Warnings: Strong language.

~I do realize Renji may sound a bit OOC, but the idea of a crazy Renji satisfies me more than it should... I think it is time for our redhead to be a bad boy, instead of best friend ;)

369 – Life is unfair.

Chapter 2 –6 – A lie for love

Renji wasn't a deceiver. He wasn't the type of guy that lied or hid behind false ideals or personalities. He was a straight forwards man who would speak his mind without thinking twice. That was something he was proud of showing off, and it was one of his most known qualities.

And that was what made him feel like shit as he went to Hisagi's office.

He was still shaken about what happened with Kira. If he didn't show up in time... It was scary to think about it. The way the blond cried, was so intense and heartbreaking. He knew Kira wasn't happy for a while, but he had no idea how badly things were; but even more heartbreaking was the reason why Kira wanted to end his life...

Kira loved Hisagi.

The same Hisagi who loved Renji, and reminded him everyday with his 'I want you's and 'Be with me's. But Renji couldn't tell Kira, no. The same way he couldn't tell him how much he liked him, how many times he dreamed with him.

Kira was a lonely soul, but a beautiful one. He said he was tired of being alone, but Kira didn't notice the only reason he was alone was because he didn't let anyone get closer. Since Ichimaru left, he cut bonds with everyone, except Matsumoto and Hisagi. With Matsumoto, it was obvious why – she reminded him of Ichimaru, and that was the only thing they talked about. But with Hisagi, Renji always thought it was because both shared the same impact with the betrayal, but he was wrong. Kira became closer because he was in love.

That made him feel like crap, because no matter how occupied Renji was, all his spare time was spent with Kira, but he didn't even notice. He didn't see it all. All because he was fucking blind for Hisagi.

All the little things he had done to cheer Kira were in vain, nothing worked, and Kira didn't seem to want them to work. He tried to kill himself, and Renji wasn't even in his mind...

It was like he didn't exist.

But what was really fucked up was that Renji was afraid Hisagi would find out about Kira's suicide attempt, because if he knew about it, he would feel so damn guilty that he would pretend to love Kira and would be with him.

That couldn't fucking happen.

Renji wasn't going to let Hisagi be with Kira, and even if it was against his ideals, Renji would put a stop with a lie.

A strong dishonest lie, that was going to hurt Kira badly to protect his own heart. He didn't want to make the blond suffer, but this was like ripping a band-aid, it was best to destruct all hope in one go, than seeing Kira stuck with his feelings and try to terminate his life and eventually Hisagi giving in to him because he couldn't deal with the idea of his friend dying.

So he was going to make something he hoped he wouldn't regret. It was selfish but if he couldn't have Kira, no one else could.

It was early in the morning and Renji reached the Ninth Squad, where he was sure Hisagi was there already working. He spent the whole night at Kira's house, thinking about what he should do. He thought about just telling Kira the truth, but the blond wouldn't want him – he only wanted Hisagi, and it was hard to admit, but... Renji couldn't compare himself with someone who made Kira want to die. He also thought that if he carried the plan he was going to do, that Kira may try killing himself again, but that was where the true mission was – he was going to tell him in a way the blond would understand and wouldn't have the courage to make something horrible. If he truly loved Hisagi he would want him to be happy.

Renji was going to trick him and manipulate him, and he knew how wrong it was. But it was just a lie, a lie for love.

He knocked Hisagi's door, and a few seconds after the Ninth Division Fukutaichou opened it.

"Abarai," he said surprised.

"I need to talk to you."

Hisagi stared at him for a bit, and nodded opening the door completely for the other to enter.

"You thought about what I told you yesterday?" Hisagi joked. Yesterday, Hisagi decided to propose him to be friends with benefits, Renji politely declined.

"Actually, yeah," the redhead said, catching Hisagi by surprise.

"Really?"

"Really."

"And? What do you want to do?" Hisagi asked leaning against his desk with his arms crossed.

"I was thinking that maybe we could try..."

"Try what? Sex?"

So blunt. Hisagi could be weird sometimes, like he had a double-personality.

"I was thinking we could try the whole thing," Renji replied.

"You mean dating?"

Renji inhaled deeply, "Yeah, that's what I mean."

Hisagi looked suspicious for a while, "Why? What made you change your mind?"

Lies, lies, lies.

"Well, you know... It's not like I don't find you attractive, and we are good friends. It would be stupid of me not giving a good friend a chance." Hisagi's eyes widen when he heard the last part, and he looked down as if he was embarrassed.

"I wish I was as good as you," he said. And Renji felt fucking guilty. He could back down now, he was still on time. 'Just say you changed your mind'.

"I'm not good," Renji said, he was a coward, a fucking, damned, stupid-fuck coward. And he wasn't able to stop this because if he did, Hisagi could give Kira a chance.

"Yes, you are," Hisagi said coming closer, "Thank you for giving me an opportunity." And he was so close now, Renji wasn't able to step back.

Hisagi reached his face with his hand, and slowly leaned his head to kiss him. The slow kiss became not so slow in a few seconds, and Renji found himself pinned against the wall as Hisagi kissed him senseless everywhere he could.

And Renji hated his lies even more, because he couldn't help but liking what the other was doing. Hisagi knew what to do, where to touch, and the idea Kira could be the one in his place drove him insane.

