I really don't know what to do with this story, I'm need the end of it, maybe…So yeah will see…About the whole Bram thing…No there is not Bram in it, I actually thing that the only pairing is going to be Quinntana.

The thing is I am missing my muse, more like the person that is my muse and this whole story just got out of control and at a place I didn't want it to be. I'm new to fanfiction, and I'm new to writhing in English so it's hard…I hope you like the story, I have the intention to continue it till the end.

I would really like some criticism, real one, not bad words but what's wrong, what should be changed about my writing and stuff like that.

SANTANA'S POV

They were under the clear sky in a forest. Yeah a forest. No matter which way San was looking there was no sign of civilization around them. They were all alone and away from the city in what seemed like a little paradise. Santana couldn't believe that a place like this existed and most of all she couldn't believe Q knew of it and she didn't. The thing is that she grew up here, in this city, leaving it only for the summers and the girl next to her lived in Lima only for a year, so logically it was weird for a place like this to be unknown to her and known to Quinn, but she didn't question it, she didn't dare speak…Yeah the famous for her razor tongue Latina was now with no words…

This place was amazing. The light of the setting sun made the trees and their already colorful leaves look like they were made of gold and the light was just…It was just connecting with everything making it such a beautiful color, making it breathtaking. Every little thing was brighter, shining…

"It's the most beautiful place I have ever seen" Quinn finally said breaking the silence. She was half lying on the grass, with her hands supporting her upper body so she could see the sunset. Her eyes were full with tears but not like that night, now San knew they were just from the light and the fact that the blonde was watching it for the past few minutes.

"I'm certain now, that you want to kill me, but at least the view is nice" San smiled. She was in the same position as Quinn only instead of looking directly at the sun she was looking at all the colors or the blonde next to her.

"Oh it gets better" Q smiled and finally looked away from the light. Their eyes met and San felt a little bad for being caught staring, but she scold herself for it. The blonde probably couldn't even see her at this moment. Her pupils were tiny and made all the colors in her eyes shine, but they slowly turned back to normal "You look like an angel" she murmured, her vision clearing. She probably meant that the Latina was covered in light. That was logical right?

"You're not so bad yourself" she felt surprisingly confident around the blonde that was now lying complete on the hard ground. It was an unfamiliar feeling that she liked. "So why are we here?"

"Fireflies" she said and closed her eyes like there was no other explanation needed.

They just laid there for the couple of minutes. Seeing how the day changed into a night, how the stars became more and more visible, and the moon took over the sky as the sun was leaving it. There were no words, no speaking, just looking. San was actually liking the place a lot but wasn't really sure how safe it was for them to stay here after all it did seem like it was a forest, so there was bound to be some wild animals wanting to eat them…

"Remember that feeling?" Quinn finally opened her eyes and looked at her. It was almost dark so it was quite hard to see the blonde's expression but San manage to see the pain and sadness, she also saw certainty. "That feeling when you were like turning in circle again and again and again. Like on a office chair or something" San nodded not really knowing what was expected from her "That feeling when you stop and the whole world is turning, moving, you feel like you are moving too…But you really aren't…You know?" The Latina just looked at her waiting for more explanation; she wasn't sure what the point of this conversation was. She had a guess but it seemed too far off. "It's like you feel sick from all the movement, nothing really is moving…The world isn't, you aren't, but it feels like it's moving and you feel like you have no control over yourself, your body…" she stopped talking for a second and took a deep breath. It was dark now and San noticed that there was a full moon looking down on them. She expected Quinn to continue talking but she didn't.

"Is that how you feel?" San took a wild guess and waited patiently for Quinn's answer, but there was only silence. "Like the world is moving and you are moving with it, but not really? Like you have no control over your own body?" San could barely make out Quinn's nod in the darkness between them. "That's not true Q." The brunette moved closer and moved the blonde's chin so their eyes would meet again. There was only silence in hers, like she had no emotion to share.

"Yeah it is. With every move I've made, every change…It was a direct consequence from the world moving, from life moving. And I had no control" she said and now the sadness was obvious in her features, eyes, voice, in the one lonely tear falling down her cheek, stopping at her lips.

