A/N: Hello lovies! I am terribly sorry you've had to wait this long for an update. The short version is that my uncle, who had been in the hospital for the last couple months, suddenly toppled over the Great Cliff of Life, but held on for another four days before his lungs succumbed to pneumonia and all the other infections he kept getting. He died at the age of 71, after smoking heavily for most of his life, so we've been rather surprised that he lived as long as he did. Fortunately, my aunt is taking it all much better than most people would because she's had time to get used to the idea and seen him suffer for so long. Also, my new compy finally came in but since the very day I got it, it has given me blue screens of death and frozen on me an average of once a day. Therefore, the last two weeks have been spent going to work and then coming home to stay on the phone for a couple hours each night, chatting with the IT people about how my new computer hates me. So, with my whole family coming over for the wake and the funeral, and my new compy being an insolent prick, and my birthday last weekend, I've been ridiculously busy doing everything but writing. Thankfully, this chapter was easy going as I only had to edit it six times before it was ready to go.

Anywho, onto the reviews!

playwright82 - Wow! Thank you! I'm really flattered that you wanted to finish reading that much! You're right, I won't give away any spoilers, but I'm glad you like Devon, and at least one of your ponderings will be answered this chappie! Don't you dare apologize for writing a long review! I LOVE long reviews, so feel free to write an essay if you have that much to say!

Majority Leader - Thank you! As a long-time reader of fanfics, I think that is a perfect way to explain one you really like, so I'm even more flattered! It really is rough, finding a fanfic that you want to stick with, so thank you so much for sticking with mine!

L - I am so glad you think so! That's exactly the kind of story I was aiming for, so I'm so happy you're enjoying it! Stay with me and there's a ton more hilarity to come!

All my reviewers: While the above people said something that gave me an uncontrollable urge to respond, I do want to take the time now to tell you that I appreciate each and every one of you taking the time to read and comment on my work. The death of my uncle has reminded me that sometimes you wake up and feel like you just don't appreciate some people enough while they're with you. I hope you know I love you all and every single review I read makes me happy, so please keep reviewing! And do feel free to continue giving me funny suggestions as the story progresses because even if I can't use them in a story, they're very entertaining to read!

But enough blabbering from me; I've made y'all wait long enough as it is. Here's the next chappie!

~~~\~~~

Step 7: Getting Caught

Remember that bit I said about it only being a matter of time until your Malfoy caught you? I was completely serious. More often than not, he will catch you in a very literal and physical sense, whether that means you literally falling into his arms or him physically taking a hold of your arm and dragging you somewhere private. At this point, the chase has ended. He will claim his prize (you) by showing you exactly how much he likes winning via victory sex. If you have any backbone, you'll be offended on principle that he feels you are something to be won over by some manly display or another, but that doesn't mean you ought not reap the benefits of putting up with his chauvinistic whimsy. I also previously mentioned that Malfoys are magnificent lovers. I was completely serious then, too, as you will find out for yourself, assuming you've gotten this far in your courtship. Note well: Malfoys are legendary for their stamina, so be prepared for a sexual marathon that you will thoroughly enjoy until you are both literally rendered unconscious from exhaustion. Enjoy it.

~~~\~~~

The next day, Hermione woke up earlier than usual, but didn't actually get out of bed until two hours later, when her stomach ordered her to eat. Truth was, she was afraid of what surprises were in store for her. She hadn't forgotten about Malfoy's reaction the previous night, and neither did she fancy getting out of bed to inevitably find out what he was planning. But her stomach kept incessantly growling at her, so she dragged herself out of bed.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she tried to decide what clothes she felt like wearing today. Her eyes caught sight of the hickey Malfoy had given her two nights ago. It was mostly faded due to the healing charms, but pink enough to indicate it had been there. Hermione blushed at the memory and decided she would wear a turtleneck again. Just to be safe, she cast a Glamour Charm to hide it.

She ate a leisurely breakfast by herself in the dining room while she read her first book of the day. After she was finished, she stared at her empty plate.

What did she want to do today? She was still waiting on St. Mungo's to go through the preliminary trials of her potion. She had asked Dopey if Professor Morgana was around, but he responded that she was out for most of the day, so she couldn't update her mentor yet. Eventually, Hermione decided to venture out to the diner again. She didn't expect Devon to be there, but maybe she could get to know Mona better. She seemed like a sweet woman, and maybe she could tell Hermione more about Devon. If he was going to pretend to be her boyfriend, she might as well learn as much information as she could about him.

On her way over to the Floo, she halted as the familiar rumble sounded throughout the room, meaning someone was flooing in. Hermione stepped aside, and mentally groaned as Malfoy stepped gracefully out of the fireplace. I was so close to not seeing him at all today...