Renji had to keep Hisagi to himself and happy so his senpai would never think about being with Kira.

So he kissed back, his hands instantaneously untying the brunet's obi. Kosodes and Shitagis were gone fast, and soon Hakamas started being moved down when...

… the door opened.

Both Hisagi and Renji stared at the person at the door, and Renji felt like he was a monster worse than a famine Hollow as he saw Kira petrified looking back at them.

Shit, this was not supposed to happen. Not like this, not now. He was supposed to tell Kira gently about his feelings for Hisagi. And Kira was supposed to be sad, but glad that at least the one he loved was happy with Renji. But now, Kira saw them, not longer after he tried to kill himself...

The first to break the silence was Hisagi.

"Kira?"

And the blond's blue eyes looked at the grey ones and then looked at Renji's.

"You are a horrible person," Kira said, his voice was low, "Abarai-kun." And he turned around and left, leaving Renji shocked.

This was why he never lied, because lies always carried consequences, and sometimes lies could destroy lives and relations.

"Kira!" Hisagi called after the other left, and Renji stopped spacing out, and grabbed his clothes.

"Where are you going?" the other man asked him.

"After him," Renji said tying his obi.

"Don't, he may be surprised now, but he'll understand."

"He already understands, that's why I have to go," Renji replied, and left a confused Hisagi behind.

Renji followed the small trace of Kira's reiatsu. The blond used shunpo to runaway, it was harder to catch him this way, but Renji kept going after him.

Lies were a man's worst enemy, especially when they worked out.

Kira now knew Hisagi was off-limits, but he blamed Renji. It was like a punch in the face, and Renji expected something, he expected a slap, but not this way, not a full powered punch.

He kept going to wherever Kira's reiatsu was leading him to, and he realized that this path was familiar. It looked different with the daylight but the maze-like walls were clearly recognizable. This was where he found Kira last night about to decapitate himself. Renji's heart started frantically beating, he was afraid the blond wouldn't stick to his promise and would try to die again.

He ran faster, passing by a couple confused shinigami. He turned the curve and found him. Kira was in front of him, with his back to him. Slow and carefully, Renji walked towards him.

"Someone cleaned it," the blond said making him stop in his track. Of course, Kira knew he was behind him, Kira was always the best sensing others' reiatsu.

"Kira, please don't be mad at me," he asked.

"I wrote it here, and now it's gone," the blond continued ignoring what Renji said. "The blood is gone."

"Kira..." he went closer till he could reach him. "Please," he tried to grab his shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" the blond yelled, turning around. "You lied to me."

"Kira, I'm so sorry..."

"You knew I liked him and yet you... you..." he wasn't crying, but his features were worse than if he was. So much sorrow and despair, that Renji regretted everything he did. But it was too late now, wasn't it? Too late to turn back on his false relationship with Hisagi. It would hurt him even more, it would hurt both.

"I'm sorry..." it was the only thing he could say.

"Sorry is not enough," the blond bitterly stated.

"What can I do to make up for you?" Renji asked, hoping there was some part in Kira that didn't detest him.

"There is nothing you can do. The only thing I wanted, you took it..."

Renji had never seen Kira like this. It was borderline obsession. Certainly he must had something else in his life that was important to him...

"I'll give you anything," Renji said, now hopelessly.

"Then, give me him," he then sarcastically, almost sadly, chuckled. "But you cannot give me the impossible, can you?" he passed by Renji to leave. "Don't talk to me again, I no longer trust you."

And just like that, he left.

Renji didn't follow him this time. He was too appalled. He simply wanted to make Kira forget about Hisagi.

He could only conclude that life was kind of unfair. A simple lie led to the destruction of the only link he had with the blond.

Kira separated from him gradually since he became a Fukutaichou, and Renji now wondered if it was all a test, a sign that he shouldn't have permit him distance himself. What kind of man he was that couldn't even do anything right for the one he loved?

He tried to talk to him, but he didn't try enough. And now he was facing the effects of being unwanted, and surely hated.

He fucked up everything, and Kira didn't want to see anymore. The worst combination for a broken heart.

However, in the back of his head something was ticking, like a clock. Words and images formed in his mind, in what could possibly be his salvation to not lose that blond lonely soul.

Was it despair? Did Kira realize that he was making Renji crazy? That was turning him into a demon? No, of course not. Kira was like an angel, and he could only see good. That's why he loved Hisagi and not him.

He wasn't aware that his feet returned him to Hisagi's office, where the brunet was waiting for him to turn back.

Hisagi looked at him. "How is he?"

"Hurt..." Renji replied sitting next to him.

"What do you want to do?"

"I... How far would you go for love?" Renji asked.

"For you, I would go to wherever my body permitted, and after that I would find a way to go even further."

Renji looked at his senpai, and caressed his dark hair. His brain was still ticking, and the more he let it tick the more he knew what to do...

"My thoughts exactly."

Hours later he found Kira behind a bar they rarely went because of its' bad reputation, sitting on the floor with many empty bottles surrounding him. The blond was drunk as hell, but his pain and anger was still there.

"Why you came here? I don't want to see you ever again!" Kira drunkenly yelled, pointing his finger at him.

"I came, because I'm going to give you the impossible."

And Kira's beautiful blue eyes widen as he saw Renji's hands covered in blood reach him to help him get up.

To be continued...

Reviews are welcomed.