"Dante..." The last person I wanted to see is standing right in front of me and I just want to beg and plead for his forgiveness.
"Hello Maxie, it can't say its pleasant seeing you here." Dante comes closer to me and I am kind of scared. What happened if this court case push him to the edge. It could make anyone even the most level-headed person I know to breakdown.
"Oh Dante, I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you." Tears are already welling up in my eyes. I never planned on seeing Dante before I left. All I can do know is just apologize but I know its of no use.
"Maxie why apologize its not as if it could take most of this year away. It can't take away the fact that you knowingly let me believe I was going to be a father. You know the worst part of it was I slowly saw my wife losing her mind of because of this case. Becoming someone I didn't know someone I could never love. Maxie your lies cost a lot of people pain including yourself. What could possess you to do such a thing? What could possibly make you think giving away your baby with Spinelli would be the right thing to do? Huh tell me?!" His so close to me it feels like he is screaming at me but he isn't. I can smell the alcohol on his breath. There's a desperation in his eyes even I could see it through my river of tears. "I want to know how you could ever think that would be the right thing to do?"
"I wanted to be a good person, to do something selfless for once in my life. Dante you don't think I know how you look at me. Like I am some vapid airhead who doesn't think outside herself. You don't need to deny it because I know I am or was... whatever. I wanted to help someone I loved with something because she couldn't. I wanted to do something for you and Lulu but I fucked it all up. I killed your baby Dante and I fucked up by getting pregnant again and then letting you think that baby was yours. Dante I didn't mean for this to happen. I know its not an excuse but its all I have. I have always been a screw up so its probably inevitable I would screw this up too." Dante pulls on my wrist kind of tight. It hurts a little but I know it would hurt worse if I try to wrench my wrist free. He is a cop he could probably put me to sleep if he wanted too. I hope he doesn't hit me or worse kill me. He is drunk and I am the one who ruined his life and his marriage that could drive anyone to kill.
He starts walking me over to the bench and he tells me to sit down. I figure that is not the worst thing he could make me do under the circumstances.
"Maxie, I need to apologize to you as well. As much as I abhor what you did to me and Lulu it doesn't excuse the things we did to you. I didn't agree with using your insecurities and guilt in court because I knew it was wrong but I let it happen anyways. Before that you didn't do anything like that to us and I felt terrible when I saw what it did to you. You didn't kill my baby Maxie. As bad as miscarriages are they are still common across the world. It doesn't mean you killed my baby sometimes they just happen. But I will never blame you for the miscarriage okay so please don't say anything like you killed my baby. For you to believe that makes me really sad. Is that why you felt you had some sort of duty to hand over your baby to me and Lulu?" Why is Dante such a good guy even drunk? Even now he is so understanding and it just makes me feel worse. I start crying harder than before. He shouldn't be telling me its okay.
"Dante I didn't know what to do. Every time I would see your face you were so happy. I couldn't drem of taking it away. I was going to tell you when you came back from rescuing Lulu but she had no idea who I was and how was I going to tell this woman who didn't know me that I was her surrogate and I lost her baby. I told myself I would tell you guys when she got her memory back and you were so stressed with your work and Lulu's amnesia I didn't want to add to it. It felt so wrong to give you bad news. Dante you are the person who least deserves bad news but it always seems to happen to you. I didn't want this to be the icing on the bad news cake. I wanted this to be your light at the dark tunnel your life had become. I thought I could give up my baby because of seeing your happy face through all the turmoil. I didn't want your bright smile to ever fade but it seems I made it vanish the worst." I cover my face with my hands because this is what I always wanted to say and its months too late. Dante scoots over and makes me rest my head on his shoulder and just lets me cry and doesn't say anything he rubs small circles on my sides. He whispers words of comfort and shushes me and I don't deserve his kindness at all. After a calm down a little bit I pull back because its weird to get comfort from my ex-best friend's husband.
We look at each other and he clears his throat.
