The words were pouring out of her, racing as she heard Cassie close the car door and her footsteps climbing to the porch. "I didn't want you to just need me as…, as Apsu's interpreter, as your possession detector, as the vessel to collect your donation to rescue Dean." As she stopped to take a breath, he crossed the short distance between them and enveloped her in an embrace; just as they heard Cassie put the key in the front door lock.
Chapter 50
Sam was holding her tightly in his strong arms; so tightly, it felt like she couldn't breathe. The soothing sound of his voice, offering words of comfort and love, faded until she just couldn't hear him at all. Then his grip on her was gone, and as she took a deep breath, she opened eyes she didn't remember shutting. She thought she must have been holding her breath longer than she thought; her eyes wouldn't focus on Cassie's kitchen. She blinked a few more times, and everything became clear; except, she wasn't in the kitchen of Cassie's house anymore. And, Sam was nowhere in sight. Actually, nothing was in sight; she was back in the primordial void where she spent the millennia waiting.
"NOOOOO." She tried to scream, except, of course, there was no was no physical being to form the word. It was only her metaphysical mind rebelling against being yanked out of her vessel. "You can't bring me back yet! I wasn't done."
"Relax." The voice of The One permeated through the emptiness. "And, just for the record, I can bring you back whenever I want." His words had the effect he had intended; calming Mother Nature down while reminding her who was in charge. "I'm sending you back to finish your mission. I just wanted to talk to you, to check on your progress."
Mother Nature struggled not to tell him he was full of shit; that he knew exactly how things were going. She smiled to herself; she would never have thought anything like that before spending time with Sam. For his part, having heard her every thought, The One let the insubordination pass without remark.
"Of course I know how things are going; I've been following your progress. Actually, I have an offer for you."
"An offer?" In the millions of years The One had been controlling her existence he had never 'offered' her anything; he had only commanded.
"Yes. As you correctly surmised, this mission was also a test of your character. You were to find your true nature; that you can love another with all your essence. I hadn't quite planned on you figuring out the whole Sam was destined to be the one, thing. But, no matter; you've passed the test. And I want to offer you a reward."
This was getting stranger by the second. Not only was he offering her a reward, he was talking to her, carrying on a conversation. And stranger yet, he was talking like a used-car salesman. "Thank you; may I ask the nature of the reward?"
"I would like to restore all of your powers to you; to let you clean up the mess that humankind had done to your 'pretty little planet'. And, additionally; I'll allow you to stay on Earth, with your 'Sam'."
If she had been corporeal, her knees would have buckled. It was everything she could ever want; the powers she had lost over the ages, and to be with Sam for as long as he lived. 'Huh, it was everything she could ever want.' If she had learned anything from the Winchester's past, it was if a deal sounded too good to be true, it probably was. "What is the cost?"
"Cost?"
"I've learned a great deal from the Hunter you sent me to find. He would say there is always a price to pay."
"You really have learned well from this man. And it is largely because of him; because you have helped him learn to love and trust himself enough to love another, and that he has returned the favor, that I offer you this gift." Mother Nature thought he sounded sincere in his explanation, but she knew there was more. "Your Hunter would be right; there would need to be a small sacrifice. With you restored to your original, near omnipresence, as a goddess with enormous powers, you would not be a suitable vessel to collect the final donation for the ritual to repair the seals to Purgatory."
"But, but …but the final donation is semen from the brother, donated in an act of love. There is no way Sam could fall in love with someone else in time."
"So, he tries again next time when Venus is at her brightest."
"That would mean Dean, and Castiel, would spend at least another year, assuming they could survive that long, in Purgatory."
"So; the human and broken Angel stay in Purgatory. That does not seem like too much to ask; for all that you would get in return."
"No."
"No?" The One questioned her terse refusal. "Ah, yes, I see it now. It is because your 'Sam' would have to find another woman to love to rescue his brother. So you would lose him even if I allowed you to stay?"
"NO." She replied, anger slipping into her voice. It was clear to her now. He was still testing her; dangling staying with Sam, like he was a carrot; but then hitting her with the stick of making him choose between her and his brother. "I made a promise. I will help Sam get his brother out of Purgatory, which will repair the seals." Again, feeling like she was corporeal because she could swear she felt tears forming in eyes that were only an illusion. "We both know Sam was never mine to keep."
"You would decline regaining your full powers to fulfill a promise to one man? Think of all you could do to restore this planet to its original beauty."
"That's just another carrot." She knew she shouldn't be so disrespectful to him, but she was angry. But, it wasn't beyond him to punish others if she acted out, so she toned down the rest of her response. "It's too late for me to change the course of humankind's path of destruction. Even with all the power I ever had in my possession, the only way to restore the Earth to its natural beauty would be to kill most of the six billion people occupying it. They've made this mess, they must clean it up."
