I had done my best thinking in that bath. It wasn't a cover your boobs and knees simultaneously bath, but it had made me think. Hence me now walking back across the land bridge towards the castle. All picturesque with the sun fully separated from the hills, casting light reflected from glintily from the lake. It was still slightly orangey because of the still remaining smoke from the days previous. But I felt pretty good cos now I was clad in armour that actually fit my bosom area. I had stolen Valena from whatever duties she had had and we had trotted down to see her father. I couldn't expect him to create me something new, but he had looked at my leather outfit and then with only a few words to me set to work with a c-shaped knife blade and a knowing look on his face. And now, not quite the glory that had been my Fade dalish armour, but it was so much better than before. Protection for my left shoulder, a better arm guard and leggings that (yes stolen apparently from Valena) fit me. I had bare feet, but the stirrup at the foot of the leggings made it ok. Already used to bare feet… I felt more relaxed when I could feel the earth with my skin. More grounded and even stronger. While I had had Valena before, she had returned much earlier, now I walked alone. Her father hadn't introduced himself, and true to form I had forgotten his name, perhaps it was that that had meant I didn't feel guilty about walking out without paying. Or maybe he thought the return of his daughter was enough. Though that hadn't been of my doing, I let him think whatever he would.

It was still pretty quiet, especially behind the gates of the castle. I assumed it would stay that way until Eamon was awakened. To be honest though with Jowan's death, things were pretty fluid. I mean my appearance and my continued 'meddling' could be having bigger and wider circles of influence. Could I think up something that would work a plan bee that would take into account the possibility of Eamon's death and what Teagan would have to do to step into his elder brother's shoes? I mean, I knew that women could be Arls, but that would be Isolde and for whatever I thought of her, I don't think that she would have what its gonna take to stand with the Wardens in this whole Blight thing. Teagan would, with the brace of me behind him if he was going to bend. My fingers twitched as I tried to think, but after a few seconds my mind could only think about music and playing it. I guess it was my way of getting to the end of my mental rope. An aside, but I was really excited to see the others, not for a report of what had gone on the Tower, forever would I be glad I wasn't there. But to see him again. Them. To see them all again. A little mental cough and I hoped I regained any lost composure as I walked towards those big doors. Already open and waiting by the time I negotiated the stairs. Their eyes followed me like those weird carnival clowns with the open mouths. Just their eyes… I don't think their mouths were open for any reason.

"Ana!"

I spun so fast. Nearly spewed up my breakfast… dinner… earlier snacks. It was Leiliana who stood there, face in absolute happy rapture. Which is odd because she looked at me. I stared at her face, tracking down, studying her carefully. In case the Circle had left physical wounds on her. Though to be honest I already knew that any wounds she had were mental. But true to being Leiliana she was smiling, Creators she was stunning, and then she literally skipped towards me. In leather armour, red hair swinging and that grin not disappearing. But as she got closer, I could see the slight tension in the skin around her eyes. When she finally stopped bouncing, I reached out and touched her arm. Probably the first time, bar the bitey me, that I had touched her really. I can't even remember how long I had known her, I remember when I had met her, but not how long it had been.

"Are you okay Lei?"

She peered at me, eyes narrowed in disbelief.

"You know Ana, I should be asking you that."

She was right, no denying that. I blinked back dulling memories of the Fade, fresher clearer ones of Jowan. Instead I played back the words she had spoken to me. Slightly higher pitched, smacking to me of denial. So I patted her arm, patted her arm! I was turning into an old lady; I'd only spoken to Wynne twice.

"You can. Later. I want to see the others."

She smirked,

"I think they need to see you too. Oh, I haven't forgotten the whole biting thing either."

She clacked her teeth as punctuation, getting a grin from me. Even for the circumstances.

"Well now that I am not blood covered, can see out of both eyes and not a giant scab of vomit, I will walk with you."

She giggled; it felt good to have her back again. I thought I wouldn't be able to speak to someone like her. I mean it hadn't been a skill previously either, any of the time. I could when she was just a character and I was just me. But now she was… my friend. I guess. And as she smiled at me, obviously worried about moi and everything, all tossing her hair at my words, she was endearing. No sign of the hard, skilled and death causing Leiliana. She was mine. As the others were, like what I had spoken to Sten about. But more so. This all sounded so much better in mah head. But as we moved together, we didn't hold hands. Or that elbow crook thing I've seen in movies, but we walked side by side and I have to say it felt pretty good. It made what I had thought was a nice walk before, feel lonely now. I couldn't imagine how I had managed to survive even with Morrigan and Sten looking out for me. Though the latter needs a stern talking too about the fist to the face thing. Even maybe a finger waggle in for good measure. Though it would be where I had witnesses. Cos to be honest I also had to thank the guy. Qunari. Sten.