She waited until he was busy dusting himself off to sneak behind him so she could leave as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, flooing was not an instantaneous procedure, so Malfoy merely grabbed her upper arm.

"And where are you going in such a hurry?" he smirked.

She glared. "None of your business." She tugged on her arm and nearly succeeded in breaking his hold on it, but he tightened his grip.

His smirk transformed into the wicked grin that scared her so much.

"Ah, going on another date, then?"

It was as good an excuse as any. "Yes," she lied angrily, covering up her trepidation. "Now please let go before you give me a bruise."

To her surprise, he did let go. "My apologizes. I didn't intend to harm you," he replied seriously.

But the grin returned a moment later. "Wait a moment and I'll escort you. Missy!"

Hermione's jaw dropped in horror as he called for his personal house elf.

"Malfoy, you can't go on my date with me!" she near-yelled guiltily. Note to self: When Malfoy offers you a seemingly valid excuse, IT'S A TRAP!

Malfoy rolled his eyes at her as his house elf appeared.

"Granger, I never said I would. I merely offered to accompany you to your destination. That's all."

Then he turned to his house elf. "Missy, fetch me my Muggle coat." Missy disapparated and reappeared a few moments later.

"But, it's in Muggle London," Hermione tried to reason desperately. "Surely you'd rather not hang around Muggles when you don't need to? And it always takes about an hour to walk there! Don't you have pressing business you need to attend to before then?"

He gave her an amused look as he fastened his coat.

"Alright, Granger. You caught me. I just want to get a glimpse of this bloke who's captured your heart so quickly. Luckily, all my meetings today were this morning, so I'm free the entire afternoon. Besides, wouldn't it be nice to have company for the full hour it takes to get there?" he grinned mischievously.

Great. Now I have to find a way to contact Devon. I can't say he won't be there without admitting I lied about the date. And if I do admit that I lied, then Malfoy will probably do something obnoxious like suggest we spend the day together, and then follow me around. Fuck you, Draco Malfoy!

Hermione sighed in defeat. She couldn't think of a logical reason why he couldn't walk her there, and he'd never agree to stay home just because she wanted him to.

