Exactly ten minutes later there was a quiet, but urgent knock on the door. She unfolded herself from the couch and struggled to her feet, then walked to the front door and opened it slowly. She didn't know what to expect, and she didn't know what she was trying to accomplish by inviting him to her house. She hadn't been thinking, but now that he was here she was at a loss as what to do next. Did she hug him? Did she let him touch her? Did she kiss him?
The door opened completely to reveal him dressed in grey sweat pants and a white t-shirt under his unzipped jacket. He didn't even have his customary hat on, which told her that he'd left wherever he lived as quickly as possible. He stepped forward, which prompted her to step away from the door so he could close it behind him. As soon as the door was shut and locked, he turned back to her with an inquisitive look on his face. He still hadn't said a word. She was loathe to break the silence.
She could feel her body leaning towards his. Could feel its need to wrap her arms around him and be comforted by him. Because as badly as she had treated him, she knew that he would accept her with open arms. He wasn't selfish like she was. Movement from him broke her out of her reverie, and she watched as he slid his coat off and hung it up on the hook by the door.
She swallowed nervously and took a step towards him. He put his hands up, "Lizzie..." His voice was devoid of any kind of emotion. It was as if he was trying to emotionally distance himself from her; which truth be told, he probably was. She couldn't blame him really, she'd done nothing but push him away every time he put his heart on his sleeve.
She took another step and said quietly, "Red...please..." then another step until she was inches from his hands. He sighed and opened his arms; a wordless invitation for her to move into them. Without hesitation she stepped into his body and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. He felt tense as she pulled herself as closely as she could (her stomach prevented her from moving as close as she wanted) and put her head on his shoulder. After a few tense moments, he finally relaxed and wrapped his arms around her back, moving his fingers up and down her spine softly. He smelt just like she remembered. A scent that was unique only to him, but one that she missed immensely; she just hadn't realized it until now. It calmed her racing heart. Calmed her nerves. Relaxed her very being. She felt at peace for the first time in the three months since she'd left him. Even their son wasn't moving around like he usually was at this time of night; he must have sensed how at peace she was at that moment.
They stood there quietly for countless minutes. She didn't cry, but her mind screamed at her to keep him close and never let go. How could something that felt this good be so wrong? After a few minutes she realized she had his shirt clenched tightly in her fingers and loosened her grip, but didn't pull away from him like she knew she should. She knew she shouldn't get his hopes up, or hers for that matter. Shouldn't allow herself to get her hopes up as if this was going to be a normal thing. Shouldn't let herself fall even more deeply in love with him for being here for her, even after she'd abandoned him and pushed him away since.
She failed on all three accounts.
She must have been motionless for too long, because the baby began to move and actually managed a well placed kick right at the middle of her belly. Red jerked his head back from where it had been resting against hers and looked at her in surprise. She gave him a small smile and said quietly, "Seems he can sense his dad is nearby."
He smiled widely, something she hadn't seen in so long that she actually found herself tearing up. This hurt a lot more than she expected it to; seeing him happy like this. Especially after they'd parted the last time with her hand print on his cheek. He brought his hand up and looked at her for permission before he touched her. She sighed internally, knowing she was only making it worse for herself, but found herself nodding despite that.
Their bodies were still close together, so she took a step back then took his hand and guided it to where the baby was kicking; which was the left side at the moment. His hand was warm and covered good amount of her belly as he kept it there waiting for the baby to kick. They stood there silently for at least another minute until he finally felt a kick. He jerked his hand away in surprise, then quickly put it back; he still had that smile of wonderment on his face, and she couldn't help herself when she found herself watching his face instead of his hand. He'd never looked so appealing to her. He looked vulnerable and human. Much different than usual, when he had his armor on and his emotional walls up. He was letting her see the actual Raymond Reddington, not Red Reddington. She wanted to push his hand away and tell him that it was enough, but she couldn't. Not when he still was looking down at his hand awaiting another kick while looking excited and boyish. She just couldn't do that to him; as much as it was hurting her.
She founder herself tracing her fingers over his shoulders, the back of his neck, and over his sideburns-memorizing the feel of him; she would need these memories when she found herself alone that night wishing he was there. He didn't seem to notice her touch as he moved his hand to a different position. She brought her other hand down and guided his hand low on her belly. There was one more strong kick that he got to feel, then she pulled his hand away. "I think he's done moving for the night."
Red nodded and pulled his hand from her grasp and stepped away from her completely; she silently mourned the loss of contact. "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to feel him kick. I didn't think I would even have that."
She grimaced at the little shot at her and motioned with her arm for him to sit on the couch. "Can I get you anything to eat or drink?"
