Sorry it has been a wee while, exams, essays and work can stop you from doing fun things, who would have thunk. Here we go though:

Petrichor! That's what it was called. So, anyway, I was currently staring into the campfire flames. Mostly I think I thought that I would have been full of what I called 'self loathing', but I didn't really hate myself. I was instead quite empty of that emotion… Was empty of most things really, instead I was just physically done. As a team we had left Redcliffe, after one last night behind defended walls, in soft beds, heading east. Not sure whether we headed towards the Brecelian or instead Denerim. I had no idea how far we'd travelled, but we had done it with long strides and few breaks. I hadn't really looked to see how Wynne was, but I think I had assumed that whatever the unannounced spirit inside her could do, a little Sunday walk would probably be fine compared to the battles and fights within the Tower. Which I hadn't asked anyone about. Instead I had asked Leiliana to forgo cooking dinner, instead passing that to Morrigan with a grin (not sure how that will work out) and help me with daggers. With sticks at first, Leiliana explained things to me. Things that seemed to make sense to me logically and to a certain extent physically. But even if saying that, it took in some cases several times for me to understand something, normally accompanied by a smack on a fleshy or bony area of my body. Other times things just clicked as soon as she spoke. But regardless, it was staying in my head. Leiliana's form and that of her 'daggers' became overlaid with shadowy figures that I knew were spawn phantoms and their serrated weapons. I knew I had a long ways to go, but this was something I could do. And be good at, and make a difference with.

But right now, I was mud splashed. From sole of foot to shin I was made of mud, the rest of me was sweating. I felt ace though, facing a meal made by Morrigan and not Alistair. Though of course he was eyeballing it with more than a little open distrust. I was just happy to be eating something; I had nominated to take the latest watch. I could do mornings now, whoo hoo, but after eating a hot meal I knew I would crash. Leiliana was all smiles, pointing and gesticulating as she spoke to Wynne, the older mage smiling benevolently at the Orlesian's over the top reaction to tutoring me. I pulled up my legs, resting my cheek to one of them; but instead of watching Leiliana, my eyes swapped her for someone else. It had only been the space of a few breaths, but in that time I felt refreshed. So many parts of me were at the same time clamouring to stay, others to run, others were puzzled as to where my strength to do such a thing had come from, others wondering at my stupidity. I had let go of that nice, warm chest only slowly. But the memory of it kept me company. The man that hard chest had belonged to hadn't looked at me since we had set up camp. Instead he had spoken with Bodhan and Sandal whom we had met up with along the trail. Convincing them to follow us around (Creators knew how he had figured how to do that) which also included carrying tents and rations. Perhaps the lure of Wardens and such was too much of a draw card. Or something about Sandal… I don't know.

"Ana?"

Morrigan. Offering me a bowl of soup slash stew slash who cares, yummo. I sipped it and grinned,

"You need to be careful Morrigan; you'll end up being camp chef."

Her nose twitched into a sneer, but she ladled out more… oh ladled out a bowlful for herself and then sat next to me. The others froze, before Leiliana took the handing out of food duties for everyone else.

"I didn't get to say so before, but thanks for coming with me."

I didn't elucidate but I knew she'd know.

"Have you spoken to Sten yet?"

She said touching her eyebrow, as in spoke to Sten about him smashing you in the face yet? I smothered my face in the bowl, sipping quickly and chewing on meat and veges. I hadn't spoken to Sten since before the others had got back, since before Jowan had been alive. She chuckled at my 'reply'. There was something about this real Morrigan that flummoxed me. I thought she would be brittle and harsh and mean. Especially to me. You know how she is in the game, or came across to me in the game. But here she was nearly nice, maybe something about the shared experience in the Fade or summat. But I was nearly chummy with her. I know that is how it must look to the others. But I hadn't gone to the Fade with any of the others, or had had the witch at my back as we took on a bitch Demon who wanted to kill everyone… I sighed, rubbed my forehead as that tension banded across it.

"Leiliana seems impressed with you."