"Fine. Come on, then. Just don't get lost," she huffed, moving to stand in front of the fireplace and grabbing some Floo Powder from the pot on the mantle.

~~~\~~~

An agonizing fifty-three minutes and fourteen seconds later (she counted), Hermione entered the diner with Malfoy in tow. She directed him to sit at her usual booth while she went up to the counter and ordered some tea. Fortunately, Mona was there and recognized her immediately.

"Hermione! How are ya?" she greeted enthusiastically.

Hermione couldn't help but smile. The woman's energy was infectious.

"Hi, Mona." She bit her lip and leaned over the counter a little, indicating for Mona to do the same. "Listen, would it be possible for me to contact Devon, right this second? Do you know his mobile number? I know it might be a lot to ask-" she whispered.

Mona grinned and waved away Hermione's explanation. "Of course. Devon and I have been friends for years. I'm sure he'll understand if it's something important. Let me grab something to write it down on..."

"Actually, I don't have one on me, so could you just dial it on yours, or a phone here?" Hermione added quickly.

Mona nodded. "I'll go get my purse. Just a moment." She bustled off to the kitchen.

"Chatting up the help?"

Hermione jumped and whipped around to glare at Malfoy.

"Don't do that!" she snapped. "Go sit back down. The teas aren't ready yet."

He rolled his eyes at her commanding tone. "I'm bored. When is Devon coming?"

She huffed. "I'm going to call him right now to tell him we're early. So go sit and be patient for once. Merlin, you're like a little boy. I should have brought toys to keep you occupied."

His interest peaked, a wicked grin formed on his lips. "What sort of toys?"

She smacked his arm. "Shut up, Malfoy." Gods, he made her such a violent person sometimes.

"Here, Hermione!" Mona chirped. She came back to the counter and dialed Devon's number, handing it over to her. She turned to Malfoy and paused a moment, before smiling again.

"Hello, can I help you?" she asked breathily.

Malfoy smiled charmingly back, leaning on the counter. "Actually, gorgeous, I think you can. Has Hermione ordered our teas yet?"

Mona faintly shook her head and immediately took the order, occasionally glancing back at Malfoy and blushing when she met his gaze.

Hermione held the phone tightly to her ear, praying to every deity she had read about that Devon would pick up and be able to meet them here soon. She glared at Malfoy's shameless flirting and made a mental note to lecture him on appropriate facial expressions in public. Just when her hopes had dropped into the Pit of Eternal Despair and she frantically tried to think of what she was going to do next, Devon picked up.

"Hello? Mona?" he sounded out of breath.

"Actually, it's Hermione. I'm using Mona's mobile. You're right, she's a real sweet girl. Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.

"Oh, hey Hermione! Ya, I'm alright. I just didn't hear the phone until the last few rings because I was just in the shower," he explained, slowly gaining his breath back.

Hermione blushed. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know-"

He laughed. "It's alright. How are you?"

Hermione glanced back at Malfoy, who was busy flapping his mouth. She snorted. Oh, so it's okay for him to 'chat up the help'. But at least Malfoy couldn't hear her, though she lowered her voice and turned around anyway.

"Listen, I was going to come down to the diner today to see if you were here, but John caught me and I lied, saying that we had a date today, so that he would go away. But that actually made him want to come so he could meet you, and I couldn't come up with a good excuse for him not to, so we're here at the diner now. Is there any chance you could hop over right now and pretend we had a date planned? I told him we were early, so he wouldn't get suspicious why you're not here, so you still have time if you need it."

"Oh, ya, sure! I'll throw on some clothes and head out. I should be there in about fifteen minutes. Will that be okay?"

Hermione sighed in relief. "Yes, that'll be great. Thanks so much."

"Anytime. See you in a bit." He hung up.

Hermione hung up her end and walked back over to the counter. Malfoy was still charming Mona, so she scowled. A sudden, wicked idea came to her. She smirked.

"Hem Hem," she said in a high-pitched voice, mimicking a certain terrifying ex-Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

Malfoy quickly looked behind him. Hermione didn't miss the flash of dread on his face before his eyes landed on her. He glared.

She smiled cheekily. Nobody had been left unscarred by Dolores Umbridge's stay at Hogwarts in Fifth Year - not even the Slytherins of the Inquisitorial Squad - and Hermione felt no guilt in exploiting any of Malfoy's weaknesses.

"Glad I got your attention. Devon says he's stuck in traffic, but he should be here in about fifteen minutes."

Mona giggled. "Wow, he must really like you." Both Hermione and Malfoy looked at her expectantly, so she continued. "It's a lie. He doesn't even own a car. He only says that to girls when he's worried he might not be on time so they don't worry. It usually only takes him about ten minutes, so fifteen means he's pretty nervous about seeing you."

Hermione nearly gasped, which would have given away her fib, but she managed to control her expression in time to make it interested. She cleared her throat and put on a pleased smile.

"Really? That's a good sign, then, right?" I am sooo lucky that's something he normally does.

Mona smiled back and nodded. "No doubt about it."

Hermione, still fake-smiling, nervously glanced at Malfoy and felt a little reassured that he was scowling. Fortunately, Malfoy brazenly decided to interrogate Mona about Devon just as Hermione had planned to that morning. Of course, he did so in a much smoother way than Hermione could have ever done since he was an attractive male and experienced flirt.

"So, Mona." He flashed her his most ridiculously charming smile. Hermione silently and disgustedly noticed her melt on the spot. "You seem to be a rather good friend of this Devon bloke. Are you?"

Mona nodded dreamily at him. "Yes, you could say I'm one of his best friends," she gushed. "We've known each other practically forever."

"Good. You see, I'm very worried about the blokes Hermione gets mixed up with, so would you mind if I asked you a few questions about him? I just want to make sure he's a good bloke, you know? I don't want my Hermione to get hurt if I can help it; you understand, don't you?"

Mona looked even more taken with his 'sensitivity' and unreservedly answered his questions.

Hermione scowled, but felt a pleasing rush when he mentioned her as his. She couldn't watch this, though. If he sweet-talked Mona any more, she was going to swiftly vomit right on his immaculate, expensive coat. She looked around and suddenly noticed the place was empty. How had she not even noticed the five or so customers that had been in the diner had walked out? She walked around Malfoy and behind the counter to look into the kitchen. It was empty, too. She frowned. Merlin, what did Malfoy do this time?

She sighed and walked back around to Malfoy, tapping him on the shoulder.

He didn't break eye-contact with Mona, or stop his smile. "What, Hermione? I'm busy." Mona blushed.

