He pulled his hand away and leaned back in his chair as he studied her. She fidgeted nervously and toyed with the spoon in her hand as she waited for him to begin. She was determined to get all of their thoughts and feelings out. There were things that needed to be said, but hadn't, and they had been left to fester and rot. She knew that whatever Red had to say was going to hurt; mostly because it would hit too close to home.

He finally heaved a deep sigh and locked eyes with her. "I was away for as long as I was because I hadn't planned on returning at all. You've made it quite clear that you think I'm too dangerous to be around, and while I agree with you to a point, you wouldn't be safer with anyone else." She opened her mouth to protest, but he didn't give her a chance to respond as he continued, "To be honest with you, Lizzie, criminals know your name now. They know you're associated with Raymond Reddington. They know you've helped me take down some of their most trusted associates. You're as dangerous to them as I am."

She sat forward with pinched eyebrows. "Red-"

He held up a hand. "Let me finish," he said gruffly.

She closed her mouth and nodded with an annoyed glint in her eyes. "Your dream put your most private thoughts into perspective, and I realized what my presence was doing to you. It was eating away at you; because as much as you want me to be around in your heart, your brain refuses to let you be at peace with that decision."

He raised his eyebrows at her, as if asking her to confirm his assumptions. He was right. Completely. So all she could do was nod reluctantly with a grimace on her face.

She spoke up before he could continue; determined to get a word in. "So then why are you here?"

He stared down at his hands briefly, then looked back up at her with an open, honest expression. "Because I couldn't stay away, and as much as you hurt me by running away and not speaking to me about your issues, I can't help but forgive you. The wondering and waiting to get a phone call regarding your death was slowly eating away at me. I realized that I might as well come back and protect you both to the best of my ability. It doesn't matter if it's not as your lover and instead as your protector; I just need to be here."

She sighed and dropped her spoon in her empty cereal bowl with a clatter. He looked at her with hard eyes. Waiting for the inevitable rebuff from her. She rubbed her belly and stared at his vest in front of her as she thought about what to say. All she really wanted to do was throw herself at him and kiss him until neither one of them could breathe, but that wouldn't work. Not with the weight of his words hanging over their heads.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes until she finally gathered her thoughts and looked at him with a little twitch of her mouth. "Frankly Red, you scare the hell out of me. I never know what secrets you're withholding from me. I don't know if there's a price on my head, I don't even know if you would tell me if there was. But yet, I worry about you when you're not with me. You make me feel so conflicted. I know you're dangerous. I know you're not good for me. I know I should just send you away and hope for the best. But I can't. You're too involved in my life now. I don't want you to stay away. I want you here. With me. By my side." He was biting the inside of his cheek and didn't seem inclined to comment, so she continued, "These last two weeks have been hell for me. I guess it ended up being a good thing that you stayed away, because it made me realize how much I actually need you and want you here. I feel like I have a purpose when you're in my life. I feel complete when you're here..." She trailed off, not sure if she should continue. She loved him, she knew that with certainty now, but she wasn't ready to say it out loud to him; not again.

He leaned forward and covered her hand that was lying on the table. She looked at him reluctantly, not sure what was going to come out of his mouth. Instead of saying anything, he smiled. A real genuine Raymond Reddington smile, and said, "I'm glad we're on the same page now, Lizzie."

She smiled back and nodded, but there was still the question of where their relationship went from here. She wanted something more from him. She was tired of holding back, but he'd said that he had come back to be her protector, not lover. She shouldn't be so presumptuous as to assume that he meant he came back to be with her sexually. "Red..." She halted, not sure if she should continue. She didn't want to make a fool out of herself.

He squeezed her fingers. "Lizzie?"

She closed her eyes and avoided looking in his as she spoke. "Where does that leave our relationship?"

He sighed tiredly, and she could feel the cold hand of disappointment twisting her gut. He was going to reject her and let her down gently; because that was the type of person he had become.

She stood up suddenly, not wanting to hear his rejection. "I'm going to go take a nap. I assume you'll still be here when I wake up?"

He clenched his jaw. She could tell he wanted to say something, but she didn't want to hear it. She couldn't. Not now. Maybe not ever. She would be content to just live with him and raise their son together as co-parents and nothing more if she didn't have to hear his rejection.

