SM OWNS IT ALL.
My sleep is restless.
After I slapped the shit out of Edward and had a mini face off with him, I still made him leave. He made me so angry and I really didn't want to continue to have a heated discussion with him while Sophia was in the house.
He was afraid that I would keep him away from Sophie, but I assured him that I wouldn't do that to her.
I toss and turn again. The sheets are all tangled and my pajama pants keep rolling up my legs—it's so annoying. I huff and kick the sheets down. I lay still, staring at the ceiling.
I fight against it as much as I can, but I fail, my mind goes to Edward. My heart wants him to come back, but my mind tells me not to be an idiot.
I don't know anything about him now. And I don't know about his life while he was gone. For all I know, he could be involved with some ho, as nauseating as that may be, it's possible. All he's ever said to me is that he's sorry for how he left. He never said he was back for me.
The next day Alice is laughing her pants off.
"I can't believe you decked him," she says in between breaths.
"I didn't deck him. You make it sound like I kicked his ass." I laugh. "What he said really hurt my feelings."
"You're a great Mom, Bella; and I'll keep telling you like I have been. You need to stop punishing yourself for the past. You're not only hurting yourself. She feels it when you distance yourself from her."
"I know." I sniffle.
She's so right. No matter how many times Alice tells me that I'm a good Mom, I still fail to believe it.
I'm working on it.