Title: Life for me ain't been no crystal stair
Disclaimer: Bucky and Steve aren't mine. Yasmin is. Title from Langston Hughes. Some of the quotes are from either of the Cap movies; some I made up because they seemed like things Bucky might say.
Warnings: less implied and more directly stated bad things happening to a child in the past; everything the presence of the Winter Soldier implies; talk of violence/death/roaring rampage of revenge; talk of what Avengers2 might be
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 3880
Point of view: third
Prompt: At some point, Yasmin is going to have to go to school (since that's what good kids do), and it would be interesting to see them attempt to assimilate (and likely fail in a spectacularly win kind of fashion as they deal with the system).
Bucky chooses Miami for the heat and the anonymity. Yasmin chatters on about alligators.
In spite of the heat, Bucky still wears long sleeves. He chooses thin shirts with bright, eye-catching patterns ("tropical") because if his shirt is noticeable, that is what people will remember instead of his face. Also, he likes the way looking at them makes him feel; unless it is a bad day, seeing the print makes him smile. He cuts his hair to a more manageable length. He finally allows Yasmin to see his not-arm.
She heaves a long-suffering sigh and says, "Bucky, I figured that out ages ago."
He blinks down at her then back at the not-arm. "How?" he asks. "I have taken care to keep it hidden."
Yasmin sighs again. "It feels different, silly. I figured you got hurt." She glances away for a moment. "Sometimes people don't like talkin' about their hurts."
Bucky kneels. "Yes," he says. "Bad people hurt me. But I am free of them and with you now. That is all that matters."
She nods firmly, throwing her arms around his neck. "And I'm free with you," she agrees.
.
That night, it's Bucky's turn to tell a story. They trade off; Bucky prefers the nights Yasmin talks about princesses and fairies to his nights, because often, he does not remember how the story ends. He is still not the best at making things up.
But this night, he talks about a good boy who always does the right thing and his best friend who did the best he could to keep his friend safe.
Bad people captured the friend and took his arm, Bucky tells her, giving him a weapon in its place, and they had him do many bad things.
"But," he says, blinking back tears he still does not understand, "the good boy finally found his friend, and though they had a truly terrible fight, the good boy did his best to not hurt him. And when he said those secret words, his friend heard them." His voice shakes and Yasmin pats his arm comfortingly. He smiles at her, glancing down at where she's tucked against his chest.
"The friend could not stay, you understand," he says. "He had to find himself, relearn how to be a man."
"What about the good boy?" Yasmin asks. "That's a sad ending, Bucky."
He shrugs the not-shoulder. "The good boy is still searching, I think, hoping to bring his friend home."
Someone has been destroying Hydra bases on the other side of the world; the safe-houses he's accessed have all been communicating about it.
"But the friend," he says, leaning his head and closing his eyes. "The friend is still learning how to be a man."
.
He remembers many things now. There are more still he knows without knowing how or why. One of them is forging things. When and why Hydra taught him is still a blank spot among thousands, but for some reason, Bucky knows how to forge papers and create an identity that would pass any government check.
It is the one thing he thanks Hydra for.
And so while Yasmin is sleeping one night, before they settle in Miami, Bucky goes to a forgotten safe-house in Fort Myers and creates a dozen identities for each of them. One of his immediately purchases a one-way ticket for the first flight to Toronto and he then erases all evidence that any of them were created.
He keeps Yasmin's name while giving her the new surname of Taylor because it is common. For himself, he chooses the first name William. He knows that his name was once James Buchanan Barnes – but he remembers not liking James, and Buchanan would be noticeable, and Barnes… he cannot be called Bucky if his last name is Barnes.
He does not want any of his old selves' names. Those all died with him in the snow.
And so he leaves Fort Myers as Billy Taylor, with custody of his niece Yasmin Taylor. In case anyone notices the arm, Billy Taylor is an honorably discharged vet with a high-tech prosthetic. His brother Dan and sister-in-law Lisa died in an accident.
This, he explains to Yasmin that night, is an important lie and that makes it okay to tell. "I am your Uncle Bucky," he tells her. "You should call me that now."
"But uncles are bad," she argues, arms tight around Bucky Bear, eyes squeezed shut. "They, they're mean and they hurt you."
