disclaimer: i don't own high school musical or any of its actors

Chapter 5: awkward

Ryan

Sharpay could be a pain, i pulled my phone out of my pocket buzzing and picked it up. " what do you want Sharapy?" i asked. She sucked her teeth impatiently.

" you're so rude" she said " we cant even have conversations anymore" she was being dramatic as usual, she was allays being dramatic.

" great, now what do you want?" i asked beginning to get impatient myself.

" are you free? Wanna come over?" now that i thought about it she sounded a little out of sorts.

" is it not enough that i am coming to the stupid one year thing?" I asked irritated" now you want me to come hang out with you and Zeke..."

"Zeke's not here" she said choked. I knew that throaty rasp to well as a signification that Sharpay had been crying about something. And more lately then not, Zeke had been the cause. In the year since we had left east high the tables had turned significantly. Where once Zeke had worshiped the ground Sharpay had walked on for a chance at anything with her seemed to be drifting in the opposite direction and it was now Sharpay trying to hold on to something she had in the closing months of her high school career.

" did he.. move out?" i asked skeptically she sniffed.

" i don't know he just left, we had a fight and he said he was going home" she said. I bit my lip, i still cared about my sister, no matter how much i hated her sometimes and Zeke had been giving her the run around for a while now. He was around for a few weeks living at her place like the proper husband then he would somehow create a dilemma so he could justify his cut and run. But i don't deny that Sharpay could fight dirty and probably didn't make it any harder for him to do it. I tried to remind myself that i shouldn't involve myself in her drama but the least i can do is sit while she complains at me. Since i was already breaking the law by talking on my cell phone while driving i decided to just nip it in the bud and drive over there.

" I'll be there in a few" i hung up the phone without another word. I drove over to her apartment in silence, i didn't even turn on the radio, i just couldn't think of anything but troys face falling when i told him about the one year party. I shouldn't have said anything about it. That's what he was so upset about, if i had just said i was busy he would have never had to know. But then i ran the risk of him finding out later and thinking i still saw chad. I didn't even know if chad was going but regardless i had no desire to see anyone but troy anyway. Last night had been a crazy night it was up then down but mostly up but its ups could cause downs for me later. I wanted to be happy that troy had kissed me but it was all so unreal. He was not in a good place and i took advantage of that by seeing him so often. As much as i have always liked him i cant stand in the way of his life getting back on track and him kissing me was a step in the wrong direction, i didn't need to be making his life harder. Hard as i tried i couldn't stop thinking about it though. I got to Shrpays and she buzzed me up, she was just on the couch in sweats when i got there. Sweats where her upset clothing.

" i don't want to go today" she said sniffing. I rolled my eyes, she was the one forcing me to go and now she didn't want to.

" is Zeke going?" i asked

she frowned and crossed her arms. " i don't know, i don't even care if he goes and jumps off of a canyon" she was always like this when she was angry. She always said things she didn't mean. She had even called me a fag a few times when we had gotten into big arguments about things i couldn't even remember anymore, but i would never forget the words she used to justify her means.

" I'm sure you don't want that" i said siting down on the couch opposite her. " I'm sure he will come around" these where just the kind of things that you had to say to get someone out of a funk. Even if i didn't agree with her or believe her most of the time.

" whats the point of even going?" she said " I'm such a loser, i was the best at east high and now what do i have to show over a year?"

the thing i always hated about Sharpay was she thought nobody could possibly understand or hold a candle to her misery. Like i hadn't gone away to school with dreams only to have them crushed and she is complaining about how she has nothing to show for her efforts. Hello at least you finished your year. " Sharpay you have so, you are a huge help in the theater department at east high still to this day and you had two leads this year at u of a." i said speaking threw my ass. " Zeke, i don't know what to tell you about his he is going to come around or he wont either way you need to grow from it" she smiled threw her tears.

" thanks Ryan" she said " you always know the right thing to say" i smiled and nodded, if only i had a sibling who always knew the right thing to say.

I let her shower as i went to the balcony to smoke. I hated Sharpays balcony, it was to small and she was on the top floor which was pretty high. I didn't mind heights, i liked roller coasters and stuff just the uncontained heights that where bridges and balcony's I would never jump but the the simpleness of it the fact that it was there was scary enough.

I smoked away on the joint knowing i would have to be high to face anyone from east high. For me high school was a necessary hurdle to get to the better parts of life but i never realized how good it could have been and how wrong i was about where my present has led. as youth we always think the next step in life will be better then the one we are taking, kids always want to be adults who which they could be kids again and cant wait till they can retire only to become old and wish they had done more with their lives. I really hope my life doesn't turn out that bleak but as a young adult i could be nothing but pessimistic I went back into the apartment and felt the vibration of my phone once more. " hello?" i said into the receiver.