"Well. This Hunter, this Sam Winchester, must quite extraordinary. To make you give up on saving your planet."
"He is. And, I'm not giving up. Did you learn nothing from them stopping the Angel's apocalypse? Free Will. That's what I've learned from the Winchester's past. We may have built this planet for them; but, it is up to them to save it, and themselves." And Mother Nature could swear she saw a light bulb come on, there in the void.
"Finally!" The single word echoed loudly through the infinite space.
"That was my test? To realize they don't need us anymore?"
"No, of course not. They have never needed us. We needed them to want us; to believe in us. They call it faith." He paused to if she understood his message. He could see she had all the pieces but they weren't coming together. "Faith. Faith is the belief in something so strong it makes the unknowable real. You've learned faith.
In the beginning, every moment of every day was a test of faith for them. Ten thousand years ago, it was faith the sun would rise in the east because some mystical being pushed it up every morning. Then they needed to believe their crops would grow, and someone decided it would help if they prayed to a goddess called Gaia. Did you make their crops grow? Of course not. But it made them feel better to believe you did. And you got all the warm fuzzies out of the deal.
Now, you've learned to trust humans enough to let them make their own path. I, personally, don't think they'll pull it off; but like you said, it is up to them now."
"What has any of that got to do with Sam, and Dean?"
"Are you being deliberately obtuse? What stronger faith can there be, than to love and trust another being as much as you do this Sam Winchester? You're willing to come back here, forever, so he can have his brother back."
She'd never thought of the love she felt for Sam as an act of faith; but she could feel the truth to The One's words. Had she misinterpreted The One's actions all these centuries? Had he really only been trying to get her to believe in a love so strong it could be called faith. Bullshit. "Of course, it doesn't hurt that my faith in Sam will get the seals to Purgatory repaired."
"Well, there is that."
She waited, expecting him to say more. But silence hung loudly in the void. "Listen. I hate to be obtuse, especially since you went to all the trouble to bring me here for a visit; just to help me figure out how much I love Sam. But, if there is nothing else, I was kind of busy. Any chance you can send me back now?"
"You seem to have learned something else from this human; your tone lacks respect."
"Actually, it is more from his memories of his brother. They both know 'crap' when they hear it, but Dean is the one who will call out anybody, or anything, and let them know what he really thinks. Sam would stand here and politely try to get you to see reason." She stopped, and then thought of one more fact she should share, "Of course, Sam would be just as likely as Dean to blow your head off, if his argument failed to dissuade you from doing wrong."
The One actually wished he was corporeal for the first time in the millions of years he had been steering the course of this section of the galaxy; because he wanted to grin at the entity that called herself 'Mother Nature'. Maybe, she was finally going realize she didn't need him anymore than the humans needed her. That she would figure out this mission was not to repair the seals to Purgatory. He could do that in a split second, if he wanted to.
Her test had been to find her destiny; and that that destiny did not include him. He was tired; of this rock and of guiding goddesses who were afraid to grow up and find their own paths. But, he had given her enough clues; as she had just said, 'it's her mess, she needs to clean it up'. To her, he said, "You will not change your mind?"
"No."
"Then go back; fulfill your promise. I'll see you back here in six days."
"Six? The ritual is in five days."
"Despite your flippancy and lack of disrespect, I'm giving you one extra day. I will let you meet this brother for whom you are willing to give up so much; and to say good-bye to this man who has taught you so much."
As Mother Nature started to feeling herself be pulled back into Amelia's body, she wondered, again, if she had misunderstood The One's intentions. Was he really going to be that generous and allow her the extra day with the Winchesters, and her other new friends? As she could start to feel Sam's arms holding her vessel, she knew he was not rewarding her. The extra day was to suffer through the torment of leaving Sam, and what they had created; an extra day to see how happy all of them, Sam, Dean, Cassie, Jody, and Missouri, would be. The extra day would be to make sure she knew what her decision had really cost her.
Just as Mother Nature took her first breath back in Amelia's body, she could hear what Sam was saying; heard him whisper, "I don't need you to be an interpreter, or a detector or even the vessel. I need you to make my heart keep beating."
Now, fully back in her vessel, wrapped in the arms of the man who she loved enough to discover the meaning of faith, she felt the tears she had not been able to form while in the void. Sam saw the tears and kissed them off her cheek, murmuring 'everything would be okay'.
Unbeknownst to her, she was about to pass the final phase of the test The One had given her. Because, as she tipped her face up and kissed Sam back, she repeated a line from Sam's memory to herself , when Dean had said, 'Screw destiny, right in the face!'
As Cassie stood in the kitchen door, watching Sam and Amelia kiss each other, totally oblivious to her presence, she knew two things to be absolutely true. First, as great a kisser as Dean had always been, his younger brother looked to be his equal. And second, the devotion these two had for each other was so strong, there was no way they would fail to get Dean back.