AN: Hey, so I made a small error in the number of weeks that Liz was pregnant. She's eleven weeks instead of nine at the end of chapter one. :)
Red sat down on an overstuffed armchair and ran a hand over his short hair tiredly. He was exhausted. Depressed. So very tired of looking for her and coming up with nothing. Not a trace. Zero clues. Zero leads. She may as well not even exist.
He was in Berlin, Germany staying at a safe house that he'd set up years ago. It wasn't all that nice, but it served its purpose; which was to provide a safe place for him to sleep. It had been two months since he'd stormed out of Harold Cooper's office. Two months since he'd last been in the States. Two months and two weeks since he'd last seen her. He missed her. Missed seeing her smile. Her glare. Missed brushing his fingers over her lower back as she walked by him. Missed teasing her. Missed how she smelled.
He was broken. He'd let himself fall in love against his better judgment, and now his life was shattering around him. The proverbial floor around him was cracking, and one wrong step was going to send him into the depths of hell; he was halfway there already.
He felt like giving up. She didn't want to be with him. She obviously didn't love him. The only thing that kept him going was the fact that she had left that used pregnancy test in her trashcan. She must have either consciously or unconsciously wanted to let him know why she had left. Why she couldn't stay. Why she couldn't bear to be in his presence anymore. It gave him a tiny bit of hope that she still wanted him to find her. Maybe he could still set things right.
He sat back in his chair and pulled a cigar from the box sitting on the table next to him, then lit it and stared out at the fading sunlight. He drew in the smoke of the cigar and savored its taste before releasing it into the quiet, empty room. He didn't enjoy smoking them as much as he used to; he didn't enjoy much of anything anymore, really.
The orange streaked sky outside the window reminded him of better times; of one time in particular. Before they'd had sex. Before he'd ruined their relationship before it had even had a chance to begin. Before she'd left him, pregnant with his child.
He and Liz had just returned from catching a particularly nasty blacklister. They were both exhausted and starving. Dembe had dropped them off at the curb, then Red had told him to leave; that he would call when he needed him back. After Dembe had driven away, he'd wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close to his side. She didn't protest, and instead turned her body into his so she could wrap her arms around his waist. They'd stayed like that for a few more minutes, with her head buried in his neck, until she'd heard his stomach rumble. She had laughed and pulled away. He remembered the sky behind her had been streaked orange just as the sky he was looking at now was. Her wide smile and deep blue eyes had been highlighted by that beautiful sunset, and it had taken his breath away. He'd wanted nothing more than kiss her at that moment, but he hadn't, and now he regretted that more than anything. Well not more than anything, but it was added to the list of things he most regretted when it came to Elizabeth Keen.
And now he was sitting in an uncomfortable armchair, alone, with only his memories and regrets at the forefront of his mind. He'd sent Dembe away to check on a few leads, but Red didn't expect him to come back with anything concrete.
He set the cigar down on the ashtray next to him and picked up his glass of scotch. He'd been drinking too much lately, but it seemed like drinking was the only way to dull the pain; at least it helped him forget momentarily. He took a long drink, then hastily swiped at the tears that had formed in the corner of his eyes. He still hadn't cried, and he wasn't going to begin now. So he took another drink and begin to feel the slight buzz that signaled the beginning of a drunken stupor.
He leaned over and refilled his glass.
OOOOOO
Dembe walked out of his meeting in Spain with a small smile on his face. This was the first time that he'd felt a small twinge of optimism when it came to finding Liz. Raymond's contact had provided him with a CCTV still of Liz departing Spain only two weeks ago. This was the first lead they'd had since she'd left; Raymond would be relieved to know that she was still alive and healthy looking; at least judging by the picture. She wore a large coat, so he couldn't see her stomach, but she looked as beautiful as ever.
She had been a good friend to him; he missed her almost as much as Raymond.
OOOOOO
Liz stepped out of the indoor swimming pool and made her way to the women's locker room. She was nineteen weeks along and already feeling huge. She had decided to be proactive and begin an exercise routine that she could keep up well into the late stages of her pregnancy; it wouldn't do to gain too much weight. She had just swam over a mile and was exhausted; but she always felt better after a good workout. It helped her forget about him for a moment. Helped her forget how desperately lonely she was. Let her concentrate on her body's pain, and not her heart's. Helped her to stop obsessing about being found.
She had been careful the last couple of months. Making sure to avert her face from where she knew cameras where. Keeping her head down in public. Paying with cash as much as possible. Never using the same alias for more than a couple of weeks; she'd purchased several more from a blackmarket dealer, so now she had many to choose from.
She was in Berlin, Germany at the moment. She felt comfortable here. The people were nice, and the city was big enough that it would be almost impossible to find her in the sheer number of people that populated the city. She didn't know the language well, but was beginning to pick up some of the basics. She had been here for two weeks, and found that she didn't want to leave anytime soon. She risked being found, but that was a risk she was willing to take; her body couldn't take being on the run much longer. It was too stressful on her and the baby.
The same front desk clerk, Thomas, had been working every time she came to swim. He looked to be around her age, with wavy dark brown hair and blue eyes and an athletic build. He was tall and had nice, broad shoulders. Like Red's, her thoughts betrayed her before she promptly pushed them back. Thomas was extremely nice to her, too. She felt drawn to him, and knew it was because she was so lonely.
When she began to walk past him to head back to the apartment she was renting, he stopped her with a small wave of his arm and a big smile on his face; she liked his smile. "Hey Melinda! How are you today? He spoke in broken English, but she still understood him just fine. She had mentioned in passing that she was American, and he had tried to speak to her in English ever since; it was very sweet of him. He knew she was pregnant, but didn't know anything else about her; she wasn't inclined to share either.
