Red stood staring down at her slim fingers as they grasped his wrist. He didn't know what to say, and honestly he didn't know if he wanted to sleep next to her while there were so many unanswered questions between them. They still had a lot of things to work out, and only hours ago she had told him that she didn't want him in her life. Why they sudden change of heart? It couldn't be because of one little cheeseburger, but maybe she was feeling an emotional attachment to him because he had been nice to her, and she wasn't used to people doing things for her. Of course Thomas had been, but she apparently didn't love him, so it wouldn't have meant as much.
He was shaken from his thoughts by her quiet voice. "Red...please." He was glad he couldn't see her face, because he would have caved right then and there.
He gently pulled his hand from her hold and crouched down next to her, his body making a cacophony of noise as he bent his knees. "Lizzie...I don't think that's the best idea right now. We're both a little emotionally compromised from tonight's events. I don't think you would normally ask me to sleep with you, not when you're so undecided." He reached forward and put his hand on top of her belly softly.
She didn't protest the movement, but her voice was thick with emotion as she said, "I would though, Red. I've done a lot of thinking an-"
"We need to give it time, Lizzie. You can't expect me to jump right in bed with you as soon as the opportunity arises. There are things that need to be discussed. Hurt feelings on both sides.." He hesitated, debating whether or not to say what he was thinking. She moved her hand and laid it on top of his where it was still resting on her belly. "Spit it out, Red."
He sighed and decided to just to say it. She needed to hear it anyway. "Frankly, Lizzie. I'm still angry with you. As much as I love you, I can't just easily forgive you for leaving without telling me that you were pregnant. You avoided me for months and caused a lot of heartbreak on my side. I took up drinking again; I was in the darkest place I'd been in since I discovered my dead family on Christmas Eve. Do you understand where I'm coming from?"
She sniffed, and he knew she was crying, but she'd needed to hear that. It was cathartic for him, and revealing to her. They could either work on things from then on, or she could throw him out and tell him to go away; and he really would this time. He knew when he wasn't wanted, and wouldn't force himself on her.
They were silent for a few minutes, and Red took the opportunity to move his hand around her stomach in hopes that he'd feel their baby kick; but he didn't have any such luck. Liz was busy using both hands to wipe away her tears. He didn't feel like comforting her for once, she had to come to him, and he wasn't going to allow it tonight. She needed to understand how hurt and angry he still was.
After a few more minutes, she finally got herself under control and stopped his hand on her stomach by wrapping her fingers around the top of his hand. "I understand, Red. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry for the way I handled things." Her voice was hoarse from crying, and he squeezed her fingers to let her know he'd heard her as she continued, "I didn't go about it the right away. I took the coward's way out, but I had my own reasons for doing what I did, as you well know; but it's done, there's no going back now. I can only hope that you'll be able to forgive me eventually."
He took his hand away and caressed her jaw softly. "I think it's something you can bet on..and I'm a betting man."
She huffed a quiet laugh, then sighed heavily. He could tell she was exhausted by how her body seemed to sag with his reassurance. Red stood up and said softly, "I'll see you in the morning, sweetheart."
She hesitated for a moment, then touched his hand again in farewell. "Night, Red."
He turned around and walked out of the room. His body was screaming for him to go back and lay in bed with her and comfort her, but his mind was screaming equally as loud that he'd done the right thing. He hated to see her hurting, but it was the only way for them to truly work through their issues, so he had to stick to his guns.
He heard muffled crying coming from her room, and closed his eyes as he sat back down on the couch. His mantra for the rest of the night as he laid awake was:
Don't give in. Don't give in. Don't give in.
And he didn't.
OOOOOO
Red woke to a shaft of sunlight hitting his eyes and groaned. He felt like he'd just fallen asleep; his eyes felt gritty and heavy. He yawned and brought up his left arm to look at his watch. It was already half past nine, and he hadn't heard anything from Liz. He stood up and stretched his arms over his head, and winced as his back cracked painfully, then walked into her half-bath and did his business.
As he was walking out of the bathroom, he was studying something on his shirt and didn't see Liz in the hallway until he ran into her. They both cried out in surprise and she began to fall, but he was quick enough to grab hold of her arms and haul her into his chest.
He wrapped his arms around her back and said quietly, "Morning, how did you sleep?"
She took a deep breath and put her hands on his sides. "I didn't, not really. You?"
He ran his hand through her hair and nuzzled her temple with his nose. "Mmm..Not much better, but I did eventually fall asleep." Her hands didn't stray from his side as they stood there for another minute or two. Eventually he pulled away and framed her face with his hands, then studied her. She looked like hell. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks red, and her hair was in disarray; he felt a small pang of guilt knowing that he had caused this, but he wasn't going to apologize.
He leaned down and kissed her cheek, then pulled away from her completely and tried to smile. "Feeling any sudden cravings for a cheeseburger?" He joked, hoping to elicit a smile from her, but she remained stoned faced and shook her head.
"If I never see another cheeseburger during the rest of my pregnancy, I'll be a happy woman." He chuckled, then frowned as he saw her face go a little green. Pregnancy was an odd thing that he didn't understand, and he wasn't going to question or tease her about it.
