Chapter 20
My version of a short chapter follows. As always, thank you for reading, and please feel free to drop in a review anytime – I love hearing from readers!
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For twelve days, she had trained as best possible from Phai's remote location. The procedure remained a gamble, but T'Qilla was already dying. Risk came in doing herself harm, but Ettwanae held firm to her decision. Opposing feelings had torn her between wanting to push forward quickly and fear that no matter how long training lasted, it would never be enough. The resulting rollercoaster of emotions during the peak of her molt had been buffeted her and everyone around her.
Finally, that morning, Phai announced Ettwanae was likely as ready as she would ever be. At the declaration, Ettwanae was initially relieved the long hours of preparation and days of waiting were over. Quickly, though, trepidation revisited. One mistake…if she failed…she would kill her own mother.
But time had nearly run out. Hercjell reported T'Qilla's deterioration had further accelerated. They must try now or the ru'zha would become unstoppable.
Ettwanae approached the silver chamber and peered through its transparent lid, her heart beating wildly. T'Qilla looked so beautiful – like a sleeping goddess. However, if one examined closely, her frail condition became apparent. The woman she'd cried over in Bhenra's arms since age three depended on her performance of an ancient ritual called Ura'maalei, which roughly translated meant 'to save Ura.'
The transfer of lifeforce, Aru, was the easy part; reigniting the will to live in someone intent on dying was another matter entirely. Phai warned – transfer of lifewill, Ura, was a precise and delicate task that if attempted improperly, would kill T'Qilla.
As Ettwanae knelt next to the stasis pod on the soft mat someone had thoughtfully placed, she vowed not to let fear get in the way. She would save her mother or die trying.
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Phai watched Ettwanae via holo technology from the small conservatory on Uulophar as the sentient AI sped at top speed toward Sat'rey. Ura'maalei training would have been so much easier in person. She feared that disadvantage may kill one or both of the irreplaceable lives in her care.
The only way to have truly walked Ettwanae through the ritual was telepathically. Despite Den-neer's powerful abilities, his telepathy could not penetrate Esha'Aru mental shields. Phai's talent likely could, but that was not to be.
As the obviously nervous Esha'Aru sat down, Phai said a silent prayer. She'd done all possible to prepare Ettwanae; the rest was up to the young woman and their goddess.
Ura'maalei was a two-step process. Restoration of Ura was the most perilous stage for T'Qilla. Once accomplished, the most dangerous phase for Ettwanae began. T'Qilla's Aru-starved condition may cause her to unconsciously pull too much lifeforce from Ettwanae, killing the younger Esha'Aru. Ettwanae would need total focus and enough control to stop the transfer if the situation became life-threatening. The question was, even if Ettwanae had the skill to halt the flow, would she have the will?
Phai scanned the room. Den-neer calmly stood ready to perform his role. Warren hovered nervously, but aside from moral support, there was little the man could do. She cast eyes to the scanners that would monitor both Esha'Aru and warn if either was in eminent danger, but only Ettwanae could sever the lifeforce connection if that happened.
"I am ready," Ettwanae said up to Phai's avatar.
"Then begin as I taught you – relax your body and mind…drop into a meditative state."
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Warren's heart thumped hard. He feared for Ettwanae. Would she succeed? Be harmed? Die? If she died, he wasn't certain he'd survive the loss. If T'Qilla died, he feared Ettwanae wouldn't survive the guilt.
As Ettwanae settled into a lotus-like position and closed her eyes, he wished there was something he could do. Helplessness was a feeling he hated. He was a doer, but moral support all he could offer.
She was lovely as she concentrated, and even more so as her face relaxed in meditation. Physical beauty was but a small part of what he adored – it was her spirit he cherished. Brave, playful; kind and loyal; intelligent. She was…well, she was wonderful. Love had touched him once again…a touch that would not withdraw like those before. A forever love. He prayed he was right.
'Love does feel different this time.' He groped for the right descriptive word. Then it came. Joyful. With Betsy, it had been a love between two wounded souls – almost desperate and dependent, in retrospect. That had been a relationship tainted by all they'd been through as individuals, and love had been a hardened, cynical version by two people who had a difficult time giving themselves too deeply, while almost frantic not to be alone.
His and Candace's love came closest to what he felt with Ettwanae – but that relationship carried the trappings of wealth and social stature, though they'd done their best to ignore it all. Candy was his first lover – the only non-mutant until then that knew about his wings. The world was such a different place at the time, and while discovering his secret shocked at first, it did not change her feelings for him. And he'd loved her for that.