He finally nodded, and she turned and walked back to her bedroom and kicked her shoes off before lying down. She was exhausted. She always was, but this seemed to be a more bone-deep tiredness that she'd only experienced while Red had been gone. She finally felt like she might be able to sleep more than ten or fifteen minutes at a time; knowing that he was back, and apparently had no plans to leave again.

She hugged her spare pillow to her body and closed her eyes. She fell asleep within minutes; content in the knowledge that she didn't have to worry about Red's or her own safety for the time being.

OOOOOO

It had been three weeks since their talk, and things were still cool between them. He had taken permanent residence on her couch, leaving Dembe to live on his own at his old place.

In the evenings, they often sat on the couch together and watched TV or a movie, but they continued to keep an emotional and physical distance that was both painful and incredibly frustrating to her. He was courteous, and was willing to talk to her at any time; but he acted like a friend. He only touched her if she asked for a back or foot massage, but his touches were platonic; he never took things too far. She had even gotten to the point where she began to touch him just because she needed to contact. Sometimes if they were sitting together, she would grab his hand and place it on her belly when their son was moving. He would smile softly, then remove his hand after a few moments and turn back to whatever he was doing at the time.

She was ready to scream.

That was where she found herself on another boring, predictable night. Red was reading a book on his iPad while she sat next to him watching a TV show that wasn't interesting in the least. Her feet and back ached from walking downtown earlier with Red to get some takeout, and she desperately wished he would offer to rub her feet. She glanced down at them and grimaced when she saw how swollen they were. She put them up on the coffee table and leaned forward as far as she could to massage her calves and ankles, but it wasn't helping much and only caused her back to hurt worse.

As she continued to lean over, she felt a hand on her back and his low voice. "Sweetheart, let me do that for you." She turned her head to find that his face was only inches from hers. She swallowed and glanced down at his lips before looking back up and nodding her consent; she wouldn't ever turn down a free massage, especially at his hands.

He set his iPad on the coffee table and patted his thighs for her put her legs on his lap. She sighed internally, but swung her legs up and over his. She wore loose-fitting athletic shorts and one of his white undershirts. Nothing of hers fit well anymore, so she had taken to raiding his suitcase for things to wear; he never said anything, so she assumed he didn't care.

She adjusted a pillow behind her head, then laid down and made herself comfortable before looking at him. He nodded at her, then began to deftly work his hands over her left foot. The man knew how to give a massage. He started at her toes, and worked his knuckles into the sole of her foot towards her heel. He moved his fingers to just above her heel and massaged the area there, then moved a few inches towards her toes and up towards the top of her foot; she began to feel the slow awakening of arousal and wondered why; but she figured it was just because she craved his touch so much.

He worked on that foot for a few more minutes until he said quietly, "How does that feel?"

She opened her eyes and looked at him with glazed eyes. This was the worst time possible for her hormones to kick in and make her sexually aroused. Not with him around and unwilling to do anything about it. Instead of telling him any of that, she nodded and mumbled, "Feels great."

He must have understood, because he took her other foot in his hands and began to work on that one as well. He did the same thing as before, and by the time he was finished she was ready to jump him. Every nerve in her body was aware of his fingers and what they were doing. Every small touch, every breath. It was too much.

She had a feeling he knew exactly what he was doing.

She sat up as quickly as she could and pulled her feet from his lap. He looked over at her with raised eyebrows.

"I know what you're doing, Red. That's not fair to me."

He shook his head and reached over to touch her knee. "I'm not doing anything, Lizzie. I'm just trying to help you feel better." His thumb moved in small circles over her kneecap, but she could see in his face that he had known exactly what he was doing.

She was sick of dancing around him. Sick of being distant from him. Sick of his games, or whatever they were to him.

"By making me sexually aroused?" She moved her leg further from him, and his hand fell to the cushion as she continued. "You say you want to be my protector and not my lover, yet you do things like that!" She gestured to her feet vaguely as she continued to glare at him.

"Lizzie, I never said I didn't want to be your lover. You didn't give me the chance to answer your question. Don't put this on me." His voice had lowered in anger as he held his body rigid.

He was right of course. She hadn't allowed him to speak when she probably should have. She was just so damn afraid of being rejected.

"So what are you saying then, Red?" She continued to stare at him, their bodies only feet apart, but their relationship once again teetering on the chasm that they had created themselves.