He turned and walked towards her kitchen, then said over his shoulder, "What are you hungry for?"
She followed him and sat down on a chair at the kitchen table. "I'm not hungry, Red."
He opened her fridge and grimaced at the meager contents inside. There were only eggs, milk, and a box of baking soda at the back. "Well I am, and I guess it's going to be eggs. Are you certain you don't want any?"
She threaded a hand through her hair and leaned her elbow on the table. "I'm sure. I'm feeling queasy this morning." He closed the fridge and began to open cupboards, searching for soda crackers or something similar to help calm her stomach. He opened the last cupboard and smiled when he found what he'd been searching for. He reached in and picked up the lone sleeve from the bare shelf, then turned to show her what he hand in his hand with raised eyebrows.
She nodded in resignation, and he walked over to her and handed them to her, then sat down in the next chair over; eggs didn't sound all that appealing after all. He watched as she opened the package and stuck a cracker in her mouth. It didn't look particularly appealing to him, but he reached forward and took one from the package in her hand then popped it into his mouth. It was dry and disgusting, and it took all he had not to spit it right back out.
He must have given his distaste away in his facial expression, because she laughed out loud, spraying him with crumbs from her mouth in the process; which caused her to laugh harder as she attempted to apologize. He found that he didn't mind at all as long as she kept laughing; it had been so long since he'd heard her do so.
"Wed, I'm schwo schwory." She eventually managed to swallow her mouthful and leaned forward to began wiping the crumbs from his shirt and lap. He grabbed her wrist as she strayed too close to his groin and finished for her. "Don't worry about it, it happens to the best of us."
She snorted and tried to hold her laugh in, but started to laugh loudly again. He just shook his head with an amused smile and took a bite of another cracker, waiting for her to calm down. He didn't remember his wife ever being this high and low emotionally when she was pregnant, but it had been a long time ago and he'd been gone a lot, so he couldn't actually say for sure.
Liz managed to calm herself down, but he could see the sparkle in her eyes again; he missed that so much. She ate seven or eight crackers, then sat back and looked at him looking at her. "What?" She sounded suspicious.
He shook his head and picked at imaginary lint on his sleeve. "Nothing. I was just thinking that I need to go to my apartment to shower and change my clothes."
She suddenly looked a little panicked. "You're going to come back right? I didn't ruin everything last night, did I?"
He shook his head and touched her knee briefly. "Of course I'm coming back, Lizzie. I'll only leave if you tell me to go. I promised that we would work things out, didn't I?"
She nodded briefly and stood up to get a glass of water. "Sorry, my emotions are all over the place today."
He stood up himself and walked to the doorway so he could put his coat and shoes on. "Don't apologize, I can't even being to imagine." He finished zipping his coat up and looked at her. "I'll be back in an hour, then we can go shopping. Your fridge and cupboards are bare. What in the world do you eat, sweetheart?"
She shrugged, a little embarrassed. "I eat a lot of takeout, just like I used to in the States. Plus I can't read German very well, so it's hard to shop." His lips thinned in disapproval, but he refrained from saying anything as he turned and walked to the door. "Be ready to go in an hour."
She nodded, but he didn't see it as he opened the door and walked out, shutting the door behind him with a resounding thud.
The silence in the apartment was deafening.
OOOOOO
An hour and ten minutes later found her sitting on the edge of her couch, dressed in black maternity pants and a white long-sleeved t-shirt, biting her fingernail nervously. She hated that she was getting so worked up over him, but now that he'd been in her life for a day, she wanted him around all the time. He really was her drug and she didn't want to cure her addiction, no matter how harmful he could be to her and her safety.
Another ten minutes passed, then there was a quiet knock on her door. She breathed out a sigh of relief and stood up quickly, then had to balance herself with a hand on the back of the couch as a wave of dizziness hit her; she needed to stop getting up so quickly.
The dizzy spell passed within seconds, then she made her way to the door and swung it open to reveal Red dressed like he always dressed; but seemed to look a million times more appealing to her at that moment. She could scarcely breathe, let alone speak. He was dressed in black trousers with a dark blue dress shirt, yellow tie, and a black vest. He held a black fedora in in one hand, and had his suit coat draped over his other arm. He grinned smugly, seemingly privy to her thoughts as he said, "Are you ready to go?"
She smiled and nodded dumbly, then stepped out into the cool winter air. She was too flustered at the moment to feel the cold air, and didn't think to grab her coat. He was distracted by something to his left and didn't notice her lack of outerwear either. They began walking down the sidewalk, their hands occasionally brushing as Red told her a story about how one time he'd pissed off a German. He had her laughing by the end, and he reached to take her hand as they passed a flock of tourists. As soon as he touched her fingers, he pulled back and looked at her closer. "Where the hell is your coat? You're hands are like ice."
She suddenly realized how cold she was and hugged herself. "I didn't think to bring it."
He tskd, but pulled his coat off his arm and slid it around her shoulders in one motion. She slid her arms inside, then pulled it tightly around her. It was warm from his body, and smelt like him; just what she needed.