Other relationships? Ztar was…well, what could one say? An aberration. The rest? Intense at the time, but built on an unstable foundation…his shaky and damaged inner self, not theirs. He was primarily at fault in the long line of failed relationships.
'You're a different man now,' Warren told himself confidently. In the end, the experience with Ztar had forced him to fix what was broken. Perhaps everything before had been rehearsals and trials eventually leading to Ettwanae when he was psychologically and spiritually ready for permanency.
Warren studied her stilled visage, taking in every nuance. Focus shifted to her entirety and his body stirred with a deep longing he'd only ever experienced with the alien woman of a lost race. Her chest rose and fell in the slow steadiness of calm focus. His own chest swelled from the warmth of love. He'd do anything for her – face any obstacle, fight any enemy, travel any distance.
But that day, he could do little for his intended soulbound. Ettwanae used the term often, but he hadn't truly accepted the foreign concept, he realized. Seeing her next to her dying mother, ready to put her own life on the line, caused a shift. She was his soulbound – they were meant to be a couple. Drawn together by God, Fate, Ozshi'wanae, the Universe…whatever you wished to give credit…he and she had been set on paths that eventually united them. The sequence of events leading to their meeting was just too fantastical to be anything less.
"I love you, my Ettwanae…my soulbound," he spoke softly hoping keen hearing would pick it up without breaking her concentration.
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The quiet words floated into consciousness and her heart rejoiced. Only once before did he call her his soulbound, and then only when he was learning the word in her people's native language. She quickly pushed down an emotional response – her mother's life depended on total focus, but Warren's declaration gave her confidence and strength. She would save her mother and be his soulbound…odds be damned!
When she reached that tranquil place, Ettwanae began the ritual as Phai had taught, summoning healing Source, but just a little – enough to pass a small amount to her mother. When the stasis field dropped, that would be the most critical time, and her mother could expire quickly without a temporary boost of her dying body. Phai had voiced hope, but did not know with certainty, that a small infusion of Source passed through Ettwanae's healing filter would gain them enough time. Pushing aggressively, though, would have a negative effect on someone committing ru'zha, and the force-fed Source could just as easily kill.
"Now, Ettwanae," Phai's voice penetrated her serene realm. "A small amount and maintain a gentle flow. You will feel the rejection – don't force it upon her."
Ettwanae extended Source to T'Qilla, and the resistance was immediate. But Phai had explained not to back off, but to simply hold it there to see if T'Qilla's body would accept the offering. More quickly than she'd expected, resistance dropped away, and she pushed a little. She felt the pull as T'Qilla's body drank in the energy. Then with a swiftness that caught her by surprise, the wall of resistance sprang up and she jerked.
"That's all, Ettwanae. Pull back and close the portal…it can do no more for T'Qilla right now."
She knew the easy part was over as she closed the gateway to Ozshi'wanae's dimension.
"I'll disengage the stasis field when you are ready."
Ettwanae took in a deep breath through her nose, held it, and followed it with a slow, steady expulsion through her mouth until every bit of air was squeezed from her lungs. Tension threatened as thoughts of failure nipped. She was afraid, but fear had to be banished. Doubt could kill.
Another breathing round and then another to expel tension and negative thoughts. She was ready. Giving the hand signal they had agreed upon, she turned inward even more to her center, as the Shozen had described it. Before long, she became only her breath, her heartbeat, the blood surging through her veins…sensing what it meant to be a living being. Focusing next on her aliveness, she dug deep for the desire to live – the want to take breath, the need to beat out the rhythm of life with each steady pump of heart.
When Den-neer gently moved her hand to her mother's chest, she was barely aware. It meant that the stasis field was off and the pod open. Time was limited. Without the field, her mother would not linger long. But Phai warned about rushing – that would kill as quickly.
She gathered up the sensations of being alive – of the desire to be alive – and passed them from her core, through her extended arm and hand, and offered – did not press – them to T'Qilla for the taking. At least that was the intent. What Phai had attempted to explain to her didn't seem to be happening.
Gathering herself again, she reached down for that which you could never truly describe. The pathway between her and her mother still felt empty.
'Goddess, please help me,' she prayed.
She must have displayed something on the outside, as Phai's soft voice floated to her. "Feel your desire to live, Ettwanae. Let it fill you and then overflow. You can do this."
She tried. Goddess, she tried. Breath. Heartbeat. Energy. Life. Alive. Desire for continuance. Nothing. The transfer wasn't working. Something was wrong…missing, but what? She'd been foolish to think a few days of training could save her mother. Volu and Phai had been right.
"Try again," Phai coached.
And so she did. Starting over, she let herself float on the energy of life running through her. She focused on it with her whole being, gathered that desire up and sent it out. Nothing again. How does one transfer the will to live?
