Chapter Forty Two
Bella
I was thankful that wherever I was I could still remember Jasper. I felt his arms around me, his breath in my hair and his scent in my lungs, this must be heaven. God had decided I'd suffered enough and he was giving me in death what I'd had to relinquish in life. I could stay like this for eternity and be happy, I moved slightly and he moved with me. I should have done this a long time ago only I was scared I'd lose him altogether if I went into the eternal darkness. As it was I snuggled against him more closely and dreamed on.
Jasper
I felt her move against my body but she wasn't trying to get away from me but closer. It had been so long since I'd been close to her and I'd dreamed of being this close since I first saw her in that field, dressed in jeans and a jacket with a baseball cap. Even then I knew something about her was different and from that time I'd been drawn closer and closer, until I couldn't get away if I tried and I wasn't going to do that. I couldn't get away from her, just being away from her caused me such pain, more than I'd ever felt as a warrior. I held her tight, breathing her scent in until I was drenched in it and still wanting more. I knew Peter would be back soon but it made no difference, I would lay here with her until she pushed me away.
Peter
When I got back they were in the same position, well almost, but I would swear she was wrapped around him even tighter.
"Any change" I asked as I shut the door as quietly as possible.
He opened his eyes and I couldn't believe the difference in them, the usual hard stare that looked right through you and out the other side had gone, to be replaced with a softness and I hoped I looked at Charlotte that way, if I didn't then I fucking should do."
"No she hasn't woken up but she feels more relaxed."
I nodded, "Right. So what's the plan? I told Char and I think she was going to pass the news on to Alice Cullen. I just hope Mystic Meg can keep her mouth shut."
He shrugged, "For now I don't care Peter. She's here with me and she's still breathing. I'll settle for that."
I smiled, "Yeah for now. I just wonder what she'll say once she wakes up."
He laughed, a most unusual sound, " I don't care Peter. If she tells me to fuck off I'd be happy". I
snorted, "Yeah sure! Anyway by the way she's wound herself round you, which by the way is quite obscene, I think she's hanging on."
He closed his eyes and I knew I wouldn't get anything else out of him so I put the TV on really quietly to pass the hours until sleeping beauty decided to rejoin us.
Bella
I couldn't believe I was still dreaming of Jasper, his arms around me, he was so close. Then suddenly I felt other things, a scratchy blanket, a warmth on my cheek as if the sun was shining through a window, and I could hear, traffic outside and a voice as if someone had a television on very quietly. I could feel something hard wrapped around me. What had happened? I remembered taking the pills and drinking the wine then I'd fallen asleep and dreamed of Jaspers arms around me. Where was I? Oh crap had I made a mess of everything? I was in a hospital room. Was I restrained too? Were the hard things around me straps? Was I crazy? I felt the tears start to fall, I couldn't even end my life, but I couldn't go on any more alone. I'd retreat into insanity if necessary but I refused to rejoin the world. Then I felt a cold finger wipe away the tears from my cheek, I was insane. There was a way to keep Jasper with me after all, go mad and he'd be there forever, I'd take it. The cold finger touched my cheek again and I leaned into it, this insanity was pretty damn good.
Jasper
I felt Bella's confusion, she was waking up but she didn't want to. I felt her joy at my touch but it was tinged with a sadness I couldn't quite get a fix on. I decided to let her come too in her own time and when Peter looked up I put my free hand to my lips. He nodded and went back to his viewing. As I watched, her eyes moved erratically under the lids as if she were wanting to open them but was too afraid at what she thought she'd see if she did. I saw the tears fall and wiped them away with a finger putting it to my lips, unable to resist tasting them. They kept coming and I kept wiping them away until suddenly her hand moved jerkily to touch the finger wiping her tears. As her hand touched my finger it jerked away and the tears came more quickly. I couldn't keep silent any longer.
"Bella".
She swallowed convulsively and tensed,
"Don't do this to me" she whispered, "Please don't pretend. I know he's not here so don't pretend he is".
I could only just make out her words. She thought I was a dream,
"Bella I'm here. I found you."
The tears came faster now and she tensed even more.
"No, don't do this. I can't go on any longer. Let me go please. I just want to go."
"Where are you going Bella? I'll follow you to the gates of hell if I have to"
I bent my head and kissed her gently on the flushed cheek, tasting her tears again.
Bella
I heard him, I heard his beautiful voice in my head, he whispered to me. Why was he telling me he'd follow me, he couldn't, he mustn't.
"No you go back. You carry on, leave me. I love you Jasper".
Then I felt his cold finger against my cheek and then his lips. This was too much, too cruel and I opened my eyes in protest straight into his black ones. I closed them again, no I couldn't be seeing things too surely? I swallowed then, and opened them again. He was still there looking at me, but his eyes were the wrong color, they should be a deep red, not this pitch black. My memory had got it wrong so I knew he was a figment of my imagination, Got you! I thought. I closed my eyes again and decided my memory might not be perfect but this figment of my imagination beat the hell out of seeing nothing.