" hey champ" said the bubbly voice of Naomi threw the phone. I smiled instantly at the girls voice.

"hey Naomi" i said " feeling rough?"

" i always bounce back" she said i sat back down on the couch. "i found your friend on the side of the road this morning, brought him back here" troy! I almost yelled but i kept my composure. " i was wondering where you were but he didn't say anything said it was a long story"

i cringed " i didn't ditch him" i defended " he ditched me he was upset... is he still there can her here this?"

" no no he is in the shower" she said. I looked down at myself and sighed i had been in the same cloths from last night and sharpay didn't even notice.

" yeah thanks for that I'm kind of ruining his life right now" i said.

She scoffed " Ryan he really likes you how are you ruining his life?" she said "okay so you brought him to a party and he ran into someone who didn't like him is that really ruining his life?"

" he kissed me" i confessed and there was silence on the other line. " we where drunk, sorry about the gin, but we where drunk and we where talking and..."

"he kissed you!" she gushed she lowered her tone to a whisper " troy Bolton the boy of your prepubescent dreams kissed you? So whats the problem?"

" the problem is, his life is already on its head i don't want to cause him more issues" i said kicking my feet up on the coffee table. I heard the door to the washroom open and lowered my own voice. " i told you what happened Nay"

" so what happened today?" she asked " why was he so upset today?"

" its just this barbeque, its an east high thing and because, you know why he wouldn't want to go..."

" but you are going" she said flatly not really a question. I stumbled over my tongue for the better part of a minute before she cut me off " why would you go?" she clearly didn't like it. " well i don't blame him then, have fun Ryan" she hung up the phone and i knew she was pissed at me. Her defense mechanism was pretending she didn't care, but she did. I had met Naomi in New York only met. i liked her instantly and we had a lot in common, i think mostly what it was though was her resemblance to Gabriela Montez that did it. Besides Kelsey Gabriela was my only friend we had clicked i understood her and she understood me.

if we both hadn't left in the after math of such a crazy event i don't know what would have become of our friendship. I hated her for what she did to troy someone i barely knew yet loved so much and when i had met Naomi it was like i had found a friend like her again. I never saw her again though not until i got home to Albuquerque. I went to a show down town and she was there, we had been inseparable ever since. She had introduced me to her world, her friends some i liked others not so much...

" who where you talking to?" Sharpay asked strutting towards the couch in her pink bath robe.

" oh" i said putting the phone back into my pocket. " just a friend?"

" Naomi?" she asked as if i had made her up. " when are you going to introduce me to your awesome new friends?"

" probably never" i said. " ever"

she frowned " that's rude" she said " you have gotten so rude Ryan i don't know what has happened"

" yeah well when i was born i didn't pop out of the womb and say I'm Ryan and I'm nice!" i said " so don't act so surprised " i got up off of the couch. I was angry all of the sudden. I didn't want to go to this party but that would contradict what i had just told Sharpay. It was all turning out to be a big mess. " its just... today's going to be..."

"awkward" sharpay finished. " yeah, i wonder if Taylor or Kelsey will show" i thought of Kelsey and it sent another pang of anxiety could i handle seeing the girl who pretty much threw me away? Could i blame her for doing it after what i had done to her. I remember that night, the night i told her i was gay. That was the last night i saw her in new york, she never came back to our apartment she never called until she told me she was moving out. I took a breath, chad Kelsey, Taylor the others it was all to much, and now Zeke walking out on Sharpay it was all going to make the whole day weird.

" why are we doing this?" i asked her desperately. " why are we putting ourselves threw this?, we suck Sharpay we totally suck and we are going to go face the people we thought were beneath us"

" sounds like fun" she said statistically getting up off of the couch. " look no matter what happened in new york no matter what we did in high school I'm walking into this party like i am the head bitch i was and you should do the same" she walked away towards her room and i hung my head back on the couch.

Once Sharpay was ready we left for the Cox house which was where the party was. Martha had always been a contributor as far as parties went, her parents aloud it and her house was almost as big as ours. Sharpay sat there all dolled up and barbie but her face wrote a story of nerves. " if Zeke is there i swear I'm leaving"

" shar" i warned.

" no how dare he" she said " how dare he show up at this party after walking out again!" she put her hand on her head and looked down at her phone, i don't know who she was talking too or if she was even talking to anyone. " where were you last night anyway?"

" oh you know nowhere special " i said she scoffed.

" nowhere special in the same cloths you wore to dinner?" she asked. When i thought about it there was no point in denying.

" i got drunk with troy Bolton" i said with a smirk. She turned her head quickly

" seriously Ryan?" she said in all seriousness.