He threw his arms up in a very un-Red like display of emotion as words tumbled out of his mouth unhindered. "That I love you, dammit! How many times do I have to tell you that I want you in every way possible? Do I need to write it down and sign it in my blood? Chain myself to your bedpost? Ask you to marry me?" His voice had lowered at each question, to the point where she could barely hear him at the end. He was looking at her with hard eyes, but she could see vulnerability behind the mask. He was afraid she was going to reject him just as much as she was afraid that he was going to reject her.

They were so stupid.

She leaned over and touched his hand that was clenched on his thigh. "Did you mean it?"

He brought his other hand up and massaged the bridge of his nose. "Mean what, Lizzie?" He sounded tired and defeated.

"That you want to marry me?"

His hand froze on his face. She had surprised him. She liked when that happened.

He slowly turned his head towards her, his face unreadable. "And if I did?"

She sat back and stared at his iPad resting on the coffee table. "Then I would say yes," she said quietly.

He sighed, but she didn't look at his face. She didn't want to see his blank mask. "Lizzie, we have so many things to work through. So many issues that need to be resolved."

"I know," she whispered, clenching and unclenching her fist at her side.

He stood up and held a hand out for her to take. She glanced at it, then sat for another few seconds before taking it and letting him pull her up. He pulled her into an embrace, burying his face in her hair and clutching her to him tightly.

She rested her face against his and wrapped her arms around him. He moved his lips to her cheek, then kissed his way up to her ear and said quietly, "Let's save the marriage discussion for later." His breath warmed her insides.

She breathed a sigh of relief and nodded; they were nowhere near ready for marriage. They stayed like that for another few minutes until she pulled away and grabbed his hand. "Let's go to bed, Red."

He allowed her to lead him to her room, then let her remove his vest, tie, dress shirt and trousers; leaving him in just a pair of black silk boxers. She ran her hand up his bare chest lightly, memorizing the feel of his soft chest hair; his only reaction was a slight quickening of his breath across her cheek, but he didn't move to touch her.

She finished her exploration, then while still avoiding his eyes, stepped backwards and sat down on her bed. He sat down next to her, then she watched as he moved over to the other side and patted the area in front of him. She didn't know what to expect, but she trusted him; more than she thought possible.

She laid down in front of him, then watched as he pulled the blanket up to her waist and ran his fingers over her belly softly.

They had yet to speak a word in her bedroom.

He moved his fingers back down and reached the hem of her t-shirt, then pulled it up over her belly to bunch just under her breasts. His fingers moving over her bare skin was an experience that she would never be able describe to someone if they asked. She only word she could come up with was: Right.

He leaned his head close to her belly, and she reached up and moved her fingernails over his short-cropped hair. He sighed, his warm breath moving over her skin, then placed a soft kiss right above her belly button. He turned his head towards her and said, "May I?"

She didn't know what he was asking permission for, but she didn't care. She had him. In her bed. Kissing her pregnant belly. She wondered if she was dreaming..or hallucinating.

Instead of asking what, she simply nodded her consent.

He gave her a small smile, then placed his ear against her belly. His stubble and short hair tickled her sensitive skin, but she didn't care as she watched his facial expressions with interest. He looked fascinated, wary, and curious all at the same time; it was a sight to see.

Their baby must have been asleep, because she didn't feel any movement, and he moved away a minute or two later and laid down next to her on his back with a sigh.

She looked at him and reached over to squeeze his fingers. "Nothing?"

He shook his head and closed his eyes. "No matter. We'll try again soon."

Her heart warmed at the thought, but then she remembered how many issues they still had to work out and knew she wasn't ready for anything intimate to happen between them that night. They had to work up to something like that. They hadn't even kissed in almost a month, and that kiss had been short and unfullfilling.

She turned her body with quite a bit of effort and curled herself into his side. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer, as she reached down and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders, then laid her arm across his stomach and sighed contentedly. His scent was comforting, and she instantly felt the pull of sleep overtake her.

Just as she reached the edge of sleep, she felt him kiss her temple and mumble something against her skin that sounded a lot like, "Finally." But she wasn't sure, and didn't think anything more of it as she drifted off.

Things were definitely beginning to look up.

AN: Again, I've been working through some writer's block, so that's why it's taking me forever to get chapters out. I'm sorry for that. Thank you so much for the reviews/follows/favs, I truly do appreciate it. I would love to hear what you think. Thanks for reading!

Thanks again to FrostyFingers for her help working through my writer's block.