"Maxie even though in your warped sense of what's fair it was still incredibly idiotic and painful for you to try to give away your child. If you had been truthful from the beginning it could have said you a lot of guilt and worry and it wouldn't have stressed your heart so much you would need so much medical attention after your baby was born. Maxie you have to think about things like that. I shouldn't have let you be an option in the first place. It was idiotic of me to agree in the first place even if your heart was in the right place I should have rejected your offer. You have a heart transplant and you suffer from a serious disease that could compromise your health when carrying a baby and it did. I am still pissed beyond belief of your decisions but I am also pissed at myself and Lulu for letting you do this in the first place because you could have died if you had too much stress on you. I know I can get stuff into my head and become headstrong and domineering. But you still owed me the truth. My wife is becoming a vengeful person and I can't blame that on you really she came back different when I found her.
More than the memory it was like her personality and aura was different even when she got her memory back. She was ready for me to lie under oath. Before Lulu would never ask me that. She started using my relationship with my father against me. That is still very complicated for me and I wrestle with it everyday. She claimed I didn't love her because I didn't lie for her and I lied for my dad. If there was one thing I ever regretted it was that. Its not like I want my father in prison but I took an oath that I thought was black and white and then out of nowhere this guy ends up being my father. I was confused and didn't know what to do. My head was all over the place and Lulu knew that and she hurled that insult with no remorse like I betrayed her. If I betrayed my oath by lying I could lose my job and go to jail for perjury and most likely they would open all of my cases and review them and potentially let killers out back on the street. How was I supposed to lie for a child that wasn't mine and try to take it away from you and Spinelli and I could lose everything. Most of all I would lose all my own self-respect if I had. I wasn't going to do all of that at the expense of others."
"Dante I know you would never lie, its not really in you to do that. Lulu will understand when she has had time to think about it. She knows you are a police officer you enforce the law its your job and you have a duty to it at all times even when you are off the clock. I know because I have a father who is a spy and a dad who was a police chief. They protect the interests of everyone and they know they have to live up to certain rules and guidelines even when the badge isn't on their hip." I know as a cop's kid that you never really leave the job even if you are away from the station it stains you. It shapes your life and your family's life.
"I am glad someone understands I couldn't risk my reputation and I couldn't live with myself to do that. I could not do that to you no matter what you did and I certainly couldn't have done that to Spinelli who didn't deserve any of this at all. I'm mad and tired Maxie but I know one day I could forgive you. I know you didn't do it from a place of malice. It was incredibly stupid and wasn't thought through but I know it wasn't from a place of malice."
"Dante that's all I could hope to hear from you. You look tired and you can't drive like this you are drunk as a skunk. I am going to call you a cab and you are going to sleep this off and not make it a habit okay. You have too much to live for to become a slave to alcohol okay. You are better than that so be better than that okay?"
"I could say the same for you." He murmurs with a slight smirk and I smile back. The air isn't filled with tension its relaxed even if I can smell the gin on Dante's voice I am very glad this happened before I left because my heart has lifted a little. I call the cab and they said it would be about 10 to 15 mins.
Dante and I make much lighter talk. I tell him about me leaving town for a while and he tells me I don;t have too this will die down soon enough. I tell him I know there is always a new scandal to outdo an old one in this town but I tell him I am doing this for me. I tell him about finding a way to help my Aztec kin in Mexico because I want to connect with my roots and help them. He says he is happy to hear I am doing something productive for other people and I am happy that I am too. We walk to the main road where the taxi will pick him up. We share a goodbye and he asks me to take the taxi with him and I said I am just walking to Mac's house it isn't fair and I have time to burn before I get on my flight. He wants me to text him so he knows I get home safe and I promise him that but I need the walk to clear my head.
I finally reach Mac's house and open the door with my key and I see my Mom cuddling with Mac watching tv and it makes me smile if they can find a way to each other again then anything is possible.
"Hey sweetheart." My mom comes up and hugs me. She asks Mac to leave the room so she could talk to me privately and he acquiesces.
(This conversation will be in Spanish but I don't feel like translating it all so it will be read as a translated conversation.)
"Mija, I think what you are doing is amazing. My mother would be so proud of you if she were still here. She always wanted Aztec culture to be strong within us and I know I didn't do enough to expose you too it because I wasn't there enough but I am so proud you never forgot your heritage and you want to explore it more."
"Mama its okay. We can't change the past and we are in a good place. As I try to alleviate the guilt I hope you can too. You are here now and that means something. I want to help our people as much as I can and I want to build relationships with them and hopefully they accept me."
"They will honey, they will love that you would come to them and offer them help my mother loved her kin and they loved her. Her blood runs through your veins. They will find that you have a heart as kind as hers just be open to them and they will come to you. Aztecs protect their own."
