"The two of you look happy," Hodge said and he meant it.
The couple in front of him had changed a lot since the last time. They sat
together, close to each other, with Jace's arm around Clary and Clary's hand
on Jace's knee. They looked happy, and Hodge was glad for the process; he
had been afraid that he was going to reinvent the whole relationship. He had
done that with some couples- there had even been a fake wedding with some.
"We are," Jace said, for once he didn't sound annoyed or irritated, he
sounded relaxed and almost at ease. Clary on the other hand, looked a bit
tense.
"Sounds good, how has your week been?" Hodge asked, eyeing Clary; she seemed
a bit off.
"Fine," Jace said. It was short, but not uninviting like before.
"Nice, now I think we should talk about the future, Clary what do you
think?" Hodge looked at the redhead.
"About what?" Clary asked, her voice was light, but somewhere inside
something seemed a little off, like she wasn't really there.
"The future," Hodge answered.
"Oh, I think it's going to be okay," Clary said and smiled scooting closer
to Jace, "Right honey?"
"Yeah," Jace said looking at Clary with adoring eyes, "I think we're going
to be all right."
Right there, Hodge saw it, the little uncertain glint in Clary's eyes.
He knew it was mean, but it was his job to bore into it.
"So Clary tell me, what kind of plans do you have for the future?" Hodge
asked, feeling the short pleasure of triumph when he once again saw the
uncertainty in Clary's eyes.
"Oh you know, I think we should just take one day at the time," she smiled,
but it didn't reach her eyes.
"That sounds nice," Hodge said and looked down at his notes from the last
session, "Clary how are you feeling about the whole baby thing?" he asked;
he saw Jace tense slightly, but that wasn't where his attention was. No, it
was on Clary, the way she had nearly flinched when he had said the word
baby.
"Um, you know," She said, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, "I don't
really know."
This caught the attention of Jace. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Nothing, I just don't really know what to think yet." Clary answered.
"So what you don't want to have kids? Clary I thought we talked about this."
Jace said.
" we did, it's just-"
"It's just what Clary?" Jace asked, he sounded a bit desperate and Hodge
thought that it was very interesting to see another side of him.
"I. Jace I just..." Clary's eyes started to get wet and a panicked look
crossed Jace's face.
"Oh god, I don't know Jace, I'm so sorry." the tears started to fall, and
Hodge felt weirdly uncomfortable. Hodge had dealt with a lot of crying
women, loud "discussions" and angry fights between husband and wife. But
this seemed just a bit to intimate.
"I-" Clary took a deep breath, "I was pregnant Jace."
Jace looked at her, and if Hodge had to be honest he would say that Jace
looked completely clueless.
"I know, when you were in high school and dated that ass Sebastian."
"No Jace, after that." Clary's voice was trembling and Hodge gave her a
Kleenex; she took it gladly.
"You have experienced douche bag boyfriends more than once?" he asked again,
still a look of total confusion plastered to his face.
"Yes Jace," she smiled a little, but quickly got serious again. "But not
like that; 3 months ago I found out I was pregnant."
Jace looked at her with understanding forming on his face, "We were together
3 months ago."
Clary just nodded "Yeah, it was yours," she said, tears pouring down her
face like a waterfall, taking her mascara with it.
"What do you mean was?" Jace asked, his shoulders tensing up, "I lost it,"
she said, sobbing now, "I lost my little baby, I couldn't keep it, I-"
"Why didn't you tell me?" Jace asked, Hodge had thought the same thing.
If this was the perfect couple he had hoped it was, then why hadn't she told
him?
"Because you once said-"
"I already told you Clary, I didn't mean it like that, so again why didn't
you tell me?" Jace didn't let Clary answer. He just continued, "Did you
really think you could keep it from me? Did you really think I wouldn't
notice? By the Angel Clarissa what did you think?" he was desperate even
Hodge could feel that now.
"I'm sorry I didn't think and I don't know-"
"Exactly Clarissa you don't know. Were you just going to leave me, once your
stomach got too big to hide?" a look of pure angst crossed Clary's face when
Jace said that.
"No Jace I would never-"
"Then why didn't you tell me?!" Jace's voice had risen during the
conversation and Hodge was pretty sure that everyone in the whole building
could hear the young man.
"You know, it's not just your baby, it's ours okay? We made it together and
you didn't trust me enough to tell me, you didn't love me enough to let me
know." Jace looked at her for a second, taking in her trembling and sobbing
form.
His voice dropped when he continued. "Why didn't you tell me . just
why?"
"I'm so sorry Jace." Clary had stopped trying to reason with him.
"Are you really?" he asked and Hodge saw the self-hatred and the feeling of
being betrayed in every line of Jace's face.
"Yes, Jace please listen. I am so sorry and you're right I should have told
you." Clary said, her eyes begging him to understand.
"I love you so much Clary, but." Jace took a deep breath, "I hate you for
doing this to me."
Clary gasped, her hands flying to her face, covering her mouth.
"I don't know what to do Clary, I really don't. But I don't know if I can do
this. I don't know. I will never understand why you did what you did and
don't give me that bullshit with you being afraid." he said, and when he
could see that she was about to interrupt he continued, "Because it you
really loved me, you would have told me."
Jace got up from the couch, leaving a crying Clary behind.
"Get Isabelle to pick you up, I'm going back to work, and don't expect me to
come home tonight." Jace said before he walked out the door, closing it
behind him with a quiet click.
Clary still sat on the couch, her makeup ruined and her face and eyes red
from crying. Hodge didn't know what to do; he had known this wouldn't end
pretty. He had known that from the start when he had asked Clary about the
baby thing, but he hadn't expected this. Not with this couple.
"It's going to be okay sweetheart," Hodge said, giving Clary another tissue.
"He's gonna come around."
"But what if he doesn't?" Clary asked, she sounded broken.
"He will trust me; he loves you too much not to."
"How can you be so sure?" she asked and looked at him, her green eyes wet
with unshed tears.
"Just trust me," Hodge said while he got up, "Now I think you should call
your friend and go home. You can call me when both of you are up to it
again."
"You know, I didn't even get to tell him the most important part." Clary
said.
"And what is that?"
"I'm pregnant again," there was a small smile hidden under all those tears,
but it wasn't a happy one: it was sad and filled with dread.
Hodge felt the sour sting in his heart, the one he so rarely got, the one
that meant that he really felt what his patients were going through and he
didn't like it.
AND BAM! the End...
no don't worry it's not ending yet ;) i hope you all liked it :)
Eva