Hermione rolled her eyes. She badly wanted to know all the information he was extracting from her, but she strongly suspected he had cast a Muggle Repelling Charm, and that would repel Devon away, since he was a Muggle. She decided to just ask what she needed to and then yell at him for his complete lack of forethought later.

"You don't think Devon will suddenly remember an urgent appointment when he arrives at the diner, do you?" she asked meaningfully.

Malfoy paused. "Mona, would you mind making those teas for us? I'll be back in a moment. Hermione and I need to discuss something urgent. You understand, don't you?"

Mona nodded and smiled warmly. "Of course." She turned around and started humming to herself patiently.

Hermione grabbed Malfoy's arm and dragged him toward the door.

"A Muggle Repelling Charm, Malfoy?" she whispered harshly. "How idiotic are you? We're waiting for a Muggle!"

He rolled his eyes. "Relax, Granger. I'm aware of what it does." He waved his wand, muttering the counter. "There, all fixed. I just wanted to make sure Mona and I wouldn't be interrupted."

She narrowed her eyes. "You were keeping him away on purpose, weren't you?" she accused.

He shrugged, with a shadow of a smirk on his lips giving her an affirmative.

She sucked in a deep breath to control her building rage at his insolence.

"Your overwhelming petulance aside, you are at her place of work! You can't just send all the employees and customers away or prevent more from coming in! This is their livelihood, Malfoy! You could have just sat at the counter and talked with her between her duties like a normal person, you know. You gave me the impression that you had all afternoon free, so it's not like you're on a schedule!"

"Yes, but I don't have all day," he snapped back. "Besides, we do have a schedule if we want to be done by the time Devon comes."

Hermione huffed. "Just ask him the bloody questions yourself, then. You'll find out the answers one way or the other."

"Fine," he grunted.

"Fine," she agreed.

Their eyes remained locked in a staring contest until Mona announced that the teas were ready. They stepped away from the door, grabbed the teas, and plopped down into their booth. Gradually, several people came in, including the other employees who claimed they had taken a short break, and Hermione supposed no real harm had been done, but only just narrowly.

Malfoy smirked at her when he caught her gaze. She scowled and sipped her tea. They didn't even blink when a blaring police siren, an annoying bird call, or the pitter-patter of a sudden heavy rain against their window threatened to distract them.

After what seemed an eternity, Devon entered the diner. He greeted Mona and then walked over to Hermione's booth, his trainers squishing as he walked.

"Hermione, love!" he greeted. The huge smile he wore made him look rather handsome. She stood and blushed at the endearment. He kissed her chastely on the lips, causing her to blush further. He slipped an arm about her waist and pulled her against his side. He was pleasantly warm, so Hermione wrapped an arm around his waist, too, and leaned into him.

"Devon, this is Draco. Draco, this is Devon, my boyfriend." She didn't consciously know why she had introduced him as Draco instead of Malfoy, until she realized that she didn't want Devon to think she had been intimate with a man she was still on a last name basis with. Yes, this is Malfoy, Draco Malfoy, who has given me three magnificent orgasms and I still don't call him Draco. That sounds so very classy, doesn't it? She bit her lip, hoping she didn't screw this up. One slip and Malfoy would be on her like a niffler, sniffing out every golden lie she ever told him.

Fortunately, neither of the men were paying much attention to her. They were too busy sizing the other up.

Devon was the first to extend a hand by removing it from Hermione's waist.

"Draco, nice to meet you," he offered cooly, with a hint of a smirk. "I can't say I've heard many good things about you."

Hermione winced. Uh oh. What have I gotten myself into? I can't even blame Harry for this. He's usually the one getting me and Ron into trouble with his hare-brained schemes, and I just tag along to make sure they don't get caught. Who's going to save me from getting caught?

"Devon, the pleasure is all mine. I can't say I've heard much about you at all," Malfoy smirked, shaking Devon's hand with his own.

Hermione noticed the handshake went on a little too long, so they must have been trying to squeeze the life out of each other through their hands. As she suspected, their hands looked redder when they parted.

She frowned and worried her lip with her teeth, eyes darting back and forth between the two men, who just stared at each other unnervingly.

***/***

Draco smirked to indicate his superiority and immunity to intimidation.

While Devon had a pretty strong grip, he was a fair bit shorter, though not by much. Clearly Granger had been relating their issues to him, as Devon couldn't possibly already hate him unless she gave him reason to. And the hate was clearly there, in his eyes and in his body language.

The three sat down in the booth. Draco leaned back comfortably, one hand leisurely resting on his thigh and the other casually playing with the edges of a napkin on the table. He stared at Devon imperiously. Devon leaned back, too, but had his arm wrapped around Granger's shoulders, pulling her up against him, staring at Draco challengingly. Granger rested her head on Devon's shoulder, but was watching them both carefully, though Draco was certain she couldn't quite decipher the battle of wills that was occurring right in front of her.

Devon's body said, 'I've got what you want. Deal with it."

Draco's body said, 'You think you do, but I can snatch her away easier than you know.'

Mona obliviously interrupted their staring contest, smiling. "Can I get any of you something?"

She took their orders, and blushed when Draco gave her another attractive smile. He glanced back to Devon. His insides erupted with glee. If Devon hated him before, he absolutely loathed Draco now. Devon was scowling, and Draco was pretty sure he would have growled like a dog if the situation had allowed it. Draco merely raised an eyebrow and widened his smirk.

Methinks I spy a bargain in our future regarding these two lovely ladies.

Draco was contemplating asking questions just to pass the time, but Mona returned quickly with their drinks, as the other customers had already been taken care of for the moment. Draco seized his chance as soon as she placed the drinks down on the table.

He leaned forward and placed his hand on hers. She jumped and her eyes immediately locked with his, her lips parting in surprise. Draco slid on a seductive smile.

"Mona, gorgeous, you've been working so hard all day," he coaxed. "Why don't you sit down with us for a while and relax?"

She hesitated, but was weakening fast. She glanced at Devon, then her serving tray, and then at him.

Draco sat up and gently took the tray from her hands, placing it on the table closest to them. He took her hand in his and held her gaze.

"Just for a little while, I promise. As soon as the food is ready, you can go back and resume your duties. But nobody needs you at the moment, and a beautiful woman like you deserves to rest for a while."