"What happened Quinn?" The Latina moved closer again raising her body so she could hug Q from behind. She knew the blonde wasn't good at talking when someone was facing her, at least it was like that when they were kids. So instead of looking for eye contact she hugged her closely to her chest, moving her chin to her, coved from the leather jacket, neck. Their fingers on both hands intertwined. It made San's heart beat faster than she thought possible, bringing back memories, feelings, thoughts…All unneeded, all painful because they were too impossible. But sometimes feeling were meant to be ignored, to be fought and she did just that, because her friend needed her, Quinn needed her to care, to be there, not to think about how good kissing those soft lips would be, or touching her pale and warm skin…

"We were in the car…We…" She started shaking a little so the brunette pulled her even closer if it was possible. It was just like back in the days, like nothing had changed. "I was driving because she had a little to drink…She thought" she took a deep breath again "She thought it was safer for me to drive…We…We were going to run…away…" the blonde relaxed in the Latina's hug and took some time before continuing "Something had happened between her and Russel. She was mad and didn't really tell me what it was...I found out latter…" She started talking as fast as possible, but San could still understand her. She could sense the tensing of her body, the anger that was awakening in the blonde. "We were talking, deciding where to go…We were…Just…" San moved Q's hair behind her ear, stroking it slowly "And then…We we turning, the car was rolling…Some guy got in our part of the road and I reacted…We were turning and turning, it felt like forever when we finally stopped…" She started shaking and San could feel the blonde's breathing getting heavier, she felt a tear falling to her hand.

"Q…" she whispered in next to her ear "It's okay to be mad and sad, it's ok" The Latina was trying to calm her down, she could feel how tense her body was. "It's ok to feel all that, don't keep it in…"

"We waited for the medics, we waited…It was hard for me to breath and I couldn't feel my legs, and Fran was losing consciousness, she was speaking, she was trying to stay awake…To make sure I would be ok…" The blonde's whole body was now shaking and her breathing was uneven and almost not existing. Santana knew that the girl was going back to the memory, that she wasn't really here listening to her but she tried whispering those words again and again. "When the time came for them to get us out…She…She said she wanted me to be first, she refused to get out before me…" San turned Quinn so their eyes would meet, so she could see a way to bring the blonde back to her. "She was dead when they got her out…She sacrificed herself for me and it's my fault…Everything is my fault….." San felt the fear growing in her, the blonde was having some sort of a panic attack…She didn't know what to do, she didn't know how to get her out of that place…

Her face was wet from the many tears, her eyes dark from being in that memory, her face so broken…In that moment Santana knew that Quinn had changed, she knew that the girl in front of her was broken, sad, in pain, and for the first time since she knew her that girl was wearing no mask, she wasn't hiding it, she was open…She opened up to her even thou she knew that would break her more…So San wasn't going to let her stay in that place, she wasn't…

The brunette cupped her face with one hand, and with the other brushed a part of the blonde's hair back. She looked into her hazel eyes that were darker than ever now, from all the emotions. She felt her own body tense, unsure, afraid…She just…Yeah…The Latina, the one that people compared to Satan, was afraid…Afraid of kissing Quinn Fabray…

She moved forward slowly…Taking her time, it was selfish of her to do that…Quinn seemed like she was suffocating now, she was taking half breaths and seemed not able to breathe them out.

"You have control Q, you have a choice" she whispered just before her lips touched Quinn's. They were soft, so damn soft and nice with a slight salty taste from all the tears that had gathered there. It was a soft, slow kiss, a first kiss type, unsure, scary, full with compassion and…Dare she say it maybe even love…Her eyes were open so she could see Quinn's reaction, or at least try to, and she did, she saw and felt how her body became more relaxed, how her breathing became more even…But what surprised her…

What surprised her was Quinn kissing her back. She saw how clear her hazel eyes were now, how they were getting warmer in a familiar way, familiar from the summer she last felt those lips on hers.

Their kiss started heating up and before Santana could realize it she was lying on the ground with the blonde on top of her. Her hands were now on both sides of Quinn's waist and she was instinctively pulling her closer while the blonde was making the kiss more and more passionate.

They pulled away for just a second, opening their eyes, meting the other's pair. Both girls were smiling, both of them were taking a breather before continuing but fate had other plans.

A lonely firefly flew between them and stole their attention. Both of them moved slowly and looked at the countless other lightning bugs flying around them, under the clear night sky and the full moon, surrounded by nature…It was so perfect.