She turned to face him and smiled. "Hey Thomas, I'm good. Tired, but feeling well. You?"
He kept his smile on his face as he nodded. "I am good. Always working. Work, work, work."
Liz decided to tease him a little. "What do you mean working? I don't ever see you do anything but sit on your stool and talk with the girls."
He laughed and shook his head. "No girls. Just one girl. You." He was flirting with her, and for once she didn't feel uncomfortable because of it.
"Well I guess I should feel honored then." She liked talking to someone who seemed to have her best interests at heart. Who seemed like he cared. Like he wanted to talk to her and get to know her better. She craved companionship desperately, and wondered if it was her hormones talking or her heart.
He nodded. "Um..I was wondering. You go out to lunch with me?"
She froze. She didn't know if she was ready to move on from him. She still missed him so much; and he consumed her thoughts almost all the time. Maybe moving on was just the thing she needed to do to help forget about him, or at least lessen the pain.
Liz took a deep breath and made eye contact with a smile. "I would love to, Thomas."
"Great. I pick you up at your apartment at two? There is a place that I love that I think you would like too."
She bit her lip nervously and nodded. "Sounds perfect, but how about I meet you there instead." She didn't know who she could trust. She definitely wasn't going to give her address out freely. Even to Thomas.
He nodded as if he understood her dilemma and quickly wrote the address of the restaurant down on a piece of paper and handed it to her. She took it from him with a smile, then said her goodbyes and walked out into the cool October air.
She felt optimistic for the first time since she'd left.
OOOOOO
Dembe stepped in the safe house to find Raymond passed out in the armchair facing the window. He heaved a quiet sigh of annoyance and walked over to him with the picture of Liz in his hand. "Raymond!" He said loudly.
Red opened his eyes slowly and blinked at the bright light coming from the window. He'd fallen asleep in the chair again. Dammit.
He groaned and ran his hands over his face. He had a hell of a hangover. "What time is it?"
"It's nearly one in the afternoon. I have something for you." He stepped closer and handed the picture to Red. Red took it and squinted at it; he was so damn blind. He picked up his black square-rimmed glasses from the table next to him and slid them on, then looked at the picture and sucked in a breath. It was her; and she looked absolutely stunning. A whole range of emotions stirred through him; the most prominent one being love. He loved her so damn much; and this picture only served to remind him of that. "How long ago was this taken?"
"It was taken in Spain two weeks ago. We are getting closer to finding her."
Red smiled his first genuine smile in weeks.
OOOOO
Liz smoothed the 3/4 sleeved midnight blue maternity dress over her slightly protruding belly as she walked down Mariendorfer Damm towards the restaurant Thomas had given her the address to. She was nervous. More than nervous. Terrified actually. It also didn't help that she felt like she was betraying him.
She had found the dress she was wearing in Spain, and had fallen in love with it immediately. It was casual, but not too casual. It also showed off her legs, without being too revealing. It was perfect.
A few minutes later she stopped in front of Il Falco and looked around for Thomas. He didn't seem to be here yet. She leaned against the building and watched as three different couples walked past her; seemingly lost in each other. She felt a pang of jealously that she couldn't seem to reign in.
"Melinda..hi!" Liz jumped a little, then smiled as Thomas stepped in front of her. He was dressed in black slacks and a red button down dress shirt sans the tie. She immediately tamped down the urge to compare Thomas' wardrobe to his. "Hey Thomas. Glad you finally showed up," she said sarcastically.
He grinned and bit his lip adorably. "You just a fast walker. I guess I'm slow." He pulled open the door to the restaurant and gestured with his arm for her to precede him inside.
She couldn't seem to wipe the smile off of her face.
OOOOOO
Red groaned as he stood up from the armchair, then stretched his arms over his head. "I'm going to go shower, then I want to go eat. There's a sushi place down on Mariendorfer Damm that I've been dying to try." Dembe nodded and watched as Red walked to his bedroom. If Raymond wanted to eat sushi, then he would eat sushi.
Twenty minutes later found them driving towards Lucky Sushi in companionable silence. Dembe parked in front of the tiny restaurant and looked at Red skeptically. Red grinned and clapped him on the shoulder. "Live a little, Dembe. We're here to enjoy ourselves. Especially since we finally have proof that Lizzie is ok."
Dembe nodded and slid out of the car and watched as Red did the same. Red slid his sunglasses on and glanced across the street, then did a double take and squinted his eyes as he spotted a familiar looking figure. A woman dressed in a dark blue dress was leaning against a building seemingly lost in thought. He watched as a man dressed in red approached her, then led her into the restaurant with a hand on her back. Red was too far away to see much detail, and he certainly couldn't tell if the woman was pregnant or not; he needed more information before approaching her.
His heart began to pound at the thought of possibly being so close to her; it was killing him not knowing if it really was her.
"Raymond. What are you looking at?" Dembe had joined him on the other side of the car and was searching for whatever Red had been staring at.
Red forced a smile on his face and shook his head. "Nothing. Just my imagination running wild. Let's go eat."
AN: This chapter is dedicated to FrostyFingers. She helped me out with all my questions about Germany. Thanks for being patient with me girl, you rock! Go read her fics if you haven't yet.
Please let me know what you think about this chapter. Thanks for reading!
Edit: The particular street they are on is very wide and has parking in the middle. It's not a typical street that we see in America. Just needed to clarify that. :)