Chapter 4

The photo on the ground is in tatters, the memory on the photo is long gone. The floor is now covered in bits of blue and green. The scissors are still in my hand, the memory slowly going away.

I want all memory of that beach gone, all memory of the cancer gone. All the tears, the anxiety, depression….all gone. I want only memories of James before, before his sickness. The feisty, funny and affectionate James.

Before I met James, I was a lonely girl. A girl who would go to bed and cry all night, a girl whose heart was filled with so much despair and sorrow and pain that she hunched from so much weight.

A girl who craved passion and affection, a girl who desired just for someone to hold her, to cradle her face and run their fingers through her hair.

I met James at a library actually, I was 18 he was 24. I would go to the library every day after school because I had nothing else to do. James would come in every day, go on his laptop and then leave. Every day I would watch him and admire his beauty. I was watching him that day, he was sitting across from me and I would just stare at his glorious face.

His face was long and pale. He didn't have a much defined jawline but his high cheekbones made up for that. He had really small eyes, but they were piercing. They were light hazel, a swirl of blue and green. He had a wide, undefined nose and had really small but accentuated lips with a heavily enhanced cupid's bow and a small, square bottom lip.

"You know if you want to date, why didn't you just say so"? I heard those words.

"Huh"? I replied.

"You know what I said" he said to me in a smirk and a sly look.

I went back to reading, I was a shy girl then but I had a faint smile upon my face. James got up and he sat next to me.

"I see you watching me every day; it's nice I admit that but then it just gets creepy after a while"

"Sorry, I didn't think you notice"

"I notice everything"

I didn't say anything after that and then I felt him watching me, with those piercing eyes of his, His mahogany brown curly, messy hair fell into his eye and that made more mysterious and beautiful.

"So, do you want to go out for a coffee"? I heard him say in that velvet baritone voice of his.

"What"?

"I said do you want to go out for a coffee"

"Why"?

"Because I see you in here day in, day out watching me and obviously that's mean you must be curious about me"

"I don't even know you're name, how do I know you're not a serial killer"

"You don't" and then his voice went really seductive that brought shivers down my spine.

"But if I were, you would still come with me anyway and the name is James Kimberley Griffith by the way"

"Kelly Saunders but I don't have any money"

"I'll pay for you"

"But why you don't even know me"
"More the reason to have coffee with you and besides I like you anyway"

"Ok"

We went to the nearest coffee shop and he was amazing. He talked to me like I knew him forever and he would tell me everything about himself. He didn't care that I was 18, didn't care that I was a lonely girl without any friends. Didn't care at all.

I fell in love with him that day; he awakened my soul and lifted my spirits. He brought light to my eyes and a glow to my skin. When we finished he offered to drive me home and so he did.

When he stopped outside my house I turned to him.

"Thank you for today James that was really great and I owe you" and I gave him a small smile.

"No you don't, you're company is what you owe me"

And then he did something that I'd never forget, he'd grabbed my big, stocky hands and put them in his pale, slender, long hands and looked me in my eyes with sincerity and warmth.

"I know you don't have anyone to go to when you're sad or hurt, so whenever you want to just hang out or whenever you're sad, just call me. Call me and I'll be here for you anytime. I really felt in needed to see you today, this urge just told me to go over and talk to you and I'm glad I did. Coz you're really amazing"

He grabbed my hand and wrote his number down and I couldn't stop the trickle of tear down my eye. He looked at my tear and just wiped it away with a brush of his slim, pale finger.

"Oh and tomorrow when you see me at the library, don't watch me like you usually do. Please talk to me" I nodded and with that I got out of his car and walked back into my house with a massive smile and an uplifted heart.

I'm on the ground now with the next picture in my hands waiting to be cut up. As I cut slowly into it, I feel the scissor being wrenched from my hand and flung across the room.