Chapter Thirty Nine

Bella

Montana was a disaster, it was too close to Jasper, I knew he wasn't far away because the ache in my chest felt like it was spreading through my whole body. To move was an effort, to breath a struggle, to get through each day a nightmare. This couldn't go on, I couldn't live with this any longer, it was time to say goodbye and reach for the oblivion of death. I wanted to hear a familiar voice just once more but it was so difficult to find one I could speak to. Charlie already thought me dead so I wouldn't put him through the agony of it again. Nor could I speak to Renee for the same reason. The person I really wanted to hear thought the same and I wouldn't put him through any more so it left just Jake or Alice, both of who I knew would try to stop me if they heard it in my voice. I wanted someone to know that Bella Swan really was gone, that my death would be recognized by at least one person. In the end I compromised by ringing Jake's cell, hoping he wouldn't pick up and as usual he didn't, his phone was a necessity to be used only when it was absolutely necessary after all he could hear the other pack members without electronic aids. I listened to his voice message with a smile, he always made me feel better and this time was no different, it was as if the sun shone for just a little while. When it beeped I spoke,

"You know who this is Jake. I just wanted to say goodbye, you wont hear from me again. No one will but I wanted you to know it was over. You don't have to worry about me any longer, I'm so tired and in so much pain Jake and nothing I do makes things any better so I'm going to sleep, to run from this world. I miss you Jake, look after Charlie for me. Bye"

I disconnected and for some reason I felt better. I'd made my decision now I just needed a way to accomplish it. I didn't think I could end it violently so pills would be the best way. I still had some sleeping pills, enough I hoped to do the job. I would buy myself a bottle of good wine to swill them down with and then...nothing.

Jake

My phone hadn't rung for so long I'd forgotten what the ringtone was, Alice turned

"Is that your phone?"

I checked my pockets

"I guess so but I've no idea where it is. I don't suppose its anything, just telling me I've got a claim for personal injury or something. No one ever rings me".

Her face went blank then she grabbed my arm urgently.

"Get it Jake, I think its Bella".

I scrabbled under my things until I found it but I was too late, if it was Bella she'd already rung off. Why would she be ringing me though, after all this time.

"Check your messages Jake, I have a bad feeling about this".

I scrolled down and sure enough I had one new message. When I heard Bella's voice I nodded,

"You were right Al..."

I never finished as the import of her words hit me. Alice who had listened alongside me grabbed the phone and tried ring back but there was no answer. Then she checked the number,

"What's area code 406?"

"No idea"

"Then find out Jake".

Bella

I got myself an expensive bottle of white wine and refrigerated it then I found the bottle of sleeping pills I hadn't thrown away but couldn't use without losing my memories. I had a last day at work to get through then the whole weekend before anyone missed me. It was a beautiful sunny day and I decided to make the most of my last day by eating lunch in the park near my workplace. I watched the couples walk by hand in hand and mine ached for his touch. I rubbed it to stop the tingling and then my chest to stop the ache that was getting steadily worse. Perhaps if I hadn't come so close to the place we'd been together I could have stood the pain but it was so bad now I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Soon I promised myself, tonight.

Alice

I rang the number they'd left me and got through to Charlotte. She started to tell me that they'd finally got the name she was going under when I stopped her.

"Charlotte you need to get to Montana fast. She left a message on Jake's phone and I think she's planning on suicide. We narrowed it down to the south of Montana, I'll give you the number she used but its a phone booth so it will only give you the general area. I don't know how much time you have but I wouldn't bet on her going the whole weekend"

"Can't you see anything? Nothing to help us?"

"No I'm not seeing much at all now but I will try. Hurry."

Charlotte

I crossed my fingers that Peter had joined the Major, that would give us two chances at locating her before she did something stupid, I cursed Alice Cullen and her interference.

"What have you got Char?"

"She's in south Montana"

"And we know this how?"

"She left a message on Jacob Blacks cell phone and they traced the code"

"What's wrong?"

"They think she's going to end it from the way she spoke, Jasper she's going to kill herself"

I heard a clatter as he dropped the phone then Peter's voice,

"Is that all we've got Char?"

"Yes but Alice will ring if she gets anything else."

"Any time frame?"

"Not exactly, but Alice seemed to think you didn't have much time"

"F, OK were leaving now. See if you can get anything from the phone number"

"It's a payphone Peter but I'll get you the general area"

"Speak soon"

Bella

I felt much calmer as I walked home this evening, it was as if now I'd made my decision I could relax and cope with the pain, knowing that soon I wouldn't feel it any longer, I wouldn't feel anything ever again. I didn't bother stopping to eat, what was the point? And I didn't feel hungry anyway. In my apartment I put the TV on as usual and ran a bath, may as well go out clean I thought. Afterwards I sat looking at the two bottles on the table in front of me. I poured a glass of wine and sipped it slowly then took the lid off the pills and shook them out into my palm. There were enough there to fill it so I knew it would be enough to finish the job.

I closed my eyes and let my mind roam through the memories of my short time with Jasper. The things he'd left me, the first time I saw him, our walks, the ride to Peter and Charlotte's place, I even smiled when I remembered Peter's horrified look when he recognised me for a human. I picked up the glass and washed down the first few tablets with it. The wine disguised the horrible taste and I took the rest slowly finishing the bottle of wine with the last few, then I lay down on the couch and waited for oblivion.