed as Shinji's eyes watered. She had tried to warn him that the dish would be too spicy. But he had been insistent that it would be fine. His cheeks had become red while his eyes watered. Their weekly dinners had just become a thing. Sometimes they would have others join them but more often than not it was just the two of them. The alternated who picked where they ate each week, provided it was a week where it was just the two of them. Tonight it was Mari's turn and so they had gone to one of her favorite Indian restaurant because she claimed he had to try their curry. It was the best. She had not planned for him to get one of the hottest ones though. Shinji glared in the face of her laughter while reaching for his milk.
When Shinji felt that he could speak again he shook his finger in her direction. "Laugh it up. I'll get revenge."
"I warned you it would be too much." Mari laughed and wiped the tears from her eyes for laughing so hard. "It's not my fault you took that as a challenge."
"My throat is destroyed because of you." Shinji grinned. "My mouth will never be the same. The only thing that may heal the injury is a slushy... from the movie theater."
Mari blinked in surprise. She was not sure the red staining Shinji's chees were only from the heat of the food now, she wondered if some of it was a blush. She watched as it deepened in color and spread down his throat as he swallowed nervously staring at her.
"It's a date." Mari smiled brightly. If she had not already been sure that Shinji wanted a date with her too the bright smile that lit his face in return would have soothed her worries.
"Yes." Shinji said as if he could not quite believe it. "A date."
Drinking was not normally on their list when they went on dates. Mari and Shinji were the designated drivers more often than not on the rare occasions they went out to bars and clubs with the others. But every once in a while they would indulge. Like tonight when they had cases of beer that now lay empty and scattered across the living room floor.
Kissing felt so right. Mari thought she could spend eternity pressing her lips against Shinji and not grow tiered of it. She clenched his shirt tightly in her hands as she straddled him on the couch.
Shinji seemed to be just as desperate to taste every inch of her mouth with his hands tightly gripping her hips. When air became necessary and she pulled away the world spun a bit and Mari started leaning back. Shinji followed her neck with his mouth and slowly pushed her down against the couch.
"We should probably call you a cab." Shinji whispered but made no move to pull away or stop raining kisses down on her neck. Mari wrapped her legs around his hips and pulled him closer.
"I could stay the night?" Mari countered guiding Shinji's mouth back to hers. Shinji did not offer even half a protest while letting his hands slide down her sides until he could start working them under her shirt.
Waking up with Mari in his arms was Shinji's favorite way to wake up. He hated the sound of the alarm but when it went off and he got to watch her nose wrinkle in irritation at the sound, it soothed something in his soul. Reminded him he was only human. She would grumble and eventually push against his chest and demand he turn the alarm off. He would then fight to get her out of bed because she really did not ever want to. If he let it go she would get up herself but she would shoot him glares the entire time.
Sometimes Shinji set the alarm early just to be able to watch her pout and glare at him. Though she had refused to let him set the alarm recently. He thought it might mean she knew what he had been doing.
She always said she was not cute or adorable. Often telling Shinji he needed new vocabulary.
Or maybe a dictionary since he clearly did not know what those words meant.
Other days though, days when he did not wake up before her, were even better.
Shinji would feel a moment of panic when he woke up and Mari was not there. There would be a flash of worry that he had made everything up. Every touch and kiss and laugh had just been in his head. That it was the best dream he could ever hope to have and once awake he could never get back again. But then he would spot something that was not his laying on the side table, the one he had bought so she could have one on her side of the bed instead of having to lean across him, or something on the dresser. And Shinji would sigh a sigh of relief because he would know it was not a dream. It was real. He had a woman who he loved more than anything else in his life.
Sometimes he got to join her in the shower. More often than not though he would walk out towards the kitchen where the most sound was coming from and Mari would be there. She would be dancing and singing, often in nothing more than one of his shirts, while cooking them breakfast.
Shinji would watch Mari with a fond smile, leaning against the door frame until she turned around and caught him staring. Then she would grin and reach for his hands. Shinji loved music but he was not a dancer. He stepped on her toes more often than not. Mari never seemed to mind because eventually he would grow frustrated enough to refuse to dance any more that day. Instead he would curl his arms around her, hold her close, and kiss her until she was gasping for breath.
