Memories of Bysorrn: Babysitting Blues
Hannah and Dylan Shepard have received extensive combat and survival training as enlisted members of the Systems Alliance Navy. Their daughter Cadrina knows well the expectations and trials of living in a military family. Watching over an asari child named Ojarali Nocris, however, was never covered in any manual…
Cadrina found it odd that her mother used the phrase "passing out sticks" – her code for adopting the posture and decorum needed when dealing with officers and dignitaries – in her vidnote regarding the Nocris family's visit later that evening. The Shepards and they had become good friends since the rescue at the beach over a month ago and appreciated that Cadrina was willing to take on additional responsibilities by agreeing to look after Ojarali three days a week. Still, Hannah wanted to make a good impression by representing a typical human home at its best to a non-human family. As instructed in the vidnote, Cadrina went all around the house checking to see that all unused power ports were sealed up and that any sharp-edged items were put away or out of a youngster's reach. The house was already pretty tidy and needed no more than some fluffing of sofa pillows, removal of stray articles of clothing and electronics along with light sweeping and dusting. Out back she keyed a wall-mounted control console to deploy safety matting over the pool. Afterwards, Cadrina went back inside and laid out all the required ingredients for dinner and dessert on the kitchen counter. Salarians and asari were levo-DNA based like humans so chicken casserole and vanilla-frosted yellow cake should not cause any harm other than maybe disagreeing with their pallet.
1826 Hours
"Hey, Dad."
Dylan arrived home after Cadrina had loaded a Bundt cake mold into the oven.
"Hey, Cadrina," answered Dylan as he quickly began going over his daughter's efforts around the house. Returning to the living room, he complimented her with "Neat enough to impress an admiral. Nice work!"
"Wasn't much to clean up, really. Cake should be ready in about an hour; we better get started on the casserole."
"Right...!" Dylan hurriedly hung up his black jacket on the wall rack and went to wash his hands in the kitchen sink before putting on his own apron. Working alongside each other on the main course, father and daughter spoke more.
"Your mother's coming over with them. She really wants this to go well so she didn't mind us making dinner without her."
Dylan stirred a bowl filled with a mix of cream of chicken sauce, chicken flavored rice, chopped parsley, salt, pepper and garlic seasonings. Cadrina carefully diced a couple of pre-cooked chicken breasts on a cutting board.
"She shouldn't worry so much. It's not like… well… some of her cooking doesn't have much of a taste. Other times she's a bit too heavy on the spices."
"She tries, Honey. She'll get it eventually. 'Til then…" He let his mixing spoon settle to one side of the bowl and lightly mussed her hair.
"Keep smiling and choke it down!"
Cadrina's lips skewed "You do exactly what the recipe says. How can you go wrong?"
He scooped her diced chicken into his bowl and stirred them into the mixture.
"Did I ever tell you about your mother's healthy skepticism of authority –and- instructions?"
"Dad, the recipe's written that way because it's the way you're supposed to make it."
She rinsed off a casserole pan, set it on the counter and sprayed an edible non-stick solution inside of it. "If they used Swiss cheese on Mom's pizza instead of mozzarella, she'd go ballistic!"
"She is particular about her pizza," he commented, scraping off the excess from his spoon using the side of his bowl.
"So she knows what it's like for us, then," she opened and drained a can of string beans into the sink "I don't see how she can be particular for herself and then not be for anyone else."
"I know… but it's one of the things I love about her," Dylan said with a grin.
Cadrina opened a small package of onion rings and laid them along the bottom of the pan, her father layering the string beans over them "… you're weird, Dad…"
"Cady, you didn't hear this from me but your mom isn't a fan of her own cooking, either," he explained "But she eats anyway 'cause she made it… annnd she takes pride in that."
Dylan stood over the casserole pan. Cadrina kept it steady as he tipped his bowl and scooped out its contents. Her brow furrowed as she glanced up at him.
"… before or after Tums?"
He set down his bowl to prevent spilling what was left as he shook and wheezed involuntarily, leaning against the counter for support. After settling down he gasped "A little comedian like your mom, aren't ya?"
"Sorry - I couldn't resist," shrugged Cadrina. "But I think I get it now."
"… Good. C'mon - let's finish up and get this in the oven."
They loaded the casserole pan into an oven compartment separate from the cake mold, then removed their aprons and went to work setting the dining table on the opposite side of the kitchen counter.
1935 Hours
"Hey, Mom… Mr. Nocris…"
Cadrina had over half the Bundt cake decorated as Hannah and Ialvid came in through the hallway.
"Hey, Cadrina," waved Hannah to her daughter at the kitchen counter. Ialvid cocked his head genially at the girl. Dylan shook his hand, gave Hannah a peck on the lips and stood by her side as the salarian's eyes scrutinized every piece of furniture and item in his view. He then briskly walked over to inspect the kitchen. Hannah was composed but her eyes glistened with concern as her guest made his rounds. Ialvid sniffed the air saturated with the smell of sugary frosting and the casserole still in the oven. His head cocked and bobbed slightly at the strange but pleasant aromas.
"Ah… the 'chicken casserole' you spoke of earlier," he said "Seems like it's coming along nicely."
He stopped to note Cadrina patting and spreading frosting. "And this must be dessert. It smells quite a lot like muba fruit - Oja should really enjoy this."
Cadrina appreciated Ialvid's praise but was still wary about his examinations. "Thank you, sir. Um, where are Oja and your wife?"
"They're waiting outside," answered her mother, "Ialvid's giving the house a quick once-over, making sure there isn't anything offensive."
"I took care of everything you told me to," Cadrina insisted.
"We know you don't intend any harm, Cadrina" Ialvid elaborated "A precautionary measure; an effect of my profession. You would be surprised at how something inconsequential to one culture can greatly disturb another. Physical gestures, music… even the color of a simple kitchen utensil can have unforeseen impact. But there's nothing wrong here from what I can see."