"Nice thinking with the kiss there" The blonde finally said, or actually whispered looking with a huge smile all around them.

"Saw it in a TV series" she answered equally quiet. "So beautiful" The Latina looked around but as cliché as it's going to sound she actually meant Quinn not the view.

"We are actually trespassing. Those are some kind of protected firefly species or something. That's why this place is so untouched." The other girl explained, trying to fill the silence whit whispers.

"I'm not even surprised. Kind of getting used to this 'no laws' Quinn" the fireflies started flying in some other direction, probably going to…Um…Do what fireflies do? Yeah, that. "Ok how the hell do you know about this place?" she looked at the blonde who was now getting up.

"Russel was going to use it for his campaign. My parents own the land" She shrugged it off like it was nothing and just helped San get up even thou she didn't needed it. "It's getting late and I should take you home".

They walked to where the motorcycle was. It was close but both of them weren't in any type of a rush. A walk that should have been like seconds turned to minutes during which they laughed and joked about werewolves and zombies coming to kill them, like they were twelve again.

"You know you change your moods a lot" San commented as they were putting on their helmets.

"Comes with having so many emotions to choose from" she laughed and started the engine. "Let's get you home Buttercup" before the Latina could answer they were already moving through the road that was more like a pathway that a car made some time ago.

So…

Sorry for leaving you hanging like that…I had some issues to deal with…But before I can share them, I kind of think I should tell you my past. ( hehe I sound like some sort of a secret agent ;d [Fabray. Quinn Fabray] ;d;d )

Dear Diary…Kissing Rachel Berry, or rather making out with her was my biggest mistake. It wasn't actually a mistake, more like a revelation, but back then it felt like a mistake…You see…Making out with Santana for a whole summer had a big "OK" in my book. I lied to myself that it was for practice and when that didn't work I told myself that San was way too gorgeous, so it was impossible for anyone to not want her. You can see where I'm going with this, right?

Yes, Rachel is hot, she's hot now, and she was before but it was hard to see. She was someone that I strongly disliked and it wasn't because of Finn it was more because of her way of acting and the fact that she, different from me, already knew what she wanted from life, she was confident in her skills, in her talent. She was just someone who I wasn't and in a way kind of wanted to be. I was jealous of her and irritated by her so it was a conflicting situation that alcohol once again helped me solve in the most stupid way possible…By giving me the idea of making out with her. She was drunk too, and it was at a party, the first kiss was during a game of spin the bottle, the next ones were during a meeting in one of the bedrooms.

We were drunk, or she was…I wasn't, not really…And kissing another girl, yeah that destroyed my world completely. Just kissing Santana and liking it was something I could manage to ignore, it was before boys came into the picture, it was "practice"…But Rach was after boys came into the picture, Rach felt better than the boys and suddenly telling myself it was just "practice" was impossible…

I was suddenly faced with a life altering decision. Admit or ignore.

I wanted to admit, I choose to admit, but it was too late. Santana was mad at me, I had made her hurt more that I would even be able to describe and she had already started moving on. She had found someone who was making her happy, so who was I to interrupt that happiness?

I left them be, Britt and San…

In a way I was thankful for moving that summer, in a way I wanted to move, in a way I wanted to stay too and tell her all…But I couldn't, so I didn't…I packed my bags and moved to a new life…

But I found myself, I found love too.

…...

QUINN'S POV

She looked inside her locker wondering why exactly she was here. Yeah she had one of those moments where she's doing something, not really sure why. And then she knew. Her reason for standing like that for the past few minutes just passed by her, behind her, talking to someone and not noticing her at all…Yey…

Quinn closed her locker; she didn't want to look at the mirror again, only to see that San was gone…Man was she pathetic…What happened to the whole "not possible, don't do it" thing, she didn't really know. Probably lost that train of thought back at the small forest during that kiss, or before it when she opened up for the first time ever…Yeah she never talked about the car crash, she never thought about it, Quinn had forbidden her mind to go there and it was because every time it wasn't just a memory, every time it was like she was there again, it was like she was going back, every time it was worse than the real thing. Why? Because she would go back there with the knowledge of what is going to happened and no power to change it. It was like she was time traveling but wasn't able to change any move she made, so it was hard, it was her punishment…

"Hey Quinn" she turned to see Mercedes standing behind her, looking like she had something to ask her. The blonde didn't really feel like answering questions today, she actually didn't feel like it any day of the week…It was something she had no control of, it was better for people to find out stuff from her past years from her not from someone that was just going to slaughter her story. So there was a question in the black haired girl's eyes, but she never asked it.