More often than not they had to stop and get breakfast before going into work though. Neither of them were fond of burnt eggs.
Mari frowned up at Shinji when he stopped walking suddenly. His eyes were wide as he stared at her. She looked around them in confusion wondering what had caused him to stop dead in his tracks. Shinji tightened his grip on her hand as she slowly turned to look back at him with a raised eyebrow.
"I didn't ask... do you even want to come back to my apartment with me?" Shinji looked at their joined hands then back up at her. Mari smiled and leaned up on her toes to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
"Of course." Mari stepped back and gave a small tug on his hand and tried to start walking again. "I'd have said I have to go back to mine blocks ago if I didn't."
"That's... that is what I asked." Shinji rubbed the back of his neck and still did not take any steps forward. Mari turned to look at him again with a frown creasing her brow. She tipped her head and waited as Shinji seemed to work on sorting his thoughts out. She occasionally tugged on his hand to see if he would start walking again and at first she worried he would not but then he took a step forward and they were walking again. Mari glanced at Shinji in concern as he continued staring at their joined hands in silence. She knew something was circling his mind, she just was not sure what it could be. She squeezed his hand in reassurance as they approached his apartment door.
Shinji looked around when they entered the apartment and noted all the things that had found their place here. All of her things that had integrated their way among his stuff. He scanned the living room and noted there was more than he thought. He had taken comfort every morning at the things that had found their way into his home there, he did not think about the things that were everywhere else often. But he saw them now. It was as if they had always been around. Had always belonged with him.
Shinji looked up when Mari pressed a glass of water into his hands with a small smile.
"It looks like you could use it." Mari grinned in what she hoped was comfort.
Shinji took the glass then shot his hand out to grab her arm before she could walk away.
"I love you." Shinji was sure there were rules for saying things like this but at the moment all that mattered was that the woman blinking in surprise at him with her mouth slightly open. "I love you. And I want you to move in with me."
Mari pouted slightly. "I can't believe you said it first."
Shinji was worried he had messed it up but then she pressed a kiss to his cheek and told him she would love to move in.
"Because I love you too."
Shinji pulled her in for a proper kiss.
Mari paced in front of Shinji who frowned deeper and deeper as he watched her moving back and forth in front of the couch he sat on. Each time she passed in front of him he felt his shoulders tightening and his stomach rolled just a bit. He did his best to remain relaxed and wait patiently for her to tell him what was wrong. Why she had needed to talk to him so suddenly and so urgently.
But she still remained quite as she paced. Occasionally Mari would glance up in his direction and a bright blush would cover he cheeks before she looked away from him. A couple time Shinji was sure she was going to stop the pacing when she would pause to look at him or stumble over her own steps. But still she continued back and forth like the world's worst pendulum.
Shinji wanted to run. He felt trapped. The longer Mari was quiet the more time he had to think about what she wanted to talk to him about. The more he was able to come up with answers. She was obviously going to be breaking up with him. When he had reached out to pull her into a hug she ducked his arms and shook her head, telling him she just needed a moment to gather her thoughts. But the longer it took her to gather them the more Shinji wondered how he could possibly save their relationship. He loved her so much, she had to know that right? There was no way she could have possibly missed it.
Maybe he had waited to long.
Shinji started bouncing his leg nervously, anything so he would not think about the small box in his front pocket. And all the ways he had to have failed to not have offered it to Mari yet. Perhaps if he had asked her already she would not be breaking their relationship off now. Perhaps she would have done it when he proposed. She was not a cruel person, Shinji knew she was not making him wait to be a cruel person. She was probably worried about his temper. He cringed to think that even the woman he loved would be afraid of him.
Sighing Shinji stood up and moved to block her path. He offered a tight smile that he knew did not reach his eyes. "It's okay, Mari. I know."
"You know?" Mari stared with wide eyes at the man. She had only found out that day, she could not imagine how he already knew.