"Oh, that's right; you work as a xenocultural consultant," Cadrina remembered.
"I have reports due shortly. Try as I might Oja always manages to interrupt and peek at my research, which accounts for her current fascination with humans. But I can't afford many distractions right now…"
Ialvid returned to the situation at hand "I don't want to keep my family waiting any longer so I'll just need to see the lavatory and where Oja will be sleeping. I assume it will be in your room?"
Cadrina showed Ialvid her bedroom and the bathroom while Dylan took over and completed frosting the cake. Hannah in the meantime put on a pair of oven mitts and removed the casserole from the oven to cool at her husband's directive. The thorough consultant was assured by his human hosts that despite the proximity of the toilet to the shower/bathtub and sink that they were that they were constantly cleaned and maintained. His inspection finished, Ialvid, Hannah and her daughter went to unseal the front door.
"We have the Ialvid Nocris Seal of Approval!" announced Hannah proudly as she waved her remaining guests in. "Welcome to our home!"
"Ca-dy-y-y-y-y!"
Oja ran up from the lawn into Cadrina's arms, hugging her tightly. Eleya nodded to Hannah and lightly kissed Cadrina on her brow before going inside. The human girl carried the little asari past the entrance and set her down. Even with her best friend by her side, Oja was hesitant about going further inside this new place. Cadrina took her hand and led the way down the short hallway to the living room with Ialvid right behind. Dylan had greeted Eleya at the other end when Oja spied him.
"Hi, Mister Dylan!" she chirped, flapping her free hand about over her head.
"Hello, Oja!"
Oja released the human girl's hand and crept slowly to the center of the living room, her eyes widening as she gawked. She then reached into her satchel and pulled out a small, bright orange colored holographic camera specially designed for children and began snapping holopics of the furniture, entertainment deck and coffee table as if they were exhibits in a museum.
"Waaaoooow…" Oja gasped as she hunted for more items to capture "A hue-man house… it's like ours, Daddy!"
She pondered a second. "But… it's kinda small…"
"I'm sure it's exactly the right size for them, Oja."
Cadrina and her parents grinned as they watched the youth continue her exploration of their home. The prefabricated house was small compared to the spacious, airy residence Oja's family lived in. Ialvid passed on the assurances of the bathroom's safety to her after she also pointed out that the toilet should be in a different room and documented this concern in another holopic. A minute later she peered out through the glass doors leading to the covered backyard pool, snapped yet another holopic and asked if she could go for a swim. Hannah responded that Oja could not do so tonight but could on her following visit.
"Do other Alliance personnel have swimming compartments at their homes?" asked Eleya.
"There're one or two other houses besides us with one, that's about it" replied Hannah, motioning to Dylan "It helps to know a couple of people."
"Ahh, the privileges of rank." interjected Ialvid.
Oja put away her camera and stood on tiptoe gripping the edge of the dining table, peering over its edge at the casserole pan still cooling off. The yellowish tint of its contents did not look very appetizing to her.
"…uhhh, I'm not really hungry…"
"Now Dear, remember when they visited our home?" recounted her mother. "They had dinner with us and they enjoyed what we made for them. Cadrina even said that she liked your favorite dessert."
"You're gonna love the cake we made!" Cadrina added brightly.
"But you can only have some if you finish at least half of your plate."
"Yes, Mommy, "Oja looked to Cadrina and Dylan "You and Mister Dylan made the caster-roll, too?"
The two chefs acknowledged their work. Oja hopped once in place, clasped her hands and tucked her head between her shoulders.
"Let's eat!" she beamed.
1957 Hours
The Nocris family savored dinner and was well versed in human table etiquette to Hannah's surprise. No doubt Ialvid invested much effort in preparing his wife and child for their first dinner with these newcomers. Oja's timid bites from her plate grew steadily in size along with her delight. She had no trouble finishing her serving of casserole and sat as patiently as she could manage until her mother noted her accomplishment. Cadrina observed as Eleya caressed her daughter's head, commending her on her courage to try food from other species. Cadrina then eyed her parents who nodded their permission to serve Oja her first slice of human cake. As the little asari hummed in contentment with each piece of her fluffy and heavenly treat, conversation was exchanged.
Dylan's day was mostly uneventful: "It was quiet today. Only housekeeping aboard ship and a rescue drill. Kulz and I are getting along much better. We spotted a tharfin coming up for air alongside us but I was too slow with my holocam!"
Hannah was slightly busier: "A turian kid with a learner's permit froze up in his car in the middle of Shayse Boulevard early this afternoon. Me and Wulger eventually managed to get him over to the nearest curb. Poor guy was a wreck; fortunately the car wasn't. They eventually unsnarled traffic. His parents picked him up at the station. And they didn't annihilate him like he said they would. They were just glad he was alive and safe is all…"
Quiet, polite laughter from the elders at the table.
"That reminds me - we need to pick up more tissues."
Cadrina was occupied despite being off from school: "Well, the Sole Halibut game we're working on is almost done. All it needs is a little more tweaking. Steven act-ually likes my Sir Hedgemond fighter… after I kicked his bu- uh - beat him with it in a test match! I think people are really gonna like this game!"
Ialvid revealed a scant more about his current project when asked by Dylan: "A joint turian-salarian concern wants to market some vids to humans. The standard fare: dramas, comedies, documentaries. And some vids that-"
Eleya fixed a concerned glare upon her husband.
"That arrre nature programs… of a sort…"
Hannah smirked and snorted knowingly. Her husband tightened his lips and raised his eyebrows. Oja did not suspect what her father implied but her slightly more knowledgeable friend lowered her head and mouthed "ooooo-kay" as she took up her own last morsel of cake. Hannah mentioned Eleya's pregnancy to smooth over the awkward moment.