Alistair said, emerged from the fire light to sit at my other side. Morrigan snorted and slid back and away without even like moving her feet or anything. I shrugged at her reaction, as did Alistair, and turned to look at the templar.

"Well, all this amazing is hard work."

I didn't quite manage to capture the light tones I was aiming at, but hopefully Alistair got what I was going for. He had a lopsided grin on his face; he sipped at the soup chewing at a hunk of meat he found.

"Ah. Uhm."

I tried. He looked at me, grinning at the odd stop start sounds that were trying to vacate my mouth. I took a deep breath and started again.

"The Tower, you're alright."

Didn't want to make it a question, not because I was worried he would answer in the negative, but perhaps it was an attempt to reassure or I think it was because I knew he was a tough guy and he really was alright. He ran a hand through messy hair, scratching hard at the shorter strands. Totally mussing up his hair style.

"It was so real."

Or may be it was 'it was surreal'. His words were slow. I don't think he had spoken to the others about it. I mean why would you really, but perhaps there was something to me for him anyway.

"I mean I thought it was. Until Finn turned up."

Of course. Finn. He fixed everything didn't he? Why couldn't he have been there for me?

"I was tempted, more than tempted, to ignore him to call everything he said bullshit. But then he reminded me. Of this."

He said to clarify. Alistair pulled out a long chained pendant. Oh yeah. Its polished face was marked by countless cracks, by anyone's count it would have taken hours of painstaking work to put together again. He ran a thumb over the surface, a grin at whoever had fixed it for him, or who had given it to him.

"My mother gave me this. Well that's what Teagan and… Eamon, said. I got really angry one day, as a kid, and I broke it. Just threw it with anger at a wall, with all the strength a little boy could I guess. It was enough."

"Why were you angry?"

I whispered. He'd offered the thing to me; I'd had to shuffle closer to take it in broken nailed fingers to peer at it. I mean I had seen it before, but here in its proper setting, if you will, it was brand new. He shrugged,

"I don't even really remember, probably something stupid. I was a kid. And the worst thing I could do, I mean I did. And typically in the instant I threw it I wasn't angry anymore. Andraste, I didn't even think that Eamon would have found all the bits and then spent so long fixing it. And then Finn just gives it to me, out of the blue."

I totally narrowed in on that little saying, didn't know that that was in common usage here. Huh.

"That made you believe him?"

I gave him back the pendant and took up my bowl again.

"One of the things I guess. But whichever, it broke their hold on me."

He didn't have to elucidate by any means, I mean I didn't need to know details, though I did. I just liked the fact he spoke to me about it. And I didn't even care that I had found it, it hadn't been a requirement for Finn to tell Alistair, I didn't think I had even thought he would tell him or not.

"It's not like… I wanted to… You're tough too. What you did. Without us."

I totally understood what he meant to say, though it was totally awkward. I grinned,

"Didn't feel like it at the time."

He laughed,

"I dunno, Perth told us some of the words you used towards the demon."

I blushed. I knew it had been some fucks and a c-bomb, and I had been angry. But this was a templar lad. I couldn't imagine him using a swear word. But I suppose boys would be boys, even in a templar dorm.

"Well, it was being that thing that I said. But no it didn't feel tough, I think I was shaking that whole way. If Morrigan and Jowan hadn't been there, I don't really know what would have happened in that place."

"Would have been nice for Finn to show up huh?"

I nodded,

"Yeah. But that would have meant he would have been there. And he would have been in danger. It wouldn't have been right."

I swear words were just like falling from my face at this point and I had no idea what Alistair looked like. I quickly ate what was left in my bowl and stood, stacking it next to the fire. I slid into a tent that was already made, disregarding whoever it was for. This time I carefully turned away from the firelight showing through whatever material it was made from. Didn't realise until I had closed my eyes I was a teeny bit scared to sleep. I had no idea what I would find there, even after I remembered that I wouldn't wake up There, not being a mage and not being smacked hard enough in the head by Sten to send me there. I also realised at the same time I had not brushed my teeth.

