I tried to use the whole Zen meditation thing, you know the sound of one hand clapping, tree falling in the woods, all that jazz. It didn't work true, but to form it was the elf's giant ears that had me stepping back from the precipice of a total mental breakdown. Her, my...our? Ears caught every sound. The non-noise of an owl in predatory flight, the hum of flying insects, the noises from the camp behind us. I started to identify and name the sounds. I found I, she? Fuck! We could, her mind a database of each noise. Once the immediate noises were catalogued as such, I tried to remember the sound of the spawn, the shorter nasty genlock, the taller and humanoid Hurlock. I replayed their hissy vocals, the sound of their movement, clad both in armour and pieces of stiffened leather. The not so smooth twang of their arrows. I know I could make this into a strength, use what I…she, we, no! Fuck it, what I had. At the affirmation and lull after the flush of anger, realisation. This time of myself. Of Kane, of my mum. Would they have found my body yet? Was I in a kind of limbo it took a surge of inner strength that I didn't know I had to pull back out of the mire that that direction would take me too. I had more than enough to deal with here and now. The others couldn't trust me, I only now had a skill that they could use, I knew things, more things about the Wardens then even the last surviving ones did. I would have to focus everything on survival. Of not just me but the ones that mattered, Finn and Alistair. Oh and I suppose Morrigan too I guess, until basically the night before the possibility of the end of the world. While playing up to the background of a dalish female elf, not dying, myself and oh yeah the inevitable 'reunion' with Tamlen Ghoul, Zevran of course and zombies. Which while coming up at our next stop, aren't going to be as fun as the Shaun of the Dead ones. All whilst avoiding the sorrow of my own loss. Sounds like a party.

I spun around, a new sound presaging a body. Oh, a short one with a cute and not quite vacant look. Then a grin that lit up the area,

"Sandal?"

He giggled and my heart melted a little.

"Hello."

I offered my hand, carefully wiping at my eyes a little in case any tears had fallen. I'm not sure who turned who, but it was he who guided us back to the camp and the others. Bodahn looked surprised that his 'son' would willingly touch someone else, let alone the crazy elf chick, but he had and was. We stood by the fire a little awkwardly for a few seconds, I think the only reason he dropped my hand was because he had forgotten that he was holding onto it. He wandered off towards their caravan and I stood before the fire, just peering into the flames. Then my knees folded purely of their own accord and I was sitting on the ground, perhaps just a smidgeon too close to the fire to be really comfortable but I didn't move back.

"I apologise for before Ana, I didn't mean to…surprise you."

I turned to look at Leiliana, I could see that the remorse she felt was real, it was all over her pretty face. I did like that she had carefully not said scare or frighten. I had been very much surprised.

"It's fine. I had…wandered away from myself. I was surprised, a bit."

"What were you thinking of?"

It was Finn who spoke. I leant back a little and folded my legs cross legged looking at the doppelganger over the top of flashing flames.

"Another life."

He nodded, I'm not sure if he understood me, but I had a feeling that he was more than likely thinking back to that night he ran from Highever. We were all pretty quiet, though Sten was naturally so. Just a shadow looming from the darkness behind the fire's light. Not really sure as to the time frame of the sitting and staring committee, but Leiliana and Finn stood at the same time, one disappearing with Alistair into the shadow further out from the camp, the red head disappearing into the small tent. Wolf decided for me, falling into a heap at my side. I just leant over and rested my head on his back and closed my eyes. It was pretty comfortable and just before I fell asleep, I remembered this was the first rest I had had since my arrival in Thedas. Ha, arrival my ass.

Not restful by a long shot. Flashes of memories, mine and Maharial's was shot through with game stills. Nausea inducing at the best times. I felt like the mirror as a Duncan more detailed and handsome than the game character I remembered, lifted a particularly memorable sword and smashed that last remnant of Tamlen. I gasped and clutched my chest, perhaps my heart really was connected to that Tevinter artefact? Until I thought a second later that it had been connected because it had been the last link to where ever or what ever happened to my Tamlen. And the shem had broken it. No wonder the moonlight had been a fascination, perhaps with the Creators I would find Tamlen whole once more. I jerked awake like a motherfucker with epilepsy as I began to step into white moonbeams. My heart was hammering fit to burst out of my chest, cliché I know but nonetheless true. Wolf was long gone, at the moment he was nearly in Finn's lap as the Warden spoke to Alistair. I could see the sweat on his face from where I was, the fire was barely embers so I knew that he had just had an audience with the Archdemon. My movement was enough to break their conversation and they looked at me with twin suspicious looks. Seriously, did they think that my nightmares were linked to his…they totally did! I carefully looked away from them, using my shirt to wipe my face swearing into the linen before standing and moving away from the fire pit. Damn near tripping over Sten who yes glared balefully at me. Fuck you. Though that was purely in my mind never to be spoken to the Qunari who would quite easily rip me in half if he ever caught me, which he goddamn never would. I crouched in a particular dense set of shadows and breathed in the still early morning air. I could smell green and dew and oddly enough the taste of nature. A few birds were starting to awaken, but it would be a while before the dawn chorus really ripped the dawn a new one. Day one over, check. A shit load of crap to hit the fan, oh that'll be spread over the next year or so, depending if I survive. I manically shifted my mind from the whole high potentiality of death and focus on the stars that still shone above me.