"The baby moved around some today," said the expectant mother, resting her hand on her abdomen. "We're still trying to think of a name for her. We don't want it to be plain but we don't want it to be too fancy or pretentious, either."
"I remember I wanted to name Cadrina 'Catherine,'" said Hannah "Dylan liked the name Karina. We wound up smushing the two together annnd – boom - Cadrina…! I liked it because it still sounded like 'Katie' when I called her Cady Ellen…"
She then stared in her daughter's direction.
"Until she turned six and insisted I call her 'Ca-dree-naaawh!'"
"Mo-om, I was too old for Cady Ellen! Even now!" Cadrina blustered "Girls with two first names - people think they're bubbleheads!" She rolled her eyes, flexed her fingers and alternately tilted her hands as she continued in a husky, mocking tone "You know, like 'Bobbie Jo-ooo' or 'Norma Je-eeean…'"
She touched her chin with an index finger "Or 'Cindy Lo-uuu!'"
Oja giggled loudly and Eleya covered her mouth to suppress laughter at Cadrina's comical gestures. Ialvid snickered quietly.
Hannah cocked her head at Dylan. "Well, what about your father's name: Dylan Matthias?"
"That's different. He's a guy! Guys with two first names sound important, like they know stuff and people take 'em more seriously. Dylan Matthias… almost sounds… regal…"
Cadrina's father lowered his head slightly and countered "I think 'Cady Ellen' is a beautiful name. And you are definitely –not- a bubblehead."
Cadrina relented and smiled warmly as did the others at the table. Oja continued to wait in her chair after finishing her cake, hoping that the adults would be done soon so she could be with her friend.
She was caught off guard when Hannah suddenly turned to her and asked "So what've you been up to, Oja?"
Normally Oja spoke openly with her family at the table after eating. Only when they had guests or were guests themselves was she expected to stay quiet until everyone was dismissed. Eager to participate, she thought of something to talk about that was more worldly and adult than playing with toys, vid games or creating multicolored pictures.
"Welll… my cousin Vemia moved to the City-dell. She sent us all kinds of pictures, even pictures of the Dest-in-ee A-cen-shun! If she passes her tests she might even get to fly it!"
Oja was happy to see favorable reaction to her contribution, Eleya bringing up her omni-tool to display some of the pictures her daughter referred to. Humans as yet were not permitted access to the Citadel so Cadrina, Hannah and Dylan marveled at the holopics of the immense expanse of the station's Ward arms, the docking facilities, the urban sprawl and the asari flagship Oja mentioned.
"I've only been there once myself," Ialvid commented "The scale really humbles you. It's a true testament to ancient prothean engineering."
Eleya tapped a button on her omni-tool to bring up a chronometer "Ial-viiid? Remember your project?"
"Oh, yes! Thank you, Eleya."
All present stood up from their chairs as Ialvid addressed his hosts.
"Dylan… Hannah… Cadrina… thank you all for the wonderful dinner and our thanks again for looking after our daughter. Now you have her toys and things, her bedclothes, safety seat for the –uh - facilities and our com codes in case of anything. I'll be back around 0630 Citadel Standard time to pick her up… now, Oja, you listen to your friend and her parents and try to stay out of trouble, all right? Can you do that for me?"
"I'll try, Daddy," Oja responded as she gave her father a parting hug and kiss.
"Thaaat's my little Starshine!"
Ialvid went to retrieve his jacket and Eleya's shawl as she cuddled and kissed Oja goodbye.
"Good night and have a good time, Dear. I'll see you with the dawn."
Dylan saw his guests out the front door.
2030 Hours
After Dylan and Cadrina cleared the table and washed the dishes, Oja sat snuggled next to her on the sofa. Hannah, seated on Oja's opposite side, brought up the evening news on the entertainment deck's wallscreen to watch with her husband sitting in the adjacent recliner chair. The newsfeed was configured to block out any material that could disturb the children, relaying them to their bedroom terminal for later viewing. In spite of this measure Oja still seemed apprehensive. Cadrina asked her if she wanted to see the Sir Hedgemond game character. She then crossed her left arm over her chest to give her friend access to her omni-tool controls, showing her how to view and manipulate the virtual fighter. Oja vocalized various strains and grunts as she went on to execute several combat maneuvers on a computer-controlled opponent scaled to beginner difficulty, Cadrina cheering her on and giving advice.
Once current events were assimilated, Hannah declared "Okay, guys: one hour and then bedtime," lobbing over the wallscreen remote to Cadrina "I think Robin of Loxley's a repeat tonight. See if there's something on Oja might like - we should be able to get CouncilNet feed now."
"Lemme find something, Cady?" asked Oja, reaching over for her friend's hand.
"Better let me handle this," Cadrina refused as she turned off her omni-tool and started to punch in commands on the remote.
"But Daddy lets me use-"
"Oja? You're a guest, remember?" Hannah tilted her head at the young asari, who promptly apologized. Cadrina located the CouncilNet broadcasts and cycled through each channel slowly.
"Okay, let me know if you see anything you like, Oja… mmm-hm… okay… ewww, that can't be good… whoa - turian hip-hop…?"
Another minute of channel surfing. And then…
"OOH! OOH! STOP THERE!"
Oja sprang up on the sofa cushion, throwing her arms wide, and bounded to the floor. Before she could make another move she beheld Dylan shifting in his seat looking startled at his wife. At the same time she also heard a yelp behind her followed by a stuttering moan along with a loud "Oja!" from Cadrina. Her arms still extended, Oja's shoulders shrugged up and she timidly revolved to face the human females. The elder squinted as she rubbed her nose; the younger eyed Oja with a tilted head.
"Sorry-sorry-sorry-sorry-sorry!" Oja tried to make amends by bounding up on Hannah's lap and rubbing her head and shoulder.