"Hi" she finally answered after a long and awkward silence. "What's up?" it was more of a casual question to keep the conversation going, it was pretty obvious that Quinn was somewhere else, even her eyes were showing it by rooming around looking for someone or something while they both started walking…Okay she admits it she was looking for Santana.

"We won't have Glee today" Cedes looked around too, probably to see who Quinn was searching for "But some of us are thinking of hanging out after school, you should join." The other girl smiled and started walking towards the exit. It was the end of the day and the only people left were either joining a team or a part of a club, so logically there was nothing for the girls to do in school. Or at least for Mercedes, Quinn had plans.

"I have to try out for the swim team first" Quinn said not really thinking about it. This week was the week for all the try outs and what was bothering her, or actually what was bugging her was the fact that Britt was wearing her Cheerios uniform and San wasn't. The last time she studied here Santana wanted to be the captain of the McKinley High cheerleading squad and with the blonde's disappearance that was possible, but now…It seemed like the Latina wasn't on the squad anymore. So Quinn was wandering three things:
1. Why was San still in school
did she quit the Cheerios
And most of all, the biggest of all the questions was:
wasn't she with Britt.

The thing is that back in the days the two girls were like honey and Pooh (there was a big lack of metaphors in Quinn's head at the moment), but now they just weren't…Yeah she would see the girls walking together, talking, smiling, but there was some sort of a distance between them…A distance Quinn hoped meant that they had broken up. She hated herself for wanting that, she even felt selfish, but at the same time she didn't. Both girls seemed happy and they were friends so…No harm there…

"Wait we have a swim team? And you are joining it?" Cedes seemed truly shocked by that news. Yeah Quinn didn't really think before talking, at least not today.

"Yeah, it's new. I actually was a part of my old school's team. It was fun" she explained as vaguely as possible, not really wanting to mention that the reason she liked swimming or even considered joining was her girlfriend back in Boston. A girl she pretty much abandoned…She was changed now…She really should apologies to her…Yeah that was something to look forward to…

"Ok then call me after?" Cedes opened the door, ready to go.

"Don't have a phone" she said simply, like it was the most normal thing in the world when in reality for that age wasn't…At all… "Maybe some other time?" It really sounded like she was trying to blew her off, but she wasn't …She wasn't! Scouts honor!

"I'll bring her with me" As the voice came both of the girls turned to look at Santana who was wearing a sports t-shirt and shorts both in the school's colors and sports team name "Titans".

"Okay, see you later" Cedes hugged the blonde and waved to the other girl before turning and walking away, leaving them alone.

Quinn's jaw was somewhere down on the floor. First San was looking hotter than ever in her team uniform and the blonde couldn't help but stare, second the Latina was playing lacrosse jugging by her t-shirt and third she had that smirk on her face, devilish smirk that made Quinn want too many inappropriate things.

"Swim team?" The Latina came closer only to continue walking towards the way Quinn was suppose to be headed.

"Yeah it's fun and I'm good" she answered walking after her and enjoying the view that those shorts provided. "Lacrosse?" How did that happened?

"Same" she answered vaguely. "We can meet here after you're done. We have try outs too so I need to go and see the fresh meat." And just like that she was gone and Quinn was all alone. She took a deep breath and walked into the big gym where the pool was. There were only a few people around for the tryouts and a few from the actual team. The coach was a blond bubbly looking woman that smiled almost as brightly as Britt would.

"I'm Holly Holliday, your coach!" she said excitedly and started explaining the types of thing they should have and be able to do to get into the team. Quinn couldn't help but smile, the woman seemed goodhearted and caring, but also bossy enough to manage the team.

She wasn't really nervous about her try out; it was more of a formality than the real thing. After all her couch from Boston and her physiotherapist both send their recommendations to the coach here and she knew that she was going to get the spot she wanted. The team here sucked…That was the harsh truth, they were new and had no experience, they needed her, so she was confident and that was why her tryouts went perfect and she was now scheduled for training three times a week. But all that just meant that she was done with the whole thing pretty fast, and she knew that she was going to have to wait for Santana, so she just did the first logical thing – go to the lacrosse field.