"Yeah. I understand." Shinji did his best to keep his smile gentle when all he really wanted to do was throw a fit or shove the ring onto her hand and beg her to let him fix whatever he had messed up.
"I know you can't control it. So I'll just... I'll get my stuff and find somewhere. You can keep the apartment."
"What... you're not... we're not even gonna talk about this?" Mari felt tears spring to her eyes and she pressed her hands against her stomach. It was something she had wanted to do since she had found out but she did not want to give herself away. She wanted to talk to Shinji first.
"What's to talk about?" Shinji shrugged looking anywhere but at Mari. He had caught the sight of her tears and thought it was completely unfair that she was the one crying when she was the one breaking it off with him. "You want out of the relationship. I'm not-"
"OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP?!" Mari exploded. Shinji jumped in surprise not having expected her to be the one to loose her temper. He frowned in deeper confusion when he moved his gaze to her face and saw the horror written across it. He tipped his head slightly while she clenched her hands into the fabric over her belly.
"I thought... I thought you wanted to talk to me about breaking up?" Shinji said slowly. He wondered if he had read it wrong. Perhaps there was something else going on? He noted the way she smoothed her hand down over her stomach and his eyes widened as he looked up at her in worry. "Are you sick? What is it? Is it serious? Wha-"
"I'm not sick." Mari slowly got her breathing under control. The panic was still clawing at her. It told her Shinji would not want a child with her. That she was going to be stuck raising the kid alone and she was not sure she could do it. She felt like she was in a tail spin and was not sure how to bring it back up. So instead she focused on moving forward one step at a time. "Except first thing in the morning sometimes."
Shinji frowned more and slowly reached out to lightly touch Mari's shoulders. She did not pull away from him this time so he started rubbing slow circles with his thumbs and tipped his head in confusion. "I don't understand. If you're not breaking up with me... not sick... what did you need to tell me?"
"How do you feel about children?" Mari asked trying to keep her breathing steady. He may still decide to leave after this and she could not say she blamed him. He only blinked again though and gave a small shake of his head.
"Children?" Shinji did not understand why Mari was changing the subject. She looked almost fragile at the moment and he hated it. "I don't really think about them much I guess. They're just like any other civilian?"
Mari laughed a soft sound that did not sound quite right to Shinji's ears. He tightened his grip on her arms and worried she would fall apart. It seemed she was seconds from bursting into tears again and he did not know how to fix that. He raised his hands to cup her face and started brushing the tears already there away. Mari lifted her hands to his. She kept one of his hands cradling her cheek while bringing the other down to press against her stomach. She watched as Shinji only frowned deeper in confusion.
"I'm pregnant." Mari whispered. She watched as Shinji stiffened and slowly blinked, lifting his gaze from where she had his hand pressed against her stomach. She bit her lip and waited for him to give some kind of response.
Shinji dropped his gaze back to her stomach and his hand slowly curled into a fist in her shirt.
"You're sure?"
Mari slowly nodded worried about how he was going to respond. Shinji used his hand on her cheek to pull her into a desperate kiss. Mari released a surprised gasp but did not attempt to pull away.
When Shinji finally pulled away so they could gasp for breath he rested his forehead against hers.
"We're gonna need a bigger place." Shinji whispered before releasing Mari and falling down to his knees. He carefully pulled the small box from his pocket and held it out to her. "I um... I've been meaning to ask you for ages... Mari will you-"
"Yes!" Mari exclaimed tackling Shinji until he was leaning back against the couch with her wrapped in his arms and his face gently laying against her hair. He held her close, tightening her grip as she squeezed him as tightly as she could.
"Can I put the ring on you then?" Shinji asked feeling his heart pounding with joy as he started pressing firm kisses against her cheek and moving his way down her neck.
"Only if you tell me you love me first." Mari said tipping her head to give him better access.
"I love you." Shinji kissed. "I love that you don't care when my headphones are on. I love that I can loose myself to the sound of your voice. I love that you sing and dance like no one is watching. I love you. I'll spend the rest of my life proving it."