Chapter Thirty Four

Bella

After Palm Springs I went to Salt Lake City, again just the throw of a dice. I found another tiny apartment in the west of the city which was more affordable and worked at a Restaurant and a Mall. These jobs were slowly destroying me but not as much as the pain of being without Jasper. My chest hurt all the time now and I was having problems eating and sleeping. Most of the time I functioned rather like a zombie, I was so tired. Food lost all taste and I had to force myself to eat at all. When I fell asleep I dreamed of him and just felt so much worse when I woke up and realized it was just a dream. Eventually it all got too much for me and I collapsed at work, waking to find myself in an Emergency Room with a Doctor peering at me.

"We've been rather silly I think Miss Lock. Not eating isn't a good idea at the best of times but to add sleep deprivation to the mix is just plain stupid."

I groaned, "I eat and I sleep, just not enough."

"Well I think we'll keep you in for a few days and see if we can sort things out for you."

I was too tired to argue so I spent the next few days in the hospital on a drip and being screened for nasties. On the day I was discharged the same doctor visited,

"Well Miss Lock, I think if you eat properly and use the sleeping pills you should avoid a repeat visit".

I smiled "Thanks".

"Are you being picked up?"

I shook my head,

"Well I'm just leaving, can I give you a lift?"

I shook my head, "No thanks. I'll get a taxi"

"No strings just a lift"

I was too tired to argue so I let him drive me home.

"Well goodbye. I would say I'd like to see you again but not at work".

"I'm sorry I don't date."

"Already have someone special?" I nodded,

"But he didn't come to see you."

"He didn't know. Its complicated. Thanks for the lift."

I went straight to my apartment and locked the door. I just wanted to be left alone, No, I just wanted it all to be over. As soon as I fell asleep I dreamed of Jasper only this time he started to fade and I realized the sleeping tablets were making him dissolve in my memory. When I got up I threw them away. I needed to remember him, to feel the pain, to know it hadn't been a dream.

I went back to work the next day and everyone was most concerned until I snubbed them and they remembered what a bitch I really was, it was the easiest way to keep to myself. When I got home that evening the Doctor was waiting outside in his car and on seeing him I groaned. God I should have got a taxi from the hospital. When he saw me he got out,

"Hi there. Have you eaten? Only I know a really good Italian Restaurant and it is Doctors orders that you eat regularly."

I sighed, "OK, But just food. This is not a date"

He nodded, "Understood" with a grin.

The restaurant was nice and the meal good although I only picked at it. He chatted away not seeming to mind that I didn't say much. As he drove me home he asked about me,

"So where are you from?"

"Sacramento" I pulled out of the air.

"You realize I don't even know your first name"

I didn't answer,

"OK. No problem. Would you like to go out to dinner again? Eventually maybe you'll do more than attack it with your fork".

As he drew up I got out, "Thank you."

He smiled.

Bella

I'd been out a few times with Steve the Doctor but only because it was preferable to sitting alone in my apartment. He chatted on and I pretended to listen, he held my hand and I tried not to flinch, he tried to kiss me and I froze.

"Jane, it's almost Christmas. Would you like to come home with me? Meet the family?"

No I didn't, but the thought of the Christmas holiday alone was too much so I nodded, hoping I wasn't going to regret this decision. He picked me up on Christmas Eve and we drove to his family's house, huge and imposing set in its own grounds with stables, horses, the full works. I couldn't help comparing it to Peters place which although nowhere near as grand felt warmer, more homely.

Just to make matters worse they had maids, one of whom was assigned to me for my stay. What the hell would I do with a maid? I was already wishing I'd stayed home on my own. I was introduced to his parents, Wilbur and Lulu, and the two brothers Lucas and Gerald, and his sister Alice. This Alice was the total opposite of Alice Cullen, tall and striking with a hard face and long blonde hair. Funnily she reminded me of Edwards sister Rosalie. After coffee I was shown to my room by Alice who seemed amused by my clumsiness, still who wasn't?

"We dress for dinner at eight" she said as she opened my door. "I'll have your maid find you something if you don't have evening wear".

I didn't, nor did I want to dress up like Prom Barbie but it seemed I had no choice and I cursed Steve for not telling me it was going to be like this. In all my years I'd never been looked after except once, and I knew I would never see my Major again. As the tears started there was a knock on the door and I wiped my eyes quickly before opening it. It was the maid with a long dress in a black zipped bag.

"For this evening Miss" she said as she laid it on the bed.

"Thanks" I said with a smile.

"You OK Miss?"

She'd seen my red eyes.

I nodded "Just a bit overwhelming, I'm not used to all this".

She nodded "You aren't his usual type of girl, I saw that when you arrived. He didn't tell you his father was rich did he?"

"No but I don't care about that. It's just that he's thrown me in at the deep end, I have no clothes suitable". "Don't worry Miss, there are always guests without just the right outfit or who leave old dresses here, and I mean worn once dresses so I rustled up the best for you".

She unzipped the bag and pulled out a long black sheath dress that was way to clingy for my liking. Seeing my face she grimaced,

"Sorry Miss it's the only one that would fit you, you being so slim".

"Its Jane" I said.

She smiled, "Not allowed to use first names I'm afraid unless its Miss Jane".

"Oh God I sound like a Matriarch, Miss is better than that".

"Everyone usually rests for an hour before dinner so I'll come and help you dress later".

As she left I lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling, I just wanted to go home but I could never go there again. Home to Jasper, home where the pain in my chest would ease and my body start to feel again. I closed my eyes and visualized him standing there as he had when I first met him, messy blond hair, casual clothes and the most wonderful smile. I sighed and let the pain take over for a while. It was a sign that I hadn't dreamed those wonderful weeks.

The maid came back and woke me in time to get dressed for dinner. We worked on my puffy eyes and tear-stained face, she was a magician, she also put my hair up for me and I put the dreaded dress on.

"You look wonderful Miss" she said as she put a white shawl around my bare shoulders.

"Yes you are very clever. I don't feel as good as I look.

"You don't really want to be here do you Miss?"

"No it was a big mistake. I'd have been better off on my own."

She looked at me steadily,

"I think there's someone else. I think your heart is already taken. You've been touched by a Cold One."

I looked at her startled. "What do you mean? What do you know about the Cold Ones?"

She shook her head, "Not now Miss the others are here for you"

Then I heard footsteps in the corridor and my name, I took a deep breath and walked out to meet Steve and his brothers. He took my arm and we walked down to the sound of the dinner gong, I'd thought they were a film conceit, but not in this house.