He turned and sat down in the corner of the couch and threw his arm across the back and crossed his legs. "I'm fine. Now tell me, Lizzie. Why did you call?"
She sat down on the other end and sighed. "To be honest with you Red, I don't know. I know I shouldn't have, because that's not fair to you."
He shook his head minutely and sighed. "Why did you really call me over here?"
She laid her head against the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling. "I broke it off with Thomas."
He couldn't help the small, satisfied smile that stole across his face momentarily (And he finally found out what his name was. Another Thomas?); luckily she didn't see it. "Why?" He said bluntly; he was tired of vague answers and half-truths.
She turned her head to look at him. She looked lost and heartbroken, and it was all he could do not to gather her in his arms and comfort her, but he knew she wouldn't allow him to.
She sighed and resumed staring at the ceiling. "Because I was leading him on and he didn't deserve that. He's a good man."
He toyed with a string on the back of the couch with his fingers. "How were you leading him on?"
He thought he knew the reason, but he wasn't going to assume until he heard it come out of her mouth.
"I just was..ok?" She began to rub her belly softly with one of her hands; he found himself wanting to move over and do that himself.
Instead he looked at her profile and said, "I think you owe me more than that."
She shook her head, "We've been through this already, Red. You've already used that argument, and I already explained to you as much as I could," she said tiredly. It was nearing 10:00 PM and she was exhausted; emotionally and physically.
He reached over and touched the side of her face briefly so she would look at him. "Why did you feel you were leading Thomas on?"
She heaved an annoyed sigh. "Because of you! Ok? Isn't that a good enough explanation?" She sat up and began to knead the muscles of her lower back with her fingers and avoided looking at him.
Red didn't move as he contemplated his next question. She was upset and he didn't want to push her too far, but yet this was the best time to get some answers out of her.
"What do I have to do with Thomas, Lizzie?" He said calmly as he moved a few inches closer to her; she didn't seem to notice.
She glanced at him, then looked away and stared at the coffee table. "Everything, ok? Enough with the twenty questions." She continued to knead the muscles on her back, and groaned softly when she hit a particularly sore spot.
Deciding that he'd seen enough of her in pain, he moved behind her so she sat between his legs and her back was against his chest. She stiffened and tried to pull away. "Red, what are you.."
He cut her off by pushing her hands away from her back and placing his own there. She didn't seem inclined to push him away any longer and dropped her head as he kneaded her back and sides expertly. "Ohhhh..right..there..yeah."
He massaged her back and shoulders for another ten minutes, taking cues from her where she needed it the most. She hadn't had anyone to take care of her properly, and again cursed her for leaving without talking it out with him first.
He wrapped his arms around her belly and pulled her flush against his chest, then whispered in her ear. "What do I have to do with Thomas, Lizzie?"
She sighed and leaned against him more fully. She didn't seem to mind that she was in such an intimate embrace with a man who she didn't want in her life. "I'm in love with you, Red. Not him. That's what you have to do with him, Ok? Is that a good enough answer for you now? Because it still doesn't change a damn thing."
His fingers twitched on her belly. "Oh, I think that changes a whole lot, sweetheart," he said quietly, but forcefully.
She reached up and pried his hands off of her, then stood up abruptly; the intimacy of their embrace already a distant memory. "I told you not to call me that, and there's still the tiny matter of you being a dangerous criminal with a running price on your head," she spat at him through clenched teeth while holding her thumb and index finger close together.
He sat back and adjusted himself; he was half-aroused and he didn't want her to see that. "I can't change that, Lizzie. We can only live life normally and hope for the best."
She shook her head and closed her eyes. "No, you're not going to convince me, Red. I'm sorry, but I made the right decision months ago, and I'm not changing it."
He knew she was finished talking to him and about their problems for the night, and he was done pushing her. He would wear her down over time, and they had made good progress tonight. He wasn't discouraged, but rather encouraged.
He stood up from the couch and heaved a sigh. "Ok, I'm going to take my leave then." He stepped close to her and kissed her cheek softly. She didn't move into him, or react at all, but at least she didn't move away.
He moved his mouth close to her ear and whispered, "I love you." Then he moved away and walked towards the door, then took his coat off the hook and slid it on. He glanced back to see that she was still standing in the same spot, but looked pensive.
Deciding not to antagonize her further, he unlocked the door and pulled it open, only to come face to face with Thomas.
Red smiled. "Hello, you must be Thomas."
AN: Things are looking up..right? Thank you so much for the reviews/follows/favorites for this story. I know its been painful to read, because it truly does hurt me to write them like this. I would love to hear what you guys think! Have a good day. :)