I stood in the leather armour outfit that Leiliana had put together. I'd had to ask the bard to give me a hand, not quite sheepishly. There had been a big grin on her face as she had done so, offering the quiver of arrows she had wrangled, yes wrangled, from Bodahn. It was well made, though the bow was of slightly inferior quality. The sooner we found a scout's bow or summat the better. I managed to stand still waiting for Finn and Alistair to get in their armour. That stuff even looked heavily, like a slightly more portable tank. I would have staggered before the chest plate had descended upon me, but Alistair and Finn both seemed to be more reassured when they were encased within that carapace. Sten was the same, but he didn't offer anyone anything other than distain. I couldn't wait till we met that guy on the shore of Calenhad and he would have the chance to mellow out. Though in order to get there we would have to survive Redcliffe and the descent of zombies at the head of whom reigned a desire demon inside the body of a young boy. Awesome.

I did it. I did, it was me. Not Finn. Me. It was pretty late in the afternoon by the time we broached the hill and saw Redcliffe below us. I watched as Alistair led Finn away a little, token gesture really. I sidled up in their blind spot. I ignored the vista and waited for it.

"I'm a bastard. My mother was a serving maid in the castle, my father is, was I guess, King Maric."

It whooshed out of him and I was worried for a bit that he would cave in on himself with that little tid bit now free in the world. And I covered in road dust and sweat and grime got it out,

"So you are not just a bastard, but a royal bastard?"

Oh god it just slayed me. I had nearly peed myself when I saw it was actually an option, but now in real life (?). You can't judge me, it was hilarious. Literally. Both men turned to look at me, I guess they thought that no one would actually intrude on their little bonding time. I saw Alistair's mouth quirk a little as he finally took in what I had said.

"Oh, I suppose it does at that."

Finn was more practical. Kinda wished he took after Kane a little in being, well a little less not.

"What would you know about royalty?"

I glared at him, wiping a drop of sweat from my cheek,

"I understand the concept."

I think Alistair was feeling a little, why are mummy and daddy fighting? as Finn and I just glared at each other. He broke it up a little,

"Well, for all the good it did me. Whenever people knew they treated me different. I mean, Cailan did. Hence us being sent to the tower, don't try and tell me that it didn't have bearing on it. Even with the Wardens it was same, well Duncan was the only one who knew, but I swear that it was on his mind whenever I was involved…"

I looked at the man and found myself wondering, once more, what the hell Cailan must have looked like. All dolled up in that golden armour and full of literally the joys of spring and the glorious 'probability' of victory. I zoned back in as Alistair went a bit morose, I think it hit Finn a little like a weight,

"…too lucky to die with the rest of the Grey Wardens."

"It's not what you really think is it?"

I was a little stunned,

"But what about me?"

Both men seemed to lose whatever train of thought they had been on. I can't believe that I had actually said that, aloud, where people could hear me.

"You?"

Alistair, to the point and spoken a bit like he'd taken a shot to the head.

"What have you got to do with anything?"

Ah Finn, always able to emasculate anyone with your dry wit. Of course I endeavour to recover somewhat.

"If not for Alistair's tricky childhood, and your flight, meeting at Ostagar and my subsequent appearance…you'd be without the skills of the snarky but undeniably useful apostate, the quiet but undeniably terrifying Qunari, the sweet but undeniably vocal Sister and the diminutive but undeniably mysterious dalish. Aah shit, and the proud but undeniably cute Mabari."

The last I added on hurriedly at the nip on the back of the thigh from the bloody dog. I saw Alistair's lips quirk as he tried not to grin or even laugh in front of my words and Finn's face which had frowned deeper as I had listed 'our' companions.

"And of us?"

I squinted a bit as I looked at the wardens, Alistair unconsciously striking a bit of a pose, Finn just crossing his arms. I don't know if he really wanted a reply, but in for a penny, in for a pound right?

"Oh-kay. The Templar bastard, but undeniably royal senior Warden, and the surly but undeniably cocksure noble. No wait, I'll do you again. The cocky but undeniably surly ass-!"

I cut off the last as I focussed just behind the pair and saw the guy…Tomas standing on the bridge. He was looking at us like we were the next coming of Christ. Tears sliding silently from his eyes. I gestured,

"I think he wants to talk to you."

Both wardens turned simultaneously, I could only imagine the looks on their faces. Now I could smell the acrid stench of old fire, old bodies and old fish. Ah Redcliffe, bring it on.