Chapter 2

After coffee, all of us went out behind Starbucks for a cigarette. I only really started after the funeral, but it helps so much. The wind was picking up so I hugged my coat even tighter around myself, wishing I also brought my scarf and beanie with me.

I unlock the woody, rust-coated door and step into my cold, dank apartment. My apartment's almost empty, apart from the fridge, the table, the kitchen, the TV and the couch. I don't have a lot of furniture but then again with just one person it's not really needed.

I take my coat and put it on the rack in the closet, when something falls to the floor. It's a photo from my 21st birthday; it seems so long ago now. I looked so happy back then, so alive and free. In the photo we were all sitting down with our arms around each other and my face pushed up against James's chest.

He was so healthy back then, so full of strength and energy. It's only been a year since he's gone, but in this photo he looked so happy, if only he knew what his would be. The cancer was swift and quick; it wasn't long before he deteriorated. Before he started guzzling down morphine and using a cane, before he grew weak and thin.

I wish I told him years before he died how I really felt about him. I can't believe I only told him that week at Barafundle Bay. "I always knew", a voice pops out at me", I turn around and there's no one there. "James", I scream out. "Is that you"? I turn around and James is right there in front of me.

He's still wearing the clothes he had on when he drowned but there's something different about him. He looks so much healthier, the colouring gone back onto his face. His stance has even changed, he's not hunching into himself anymore, and he's tall. James is absolutely beautiful.

"Hello, love" he says in that gorgeous baritone voice of his.

I am absolutely shocked, here is James who I saw go in the water alive and come back out in Miles arms is here in front of me.

"But you're dead, I saw you dead in Miles arms" I say in a tone of disbelief.

"I decided it wasn't my time to leave yet", he whispers

"I cradled you in my arms, the police had to pry me off you because I wouldn't let go", I was crying by then, my voice slowly rising.

He starts to move closer, as I start to move away.

"Yes and that's why I had to stay, as I started moving towards the stars, I heard your cry and…" James voice starts to crack and I look into his gorgeous tear-filled eyes. I hated it when James cried; he used to look so tragically beautiful. I just wanted to hold him and kiss all those tears away and I usually did.

I couldn't even speak, I was so shocked.

"So what are you now then"? I cautiously asked.

"I don't know, but I'm going to stay and I'm going to be with you", James shyly smiled at me.

"Can anyone else see you", I asked.

"No, just you for the moment" James inched a little bit closer. I stood still.

"But why me, why not Davy or Miles or Bill", I asked.

James inched closer, now he was so close to me. He lifted his arms and he cupped my face. I could feel his touch, I could feel his hands cupping my face and they were strong hands.

"Because you were the one who comforted me the most, you were the one who held my hand and kissed my lips and cradled me when I hurt the most. You gave me the one experience I truly wanted and that was love, I just wanted to feel love before I died and you gave me that. "

James very slowly brought his lips down. I couldn't, I pushed him away and at the same time amazed that I can actually touch him.

"No", I cried

"This can't be real, it can't be, you're dead, and you're dead". I was full on crying, my hands in my hair and I just kept repeating "you're dead, you're dead".

James rushed over and cradled me, "I'm not dead, but I'm not alive either" and he started stroking my hair.

That's when I broke down.
"GO AWAY", I screamed at him

"LEAVE ME ALONE"

I pushed against him, and he let me loose. I looked up into his eyes, his face streaked with tears.

"But, Kelly" he whispered

"GO AWAY, STOP HAUNTING ME, PLEASE IT HURTS TOO MUCH".

I fell on the floor, sobbing, crying and rocking back and forth.

I don't know how long I was there, but I looked up and James was gone.

And that made me cry even more.