Chapter Thirty Two
Jake
Alice and I rigged the accident to make sure there was no chance anyone would think Bella was still alive, she was going to crash a rental car which then caught fire and blew up. Alice rang the hotel and left a message from Bella for Charlotte saying she was driving back to Jasper, she had to see him. Then she rented a car in Bella's name and I drove it out towards their place before rigging it to explode as it went over a deep ravine. There was a satisfying whoomp as the car caught fire and we left just enough evidence to support the theory it was Bella in the car. I had no idea where Alice got the body and I wasn't going to ask. I just did my bit to keep Bella safe then we flew back to Forks to wait for the blow to fall, and it wasn't long. I heard from Charlie two days later. He was almost incoherent with grief having just been informed that the Denver police had identified a body in a burnt out car as Bella's. I don't think I'd ever seen anyone so prostrate with grief. Billy and Harry helped him with all the arrangements and Renee and Phil came a few days before the funeral and we looked after them too. Carlisle offered help but Charlie seemed to blame him most for her going off with Jasper and wouldn't even speak to him.
The day of the funeral was wet and the place was inches in mud by the time they lowered the coffin. Charlie almost followed her into the grave but I grabbed him just in time. Alice and I took him home and put him to bed, Renee promising to look after him and make sure he got something to eat later. Carlisle who had attended the funeral with the rest of the family took the opportunity to speak to us later.
"Is Bella really gone?"
Alice looked confused, "Sorry Carlisle?"
"I want to know if Bella is really dead. She didn't organise this to stop Charlie looking for her did she?"
"Do you really think Bella would have put her Dad through that?" I asked annoyed.
Esme took Carlisle's arm,
"I really don't think Bella would hurt her father like that Carlisle."
He shook his head, "I suppose not. I'm sorry Alice, I just had to ask".
Jasper
I stood in the shelter of the trees watching the funeral and seeing Charlie's distress. I knew how he felt but the question that went over and over in my mind was why she was coming back? What made her drive back without Charlotte? It didn't make any sense, I knew she hadn't wanted to be away from me but she'd sounded happy on the phone. It was my fault she was dead, I'd sent her away and she'd died trying to get back to me. My life was over, there was nothing worth going on for. Peter and Charlotte had become my shadows watching my every move, ensuring I didn't do anything stupid. What they failed to realize was it was too late, I'd already done the most stupid thing, sending her away. I'd spent so long on my own it should have been easy to go back to it but I couldn't. I couldn't think or do anything, I just sat looking out over the countryside and wondering what she was thinking. Charlotte had given me the two photographs Bella had ordered in the shop before she vanished and I hung them in the bedroom which was mine. I sat looking at them for hours, wondering why she'd chosen those two, of all the photographs in the collection. I imagined walking into them, to see her sitting and smiling at me. Holding her hand out to me and asking me to join her. Where she'd gone now I couldn't follow, she was out of my reach. I almost called on Charlie but I guessed I wouldn't be welcome, he would probably blame me, with good reason. I felt responsible for her death and yet I couldn't get the thought of her out of my mind. I still felt the familiar ache of being away from her, that hollow pain that only she could stop yet only she could produce in me. Why did I still hurt so much now she was gone, would the ache ever diminish?
Bella
I opened the envelope in the restaurant and slid out the contents carefully. There was full ID in the name of Jane Lock, passport, drivers license, the full works, along with a bank book and credit cards and a wad of cash. I drank my coffee studying the departures board trying to decide where to go. I didn't want to go at all, I wanted to stay here, to run back to the hotel and go back with Charlotte to Jasper. I heard Alice's words again, I'd be the cause of two deaths if I stayed, the deaths of the two men I loved most in the world. In the end I settled for Sacramento and I had no idea why. The flight took off an hour later and as it did I burst into tears earning an odd look from the passenger sitting next to me and a tissue and sympathy from the flight attendant who mistakenly believed I'd just broken up with my boyfriend. I guess in a way she was right but Jasper had been much more than a boyfriend, he was my life and I'd walked away from my life.
I found a small apartment near the University Campus, I couldn't bear to share with anyone, and got a job in the library on Campus. It was a menial job re stacking books, helping students use the research facilities, that type of thing. I worked part-time in one of the coffee shops too for extra money. Every month on the dot money was deposited in the bank account I'd been given and I had enough to pay my way and save a fair bit of the money I didn't feel belonged to me. I tried hard not to make friends, I couldn't gather the energy to get involved in any social activities, I did my job, went home and sat looking at the small TV I'd bought for company. I fell asleep in front of the screen waking hugging my chest to ease the pain and woke crying in the middle of the night, every night. I eat only because I had to and lost weight. As the nights got lighter I would wander the area, walking because it was preferable to watching TV. At the end of six months I moved on just as Alice had instructed, this time choosing Palm Springs just because there was a flight leaving within two hours of my arriving at the airport.
I found a ratty little apartment and a job at one of the many nightclubs. My days were the same as before, I got up, eat Pop Tarts for breakfast, went for a long walk people watching, came back, eat lunch if I could be bothered then slept for a little while before getting dressed up for work. I ignored the lewd remarks and groping hands at work, did my job and went home. Again I avoided making any friends, just ignoring any friendly overtures and dying inside a little more every day. My sleep was full of Jasper and only him. I saw him, heard him, even felt his hand in mine sometimes and cried when I woke up and found I was in my little bedroom alone, knowing it would always be like this. I couldn't go back, couldn't contact him or the Cullens or Charlie, ever again.