It was more practical that way! It was logical! And her decision had nothing to do with her strange desire to see San playing, or bossing someone around…She was weird…

And unlucky…

By the time she manage to find her way to the field the team had already been done and all of them were in the showers, so she just waited in the hallway for the other girl to be ready.

"Quinn?" She turned at the sound of his voice with a smile. He was smiling too and was fast to hug her. His blonde hair was still wet but so was hers, so she didn't mind when he got her clothes wet too. "Were you trying out? I didn't see you out there…" He looked over energized and she guessed it was probably the practice or maybe Sam was just like that all the time and she was now noticing it? She wasn't really sure, but it made her happy that things with him weren't awkward as they normally should be. Guess they were the exception of that rule.

"Ah no, I actually joined the swim team" Sam frowned at that looking slightly disappointed. "Wait so you and San are in the same team?" She asked trying to make him think of something else, not really liking the fact that he seemed slightly sad about her being a swimmer not a lacrosse player.

"Yeap, it's a mix team. She's actually the captain, so she's good" he said looking around to check if someone was listening in to their conversation, or at least that's how it looked to Quinn. "Don't tell her I told you that, I don't think there's enough air on the world for Santana's ego and us humans" she laughed at his own joke and Q just smiled.

"There's always enough" For the second time today Santana manage to surprise her. Their eyes met and Quinn could see some sort of anger in the Latina's. It was at that moment that she realized Sam's hand was still on her shoulders holding her in a half hug. "It's raining outside and half of Lima is closed, there is going to be some sort of a storm, so the going out thing is canceled." She explained as she awkwardly fixed her duffle bag, so it would be more conferrable on her shoulders.

"That sucks…" Sam frowned like a small child whose candy was stolen and Quinn couldn't help but smile, remembering his words from the other day.

"Call Cedes that we are having a Glee party at my place. If there is a storm so bad to close the Lima Café there would be no school tomorrow, and I'm home alone again so it's a plus-plus." Quinn smiled looking at Santana, she really just wanted the company, now that her mother was taking all those trips left and right for the divorce, her work and media stuff she was alone all the time and being alone gave her too much time to think about the past and the past was definitely not a happy place for her. "I have what we need home too, so no shopping is needed." She clapped her hands liking the idea more and more. For the first time ever she was happy about her mother's obsession with always being prepared for guests.

"I'm in, we have a rematch to get to" Sam was now beaming. He had the biggest smile that could possibly exist. Santana on the other hand was throwing daggers at him from where she was standing and didn't look so happy about the whole thing.

"Hey Sam, can you go ahead?" she said with a soft smile and he seemed to understand that Quinn needed some privacy with the other girl, so he just nodded and hugged her before disappearing. "If looks can kill" she laughed lightly and walked to San, taking her hand and pulling her slowly towards the exit.

"What's up with you and Salamander Lips" The Latina said with some sort of faked casualty. "You dating or something?" Quinn couldn't help but laugh at that. Yeah he was her brother and the whole jealousy thing Santana was trying to pull seemed so ridicules to her.

"He's my brother" She shrugged like that was the most obvious thing in the world, it kind of was, they had some familiarities, but considering how well her family was known for their strict by the book life it was a shocking thing to hear and Quinn knew it, she could remember that shock from when she found out. But so much time had passed; she had learned to accept it, going through all the emotions till she arrived to curiosity and acceptance. Now she just wanted to know him and she wanted him being a part of her life. So it felt natural to her to think of him as her brother "Russel's kid, so half brother" Quinn explained not really helping Santana's shock expression. She wasn't sure if there was anything she could say to change that, but at least the anger was gone from San's eyes.

"That's just…Ok" The Latina stopped moving and looked at Quinn's eyes. "Are you going to run again?" she asked as she slowly pushed Quinn to the wall. The blonde felt the hard surface behind her back, and the warm body in front of her. She knew that the question was more about her leaving every time San's feelings would start showing, feelings like jealousy, like love, attraction…

"I don't want to…" she said cursing herself for the words coming out of her mouth…"But…"