SM OWNS IT ALL.
"Bella…Please look at me."
When I look up, I want answers. I don't care that he's looking at me with sadness in his eyes.
For three years I've felt that same sadness.
"Why…why did you just leave like that?" I swallow the lump in my throat. I can feel the tears coming.
He sighs. "I'm a coward, Bella. I thought that running away from my problems would make things better but…I never wanted to run away from you." He looks into my eyes, begging me to believe him. "Not you, Bella. And I felt like I didn't have a choice so I wanted to make it quick—leave while you were at school."
"So, what? You were just gonna leave a note?" I sob. I don't care that he's seeing me cry. These fucking tears are because of him.
"I didn't know what else to do. I figured you'd get over me—the loser that dropped out of college—and move on with your life."
"And you moved on with yours? How long did it take you to start fucking other women?"
"Come on, Bella…don't be like that—"
"How many women did you fuck?" I ask angrily.
He says he never wanted to leave me, I want to believe it.
"I'm not gonna answer stupid questions!" he seethes. "Ask me anything else and I'll tell you."
"Why not?" I throw my hands up, frustrated.
The fight in him drains out and he looks defeated again. He can't handle when I'm being stubborn. I'll probably regret this later.
"Because I don't want to break your heart more than I already have," he says. "I have so much to make up for…and fuck!" He groans. "I don't want to ruin any chance I might have, Bella," he says with a shaky breath. "I can't lose you again." His eyes well up and he has to look away.
His words are bittersweet. The lack of answers really makes the knife in my chest turn.
"How many?" I demand again. My fucking mouth doesn't agree with my brain about letting it go, and focusing on the second chance that he's talking about.
I want to talk second chances, dammit.
I think that because i'm sometimes a masochist, Bella is too. I ask my husband waaay too many inappropriate questions :/ Like how many girls he fucked...and i want details. I don't know why. Don't look at me like that!