They walked the rest of the way to the store in companionable silence. She watched as a group of Asian tourists posed for pictures in front of a statue, then began chattering excitedly at something behind Red and Liz. She resisted the urge to turn around, and moved to the side as they passed them quickly; they didn't acknowledge either one of them, but she couldn't help but smile at their enthusiasm.
The finally reached E Neukauf and walked inside. She kept his coat on, and he didn't seem to mind as they picked a cart and walked past the cashiers. It felt so domestic being at the grocery store with him, and knew it probably looked that way to anyone observing them, but they were far from the happy expectant parents shopping for food on a Saturday morning; she suddenly wished it could be that simple.
They walked up and down the aisles together. She pushed the cart while he picked things off the shelf and explained how to say them in German, then told her what the item compared to in the US. She was beginning to pick up and understand some the words he spoke to her, and she found it incredibly endearing to hear him speak another language. She loved peeling back the onion that was Raymond Reddington; even if it was one frustrating layer at a time.
They reached the produce section and he picked up an odd-looking fruit and told another story about his first experience with it. She just smiled and shook her head, then drifted towards the produce that she recognized. Bananas suddenly sounded like the best thing ever, so she picked up three bunches and stuck them in the cart, then she moved over to the apples and oranges. By the time she was finished with that, Red had added his own stuff and their cart was full.
He cleared his throat so she would look at him. "Do you need anything else?"
She pursed her lips in thought, but shook her head when she couldn't think of anything. "I think I'm finished." She began to knead her lower back unconsciously.
He stepped up behind her and again pushed her hands away so he could do it. He dug his thumbs into her spine, and it felt heavenly. He leaned closer to her and spoke quietly. "Do you have any pain medication at home for your back pain?"
She nodded and leaned her head back to rest on his shoulder. She didn't care that they were in the middle of a grocery store; she was going to enjoy his impromptu back rub for as long as it lasted.
He kissed the side of her head, then pulled his hands back and said, "Come on, you're worn out, let's get you home."
She nodded reluctantly, then stood up straight and followed him towards the check-out stands. The lines were long, and by the time it was their turn she felt cranky towards the poor cashier; so she let Red deal with everything and took a step back. He seemed to understand and was his usual charming self, so much so that by the end he had the cashier eating out of his hands. She stepped forward to slide her credit card, but Red shot her a warning look and shook his head. "Don't even think about it, Lizzie."
She didn't feel up to arguing with him, so she shrugged and let him pay; he would never let her anyway, even if she tried to get him to see her point of view.
After they paid, he pulled out his cell phone and called for a taxi to come pick them up. They walked out into the parking lot, and he helped her sit down on one of the concrete parking barriers as they waited for the taxi to show up. They kept their conversation light, talking about non-consequential things. "Where's Dembe, Red?" She looked up to see him slipping his amber-colored sunglasses on.
He looked down at her and curled his lip into a half-smile. "He's attending to some business that I can't be a party to at the moment. He should return by the end of next week." In other words, Red was trying to distance himself from as much danger as possible.
She nodded, not in the mood to question him further. He sat down next to her with a little grunt and pointed out things in the parking lot for her to practice her German. By the time the cab pulled in the parking lot, she had most of the words down, and felt confident that she would remember them.
The cab pulled up next to them, and Red opened the door for her to get in, then helped the driver load the trunk with her groceries.
In a matter of minutes they were heading back towards her apartment. She sat close to Red, but resisted resting her head on his shoulder. She had to keep reminding herself that they still had things to work through, and that she shouldn't act so familiar with him; although he didn't seem to mind all that much, she'd noticed that he'd been a little reluctant to touch her most of the morning, but the small touches had been encouraging as well. All was not lost.
They reached her apartment, and she carried a few of the lighter bags inside and began to unload the groceries as the men brought the rest in. By the time all the groceries were put away, she was hungry and exhausted.
She plucked two bananas off a bunch and followed Red into the living room to sit on the couch. After she finished, she yawned widely and looked over to see that his eyes were closed and his arm was thrown over the back of the couch behind her. He was breathing deeply, indicating that he was already asleep. The thought of getting up and walking to her bedroom to take a nap sounded too tiring, so she picked up a small throw pillow and placed it on his lap, then gently laid her head down and made herself comfortable; he made no indication that she'd woken him.
She reached behind her and plucked the throw blanket off the back of the couch, then laid it over her and snuggled down further into the pillow, and his lap. She closed her eyes, and the last thing she remembered was feeling Red's hand in her hair as she drifted off to sleep.
AN: Gah..more fluff. *checks angst switch and sprays WD-40 in it* It seems to be broken, hopefully I can fix it for the next chapter. So I apologize for more fluff. I can't even pay my own dental bills, I hope you don't expect me to pay yours after you lose all your teeth from reading this. :P All kidding aside, thank you so much for all the reviews/follows/favs for this fic..I really do appreciate them. I would love to hear what you think! Good or bad. :) Have a great day.
P.S. This chapter is dedicated to FrostyFingers. It's her birthday today, and this is my gift to her; an extra long chapter. You're a great friend, and an even better person. Love ya girl!