"It's okay… no autopsy, no foul," Hannah breathed "Ooof… you got a right hook on you, kid…"
"Oja, be careful," scolded Cadrina.
"I'm sorry, but we're sitting all scrunchy together."
"Doesn't matter - you shouldn't jump out of your seat like that, especially with people sitting next to you."
"But - but…" Oja turned to the wallscreen showing an asari in concert singing in her native language "… I really love this song…"
"I'm fine, Oja… really…" reassured Hannah as she let go of her reddening nose and made a shoving motion with her hand. "Just keep an eye out for us, alright?"
The little asari began to imitate the singer on screen. Hannah and company settled in their seats again as Oja sang and pranced around. They noticed that she visibly held back in spots where she wanted to make grander gestures, preventing her from really enjoying the song. She was trying to be mindful of her hosts and the small space they occupied. When the song ended, Cadrina and her family praised Oja as she politely curtsied and sat back down.
"You're a good singer, Oja!" said Hannah, shaking the youngster's shoulder.
"Thank you," she half-smiled as she tucked her head under Cadrina's arm.
A few minutes later Cadrina tuned into another program Oja recognized: the middle of an old family-friendly adventure featuring a turian and salarian comedian as bumbling explorers on the trail of a prothean treasure vault. The humans found some of their antics amusing though the humor was tailored mostly for younger non-human viewers. As the movie played Cadrina felt Oja shift and squirm trying to get more comfortable. At one point Oja trotted over to her satchel. She came back and plopped down on her seat holding what looked like a remote with a small bowl at one end, its interior studded with evenly spaced grommets. Oja switched on the device and a three dimensional, transparent image appeared over the bowl of a crudely drawn animal she was working on. She tapped some buttons and slid her finger about on the holotoy's controls, adding more definition and color to her creation.
Hannah checked the chronometer on the deck "Almost time for bed, guys. Want anything to drink?"
Cadrina, eyes focused on the movie, asked for orange juice while Oja opted for some of the nectar that her mother had brought over as she worked on her picture.
"Comin' right up," Hannah rose from her seat, rounding the armrest on her side of the sofa and starting for the kitchen. "That's one orange juice for Cady and one purple juice for O-sheeeEEEAAA-T!"
Hannah's foot had come down on something that slid out and suddenly she went parallel to the floor before slamming down on it with her backside. Cadrina and Oja whipped about in their seats.
"Mom!" Cadrina cried out.
"Aghh… don't say it, just hear it!" Hannah strained, her husband having quickly rushed over to help her back up. Rubbing her rump with one hand, she looked over a small glittering tube in the other before showing it to the children.
"Brought back a souvenir from my trip - look familiar?"
Oja's face drooped. It was her tube of coloring crystals for making some of her paper pictures. It was absentmindedly left outside her satchel after retrieving her holotoy.
"I'm sorry, Miss Hannah," she mewed.
"Pleaaase don't leave your stuff lying around for people to step on?" Hannah gently urged as she dropped the tube into Oja's satchel and then lumbered to the cupboard to get glasses. Oja resumed fiddling with her toy, fidgeting more and biting her lip. She tapped a button to enlarge the image and add some finer details. Unfortunately the image expanded enough to interfere with Cadrina's view of the wallscreen.
"O-ja, come on - I can't see. I thought you were watching the movie. Okay, why don't we go to bed now; it's pretty much time any-"
Oja suddenly got up from her seat again and threw her holotoy against the cushion with a grunt before running for the front door, narrowly avoiding a collision with Hannah as she returned with the children's drinks; a small amount splashing on the floor. Dylan powered off the wallscreen and followed his daughter as she sped outside the house. Oja only went as far as the middle of the front lawn before collapsing on her hands and knees. Cadrina knelt beside the asari, taking her shoulders. Dylan crouched down opposite them.
"Too small - too small - too small," Oja panted. "Your house is too small… I thought it'd be fun… sleeping in a dollhouse…" She took notice of the evening sky and the soft yellow light of the streetlamps bathing the sidewalk and rows of houses down the way.
"Could we sleep outside tonight? It can be like we're camping!"
"Take it easy and breathe, Oja," comforted Dylan "We didn't realize you were claustrophobic."
Oja breathed steadier "What's 'klost-a-foe-bick?'"
"Afraid of being in small places," said Cadrina "Don't worry - you'll be okay. Our house is safe and we won't let anything bad happen to you… I'll keep you safe."
"… I still feel scrunchy…" Oja looked up worriedly at her human hosts.
Dylan lightly stroked her fringe as Cadrina massaged her small arms to soothe her more, both of them softly giving assurances. Then through the open front door a stately but gentle melody was heard that got their attention. It was enough to make Oja forget her phobia, stand and calmly pad back inside. Cadrina and Dylan were close behind, knowing this particular music was not any recording or broadcast.
Hannah was seated at the dining table, her back to the sofa, in front of a miniature holographic projector shining a transparent gold image of dark and light rectangular keys upon the tabletop. There was also a small grey rectangle placed at her feet that she stepped on periodically while her fingertips floated over and across the virtual keyboard. Dylan quietly pulled out the seat next to her and sat down, taking Oja onto his lap. Cadrina sat on the sofa armrest beside them. Hannah's eyes alternated between squinting and closing as she continued to play. Her head swayed slowly about as she felt each and every note, the seriousness of her demeanor a contrast to the comical look of the marginally swollen nose her houseguest had given her earlier. The song brought to mind a tale of two old friends meeting again after many years apart. They shared the joys and heartaches they had endured throughout their separation as the melody rose in volume and drama and then fell back to the calm and relief of the present day. The two friends had said their goodbyes and parted once more as Hannah rested her fingers on the keys, letting the last note fade into the air. After a moment's silence, her small audience applauded her. Oja stared at Hannah like she was a magical creature, hardly believing she could really exist. The asari slid down from Dylan's lap and tiptoed a few steps closer.