What she could feel in her Aru-heightened state was T'Qilla's fading lifeforce. Panic crept in and her hold on a higher level of consciousness faltered. She couldn't lose her mother after finally finding her – she couldn't bear it!
In the background, she heard a soft pinging that sounded frighteningly like a life support warning chime. Her heart clenched. 'Goddess, please! I need you to show me what to do!'
"Again, Ettwanae – try again," Phai's voice was calm on the surface, but Ettwanae could hear stain beneath. "Remember what I taught you." The chime sounded again, barely discernable, but there. It coincided with what her Aru senses were telling her – mother was slipping away!
An avalanche of fear was heading her way and Ettwanae struggled to maintain calm and stave off panic. She had to keep emotions under control for another attempt. But she didn't know what to do differently or the same.
She steeled herself and became of iron will. She would do this. Daughter would save mother. She just had to take what Phai taught her and apply it. But doubts snapped at the fringes.
Unexpectedly, a presence was next to her – Warren. Her Aru would know his feel anywhere. Phai's quiet but stern words of disapproval filtered through Ettwanae's shroud of concentration, but she didn't let it distract her.
"Don't give up," came his quiet words of encouragement.
With sudden clarity, Ettwanae understood. The will to live was more than life's inherent resolve to continue – it was longing and hope for a future. More than anything else, Ettwanae wanted to live for Warren – to share a lifetime with him. With certainty that defied explanation, she again reached down for the breath, beat, and energy of life, but this time, she infused it with her soul's desire for her and Warren's future together.
What happened next was a miracle. Energy of a markedly different feel welled up from a nameless place within. The wave enveloped her, feeling powerful and unstoppable and delicate all at once. It flowed from her center, through an arm, to the palm resting on T'Qilla's barely moving chest. In its wake, she sent love and all her hopes and desires for the future.
The metaphysical tide hit a wall. It was as Phai had warned – ru'zha's resistance. Her mother did not wish to live. Her last desire was for death; likely an act of desperation to protect Ettwanae and deny her captors.
It was a struggle, but at last she forced vocal cords to work. "Please, mother – hear me! It's Ettwanae – I am here. Live, please!"
The wave lapped against the wall, but the barrier held. Chimes softly pealed their death toll. As seconds ticked off, she felt the flow weaken. How long could she maintain it? Phai had said not long.
/ Mother, please – for me! Live for me! I love you. I need you. Your little girl needs her mother! / she sent telepathically in desperation, knowing Esha'Aru couldn't communicate that way, but praying somehow, someway the plea would convey through the energy.
Without warning, the wall collapsed and the wave rushed into T'Qilla. Sensations overwhelmed that were nothing like Ettwanae had ever felt before and knew she'd never be able to describe. Quickly, on the heels of the indescribable came an intense drawing of Aru. It was hard, demanding, fast; she groaned as pain filled her physically and metaphysically, but she didn't care.
Her mother had chosen to live!
Ettwanae let her Aru-starved mother have what she needed. So depleted…so close to the edge. It was hunger far greater than when Ettwanae had given Aru to Warren after the Dark One had nearly killed him.
More and still more. Her body shuddered in physical echoes of her metaphysical distress. Did she have enough? As the drawdown continued, she was beginning to doubt. Phai's warnings echoed just as she could hear the woman's voice yell to her to pull back, slow down, maintain control.
Then a vague sense of a hand slipping within hers; quickly followed by heat and energy flowing to her. Without conscious direction, her body tapped into what was offered. It was Den-neer. Swiftly, his steady, controlled Aru flowed, giving what was needed. It was then that Ettwanae knew her mother would live.
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When Warren saw Ettwanae shuddering and shaking with tears flowing, he knew she was giving beyond what was safe. She was ignoring Phai's commands. Removing her hand from T'Qilla's chest would have no affect, as Phai had explained early on. Warren was on the verge of trying anyway as it looked very much like T'Qilla would live, but at the cost of her daughter's life.
Then Den-neer did as planned and grabbed Ettwanae's other hand. Their former enemy swayed in what Warren assumed was intense Aru drain. The man moaned, but did not let go. If he had, Warren would have forced him to continue or killed him had he not. If anyone was going to die that day, it would be Den-neer if he failed Ettwanae.
Suddenly – nothing. Silence. Stillness. For Warren, it seemed an eternity.
Then T'Qilla took a deep, ragged inhale. A second breath, followed by a slight cough. Den-neer's hand dropped away as a deathly pale Ettwanae opened her eyes and immediately leaned over the side of the silver pod. Warren wrapped a supportive arm around her waist.