At that, he feels himself go still. "They what?" he asks as softly and gently as he can while wanting to slaughter something.
Yasmin shakes her head. "You can't be an uncle," she says, eyes still closed. "Uncles are bad. You're good."
He sighs and nods. "Then I am still just Bucky," he says. "But if anyone asks, I am your uncle. I have custody of you because my brother died. Our name is Taylor now."
She blinks up at him, tears leaking out of her dark eyes. He kneels and opens his arms; still holding Bucky Bear, she runs into them and he wraps them around her.
Her uncle is most likely in Baltimore, where he found her. She has yet to mention any names from her past at all.
One day, he will track the man down and punish him, but it is not this day. This day, he stands, carrying Yasmin, and goes to their nest, where he cuddles around her and relays their carefully-crafted history as best he can. She finally begins adding embellishments of her own.
.
In Miami, Bucky finds them an adequate living space and enrolls Yasmin in the nearest school. She is of age for first or second grade, depending on her reading level; she loves books and reads well, so he chooses second grade. It has been over a year since he began taking care of Yasmin, since she began teaching him how to do good. The school year for young children will resume in mere weeks.
He does not want to entrust her safety to strangers. Can barely stand the thought of her out of his sight for hours, for an entire day five days in a row.
But Yasmin had sighed heavily and said, "Kids haveta go to school, Bucky."
And so Yasmin Taylor was enrolled with no fanfare and no questions.
.
But while Yasmin was happily learning with playmates her own age and teachers who found her utterly charming, Billy Taylor needed something to do. They could live off Hydra's spoils for a long time – but someone, eventually, was going to notice all the funds missing and begin investigating. He needed something else to pay for the rent, the bills, the groceries, the school supplies, and the hundred other miscellaneous things Bucky Barnes had been good at spinning money for and that Winter Soldier never had to worry about.
He is good at tinkering with things. He wandered around the neighborhoods closest to their apartment and eventually found an old woman with a small shop who needed both handyman and a front desk worker. Her son had gotten into trouble with a local gang and fled, leaving his mama to clean up his mess; Bucky came to her attention when he stepped in while a tough tried to threaten her.
(The right thing, as Yasmin had explained over and over, was to stand up to bullies and be nice to old people. A big man threatening a little old lady? There was no way Bucky couldn't get involved.)
Defending Lucia Reyes also endeared him to the community at large. How gentle and loving he was with Yasmin only cemented his position, and he actually began trying to develop his personality with Lucia's help.
.
Lucia invites them to dinner almost every night; she's taking care of her grandchildren, though they're all too old to be in Yasmin's class, so it's always loud. But it's a good loud. Bucky operates the front desk, greeting customers, and he tinkers with the things that break or glitch, and he is deterrent for anyone looking to cause trouble.
Martina and Rodrigo, the oldest grandchildren at 16 and 15, help Yasmin and the younger two, Yelena and Simon (13 and 11) with homework. Sometimes, if it's a math problem, Bucky can show them how to do it. He doesn't remember much of his younger years at school, but the math in their homework comes easily to him. He's no good at history (doesn't want to think about the things it sparks in his head) or English or literature or science, but nothing in their books trips him when it comes to math. It just makes sense. And it makes him happy to do it because it works every time, unlike anything else.
Sometimes people come in just to sell something, so Bucky looms beside Lucia as she barters with them. Only once does a middle-aged white man get angry with the price Lucia offers for his piece of shit lamp. When Bucky asks softly, "Is there a problem here?" the man glares at him before swiftly backing down. He takes Lucia's offer.
After he leaves, Lucia pats Bucky's arm and stands on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "You're a good boy, William," she says.
He ducks his head. She chuckles and heads back to her office, leaving him to mind the front. He settles back at the register with a workbook for Differential Equations and loses himself in the math.
.
He never forgets there is a weapon inside him, no matter what delicate work he uses the not-arm for. He never forgets, but he puts it aside.
Yasmin makes friends with a little boy named Angelo and a little girl named Megan. She asks for playdates and he arranges things with Megan's two mothers and Angelo's Aunt Evangeline. He works forty hours a week for Lucia and then goes exploring with Yasmin and Lucia's grandchildren, learning Miami the way he once knew Brooklyn. (He does not truly remember Brooklyn, but he knows he once knew it.)
