She would not admit, even to herself, how much strain she was under. As the days shortened and she changed into her winter school uniform, Kagome continued to try to block out how very little she identified with her classmates any more. Little things intruded- every time she changed clothes, she would see the Shikon hanging around her neck and growl with frustration. She didn't dare just leave it home; she had already learned that there were too many things lurking in the back alleys of even modern Tokyo to risk her family.
"You're holding it wrong," She said, passing by a member of the archery club one morning. "Change your grip."
"You're not even IN archery!" The girl argued with her. Kagome sighed, took the bow out of the girl's hand- far lighter than the one she had used, she had to remember to compensate for that- and sunk three perfect bulls eyes. She handed it back to the club member.
"You're holding it wrong," She repeated and walked away. Later she realized exactly how snippy and rude she was being, but was too embarrassed to approach the girl and apologize.
It made it worse to think that was the sort of thing Sango would do on a bad day...with a flavoring of THAT DEMON's inexcusable nastiness. She kicked an unoffending rock out of her way- stubbing her toe in the process- and swore impatiently.
"Oh, umm...bad time?" Hojo asked.
"There's never a good time," She replied, then sighed. "I'm sorry."
"Well, ever since you've come back to school...I'm sure you must be frustrated by all the make-up exams and homework."
She barked a short laugh. "Yeah, well...I'm trying to make it up."
"On that last exam, you were in the top ten in the class..." It was clear he was trying to make her feel better. Kagome stopped and faced him.
"Hojo...I'm sorry. You've been really sweet and supportive, and if it were any other year, I'd probably like you a lot. But I can't keep leading you on. Please forget about me. There are plenty of girls who want to go out with you. I'm...not very good girlfriend material."
"Do you really mean that?" He asked, looking stricken. Kagome almost apologized, almost blamed it on her "sickness" or her bad day or the amount of homework- anything to make him feel better.
There was no way she could lie like that. "Yes. I'm sorry I can't return your feelings."
"It's not just sickness, is it? Something else has been going on, hasn't it?" He asked her directly, and again, she realized what a genuinely good guy he was.
"Yes. But please don't ask. It's not the sort of thing I can talk to anyone about."
He nodded. "Well, if you change your mind, I'll be around," He said and walked away.
As usually happened when she was in a bad mood, her feet brought her directly to the edge of the wellhouse. She sat down on the edge, kicking her feet inside.
It doesn't have to be there. I could find another village somewhere, live away from all that drama.
Yeah, but what then? I'll just attract all the demons to that village instead. Inevitably, HE will sense it, or some other demon will, or they'll happen through hunting demons, and it'll be same-old, same-old. I need to stick it out.
Somehow.
She sighed. No matter how annoying things were, they were just that. Annoying. It wasn't like there was anything BAD about her world. In fact, it was almost too good. She was selfish. She was ungrateful.
Kagome sighed and stood up, walking away from the edge of the well. She had homework to make up.
A/N: I know this is kinda rehashing the first chapter, but it's really, REALLY hard to just fall back into it after a nine-year hiatus. The next chapter will expand up on it further. Also, I was looking at this like the noodle incident. We don't discuss the noodle incident, no one knows what the noodle incident was. InuYasha's crime must go unspoken.