"Mother!" Ettwanae's shaky cry echoed through the sterile lab as she grabbed the woman's hand. The sound was joyful and from the soul. T'Qilla's breathing began evening out, but she wasn't yet conscious.
Behind them, Den-neer was struggling to recover. Warren glanced around a wing to see Phai approach the man, place a holo-hand on his shoulder, then lean down.
"Give yourself time to recover. Stay put," she instructed. Phai's avatar moved to across the stasis chamber from Warren and Ettwanae, knelt, and spoke quietly.
"T'Qilla, it is safe to wake up. Ettwanae is here – all grown and well. We have much to tell you, but right now, you need to waken."
At first, no response. Everyone held their breath. T'Qilla's eyelids fluttered, and then rose to reveal deep blue orbs filled with confusion, searching for a source of the voice. Finding Phai, the Shozen smiled down at the Esha'Aru.
"Your daughter, T'Qilla – Ettwanae is here." At the confusion on T'Qilla's face, Phai continued. "Ajui Ettwanae dei suma nei."
Ettwanae recognized the sound of her native language, but didn't catch more than a reference to daughter.
Crystalline-blue eyes darted to the opposite side in puzzlement. "Et- Ettwanae?" A shaky hand rose to land gently on Ettwanae's cheek. "'Ne baitu Ettwanae? Qalu?" Then a palatable chill shot from the pod. "Ozshi'wanae, orre! Shozen! Ettwanae!" The weak voice was shrill with panic as the woman began to struggle.
"Shhhh, mother. It's okay…we're safe," Squeezing T'Qilla's desperate hand, Ettwanae cooed and stroked her mother's face, hoping she knew Imperial Standard. "No one will hurt us. Our enemy is not here." T'Qilla calmed, a sign she understood the words, but dubious darting of eyes and her bewilderment remained evident.
The lab door slid open and a medic and one burly guard strode directly to Phai.
"Take T'Qilla and Ettwanae to the room prepared for them. Both are weak and require assistance and nourishment, but nothing more for T'Qilla than what we discussed earlier – her systems need to time fully awaken. Ettwanae can have whatever she wishes, but she must eat – see to it." Phai turned to Ettwanae. "Go – be with your mother."
As the medic helped her up, the guard scooped up still confused-looking T'Qilla as if she weighed nothing. Ettwanae shot a glance to Warren.
"He can join you anytime you wish," Phai reassured.
Warren motioned for her to go. Mother and daughter needed time alone. With Ettwanae leaning on her escort, the foursome left.
Phai caught Den-neer's eyes in silent communication of concern.
"I am fine, mother," he said digging into an inside pocket of his ever-present cloak, bringing out what looked like a nutrient bar. The man remained on the floor as he munched, looking visibly stronger with each swallow.
Phai watched Den-neer seemingly absentmindedly, apparently contemplating. Warren was about to leave, when she spoke.
"You did well, Den-neer. Without your added strength, I believe Ettwanae would have perished.
The operative rose before answering. "Thank you. I did as you taught me. I am glad I paid attention."
A smile graced the finely-sculpted face. "You always were a good student. In case I have not said it of late, I am proud of you."
Den-neer dipped his head. "I'm going to retire to my quarters." With a disturbing lack of footfalls, the man was gone.
Phai's attention turned to Warren, who was ready to follow Den-neer's lead.
"Ymoz data revealed your Aru is strong, as well, Warren – intriguingly so. Also intriguing is the manner in which you sometimes channel Source."
"What do you mean?"
"Channeling should not cause you to lose memory of doing so. I'm speaking of Fjai, for one. And Den-neer tells me you remember little from the garden a few days ago." He nodded agreement. "He said you channeled deeply then, as well. The question is why aren't you remembering?"
He gave his go-to explanation. "Maybe because I'm Human."
Phai studied him with a curious gaze. He would have bet on what she was thinking, but he was not ready to abandon his humanity, or even a part of it.
"When you are psychologically ready, Warren, I suggest you revisit that answer."
Hackles bristled, but he wasn't in the mood to argue. Turning on heel, he left the holographic Phai alone in the lab.
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Phai watched the holo image of Warren disappear. Would the mystery that was Warren Worthington aka Archangel ever be unraveled? Perhaps one day. Meanwhile, she prayed that he was Esha'Aru enough for what lay ahead.
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A bit of foreshadowing, but no cliffhanger – see, I can post two chapters in a row without one! :-)
Next time... Will T'Qilla have lost her memory? What's happening in another part of Trient'Ir with a certain Turzent ruler? We'll sneak a peek at al'Verta, as well. See you for C21!