Mona looked down, smiling shyly, nodded, and then looked back up into his eyes.

"Alright. For a little while," she agreed softly.

Draco rewarded her with another smile. "That's my girl. Come, sit with me. In you go." He helped her slide into the booth next to him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gently leaned her against him, in case she resisted. She didn't, but blushed like a tomato. She didn't lean her head against his shoulder like Granger did with Devon, but she did scoot a little closer to him.

To fill the silence, Granger started a conversation with Mona, who responded eagerly.

Draco grinned triumphantly at Devon, who squeezed Granger's shoulders a little too hard. Granger looked up with a question clear on her face, but he softened his hold and she relaxed again, continuing the conversation. Devon was glaring at Draco with a hate that rivaled Granger's that night before Graduation.

It was only a matter of time, now, but Draco decided to speed up the process a little. He waited for a slight lull in the conversation before he made his move.

"Say, Mona. What time do you get off work tonight?"

Granger shot him a disapproving glare and Devon clenched his jaw, but he ignored them.

Mona's cheeks had just returned to normal but now they flooded tomato red again.

"My shift ends in about thirty minutes, actually. I should really go check on that food."

"Of course," Draco nodded, smiling, and got out of the booth so she could slide out. Draco and Devon had another staring contest until Mona came back with the food.

Draco grabbed Mona's hand again so she locked her eyes with his and blushed.

"Mona, I was wondering, after your shift ends, would you-"

"Draco, may I speak with you in private, please?" Devon interjected loudly. Granger had slid out of his embrace, probably having noticed that he was getting more and more tense as time passed.

Mona looked startled, but Draco stroked the back of her hand.

"Don't you worry about a thing, gorgeous. I'll be right back." With another smile, she looked much calmer, and sat down to talk with Granger, who started eating.

Draco followed Devon into the hallway that led to the bathrooms. Devon yanked his arm so hard Draco nearly slammed into the wall, but Draco didn't mind so much because he knew the cause of it.

"Name your price," Devon ground out.

Draco smirked and leaned sideways against the wall, arms folded across his chest.

"Hermione," he replied simply.

Devon breathed deeply to control himself, and settled for a hard glare.

"Fine. You win. I'll back off. Just don't you dare lay a hand on Mona again, got it? She deserves so much better than you and your touchy-feely manipulations. Deal?" He held his hand out.

Draco nodded, still smirking, and shook his hand. "Deal." They couldn't help but have another go at each other, but calmed down soon enough.

Draco tried to pull his hand back, but Devon held on, giving him a grim stare. Draco raised an eyebrow.

"Draco," he said seriously. "Hermione's a tough woman, but she's still human. If you keep throwing her around, she's going to break like a derelict wooden box. Even she can only take so much, and then there'll be nothing left to cherish. Get your own emotions in order before you mess with hers, alright? If Hermione comes running to me about how you broke her, I'm going to find you and beat your arse to a bloody pulp, got it?"

Draco nearly laughed in Devon's face. Beat my arse to a pulp? Not bloody likely. But the message was still there. Granger had complained to him because Draco was being too harsh with her, since he was conflicted himself. Don't drag her into his own battles. Fight the battles first, and then allow her in during the aftermath so she can nurse him back to health.

"She cares about you, you know," he continued, when Draco didn't respond. "Really cares. I'm willing to bet you wouldn't have gone through all this trouble if you didn't care, so just be careful. Don't make her think she had a chance at being with you if you're not ready for it. I don't know if you'll actually heed my advice, but just tell her what's going on in that blasted head of yours that's making you so schizophrenic. She can't help you if she doesn't know what the problem is."

Draco smirked and nodded. "I'll listen if you listen to some of my advice in return."

Devon raised his eyebrow.

"Just bloody shag already. Just watching the two of you make eyes at each other is so sweet it makes me want to retch. You want her, she wants you. Just do it." Draco snapped, exasperated.

Devon laughed tightly. "Will do."

They went back to the booth. Draco let Devon go first so he could shove him in Mona's direction. Devon stumbled, but caught himself on the table before he hurt something.

Mona let out a cry of dismay and scooted closer to him to check on him.

"Are you alright Devon?" she asked.

Devon grinned sheepishly and glanced at Draco, who gave him a smirk. He focused back on Mona.

"That depends. Will you go out with me tonight? On a date?"

Mona gasped as her hand flung up to her chest, staring into Devon's eyes.

"Yes!" she breathed. She jumped up and hugged him. "I thought you'd never ask!" she squealed and then kissed him, full on the lips, which Devon eagerly responded to. Everyone else in the diner clapped and whistled.

Draco looked at Granger, watching her stare at the new couple like a typical witch, crying and clapping at how sweet and perfect an ending it was. He rolled his eyes and grabbed her arm.

"C'mon, Granger. It's time to go home."

Too startled to respond properly, she allowed him to lead her out of the diner, still glancing back.

***/***

It had been, by far, one of the weirdest dining experiences in Hermione's life. When she had imagined Devon and Malfoy meeting, she hadn't really known exactly what to expect. Maybe they would chat pseudo-amiably, or maybe they'd outright snarl at each other, but she expected veiled insults somewhere, and lots of them. That's what Malfoy excelled at.

But what actually happened was literally the last thing she had expected. She hadn't even considered the option that they would be completely, utterly silent. The whole time, practically. It had scared her thoroughly. It looked like they were having an entire conversation just staring at each other, but she also had the feeling that her presence was the only thing keeping them from an all-out manly brawl right there. Or maybe they had been brawling and she just hadn't noticed. Was there such a thing as mental brawling?

The silence had been torture because she was so worried. She had no clue what was going on between them. Eventually, Malfoy invited Mona to sit down and join them, and Hermione had been so thankful for someone to talk to. But it also made her worry more. Malfoy wouldn't have been so nice to Mona for no reason. Obviously Mona was part of whatever mental brawl had been going on at the time. And Mona, bless her heart, had been completely oblivious to it all.

Fortunately, in the end, she supposed it all worked out. Then again, she hadn't even been officially dumped before Devon asked another woman to jump into his arms, but since it had been a fake relationship from the start, she supposed she could let it slide. She always had been a sucker for happy endings.