"What is this?" she gasped.
"Is-a called-a piano-forte," Hannah replied with an Italian accent before reverting to her normal voice, gesturing to her virtual setup "Piano for short. This is only a hologram version - a real piano would've taken up premium space here. I don't get to play very often sooo I'm a bit rusty…"
Oja's astonished expression along with the contented looks of Dylan and Cadrina disagreed.
"… You're realllly good at pee-anno, Miss Hannah…" the youngster quietly breathed.
Hannah nodded and smiled. "Thanks! Feel better now, kiddo?"
Oja was at peace but the void left by one urgency began to fill with another.
"… um, Miss Hannah… I have to go…"
2120 Hours
Oja quickly drank her nectar and then went to fish her cushioned child toilet seat out from her satchel, removing its plastic wrapping. Cadrina stood by the bathroom door with her glass of orange juice as it sealed with Oja inside.
Tiny footsteps and then a long pause.
Suddenly there was a splashing noise, a shriek and then whining. Cadrina quickly set down her glass and opened the bathroom door to check on her young friend as
Hannah rolled up to Dylan's seat. Cadrina staggered back holding her sides, spraying from both sides of her tucked lips.
"… sh-sh-she dropped her seat in the toi-let…!" she stammered out.
Hannah nudged Dylan's head with a curled up index finger "-This- is why I always tell you to put the seat back down when you're done, Dyl!"
A small voice echoed in protest from within the bathroom "It's not funny! It's con-tamma-naded!"
"I'll help you clean up." Cadrina went back in and grabbed a couple of wads of toilet paper to wipe off the seat and set it up properly for Oja to use. But as she started to leave, Oja complained again.
"Eww-eww-eww… it's all germyyy!"
"Take some paper and lay it over the seat" Cadrina demonstrated on one side of it. She left Oja in the bathroom to paper the other side and took up her orange juice to finish. Seconds later there was another shriek. Cadrina spun around to face and unseal the bathroom door again.
"Oja, what happen- Oja, what are you doing? No - Oja! Don't! Don't-"
A dark purple mass of cloth flew out the door and draped over Cadrina's head. Her parents did their best not to laugh despite themselves as she used her free hand to slowly peel it off, the scene reminiscent of an old sitcom. Cadrina held it outstretched and stamped her foot.
"Oja, put your clothes back on!"
"I'm not putting on my dress 'til it's been de-con-tamma-naded!" was the disembodied response from the bathroom.
"O-jaa…" Cadrina was beginning to lose patience. Her father interceded.
"Okay, everybody on de-con duty!" he blared as he hopped upright to his daughter's side. "I'll find something to get this into the washing machine. Cadrina, you help Oja in the shower once she's done her business. Hannah, you'll scrub up afterwards."
Dylan leaned to his wife and whispered "Just do enough to convince her. Don't go crazy."
"What if she can tell I half-assed it? Might as well go whole hog," she whispered back.
"… Cady and I'll help you," he exhaled.
Dylan studied the dress in Cadrina's hand "Not sure how to treat this material. I'll call up Eleya-"
"Please don't tell Mommy! Pleeeease!" pleaded Oja, on the verge of tears. "I didn't mean to splash potty water on my dress!"
"All right, all right! Maybe I can find something online. Nobody has to know," exclaimed Hannah, activating her omni-tool.
Dylan went to fetch a broom while Hannah scanned the dress and located care and cleaning instructions on the extranet. Oja, satisfied that she and the bathroom would be cleaned up shortly, repapered her seat and sat down.
Cadrina smiled proudly "See, Oja? We've got it all taken care of!"
Oja returned a chastising stare and crossed her arms "You have to wash, too, Cady. You're con-tamma-naded."
Cadrina dangled the offending article of clothing before hooking it over the tip of the broom handle her father extended to her "Uh, you threw your dress on me?"
The asari's eyes and hands fell to her lap "… oh… sorry…"
Cadrina stood guard at the bathroom door while Hannah and Dylan walked huddled together to the washer/dryer machine in the kitchen reading over the directions displayed on the omni-tool, the dress suspended in front of them like a standard directing them to battle.
"Germ-a-phobic, too" Dylan sighed. Hannah shook her head and huffed in agreement.
2204 Hours
The bathroom was cleaned and all were bathed, dried and dressed to turn in for the evening. After everyone wished each other good night, Oja ran into Cadrina's room wearing a pink sleeper. Cadrina entered next wearing sky blue, short sleeved pajamas with dark blue trim. Above her bed hung a large holoposter of Robin Hood leaning forward dramatically with bow and arrow drawn along with smaller pictures of some of her friends and travels beside it. A metallic blue jacket was draped over the chair at her desk. Stuffed animals of different colors and sizes, but all of the same species, adorned her bed and shelves. Oja admired the menagerie.
"You sure do love hedge-a-hogs!" she commented.
"Okay, so I think they're really cute," Cadrina replied sheepishly as she pulled down her bedcovers.
"Can I sleep with Murrie, pleaaase? I'm asking really nice this time?"
Cadrina located her prized salt, pepper and peach colored hedgehog on the desk and turned it in her hands. Opening a hidden zipper, she reached in and removed a tiny vial of fine powder; the ashes from her real Murrie, nearly lost when Oja took the toy replica of him without permission. She made a gentle fist around the vial and placed it carefully into the top drawer. Oja sat on a folding bed as she caught the stuffed animal Cadrina tossed her, cradling it in her arms. Happy that Oja would sleep content with her former nocturnal guardian to protect her, Cadrina climbed into her own bed and stretched to switch off the desk lamp.
"Ca-dyyy, we have to say blessings!"
The human girl glanced at her young houseguest "Blessings…? Oh right, prayers; sorry, Oja…"
"What's wrong? You don't say blessings? Don't you believe in the Godiss?"
