I do not own Familiar of Zero/Zero No Tsukaima or any of the other pieces of work mentioned in the story.

The End of the World Spell

Run

Kirche Augusta Frederica von Anhalt Zerbst actually had to fight to keep herself from giving the poor girl a hug.

She was trying so hard, she really was. Even if she was a brat, how could one look at her now and not feel a little bit sympathetic? Tears were sparkling in her eyes, for Brimir's sake!

But eventually everyone left her to her futile attempts. Well, almost every one. Professor Colbert was still there, mainly because the Summoning Ritual needed a supervisor. And Kirche herself was still there, although she was safely hidden behind a tree.

She was silently cheering for the girl, hoping against hope she would succeed. She may have been born into the wrong family, but no one deserved to have their dreams crushed so viciously.

Besides, Kirche had always had a sense. It didn't have a name, but she sometimes got a feeling when something was going to go either spectacularly wrong or extraordinary right. She'd gotten one of those when Louise had first started chanting. She wasn't going to leave until she saw what was going to happen, not at all.

And finally, something changed.

Louise had been quietly mumbling the incantation over and over for hours, but now there was a glimmer of her fire again. If nothing else, Louise was incredibly stubborn. But Kirche could feel something was about to happen, she felt it in her bones.

Louise stood up straight, after hours of slowly bending under her failures.

Louise spoke clearly, after hours of half-hearted mumbling.

Louise gestured precisely, after hours of half-assed wandwork.

And finally, finally something happened.

Each summoning was accompanied by some sort of effect. Smoke, fire, ice, a small earthquake, sound light, something. And that something was usually a sign of the familiar being summoned, both in its nature and its power.

So when the whole school was lit up by a sudden shaft of light accompanied by an earth-shaking roar?

People took notice.

But Kirche was one of the three witnesses who actually saw what happened.

Louise had summoned something. Something glorious.

His muscles stood out like cared oak. His calves were perfection. His thighs exquisite. And his bum… Kirche had to tighten her grip on the trip to prevent herself from running forward.

His back showed of muscles she hadn't even known existed. And his shoulders… she had to physically wipe of a string of drool.

Kirche was witness to the whole thing. Louise summoning the god, her reaching up to kiss him, Professor Colberts' surprise about the runes, the way his muscles flexed when he moved. If someone were to have seen Kirche then, they would have assumed she was swinging-on-the-chandeliers drunk, so red was her face and so wide was her smile. The swaying didn't help.

Then he turned around. Her eyes slid across intriguing hips, chiseled abs, huge pectoral muscles, a toned neck and then she was literally blinded by his smile.

When she blinked the tears out of her eyes, it was only to let out a cry of horror.

Many were confused over her scream of absolute revulsion, until they saw the titan Louise had summoned.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE EEEEYEEEEEBRRROOOOOOOOOWWWWWSSSS!"

Kirche could forgive Louise many things. She really could. But summoning that (almost) perfect hero and not demanding he shave his eyebrows?

Never.

The man was a beast. From the very first day he was summoned, he never stopped moving. He ran around the schoolgrounds in the mornings, he helped the servants with their tasks, he twirled knives and forks until they blurred, he tapped his fingers, he shuffled his feet. She wouldn't be surprised if he walked in his sleep. Or even if he didn't sleep at all. He was twitchy in his own skin.

And then he started dragging others into his madness. Louise was seen running alongside him on some days, on others he would carry her while she lay crying on his back. Then Tabitha joined them, stopping and leaving well before the juggernaut tired. Then, of all the people in the world, Malicorne.

It did him well. Really, really well. The boy had shed weight like leaves. And then the girls started flocking to him of the new abs and immense stamina. And where something attracted girls, Guiche went. And then Montmercery went to keep an eye on Guiche.

And it all snowballed from their until everyone was until the crazy man's tutelage. Nothing was ever quite the same.

Especially when the Headmaster, in either a fit of generosity, spitefulness or lechery, had bought a suit like the man wore for every single student and made it mandatory.

Now Kirche had to participate. She was proud of her assets, but not so much of her assets. Spandex wasn't very flattering to someone with her figure after all.

AN: Tried to do something a bit different, both in the summoning and in the POV.

And I couldn't think of someone more off the wall than the great Maito Gai from Naruto-fame.

I do not own Naruto.

Now then. I feel that Gai is extremely undervalued as a character. He's eccentric, yes. But he is also a god of battle. Anyway, Gai can whip anyone into the best shape of their lives and that was kind of the point of the story. If he were real… ladies would flock to him, I'd wager. Nice guy, strong, smart, determined, loyal and built like Hercules? Oh yes.

Except for his two deal-breakers.

I thought Kirche would work nicely for this chapter because of the aforementioned point.

Hence this little slice of absurdity was born.

Read, enjoy and review.

~GrinGrin

PS - I think I'm going to include one Incredibly Lame Pun every chapter.

Horribly familiar in chapter one

and assets in this one.

Written: 14/12/2013

Posted: 14/12/2013