Yep, yep. Sleep defo a bad idea. Like the worst idea ever to have been entered into the list of bad ideas. I mean, fuck who ever came up with the idea that we needed sleep. Probably a salarian. Even that effort at funny ha ha didn't work and instead made me cry. I was still inside the tent, a little oasis of aloneness that I had made for myself. It was cold, damp from condensation or summat. I was currently sitting up but curled into a tiny little ball of sorrow and hate and blah. That was crying. Super. At least it wasna dark. The fire was still crackling outside, which meant people were still up though I couldn't see them. I don't really remember what the nightmare had been about, but I did know it had frightened the bejeezus out of me and there was no way that I was sleeping again this evening, night area time. I watched the light from the fire for a time; it brought to mind a few Leonard Cohen songs. I played them through in my head, there was no way I would forget any lyrics. Fingers playing chords on my arm. Finally my mind went blank; about the time the tears had dried. So I stood, flipped the tent's opening back and stepped into the fire light. Wolf lifted his head to peer myopically at me, mouth lolling open in what I'll term a grin. Wynne was there. She patted Wolf's head and also smiled at me. I'm not sure but her softly, softly approach made me weary. Like I was a halla and I was entering a delicate situation but I still slowly walked in.

"Did you know sleep well?"

I stretched my back, fixed the slight twist in the armour's torso. Yeah, so my boobs fitted a bit more comfortably.

"I slept enough. Who is on watch?"

"Alistair and Leiliana."

I felt rather than saw someone loom nearby. The only one who could loom would be Sten. I only slightly turned my head. Jeez he was tall.

"Feel like watching with me Sten?"

He only nodded. I don't think he even sleeps. Maybe he lies horizontally with his eyes open just counting the seconds till its time for the next physical activity. Alistair and Lei weren't that far away, she was pacing. Like she had an itchy trigger finger, though the bow was placed against the stump Alistair sat on. They turned to us with no sign of weariness. It kinda worried me, though Alistair would have sensed if we had been spawn, what happened if we were bandits, or, or something else?

"We'll take the rest of your watch."

Leiliana looked more dubious than Alistair as they headed back to the camp and empty tents. Though she hadn't moved to say anything when she offered me the quiver of arrows I think I may have moved to not catch her eyes. It slung the quiver over my back, drawing one long slim arrow with a practiced move. I simply stooped to pick up the bow, setting arrow to string before standing ready. For anything.

"The others wish me to apologise."

"By others you mean the red-headed female?"

"Yes."

I so knew that he wasna going to. He was just stating that Leiliana wanted him too. But for what? For hitting me, for me nearly dying or for Jowan dying. Only the first was his fault and it needed to happen.

"As far as I am aware Sten, there is nothing to apologise for."

I'm not sure if 'content' is a word I would normally use for the Qunari, but the silence that he was seemed that. I half closed my eyes and let my ears funnel the night sounds to my brain. Insects, prowling night birds, prowling night animals. Nothing there that shouldn't be. Content for my ears to do the work for me, I instead let my mind to wander towards what waited for us ahead. Maybe tomorrow or the next day, or the one after that. But an elvish assassin would do his best to kill those I travelled with and then we would arrive at Denerim, the home of our enemy stood like a giant pale faced dark haired spider. If we weren't waylaid by werewolf dogged Dalish. My kin. I drew and fired even while my brain was still coming out of heavy thoughts. Sten had his great sword just ready and pointing up in a second. A second arrow already to string when my thoughts caught up with my eyes. It fluttered painfully, savagely, but painfully. It was stuck to the tree, caught through its wing. I could see its chest as it breathed fast and hard. Muscles twitching as it tried to get away, become more and more frantic as I moved towards it. The bow fell from my hands. I think I whispered something to it in elvish. Even with the lack of light, I could see my glowing reflection in its wide eye. Its movements slowed but didn't stop. It was a larger bird than I was used too, but when I held reached out to hold it; I could feel the cage of bones surrounding a stuttering heart. It made me brace my arm; I guess I had expected it to be light. I traced the bones and tendons in the wide stretched wing with my free hand. It really needed to have Wynne or Morrigan heal it. I still touched each banded feather though, tracing a black line when I felt it's heavily taloned feet settle around my wrist, don't know if it was a threat, or a warning or what. But I just looked into the owl's eyes, its beak open a little as it breathed. It was stuck. Like me. Through no fault of its own. It was fighting; that's what I took that pressure around my wrist as being. Tightening every so often punctures from the talons in my skin as they did. It had two ear like tufts on the top of its head, these were currently laid right back; like a cat's I thought. It looked like it was pissed.