"Well…no. I believe in something… not really sure what. If it can see and know everything you do, I figure you don't need to say blessings. Just be kind and thoughtful, helpful and the best you can be. That should be enough."
Oja patted her mattress "C'mere - I'll show you how!"
Cadrina crept over to Oja's side in front of the folding bed and knelt down, pressing her palms together.
"Not like that," Oja said quietly "You have to take your heart out."
Cadrina's visage skewed "Take your heart out…? Like… reach in and yank it out?"
Oja nudged against her friend playfully "You pretend, silly! Like this…"
Oja cupped her hands over her chest, keeping them together as she then extended her forearms outward. "See? You hold your heart in your hands for the Godiss to see…"
Cadrina copied the gesture "Oh… got it…"
Oja cleared her throat in dramatic fashion to establish that a serious ritual was about to be performed. The children closed their eyes and Oja recited her prayer with a solemn whisper:
"Godiss Athame, we thank you for your wizdom and teechings, for your protek-shun from those who would ex-ting-a-wish the light you have kin-dulled within us and your mercy when our light leeves this wurld to join yours in the next. Help guy-ed us to live by your exam-pull and may our lives be worthee of you today, every day and a-pon our death… Godiss please bless Mommy and Daddy, Grandma, cousin Vemia, my friends Touk and Kale, Poosi, Jule, Qandi and all their mommies, daddies, brothers and sisters. And Godiss please bless my best-est friend Cadrina, her mommy Miss Hannah and her daddy Mister Dylan… and all their mommies, daddies, brothers and sisters. Yamin!"
Cadrina opened her eyes, swallowed and rested a hand on the asari's shoulder.
"… that was beautiful, Oja. Thank you…"
Still whispering, Oja admonished "Ca-dri-naaa! You have to put your heart back inside!"
As Oja pantomimed returning her own heart into her chest, Cadrina feigned concern about missing hers and pat her hands all about the mattress looking for it. Oja reached for the space in front of her friend, gathered air into a hand and cleared her throat again. She cocked her brow at Cadrina when she finally took the hint.
"Thanks, Oja," the human girl whispered as she took back and restored her pretend heart "Don't know what I'd do without it!"
2301 Hours
Oja slept on her side, a smile upon her lips and Murrie tucked beneath her chin. Cadrina lay prone with her hands folded on her chest, eyes shut but not quite asleep. She took a series of quiet deep breaths and exhales practicing a meditation technique she read about earlier. Over the past few weeks she had been trying to attain a state conducive to making contact with her grandmother's spirit; an endeavor she kept to herself. Concentrating on Oja's prayer, Cadrina felt more serene and peaceful than past attempts, felt herself getting lighter and reaching further out. But she could not reach too far yet. Not tonight with Oja in her room. She hovered at this point, trying to memorize the sensations for next time…
A croaking sound broke her concentration and brought her back to full consciousness. Her eyes opened to her moonlit room. She looked over at her friend's bed and quietly called to her.
"Oja..? Oja..?"
"…mmmpgh… whaaat…?"
"Was that you?"
"…what…?"
"Did you burp?"
"…no…?"
"Are you sure?"
"… It wasn't me, Cady…"
"Okay, sorry… g'night…"
Cadrina pulled the covers up over her chest and burrowed her head in her pillow ready to enter a normal slumber. Then there was another burp, this one even louder and unholier than the first. Cadrina moaned and shifted in disgust. Oja began to giggle.
"Nice one, Oja. Real classy."
"It wasn't me!"
"Sure it wasn't – go back to sleep…"
"Wasn't meee…" Oja teased.
"… ugh…" Cadrina rolled her shoulders and closed her eyes again.
The burp sounded again, now much closer to her.
"Ewww - you're classy too, Ca-dree-naaawh!"
"I'm not classy. I mean I'm classy, not gas– oh, never mind! It wasn't me!"
Another loud burp.
The little asari cackled while Cadrina began to grow exasperated. It seemed there was no child, human or non-human, in the whole of the galaxy that did not find bodily functions highly amusing; at least when they were not seated on a toilet.
"It wasn't me, Oja! Honest! " Cadrina said in an annoyed whisper. Then there was another sound: a faint noise like something rubbing against vinyl.
"… okay, now –that- was me! But I'm not the one burping like tha-"
The burp resounded once more.
"A-HA! Told ya it wasn't me! I couldn't burp that way if I tried!"
The sound came from the foot of her bed. Cadrina slowly reached for the desk lamp switch, flicked it and quickly drew her hand back to stare downwind.
It sat there, perched on her blanket between her feet, frozen in place as she was.
A size twelve shoe-sized, pale grey lizard with dilated pink eyes and a blue throat stared at Cadrina. Oja sat upright as well, eyeing the creature. The tense silence shattered as the lizard croaked, expanding its throat sack to nearly three times the size of its head.
2336 Hours
Hannah and Dylan slept nuzzled against each other when they were suddenly and rudely awakened by the sound of frantic pounding on the bedroom door. They quickly pulled on their robes and rushed to open it. The room lights came on and a tornado composed of two children swirled in and around the adults, their hands drawn to their chests, bounding up and down like hyperactive kangaroos screaming simultaneously.
"Kulkura! Kulkura!" went the younger.
The elder was more specific "Liz-arrrd! Liz-arrrd! Lizard in my room! Lizard in my room! You gotta help me get it out! Help me get it out!"
Oja continued chanting as Cadrina swatted at both her parents' arms "Don't just stand there – help me get it ow-u-oooo-t!"
Hannah and Dylan looked at each other. The children stopped screaming but continued to hop in place, waiting for their answer. The human parents then began imitating the youngsters, bouncing along with them.
"Looks like we got a lizard problem here, Honey! What do we do?" said Dylan.
The group's bouncing unconsciously synchronized as Hannah formulated a plan of attack.