He is a man. He thinks he must be a good one for so many good people to like him.
.
The school year passes. For Halloween, Yasmin dresses up as her favorite character Lilo from a movie Bucky actually likes a lot; it was the first movie he bought. He asked Lucia for help in creating Yasmin's costume and she'd laughed, then helped him relearn how to sew and darn.
While they create the costume, Lucia explains Día de los Inocentes and Día de los Muertos to Bucky. She keeps the shop closed on those days. Yasmin spends the weekend after Halloween with Megan while Bucky stays home. After he drops her off at Megan's, he returns to the apartment and curls up in his bed.
He does not want to, but he knows that he must. And so he goes to the memories he tries not to remember and lets them play, with his eyes closed and tears sliding down his face.
Bucky remembers every child the Winter Soldier killed, directly or indirectly, and he asks their forgiveness. He holds each of them in his mind for a single minute and then he lets them go. He can do nothing else.
On Día de los Muertos, while Yasmin is still with Megan, Bucky remembers every man and woman the Winter Soldier killed, directly or indirectly, and asks their forgiveness. Whether he deserves it or not – and he knows he does not – he can only hope that they, wherever they are, are at peace.
Bucky does not believe in God, of any religion, or an afterlife. He hopes there is nothing but quiet after death. But he also hopes that Yasmin, and Lucia, and Martina and Rodrigo and Yelena and Simon, Angelo and Megan, and Steve -
It's me, it's Steve. Oh, God, Bucky.
If there is a Heaven, he hopes they all get there. He knows he won't.
.
Bucky and Yasmin spend Thanksgiving with Lucia's family. It is just Lucia, the grandchildren, Bucky and Yasmin. Before they eat, Lucia has them all go around the table and say something they are thankful for. Yasmin's turn is before Bucky's, and she says, "I'm thankful that Bucky found me and Bucky Bear."
Lucia tilts her head to the side, eyes going to Bucky, but he simply says, "I am thankful for Yasmin and our new friends here in Miami."
While the younger kids play in the family room, Martina and Rodrigo begin straightening up the kitchen. Lucia guides Bucky to the backyard. "Now, there's a lot of questions I haven't asked," she starts, "and a lot of questions I never will. You were hurtin' when you got here, and you're still hurtin', but I've done my best to help you where I can." She looks up at Bucky with eyes as dark as Yasmin's and she says, "Your past is your business, just like my past is my business. So I'm not gonna ask about what Yasmin said because it's clear to me that you love that little girl more than you do yourself and that you'd die before you hurt her."
Bucky blinks down at her, at a loss. Lucia smiles, a bit sadly. "I know that you're runnin' from something and I know that it's bad." She reaches up to pat his cheek and he leans into the touch without meaning to.
"You can talk to me, William, if you need to. I'll even try not to offer advice unless you want it." She lets her hand fall. "Remember that. Promise me."
"I promise," he says.
She nods and pats his shoulder this time. "Now, are you a big man too old for hugs?"
He shakes his head, just a bit terrified, and she smiles, wide and bright, before giving him a long hug. "You're a good boy," she murmurs into his shoulder.
"Thank you," he says. For the job, for the welcome, for your trust.
"Just keep takin' care of that girl and yourself," she says.
"I will," he promises.
.
Bucky buys Christmas presents for Yasmin, and Lucia, and then joint-presents for Lucia's grandchildren. He and Yasmin bake for their neighbors and visit for a few minutes with each. They spend Christmas Eve at Lucia's and then Christmas Day together.
With Martina's help, Yasmin made multiple presents for Bucky, including half a dozen different gloves to hide his not-hand.
"It's a part of you," she says while he stares down into the box, "and I think it's sad that you hide it. But I love you so I'm not gonna tell you that."
He chuckles, pulling out the rainbow-spotted glove first. "Thank you for that, Yasmin," he says.
For Yasmin, he bought a dozen Disney movies, three different series of books, three more stuffed bears (one with a shield), and an ipod.
He could vaguely remember Christmases in the past, with his parents and sisters and Steve, but no presents that he had ever received before. It is a good day.
.