Came to an abrupt halt. A da'len had walked out of an open room, at first facing away from me. But then he turned. He was blonde, skinny. But his time his eyes weren't glaring hate, his face not narrow and snake like. I felt like the proverbial deer in headlights. I had no idea what Leiliana was doing. All that I was was right now centred on that boy. His eyebrow were angled down; I think he was afraid of me. I knelt, folding my legs up to sit kneel upon a hard rug. It made me look up at him, but I had lost most feeling below my waist. He sidled forward, edging towards the rug before he too sat. But he crossed legs that seemed too long for one as young as he.

"Hello da'len."

His eyes kept skittering away from me; I thought he remembered nothing?

"Hello."

We were silent, every so often the sound of closed doors made him flinch. But I think he was gathering courage, fists clenching at his trousers tight upon his knees.

"M, m, m, my."

He took a deep breath; apparently Connor could only concentrate if his eyes were scrunched closed.

"My name is Connor Guerin."

I'm not sure if I could manage a grin at his boy, but I managed a reply.

"I am Ana Maharial."

I wasn't really compelled to add, 'a grey warden.' Connor was.

"They said you were a Warden, with Finn and Alistair."

Not sure that when I had used that ruse, okay lie, earlier I hadn't felt bad. But here in front of this kid I just gave a very elven shrug.

"They said that you and Jowan saved me, saved everyone. And that I would have to apologise to you."

The words came rushing out, like there were no spaces between words. Eyes no longer clenched closed but staring at a painting off to his right. Know what else happened? He started to cry.

"I told Mother I couldn't remember. I haven't forgotten all of it."

He whispered that last sentence.

"I also have not forgotten Connor. I remember Jowan; I remember the thing that took control of you."

I didn't want to give that whore bag a name in front of Connor. His memories would be fresh enough.

"They said he was bad, that he tried to kill father."

"Jowan was many things Connor. In the end he saved everyone. Yes, he did do something bad, but then he tried so very hard to make it right. The fact that you are awake now attests to that. That we are all here is evidence of that."

"But father still sleeps."

"But we have the opportunity to wake him now."

By the Creators you could have heard a pin drop. Connor's tears still flowed, but he gave no sawing breaths.

"I will have to leave Mother and Father."

He would. He would go to the Circle.

"That is right. But you will not be forgotten by your parents Connor. And at the Circle you will learn how to help people."

"But…"

"Yes, you tried to help your father. That is what gave rise to this… situation. But at the Circle there are those who can help you use your magic to help people. Have you met Wynne?"

He nodded,

"Others like her."

We were quiet for a while. I hope Connor was thinking it over. He didn't really have a choice, but if he didn't willingly go to the Circle, I could only imagine what would happen.

"Will there be people like Jowan there?"

Oooo. As in blood mages? Or as in people as giving, as strong and as broken as Jowan.

"Jowan was my friend. He did not always do what was right, but he gave everything in pursuit to make it so. One day I think that you will have his strength, especially with what you have been through. It will make you stronger."

He looked at me now, eyes shining as tears kept falling. And then he sucked back all that juicy stuff in his nose. Ick.

"Really?"

"Yes."

I moved to stand then. I don't think I liked what I said, but I couldn't think of anything else that would work. I didn't know enough, hell I didn't know anything. To be honest I blamed Isolde more than Connor or even Jowan for what had happened. Her lies and subterfuge had caused this. But I think I was worried that I placed the blame squarely on her because I didn't like her. At all.

"Um, Warden?"

I looked down at him, his turned up to me like I was his saviour or something. Creators, I could never be that.

"Thank you. For everything."

"Do you wish that you could apologise to Jowan?"

My reply was pretty quick. If Isolde had been there, I think she would have tried to slap me again.

"I don't know."

"Apologise to me again when you've thought of a real answer."

I'd got angry at him when he said he didn't know. It was evident in the perfect pronunciation of my words. I don't think that he really deserved it to be honest. I didn't want to look at the child anymore, regardless of how I had made him feel. The shadow of Jowan I thought I had managed to say goodbye to the night before loomed closer when I looked at the mageling. I turned towards Leiliana, who I think had done her best to phase into a wall. We moved together away from the child, as we did the servants and soldiers who had made themselves scarce in the adjoining rooms finally started to move about their business and the hum of words filtered through the hallway once more.

"Lei wait."

Ah the urge to vomit, how I had missed thee. Leiliana apparently managed to decipher what the tug on her arm meant and the look on my face. She elegantly swerved to the left and we entered a room, she pointed to the unbroken tub on the wooden bench and I just leant over it. Ah, the sandwiches that had been so good going in were so not on the way out. My stomach muscles that had had me retching so much over the days previous buckled and rebelled even harder. No hiding the tears that were squeezed from my eyes. It was good that Leiliana didn't try to pat my shoulder or otherwise console me cos I don't think I would have liked it. Probably would have tried to bite her again to be honest. After a little while I relinquished my death hold on the bench and slithered to the ground. Not particularly comfortable, even with the new shape and fit of my armour, but it would have to do for now.