"Okay, I'llll go check out Cady's room… the rest of you… keep hopping; just keep hopping 'til I get back!"
Cadrina stopped bouncing, all company following suit. "Mom, I'm serious!"
"There really is a kulkura in there, Miss Hannah!"
"Cuckoo-rah?"
"Kul-koor-a, silly!" Oja corrected the human mother.
"Kookaburra, Cookie Monster, whatever – come on…"
Dylan gripped the children's shoulders as they tiptoed with Hannah across the front of the living room, stopping outside the door to Cadrina's room. The mother motioned for her followers to stay put while she proceeded inside.
"Be careful, Miss Hannah," warned Oja.
Hannah squatted slightly and thumped her chest "Heh - me find lizard! Me smash lizard! Me Hannah the Barbarian!"
She turned on the light and went in to look around while everyone else waited anxiously. Soon she emerged empty-handed.
"You sure there's a lizard in there? I didn't see anything."
"He's big, Mom. Can't miss him," Cadrina insisted.
Hannah scratched her head and turned to go back inside for another look, completely unaware of the passenger she picked up, clinging to her back; a passenger that Oja made out in the shadows.
"KULKURA!"
Hannah's head spun from side to side. Cadrina ran up to try and pull it off. These sudden movements scared the kulkura, making it scurry further up Hannah's back and burrow into her collar. Its cold paws made Hannah shiver and scream out. She frantically tried to reach over her neck to grab it only to lose her balance and fall on top of her daughter. The kulkura squelched and squealed, scrambling to find a new hiding place up past Cadrina's chest.
"It's in my hair! It's in my hair – AAAAAIIEE!"
Hannah spun about to help her daughter while Dylan dropped to his knees to try and grab the skittish beast. Oja dashed to the living room light switch and tripped it, plunging the area into darkness, making the humans call out to her. Cadrina felt the kulkura unwind from her hair, heard it hit the floor and then scurry away. Oja flipped the lights back on and found three humans staring at her.
"They only come out at night" explained the little asari. "Bright light scares them."
"THAT'S a kulkura?" said Hannah, picking herself and her family off the floor. "How'd it get in here?"
"… we left the door open when we went after Oja…" Dylan realized aloud. He raised a hand to gently cut off another apology from her.
"I heard it run somewhere in here," Oja swayed her head at the living room area. Hannah had Cadrina seal her room door with the light on. Dylan went to Oja.
"Where do you think it went, Honey?"
She shrugged, her hand still reaching to the light switch. Dylan crept slowly towards the entertainment deck past the recliner chair. A tail poked out from underneath it, tickling his foot.
"Ge-aaah!"
Hannah and Cadrina rushed over. Oja turned out the light again.
"O-JAA!"
The lights came up again but not before Cadrina tackled her father and Hannah tripped over an armrest, landing sideways in the recliner.
"Leave the lights on!" cried Cadrina as she and her family picked themselves up again.
Oja spotted movement behind one of the speakers of the entertainment deck. She jabbed her finger in its direction and shouted "HE'S OVER THERE!"
0032 Hours
The hunt was growing desperate; the quarry always seemed to be a step ahead of its pursuers. The living room lights went off and on a few more times before the humans remembered they had omni-tool flashlights. Still, they only managed to trip each other up more than corner the intruder.
"… Hannah, behind you! On the wall…!"
"… He's on my leg, Daad… !"
"…. Does that feel like a lizard, Dyl…? What're you two laughing at…?"
"… Get-outta-my-ba-a-a-ag…!"
"… Careful with that holocam, Oj– AGH, I'M BLIND! MOOOM…!"
"… Sorry, Miss Hannah. I didn't know that was your toe…"
"… No, Hannah. I don't think we should call in a grid…"
0203 Hours
The lights came up again after Hannah called off another bout of chasing, stumbling and screaming. Now Dylan was by the light switch; Hannah next to him with both the children's heads under her arms, hands over their mouths.
"Shhhhhhh…"
Hannah slowly uncovered Cadrina's mouth "… over there…" Hannah stretched out her forearm. "… I saw it…"
Her index finger angled toward the floor. "He's under… the sofa…"
Hannah let her discovery sink in with the rest of the hunting party.
"He's like a little vampire, running away from the light. Let's make that work for us. We'll use Oja's holocam, flash light under one end, flush him straight out the other end right into a blanket."
Cadrina questioned this strategy "But what if he breaks left or right instead?"
Hannah's face turned devious "…We're gonna fence in the little sonavabitch!"
"Mo-om!"
Oja also reprimanded Hannah for swearing, the mother's name muffled by a palm covering the little asari's face.
"Don't say it, just hear it!" Hannah rasped. "I'll stay here, keep an eye out… you three… qui-et-ly… go to your rooms, get blankets… then you wait by the front door, Dyl… we'll use the blankets to block all his exits… I'll catch the lil' bugger and toss him back outside!"
"Maybe you should… wait by the door, Hannah," her husband suggested.
"Ohhh no. He mocks me… and I shall have him. Go…"
Hannah's subordinates complied with her instructions and came back with blankets in hand. Dylan gave his over to his wife and went to the front door control panel. Cadrina and Hannah lined the blankets around the bottom front and back of the sofa while Oja took position at the end near the backyard pool with her holocam. Once everything was set, Hannah signaled to Dylan to disengage the door lock. She knelt down with her blanket spread open, nodding to Oja to ready her holocam. Hannah bent down more and peeked underneath the sofa. She could see the rigid dark silhouette of the kulkura poised to run at the first sign of pursuit. Hannah gripped her blanket tight under her head, slowed her breath and waited. Cadrina had nothing to do but kneel beside her mother in case she might need assistance. A minute went by. Two minutes. What was Hannah waiting for?
"… NOW!"
