21 He still remembered the look she had giving him the first day they met: her big green eyes looking into his and his heart had missed a beat. But now sitting in Jordan and Maia's couch, everything seemed different somehow. He didn't really know why, it was just this feeling inside of him, like he was looking at his own life through a wall of glass. Like he was looking into a mirror and saw all the things he didn't want to see; that maybe things with Clary would have to end. That send a jolt of pain through his heart, but he knew he was right. He couldn't keep pretending that everything was okay. Because it wasn't and right now it seemed like it never would be. Maia was looking at him. She sat on the couch opposite from him, her long legs were crossed and a cup of steaming hot coffee sat in front of her. Jordan was beside Maia, a look of deep concern on his face. Jace had been there for almost an hour and yet the man with the mouth of the devil hadn't spoken a word. Jordan and Maia were concerned-this had never happened before. "Jace," Jordan tried, he didn't really know what to do. Never had he seen his friend like this. Jace looked up at the sound of his name. He didn't really know what to do, but Maia and Jordan had always been there, so of course he had gone here: a safe place. "I don't know what to do," he whispered and looked Jordan in the eye, "I have no idea if I'm even doing the right thing." Jace's voice sounded almost broken and he hated it. Never before had anyone made him sound like this, all ruined and needy. When Jace had been younger he had always thought of himself as invincible, but even superman has his weaknesses. And Jace's weakness was a little redhead. "I love her," Jace said, "And yet she does something like that." Jace couldn't understand it, wasn't love trust and believing in each other? "Jace, I'm sure Clary loves you too," Maia said, concern laced around every word she said. Jace looked over at her; Maia looked almost desperate. "How can you be so sure? It was you who told me what love is! Remember?" Jace asked, his voice hoarse. Both Jordan and Maia sighed, the noise heavy in the silent room. Flashback "Jace, come on!" Maia pleaded, but Jace just shook his head, a small smile playing at his lips. "Why not?" Maia almost whined and that was enough for Jace; he almost burst with laughter. He really couldn't believe that Maia was sounding like a girl. They were walking down the street, they were about to meet Jordan and Simon at a small bar downtown. Maia had somehow heard about Clary; Jace had no idea how since he had done his best to keep it quiet. But apparently you couldn't keep a secret from your friends, especially if one of those friends was named Magnus Bane. "Why do you want to know?" Jace asked, still chuckling. "Because your record when it comes to girls is one day," Maia said. "That is a lie," Jace said, completely sure of himself. "No Jace, it's not. You have had flings and hook up friends, but never a girlfriend for more than one day. And you only say that to get laid," Maia said, stepping in front of Jace and stopping him. "Now tell me Jace: who is she?" Jace stepped around her and continued walking, "I thought you already knew," he said, "No I only know what Magnus told me," Maia said and continued to walk beside him. "Which is?" Jace asked, bracing himself for Magnus' gossip. "Her name is Clary and you spend all your time with her." Maia said triumphantly. It wasn't as bad as Jace had thought; sometimes Magnus went a little overboard. Like that one time when he had told everybody that Simon was going to die, but actually Simon had just had the flu. "Well there isn't really much more than that," Jace waved his hand in a dismissing gesture. "You're lying," Maia said simply. "There is so much more than that you just don't want to the tell us. The question is: why?" she asked and looked at him. Jace sighed, he knew that he could trust Maia; she wouldn't tell anyone with a heartbeat who wanted to listen. "Fine, I don't want you guys to ruin her, you know?" Jace said carefully, he didn't want to sound like a total wiener. "Ruin her?" Maia sounded a bit offended, "How are we supposed to ruin her?" Jace just raised his eyebrows. "Okay I get it, you think that we would make a bad first impression," Maia said, "but still!" "You don't get it," Jace said, "I don't think that you guys would be bad influence, it's , she is special and I don't want her to think all kinds of bad thinks about me, you know?" Maia didn't say anything so Jace just continued, "I mean Clary she's innocent and pure, and no offense but we are not and I don't want her to run away." "I know," Maia said, she always sounded like she was smiling and Jace turned his head to look at his friend. "What are you smiling about?" Jace asked, a little concerned that maybe Maia was going crazy. "I think you're in love," the brunette simply said. Jace froze for a second, standing complete still while Maia just kept walking. "What?" Jace asked, before pulling it together again and followed Maia. "You heard me. You, the great Jace Herondale, are in love with Clary no-face," Maia said, sounding way too pleased with herself. "First, I'm not in love; second, why no-face? And third; I knew you thought I was great I mean who doesn't?" Maia just rolled her eyes at his statement. "First: yes you are. Second: none of us know her. And third: you think you are great. I was just mocking you," Maia said in the same tone that she had just used. "You just think that you are sooo funny," Jace said, "but still, I'm not in love with Clary I for her.a lot." Jace knew he didn't sound convincing, he didn't even believe it himself. He knew that the feelings he had for Clary was more than just him caring for her. Maia was probably right, but still if anyone knew it his reputation would forever be ruined. But who cares? A tiny voice whispered inside his head, but he quickly dismissed it. "Besides, how would you know if I were in love?" he asked. Maia just laughed.

"Do you trust her? Do you want her to be safe? Do you want the best for her

no matter what?" Maia asked him, Jace just nodded. He trusted Clary more

than his friends; he wanted her to be safe and even if it killed him, wanted

the best for her.

"But again why do you think-"

"Because Jace that is what love is. When you want the best for that one

special person and right now that person is Clary." Maia interrupted and

smiled at him, "We're at the bar again, better be all macho before the

others catches you," Maia said before opening the glass door, her laughter

echoing in Jace's head.

End of flashback

"We know Jace, but still you should talk to her this out. Jace I

know you can do it," Jordan said, he sounded so sure like always.

"I know, but I 't," Jace said and looked at them. They looked happy,

Jordan had his arm around Maia's shoulder and she was leaning against him.

Jace felt a sting; he missed Clary and he missed sitting like that even if

it made you look completely whipped and sappy. He still wanted it and he

wanted it with Clary.

"We know," Maia said before getting up, "I'll make sure the guest room is

ready for you."

Jordan also got up "You can do this Jace, I know you and you don't give up

no matter what," Jordan patted Jace's shoulder before walking after Maia.

Jace could hear them talk; a quiet sea of noise drifted towards him, but he

couldn't make out the words.

He knew that Jordan was right, but right now everything seemed too dark and

hopeless.

"I know what I said Jace," Maia came back and said, "but sometimes when you

love someone you get scared of hurting them." Jace was pretty sure he knew

what she meant, but still he felt like someone had torn his heart out.

"Jace I think that Clary was afraid of disappointing you," Jordan added.

"How, she could never disappoint me, she's everything," Jace said; his

throat was dry and he felt like he was still crying, but he wouldn't do it,

not now.

hello :9 so i hope it was long enough :)

next chapter will be up next week and i hope you liked it :)

Eva