"Short one."

Not a question from Sten, but perhaps a hurry up.

"Break the arrow."

An order. He did it, not hurrying over, but his broad hand snapped the feathered shaft of the arrow. I lifted the bird pulling it towards my chest; I was humming Chelsea Hotel under my breath, didn't know when that started. But the owl didn't struggle, merely folding its wings back across its back, even the wounded one. Those talons didn't loosen either. I moved to where Alistair had been sitting and perched upon it. I simply sat the owl in my lap. It gave off a lot of heat that feathery birdy body. Neither Sten or I spoke, that owl didn't make any noise. We were still until the sky started to turn blue, lighting up trees and when the sun started to draw free from the earth, turning dew into diamonds. I slid from the log, the owl tucked into the curve of my arm. Not really tucked actually, it was a large bird, but it sat in my arm quietly. I knelt to pick up the bow, managing to snag that loose arrow in my pinky. As a very quiet group we moved back to the camp. It smelt of warmth, a little of smoke. And something for break-fast. The tents were already down, Alistair sliding them into Bodahn's caravan. Sandal saw us and smiled that special grin. I didn't manage to return it, but I don't think he took it as anything against him.

"What have you got Ana?"

Said Leiliana in her sing song voice. Her mouth opened in surprise when I half turned, moving to sit on what had been Wynne's seat the night before.

"How did you get a hold of that?"

"I tried to kill it."

That awkward weird pause thing happened again as if everyone was afraid to say something or move; like in case I tried to kill them too. But movement commenced again when Wynne approached.

"It's wing..."

"It is male, he is a he."

I couldn't look away from his eye, or my reflection within it.

"Would you let me look at his wing?"

It wasna up to me. I shrugged, staying still as she came closer. He didn't squirm or anything when she drew out his wing, but he didn't like being close to Wynne. Whether of his own making or not. His reaction, which I couldn't help but smile at, was to clack his rather intimidating beak at her, those 'ears' laid right back. The smile didn't make Wynne feel any better, or move closer. I simply lifted a hand to stroke two fingers from the crown of its head down his back.

"C'mon feather face; she'll undo what I did."

One tuft pricked forward at my words. Not sure if calling it names was really the done thing. But the talons loosened; didn't realise how tight it had been until it did that. Pins and needles started and I had to stubbornly ignore the urge to rub it. The owl stood, sort of, on my lap waiting for Wynne to approach it. This time I looked up at her, a different sort of grin on my face.

"He'll let you."

I hope. Her hands opened and a really pretty blue glow rose. After stroking him earlier, which he didn't seem to mind, I continued as Wynne healed him. I felt really bad, that whole morning I had just been sitting in silence hoping that he could read minds so that he could know how much I was sorry without Sten judging me if I spoke out loud. He didn't move, even after Wynne moved back. Instead he turned to look at me once more. His eyes reminded me more an eagle or something, yellow not orange or black. Like I had been thinking before, he was like me. However I felt for the others I was stuck here, not of my free will. It sounds weird even when I say it, but with that owl letting me stroke his feathers I felt really good. Like not just me but the elf me too. He blinked and I stood holding his body up to the sky.

"Dareth shiral, lethallin."

He gathered his wings and with a few powerful strokes he was silently gone. Leaving a few feathers and a few smears of his blood. You know, it's the first time here that I have let something go or lost something that I didn't mind letting go. Yeah it hurt, for being an owl and it threatening to take my hand at the wrist, but I felt better about him being free. Kinda like it was a choice and the one that I had just made was also about myself too. Elgar'nan I'm turning into a fool. Or a dalish elf. Go figure.