"Ana, are you alright?"

Timid. If I had one word to describe it, that would fit the bill. Not something I thought Leiliana could do, even with all her skill as a bard. I stared at the strip of carpet I could see. With stunning clarity by the way. I'm not sure I could explain the things in the Fade, even with a woman who had been there herself, which I was not supposed to know about yet either.

"It was very scary."

"I know."

I turned my head a little to look at Leiliana.

"How did you get out?"

She gave a small grin at me when she saw that I had turned towards her.

"Finn got us all out."

A few tears fell, but I wiped them on the back of my hands, I struggled to stand, but stand I goddamn did.

"I wish he had been there."

I quickly took a few mouthfuls from the ewer, ignoring the mess in the basin before moving towards the door.

"Come on."

"Warden!"

Almost didn't turn around, totally forgetting that was indeed me. I did though when Leiliana slowed.

"The other Wardens have left the Arl's room, they are in the study."

Oh. I turned around, orienting myself.

"How is Eamon?"

The lady bounced a weird curtsey thing at me; face always averted from my own. Kinda made me think that I had left some spew on my face. Don't think Leiliana would have let me prance around with something like that on me though.

"He is still asleep my lady, the Arlessa is at his side."

Even I could see the wince the young woman gave as she mentioned Isolde.

"That is good. Uhm, have they eaten?"

She bobbed again; it made me feel a little sea sick.

"Yes ma'am."

I nodded. As I did I could the shine of watery sun on plate armour from further down the hall. I knew I had to thank Perth and apologise to him.

"Where is Ser Perth?"

Something the girl did not know.

"I am unsure."

I had one more thing I had to ask her, the thing I most did not want to ask.

"Where is Jowan's body?"

Leiliana stepped closer to me; perhaps she thought I would fall or cry or vomit again. The girl looked more like she could do one of those things than I.

"Ah, I'm not totally sure, uhm Warden. I believe it was taken away last night while you, uhm, slept."

"Taken where?"

She was all but wringing her hands. Leiliana did something, probably smiled said something sweet in her Orleisian accent and the girl bobbed and darted away.

"Where Lei?"

"The most likely place would be somewhere with the mages. We could check with the First Enchanter."

I swear to Elgar'nan if Jowan was not burnt on a pyre, if he had been thrown into a rubbish pit, there would be consequences. He saved… I sighed. I couldn't hold onto this anger anymore. I knew that Jowan was free.

"No, it's fine. I would like to see the others."

Leiliana smiled at my change. I just followed her. Still feeling sick and sad.

"You were very brave Ana. Everyone thought so."

"For yesterday? I think that some would change brave for stupid."

"Well, at least not everyone."

I wiped my forehead, it felt clammy and sweaty. I'd never really thought of myself being weak. But here was the evidence of it; well most of it was in that basin back there, but… I looked at Leiliana,

"How come you are not afraid?"

She started, surprised at me saying anything.

"Afraid? Of course I am afraid. But someone came to get me."

Finn. Of course. He would save everyone. I hadn't had someone to save me. I had tried to save Morrigan and Jowan. And I had failed.

"Ana, you had only yourself. Only you know what happened there. When you woke up you saved everyone in that room. You gave the order to kill Jowan. We all know you wouldn't have done that without true cause. Even Irving spoke for you, offered to watch over you."

"Cos he thought I would be possessed too."

"Mayhap. But I think also because he probably knows most of all what you had been through there. Perhaps I will tell you later of where I was."

I didn't really listen to her words. I was still stuck on the fact that the people in that room had probably thought me possessed. But Leiliana and Finn had gone to me with no pause. Elgar'nan,

"I wish he had been there."

"It's me."

She said, rapping lightly at the door. It opened and she swept in, all smiles and hellos. I stumbled in, just leaning on the doorway looking at those inside. Morrigan was all contempt and arrogance, Alistair looked defensive but he was smiling too. Sten was silent and brooding. Wolf was… he trotted up to me and whined. I patted his head,

"Hello Wolfie."

My hand came back wet from his slobber but I managed a grin. I felt utter relief. Totally didn't care that Sten had smacked me upside the head a matter of hours ago. Because I was back with my people.

"You know you aren't allowed to leave again."

I said. I know I totally sounded like a moron and those words sounded like the total opposite of any order I could or had given.

"Look at the carnage you caused."

"Not just me."

I said looking at Alistair. I would have thought that he would be a little flustered after the Tower and being back here and of course having seen Eamon so old and useless upstairs. But he seemed collected; perhaps a little weary like Leiliana. But perhaps he felt the same as me. Here he was back with his people. I slid in a bit closer, looking at Finn as he stood. Elgar'nan, how had I ever mistaken him for Kane? He stepped towards me and I did something super terrifying. I just stepped in to hug him. Pure luck him not wearing his plate armour yet. For now he wore cotton shirt and trousers. My forehead slumped against his chest (elves are pretty damn short), yeah this was home.