" you say that like it was a crime" i accused "" and what you did with the wine last night was rude as hell"

she looked away guilty knowing she had fucked up " i know, but i wasn't sure what if i had poured him a glass of wine and he turned to me and said i cant drink" she said " then i would have looked like the fool, not that it makes a difference you sold that pretty well"

" Sharpay he was locked away in a hospital for a year and missed pretty much one of the most important years of his life, do you really think he is on the road of sobriety before he has even reached the drinking age?"

" i don't know Ryan, i just cant look at him the same anymore" she said sadly. " I've tried but after what he did.."

"he was provoked Sharpay" i seethed

" alright alright i get it not this again please, I'm not on side's Ryan no one did the right thing" she said putting her hands up in surrender. " its just ... you didn't tell him anything about.. you know?"

" are you asking if i told him chad and Gabriela are still together?" even saying it hurt, but knowing about it and not being able to tell him hurt even worse. It was one of those things that could completely send him on a downward spiral. " i would never, not now"

" are you going to see him again?"she asked as if she where waiting on the edge of her seat for an answer.

" the possibility is incredibly likely" i said with a small grin. Sometimes i just had to remind myself no matter what shit i have to dredge threw today tomorrow is always a new beginning. No matter what i would see troy again and it would be better then it was this morning.

There where a collection of cars parked on both sides of the street when we pulled up and Sharpay started to fan herself with her hand. "I'm hot, are you hot?"

" its the 1st of July in new Mexico" i said " of course I'm hot, lets just get this over with".

The vivacious Martha opened the door with a contagious smile that lighted both Sharpay and my spirit considerably. " if its not the dynamic duo themselves!" she gushed all rosy cheeked and bubbly like i remember her. Yet her sentiment couldn't further from the truth, Sharpay and i where far from being a dynamic duo.

" Martha!" i gushed back " its been too long" it was time to start learning how to use my acting chops. Martha guided us threw the house to the back yard where several other classmates where already gathered talking eating chex mix and awkwardly staring at people they didn't like. When me and sharpay walked into the room it was like everyone had lost their voice. I rolled my eyes and made my way to the closest keg. Sharpay hung off of my shoulder like i used to hang off of her. " why don't you go mingle?"

" why don't you?" she said right back

" i am mingling, with beer" i said topping off my red cup. She made a loud throaty groan. " why don't you have one, it'll loosen you up"

" i don't need to loosen up" she hissed.

" no... not at all" i said walking away sipping on my beer. It was cold at least but it was the cheapest stuff you could find. I sat on a lawn chair in the grass with my cup and watched the people i used to want to fit in with laugh and reminisce about times they had. I didn't have a lot of times with most of them, my times where great and short lived just like my friendships.

" you look like you are having fun" said a familiar voice. I turned to see someone i wasn't sure i wanted to see looking down at me. My heart began to race.

" hey chad" i said breathlessly. Flashes of troy blur my vision. "long time"

" yeah it has been a while" he said putting both of his hands in his pockets. " just get here?" the awkwardness was thick in the afternoon humidity.

" yeah , about five minutes ago" i said nodding.

" its... its weird being here i guess" he said biting his lip. I just sat there looking into my cup. I didn't want to look at him because i could see how much his face had changed, after troy had changed it. It made me sick, to think of all the shit we had all gone threw.

" we don't belong here" i said flatly stone faced like a statue otherwise i might start to cry. because it was true, there was no place for any of us here, people where here to have fun and we knew there was none to be found for us so why did we show up? Me , Sharpay , chad why had any of us shown up at all? We should have been smart we should have left east high behind with the good memories and the bad ones. I got up and started to walk away from chad across the yard back to the keg to refill my cup. He didn't make to follow and i stopped There was no one around us so i took the opportunity i never thought i would be bold enough to take. " do you regret it, what you did?" i said turning around.

He frowned " do i regret being in love with her?" he said , i wanted to lunge across the grass at him for his stupid heart aching bullshit cop out of an assumption that that was the answer i was looking for. Love concurs all, how could you hate a man in love even if he had to stab his best friend in the back to do it? It made me feel sick " i cant say i do" he said. i chuckled to stop myself from vomiting, troy deserved better then chad for a best friend and he deserved better then Gabriela for a girlfriend.

" well then I'm glad you got what you wanted" i said venomously " even if it was at the expense of countless others, you selfish ...cunt!" i dropped the cup to the ground and marched across the grass towards Sharpay who was standing with a glass of champagne sticking out like a soar thumb. " lets go" i said seething with anger.

"are you sure?" she asked concerned with a mix of relief.

" i have never been more sure" i said. A wave of relief passed over Sharpays face as we left threw the house Martha looked a little put off by our lack of effort in trying to have a good time but she could think what she wanted this party was no place for us, high school was over.

A/N: chapter 5 is up and i hope you liked our little hike into Ryan's head, next chapter is troy again but it focuses allot on my original character Naomi. i haven't decided if i want to give her a point of view or not but there will be one for sharpay in the near future so look forward to it thanks for reading.