~~~\~~~

When she and Malfoy arrived back at the manor, Hermione didn't quite know what to do with herself. It was almost dinner time, but she had just eaten, so she wasn't hungry. She was too riled up from the day's events to consider sitting down and reading. There was too much on her mind. Too much to process. She felt like she needed to sleep, but it was far too early.

"Follow me, Granger," Malfoy ordered abruptly.

For lack of anything else to do, Hermione followed. In her normal state of mind, those three words in that sequence would have sent off alarm bells ringing in her head. Actually, they probably had rung, but she hadn't heard them with everything else going on in her mind at the time.

He led her up the main staircase, down the hall, and into her bedroom.

"Sit." He pointed at the edge of her bed, and she sat, staring up at him curiously.

He conjured up a chair for himself and sat down across from her, not unlike the positions they had been in the previous night, but reversed.

"Explain," he demanded, glaring at her. His arms were set firmly across his chest, daring her to lie to him.

She stared at him, confused. "Explain what?"

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll start by telling you what I know, and you fill in the rest. Fair enough?"

She nodded, still confused.

"I know that you and Devon never had a serious relationship. You pretended to have a real relationship because...?" he prompted angrily.

Hermione blushed under his intense gaze and stared at the floor. How much should she admit?

"Because I was helping him with his mother. She's hounding him about settling down and he didn't want to, although I suppose now he does with Mona, so I pretended to be his girlfriend to get her off his back."

"And?"

She rolled her eyes, thinking of how Devon had said the same thing when he tried to drag information out of her.

"And what?"

He scoffed. "Granger, don't insult my intelligence. That doesn't explain why you told me you had a boyfriend."

She bit her lip. "In case you got involved and needed to be a witness for his mother?" she offered unconvincingly.

"Are you asking me or telling me?" he shot back.

"...Telling you?" she replied hesitantly, picking at a loose thread in her duvet.

"Granger," he warned.

She still didn't dare look up at him. "I don't know; it was Devon's idea. Ask him."

Malfoy sighed. "You are the poorest liar I've ever met. And that's including Neville Longbottom."

She finally lifted her head and glared at him for the slight. She considered trying to distract him by defending Neville's honor - while he had been a klutz at school, Neville had certainly gained confidence and come into his own with every passing year - but she decided that Malfoy would recognize the attempt immediately and simply put the conversation back on track. So instead she defended her own honor.