Yasmin Taylor's birthday is July 17; he does not think Yasmin knows it, but that is the day he heard her coughing in the warehouse. William Taylor's birthday is April 6, the day Captain America and his team revealed Hydra to the world.
.
After the school year ends, Bucky cuts back his hours at Lucia's shop. He and Yasmin go on little adventures around Miami; sometimes her friends or Lucia's grandchildren go with them.
When the Avengers team back up, it makes the news. Bucky watches like all the civilians do, and he – the weapon is asleep inside him. He could make a difference. The Bucky that died in the snow is screaming for him to go help Steve.
But that Bucky died in the snow. Died in Hydra's gullet. Part of doing the right thing is knowing when to not get involved, and he has Yasmin to think of, now. He has Lucia and Martina and Rodrigo and Yelena and Simon. They depend on him.
Three days after the first fight, the Hydra safe-house in Miami is accessed. When the alarm chimes, it wakes Bucky up. Yasmin is at Angelo's house, spending the night because the next day is Angelo's pool party for his birthday.
Someone is at the Hydra safe-house.
Bucky goes.
.
The agent is young, wounded, and scared.
When Bucky asks questions, the agent answers desperately. He clearly does not know who Bucky is, but – as Bucky learned well under Hydra's tutelage – pain is a powerful motivator.
Hydra, to the best of the agent's knowledge, has no part in the Avengers' battle, but is taking advantage of their distraction. The alpha target is Captain America and he is wanted alive. Why, the agent does not know.
Bucky can guess and it fills him with a cold, clear rage. He executes the agent and cleans up the mess, then returns to his apartment to plan.
In this situation, the right thing to do is obvious.
.
He picks Yasmin up from Angelo's party with a bright grin and lets her ramble on excitedly all the way home. It's not until they're inside with the door locked that Yasmin turns a steely gaze on him. "What's wrong?" she asks, sounding older than she has any right to for a seven year old. (Is she? She's either seven or eight, but Yasmin Taylor definitely has not turned eight yet.) "Bucky," she says, crossing her arms.
He shakes himself out of the curiosity and nods firmly. "There is something I have to do," he says. "A right thing. I cannot – you cannot come with me, Yasmin."
She bites her lip. "Is it dangerous?" she asks.
"Exceedingly," he says. "But my friend is in trouble."
"Okay." Yasmin nods and hurries over to him, throwing her arms around his waist. "Be super careful, swear," she says. "And you gotta come back to me, Bucky, you gotta." He can hear the tears in her voice. "If you don't, I'm gonna go looking for you."
"I will come back to you," he says.
.
Martina agrees to stay in the apartment with Yasmin. Lucia will also visit periodically. Bucky informs the neighbors and the landlord that he's been called away for a sudden emergency and everyone promises to keep an eye on Yasmin. She is quite beloved. Bucky swears to call, email, or text every day, though he also explains that if the connection is not safe, he will not contact her.
When she hugs him goodbye, sobbing all over his shirt, Bucky Bear is held tight in her grip. She shoves Captain Ameribear, one of her Christmas presents, into his hands, so he brings the bear with him.
.
In the aftermath of Project Insight, the public had been assured that the gunman who'd attacked Captain America had perished. Hydra believes he died of his wounds months ago.
He does not go dressed as the Winter Soldier. Bucky Barnes died in the snow; the Winter Soldier died in the Potomac. He is neither of them and he is both of them.
Jeeze, Stevie, how many times do I gotta tell ya? I'm with you 'til the end of the line. Don't forget it, pal.
Captain America, with sporadic help from his various teammates, went on a crusade against Hydra until he was distracted by some terrible thing called Ultron (according to the news outlets). What very few people know is that he was also looking for someone long thought lost.
But now he is distracted. And while he is distracted, Hydra plans to capture him so that they can utilize techniques perfected on his dead best friend and turn him into the fist of Hydra. And he does not even know that is a danger.
A very long time ago, Bucky Barnes died protecting Steve Rogers. Not so long ago, the Winter Soldier died dragging Captain America out of the water.
There are right things and there are wrong things. And this…
Bucky glances at the bear nestled in amongst his weapons and smiles. This is a right thing. That, all parts of him agree on.
And there is no one in the world who will see him coming.