"I will try my best. We have to get a move on I don't want to be late its going to be a bit of a drive to the airport and I have to be early because its an international flight."
"All right, Mija I just want you to know I am proud of whatever path you chose always."
(Conversation's over.)
"Mac, we are ready! Get Maxie's stuff from her room!"
"Really mom did you have to scream?" I roll my eyes and scoff because it was totally unncessary. Even though I know Mac couldn't understand us I know he is eavesdropping.
"I wanted him to hear me and we need to get a move on right." She raises her eyebrow and dares me to challenge. I would rather not.
"I know for a fact Mac was eavesdropping and he would have heard you just fine."
"Why would Mac eavesdrop?"
"Mom being a cop is what he knows so he is going to always want to be in the loop about everything."
"Oh that makes sense. Well Mac wouldn't understand us anyways I doubt Spanish is a popular language in Australia its so far away from any spanish-speaking country." My mom just shrugs her shoulders and starts getting her coat and Mac comes down the stairs with my suitcase.
"I am very surprised Maxie you only have one suitcase." Mac teases me with a gentle smile.
"I doubt I will be needing couture gowns trying to find ways to help people. They are shockingly not suitable for what I am doing." I respond in mock-seriousness and it makes my mom roll her eyes.
"You two we have to get a move on because I don't want my baby girl to miss her flight." I wonder if I will always treat my little Georgie with such endearments even when she clearly outgrows them. I want to be able to have a chance to do that. Even though I am on good terms with my mom I will never leave my little girl how she left us. This separation is killing me already I couldn't imagine being the one to do the act myself.
We start walking to Mac's SUV and I settle myself in the backseat and we just start talking and we tell each other how much we will miss one another and while I will miss the both of them this is something I must do for me. The drive isn't that bad to JFK but the good byes were drawn out with so many hugs and I can tell Mac's heart is breaking. There hasn't ever been a time when he hasn't had a daughter to look after. Robin and Georgie are not with us and I am leaving. This will be his first time since he started raising children that he won't be near any of them. I am glad he still has Emma that he can see. My heart breaks for him because he always sacrifices for all of us ready to do what he can to support us even if it means us leaving. Mac is the best dad anyone could ever be blessed with. I hug my mom first but I give Mac a longer hug its filled with the love I have for him since I was a little girl. He will always be my number one supporter through thick and thin. I tell him I love him and its so hard to leave because it means I won't get to see my dad anytime I want.
"I don't tell you nearly enough but you are the best dad anyone could ever have. Robin, Georgie and I were so lucky to have you take care of us and I just want you to know who are the person I will miss the most. I will even miss the stupid lectures."
"Maxie thank you for the kind words. You never have to be a stranger you can call me day or night I don't care what time it is I always want to know you are okay."
"Dad I promise I will call you and Skype you too." I know I seldomly call him that but everytime I do it makes his eyes twinkle. I go through security when I realized I never texted Dante and the cop in him might be a little stir-crazy. I text him telling him I am getting on my flight and that he shouldn't be at the mercy of a bottle for any reason.
Mexico here I come please accept me with open arms.
I know Maxie and Dante are an unusual choice for a ship but I don't care I can totally see them together. They can potentially understand each other like no one else. Both had absentee fathers for different reasons of course but it has shaped them in a way. Even though Maxie had Mac it doesn't take away the hurt that comes when you have two parents who are in and out of your life. Dante never got a chance of knowing his father because Olivia was afraid of the mob's growing influence over Sonny and his relationship with her cousin Connie. Maxie also knows the life of being involved with law enforcement.
Mac was a cop for a very long time and she dated two detectives. She knows the life very well and knows the oath and sacrifices officers make everyday she understands it and supports it. This fic is my baby and I am relatively new to this so forgive my writing and I have no beta so please forgive grammatical mistakes. I will try my best to catch them but I can't make a guarantee I will catch them all. Please leave comments because I love feedback and I am definitely open to answering questions and may incorporate suggestions if it fits with what I have in mind. Also I will say this now there will be a time jump very soon the first couple of chapters are just for background. I took liberty of altering some canon and it obviously will not follow canon relationships because this pairing isn't going to happen on the show at least not that I know of but I will stop rambling now.