"It was Devon's idea," she countered.

"Even so, you do know why. I highly doubt Hermione Granger would go along with such a scheme without knowing the reason for it."

She sniffed indignantly. "Well, if you're so bloody intelligent, then why don't you tell me the reason." Hermione knew this conversation wasn't going to last forever, but she vaguely hoped she could throw Malfoy off her scent somehow, though she doubted it. They'd been chasing each other in circles for far too long now.

Malfoy studied her for a while. Her courage failed her under his intense gaze again, so she stared back at the floor and continued picking at the loose thread.

"I do have a theory," he confirmed at length. "But you're not going to like it."

"Good," she huffed. "All the more reason for me to tell you it's wrong."

She was very aware that her words would have more effect if she actually looked at him while she said them, but she ignored the thought and focused more intensely on the thread.

"Alright, then." She heard the smirk in his voice, and feared looking at him more than ever. He paused dramatically.

"You pretended to be Devon's girlfriend to make me jealous."

She stayed silent, knowing immediately that any way she tried to twist it, he'd see right through it. He was a master at twisting words, so he knew how to untwist them just as well. It used up all her concentration to keep picking at the thread and not let her face give her away.

"Well? Go ahead, Granger. Tell me I'm wrong," he prodded.

Well, bollocks. Stupid Draco Malfoy. He knows me far too well. If I stay silent, it will confirm his theory. If I lie and say he's wrong, he'll know I'm lying and it'll confirm his theory. If I say yes, that obviously confirms his theory. There's just no winning this one, is there? Fine, but nobody will say I went down without a fight.

Hermione gathered her anger and her courage, and drew upon all of it to raise her head, look Malfoy in the eyes, and say, without a single crack in her voice, "You're wrong."

All things considered, it was the most believable lie she ever told - delivery-wise, anyway. He already knew the truth, but she'd be damned if she wasn't going to do her best to make him second-guess it for a moment.

He didn't say anything for several moments, still studying her face. She mentally rejoiced. Even if he wasn't second-guessing himself, she was going to pretend he was, just so she could say that her most beautiful lie wasn't told in vain. She'd swear on her deathbed that for that one moment, she had made Draco Malfoy unsure of himself, and she would cherish that lie forever, never questioning it. She might even make a plaque to remind herself, in case she started to lose her memory in her old age. Because then, she wouldn't know it was a lie. She'd believe it because the plaque told her it had happened, and she'd be proud. And her children would be proud, too. They'd say, 'Oh, yes, Hermione Granger's my mum, and she made that evil, slimy snake Draco Malfoy second-guess himself this one time. We have a plaque all about it at home. She's my hero!' And their children would fight about it at school. His children would tease her children for their bushy hair, and her children would retort, 'Oh ya? Well, my mum made your dad unsure of himself, so there!' And his children would have nothing to say because everyone believed it was true, and it would shame them-

Her mental rambling faltered and vanished from the sound of Malfoy's footsteps. She watched him approach her and bend down.

"Liar," he accused softly.

And then he kissed her.

One of his hands slid up her neck to cradle her head and the other dived into a mass of her bushy hair, holding it back so it wouldn't impede the fusion of their lips.

She felt Malfoy's lips part to make way for his tongue, so she didn't even wait for it to press against her lips. She opened them immediately, and his tongue slid directly inside, seeking her own.

Hermione knew this was it. This was the night. No more distractions. No more stopping. No more holding back. They didn't love each other, but one day they might. And that was enough for now. For now, their bodies craved each other, and demanded gratification. They would no longer be denied.

The knowledge that they were finally about to release the sexual tension that had clung to them as stubbornly as a bad smell made her feel powerful. His kiss was just barely controlled, conjuring an image in her mind of another universe, or maybe just another place and time.

She imagined him in a Slytherin silver dress shirt that matched his eyes, and herself in a Gryffindor red dress, skin-tight and strapless above the waist, but knee-length and flowy below. She imagined him leading her into a medley of erotic dances as she matched him step for complicated step in her stiletto heels. Some people referred to dirty dancing as 'sex standing up'. With Malfoy's smooth confidence and predatory stare, she could easily see herself losing all control with him, doing anything and everything she had never allowed herself to think about except for when she lay in bed alone. She could see herself enacting all those positions she read about in her secret romance novel collection, which she had glamoured to look like textbooks in school. Only Draco Malfoy could convince her to wear a dress, knickerless, and have sex standing up. Only he could give her that sexual thrill that was so overwhelming that she wouldn't give a damn who was just outside or who could come in and see them.