Oja triggered her holocam's laser flash, shining it under the sofa. The kulkura screeched and ran towards Hannah with incredible speed. But she had forgot to pull up slightly and ended up being disoriented by the flash, failing to close over the blanket. The kulkura bounded off the floor, skating over the blanket and down into Hannah's camisole. She rolled onto her back screaming and swatting at her chest. Cadrina reacted without thinking, shoving her hand in to nab it. It slipped out of Cadrina's fingers and moved quickly up her arm and into her pajama sleeve. She jumped upright screaming, shaking and shimmying as it crawled further inside her shirt across her back. The kulkura then poked its head out from Cadrina's shirt bottom as Oja aimed her camera and flashed again. Hannah, teetering upright, was blinded once more, missing the kulkura blow past her up the hallway.
Dylan hit the control panel and the creature ran out the open door, out of the house at last. Confirming that the lizard was indeed outside, Dylan palmed the door control and sealed it out. He exhaled with relief and walked back into the living room to the attention of Oja standing awkwardly with her holocam, Cadrina shivering intermittently between her panting and Hannah seated on the floor, her eyes blinking rapidly and watering trying to regain her vision.
"Gone!" he announced.
0635 Hours
After the fourth door tone sounded the front door of the Shepard home slid open. Cadrina eyes turned to slits as the morning light hit them. Her shoulders drooped and she appeared as if she were heavily medicated when she greeted Ialvid.
"Hello, sir," she yawned, her mouth stretching wide like a lion in repose. She clicked her tongue twice, unaware of the salarian's concerned expression, and waved him inside.
"…come on in…"
Ialvid could not believe his eyes. The living room was a shambles. The wallscreen barely hung from its wall, the speakers of the entertainment deck were knocked over. The cushions from the sofa and recliner were strewn about the floor. Blankets stuffed the bottom of the sofa and the dining table was far out of alignment with one or two chairs knocked over. Oja emerged from Cadrina's room and padded up to her father in her purple dress, satchel over her shoulder and slightly tired.
"Hi, Daddy…" She clung to his leg, hoping he would quickly say his farewells and leave with her.
"What… happened… here?" he forced out.
Cadrina tried her best to cover "We werrrre… just… playing around… roughhousing..."
"So you carried out that activity… literally!"
"Morning, Ialvid," groaned Dylan, shuffling out from his bedroom "… sorry about the mess…"
Ialvid felt Oja trembling against his leg.
"What really happened here?" he asked her pointedly.
"… a kulkura got in the house, Daddy…"
"And we had a pretty rough time getting rid of it," added Dylan "It took us all by surprise. Oja had nothing to do with it at all. She even helped chase it out. In fact, she's been nothing but a little angel."
"…an angel of death…" grumbled Hannah as she passed between them.
Dylan quickly wrapped a tense arm around her shoulder and cackled loudly to distract from his wife's sarcastic remark.
"Honey – heh, heh… now you're still waking up. We're both on duty in a couple of hours, soooo lemme fix us some coffee, okay?"
Dylan darted ahead to the cupboards to find some instant coffee mix. Hannah shambled over to one of the knocked over chairs, picked it up and sat down.
"Yea, coffee… for another fun-filled day of pickpockets, tourists and crybaby drivers…"
The salarian puzzled about her demeanor "Is she all right?"
Dylan warmed up the coffee maker and measured out an amount into the filter "Like I said, it was a pretty late night. This kulkura almost seemed to have it in for-"
"Coffee, Dylan…" Hannah interrupted.
Ialvid noted her swollen nose "…Is something wrong with her-"
"Coffee!"
Hannah's outburst startled Dylan into spilling some coffee mix on the floor. As he cleaned up the mess, Cadrina ran further interference.
"That was the only problem we had last night. We loved having Oja stay over. I hope I can still look after her like we talked about. We had fun… even when we were chasing that lizard all over the place, didn't we?"
Cadrina's awkward smile made Oja snort, grin and relax her hold of her father's leg. It was obvious to Ialvid that more had happened last night than anyone wanted to admit, Oja most likely being the cause. But it was also clear that Oja loved Cadrina; a bond that she and her parents wanted to preserve even at the expense of their own pride and dignity. Besides, there were precious few people other than the Shepard family who would willingly take on the responsibility of caring for his exuberant daughter. Ialvid concluded that dealing with the kulkura was punishment enough for them all.
"I know a reputable pest control service that can help proof your home against further… intrusions. I'll forward you their contact information, Dylan. Mention that I referred you and they should offer you a sizable discount."
"Much appreciated," thanked Dylan.
Ialvid took his daughter's hand "We'll be back again… soon… let's go, Starshine. Say goodbye."
"Bye, Cady," Oja crooked her arms around Cadrina's neck and squeezed. Cadrina patted the little asari's back twice before releasing her. She clasped her father's hand again.
"Bye, Miss Hannah. Bye, Mister Dylan."
Dylan waved from the kitchen as he removed the freshly brewed pitcher of coffee from the coffee maker. Hannah turned slightly and waved as well, smiling weakly. Cadrina escorted her guests out and sealed the front door. She returned to the dining table and picked up the one remaining overturned chair as Dylan sat and poured his wife and himself a much needed serving of coffee. Before Cadrina could broach the subject of whose turn it was to make breakfast, there was one other question she wanted to get out of the way first.
"Sooo…" she began.
Hannah and Dylan looked to her after they each took a swig from their mugs.
"A little brother or sister… no, huh?"
END
Author's Thoughts and Notes:
- Ialvid Nocris is based on actor/comedian Colin Mochrie (Whose Line Is It, Anyway?)
- The tune Hannah plays is "Close To Home" by Keith Emerson of Emerson, Lake and Palmer
- "Calling in a grid" is military slang for radioing coordinates for aerial or artillery bombardment. In war movies this tactic was employed to deal with snipers and other difficult to locate combatants.