Chapter 4

Elliot looked up and out the car window.

"Where we goin? My place is the other direction "he said his voice just above a whisper

"I'm taking you to my place you can stay with me for a few days; it's not a good idea for you to be left alone."

"I'll be fine just take me home" he said rubbing his hand down his face.

"It's not your choice Elliot, you're coming with me"

"Fine, whatever" he said he really didn't care anymore. They sat in silence for the rest of the journey. Elliot just stared out the window with a blank expression on his face. Cragen had called Haung on the way down to the car and asked if he could meet them at his house, Haung said he would be there. Cragen knew he would need all the help he could.

When the car pulled up Elliot got out without a word and followed Cragen into the house, he stood in the front room and looked around. He had never been to his Captains house before it was nice; it still had his wife's touches.

"Elliot why don't you go upstairs and shower I will make something to eat and get your clothes washed"

"Erm….yeah ok" he followed Cragen up to the bathroom and Cragen handed him a couple of towels.

"I will be downstairs if you need me" he said closing the bathroom door behind him.

Elliot just stood in the bathroom images of the last 4 weeks going through his head; he walked over to the sink and looked at himself in the mirror.

"You're a fucking joke Stabler" he growled to his reflection. No wonder Olivia had moved on to Fin what good was he to anyone, especially t her she deserved so much more, he didn't deserve to be alive after what he had done to Jenna. He wasn't even a good husband, Kathy had found what she needed with someone else, even his kids couldn't be bothered with him. He turned away from the mirror unable to look at himself any longer and stripped his clothes off, and looked down at his battered body. He was covered in bruises from the many fights he had started in bars the last couple of weeks, they had helped him vent the anger and hate he felt towards himself. He turned the shower on and climbed in turning the temperature up so it burned his skin and dropped to the floor letting the spray cover him.

Cragen went into the kitchen and got the menus for the Chinese and started to look through them, he didn't feel much like cooking. He put them on the counter and went to the door when he heard the gentle knock.

"Hey George" he said standing back and welcoming Haung in. Haung stepped past him and gave a slight smile.

"How is he?"

"He is up in the shower; He is like a different person. Not the strong man we know he is…..how did we not pick up on it. I mean we all knew he was finding it hard but nothing like this. He has admitted he wanted to kill himself, he said he should have just pulled the trigger"

"Elliot has always been good at hiding his feelings, or not talking about them. He didn't want anyone to know he wasn't coping, he thinks doing that makes him weak and less of a man. He finds it hard to ask for help we have always known that, I have always known that, yet I believed him when he said he was seeing his own Doctor".

"But for him to think of committing suicide that goes against all his beliefs it's a sin for him to even think those thoughts"

"I think he has lost his faith, first his wife leaves him for another man…"

"She what!"

"Kathy left him months ago she is with someone else; he said he was going to tell you"

"He didn't"

"well like I say he has lost his wife and is almost divorced which in the eyes of the church is a sin, he then shot Jenna and he is looking at that as though he murdered an innocent victim, his faith has taken a beating he feels like he has lost everything. What we need to do is show him he hasn't. He needs to realise he has something to live for"

Cragen walked into the kitchen and picked up the menu.

"Here have a look what you want, I'm buying"

They stood for a while going over the events of the night again when they heard a crash from upstairs

"What the hell" said Cragen running out the room and up the stairs followed by Haung and flung open the bathroom door. Elliot was lying naked on the floor half in the shower half on the floor. Cragen reached his hand through the freezing spray and turned the tap off.

Elliot started to move slightly, moaning.

Haung knelt down next to him and checked his vitals.

"Elliot can you hear me" he asked him as Cragen wrapped him in a towel "I think he just passed out, from what you've told me he hasn't been eating much, that with the alcohol and lack of sleep his body is a wreck, let's get him up and into bed"

They both picked up his shaking battered body and led him into the guest bedroom and got him into bed.

"I think the best thing we can do tonight is let him sleep. However if you don't mind I will sleep on the couch over there just to keep an eye on him during the night"

"Sure George whatever you think best" Cragen said watching his detective as he turned on his side. Elliot opened his eyes and looked at Cragen.

"Why are you trying to help me, just leave me the fuck alone"

"Because despite what you think about yourself right now, I like you and care, now get some sleep"

"Cap tell Liv I'm sorry" he said as he drifted off to sleep.

Don't worry people there will be Elliot and Olivia moments like I said before this story will start off dark but will lighten up. Please review so I know what people are thinking and if its worth carrying on with or not.