Drunk off of his tongue and her own mental foreplay, Hermione decided to take control of the situation and put her full effort into getting the most out of the experience. She slid her hands up to Malfoy's face, then back to his neck, and up to his hair. When she had them planted firmly behind his head, she pulled it toward her as she wiggled her way backward on the bed, stopping only when they were sitting in the middle of it.

He smirked against her mouth as he followed her. "Impatient?" he murmured.

She grinned wickedly. "Shut up and help me undress," she commanded breathlessly.

He chuckled, but did as directed. He managed to get her down to her bra and underwear before she started working on his clothes. For the sake of efficiency, he helped her get rid of all his clothing first before finally removing the rest of hers.

When they were both finally naked, Hermione pushed lightly on his chest, telling him to wait a minute.

"Ughh!" he half-sighed, half-growled in frustration. "What now? I swear, Granger, if you bail on me again-"

She ignored him. Leaning over and rummaging through her clothing, she let out a small "Eureka!" when she pulled her wand out from the pile. She pointed it at her abdomen, whispered a contraception spell, and then dropped it back onto the pile.

Malfoy shut up and grinned appreciatively for her forethought since his brain was clearly not functioning to its fullest capability at the moment. She returned his grin, wrapped one hand around his neck, the other arm around his back, and yanked him down on top of her. She moaned at the warmth, and Malfoy attacked her lips, coaxing her tongue to play with his again.

She felt his hands slide all over her naked skin, and reveled in every second of it. His hands found her breasts first, and he broke their kiss to pay their due attention to them, making her moan loudly. Next, his hands slid down to her legs. One hand caressed the outside of her thigh while the other slid between their bodies and found her clit.

She gasped as he brushed his moistened fingers against it, and whimpered as he applied more pressure to it. One of her hands found his member and started pumping it.

Malfoy hissed and removed his hand on her thigh to pull off her hand on his member.

"Granger, if you keep that up, there won't be a grand finale. I'm trying to be generous here, but you're not making it easy," he scolded.

Hermione giggled. She leaned up next to his ear. "Sorry," she responded huskily, not sounding sorry at all. "I thought the whole point was to make it hard."

"Minx," he growled, shoving her flat on her back. She giggled and reached for him again, provoking him. He stopped her and then leaned down, lightly brushing his lips against hers. She opened them in expectation, but he backed off and moved them to her ear.

"You want me, then?" He felt her nod. "Be careful what you wish for."

He positioned her hips where he wanted them, and held them down in place. In one swift thrust, he sheathed himself inside of her. Her hips tried to buck up, but his hands didn't let them.

Hermione let out a frustrated sound and glared at him.

"Move it, Malfoy!" she ordered.

He smirked and started moving, but at a torturously slow pace.

"Good things come to those who wait," he whispered.

She growled and sat up violently, breaking his hold on her hips. She pounced on him so that he rolled under her and she landed on top of him. She yanked his head up to kiss him and, when his upper body followed enough that he was sitting upright, she used his shoulders as support so she could impale herself on him. She moaned into his mouth and started moving, gradually building up speed.

Malfoy's hands automatically grabbed onto her hips to help with the momentum, which earned him another long moan as she rode him. Eager to help, Malfoy smirked as one hand slid down and found her clit again, rubbing it just the way he knew she liked it.

Hermione tore her mouth from his with a whimper and rode him faster, angling herself so that his fingers and member stimulated her in tandem on her downstroke.

A minute later she came apart, screaming his name in bliss, with Malfoy releasing soon after hers with his own grunt. She eventually loosened her deathgrip on his shoulders, but they kissed lazily, with him still inside her, both catching their breath as their heart rates started to slow.

"You're right, you know," she commented breathlessly.

He raised an eyebrow for her to continue.

"Good things do come to those who wait," she grinned cheekily, "but better things get taken by those with initiative."

He chuckled and kissed her, long and slow. Then he moved to her neck and down to her breasts.

She moaned wantonly and then gasped. "Mr. Malfoy!" she mock-reprimanded primly. "I do believe that something is growing inside of me!"

He grinned wickedly. "Is it perhaps your need to be shagged again?"

She laughed then, full and loud. She lightly slapped him on the arm.

"You're incorrigible," she complained fondly.

He smirked in response and kissed her, making her moan and grind against him. He held her as close to him as possible with one arm and then used his other arm to roll them over onto her back without him sliding out of her.

"Now then, are you going to be patient this time, Miss Granger?" he asked seductively.

She grinned back slyly. "Maybe. Are you going to give me a reason to? If you don't perform well, then I may have to take matters into my own hands again."

"Minx," he growled for the second time, and attacked her body with his.

A/N2: Now, in case some of you are getting the silly idea that this story is over, far from it! In some ways, the story is just starting! For next time, give me a picturesque landscape (i.e. environment) and an animal or plant.