With Rito, Lala, Haruna, And Oshizu - After School.
"I can't believe that Honekawa-sensei was out until noon." Said Oshizu.
"I can't believe that someone would shoot himself out of a cannon and give a person sleeping pills just to have a laugh." Deadpanned Rito.
"Sallem's always been really funny." Said Lala in a chipper voice. "I remember one time when I was ten, he said that he had told Ren that a bunch of pedo... pedo... pedo-somethings, were watching me in the bath, and Ren ran into my bathroom when I was just getting in the tub. All of the servants chased him out, and the next time I saw Ren, he was wearing some stiff mummy costume." Everyone just stared at her for a few seconds. "Come to think of it, Ren and Run always wore that costume when he came over, and even for a few weeks afterward. Zastin wore it sometimes too."
"Lala, I'm pretty sure that 'costume' was a full-body cast." Said Rito fearfully.
"What's a full-body cast?" Asked Lala.
"I think that I can answer that." Came Ryoko's voice from behind them, startling all of them except Lala, and causing them all to turn to look at her. While most of them were already well aware of Ryoko's recent growth, Haruna had only heard rumors, and didn't really believe them, so she was very startled at what she saw.
"Mikado-sensei..." Squeezed out Haruna. "The rumors were true... You really are..." She trailed off uncertainly.
"Huge? Muscular? Incredibly attractive?" Ryoko supplied jokingly as she happily flexed her muscles in various bodybuilder poses. She was happy to notice that Rito was blushing at her 'more than little' display.
"So what's a full-body cast?" Asked Lala again, undeterred by Ryoko's posing.
"A cast is what people wear when they've broken a bone to prevent them from moving it and making it worse. An arm-cast is for broken bones in an arm, and a leg-cast is for broken bones in a leg. So a full-body cast is worn by people who were so horribly injured that they can't be allowed to move at all." She explained. "The Principal is actually in one right now after some of the students beat him up again."
"Ohhhh~! So that's what it is." Said Lala in wonder.
"Yes, but enough about that." Ryoko said as she turned her gaze to a suddenly nervous Rito. "Rito~," She cooed lovingly as she walked up to him, causing his already red face to get redder. "Could you stop by my house in an hour or so? I have our next date planned out, and I don't really want to wait." Not a good place to say that.
"What?" Gasped Haruna.
"Ohh~! You've got it planned out already?" Asked Lala in wonder. "You're really good with romance Ryoko."
'Did you have to say that right here and now?' Panicked Rito.
Later - En Route to Ryoko's House - With Rito
'Why does it seem like my life is constantly going from bad to worse?' Rito asked himself as he slowly made his way to Ryoko's house. 'It's not like I asked to get involved with aliens, assassins, ghosts, and princesses.' He thought as he began reflecting on his life thus far, and what could have been. 'If Lala hadn't teleported into my bath that one night, I would probably have confessed to Haruna by now, and I might be just like any other kid in school. Someone who doesn't really stand out, and who doesn't attract so many problems.' Rito paused, both in thought and in step, at this train of thought, before his mind started-up again.
'Why does it feel wrong to think that?' He wondered. 'I know that I love both Lala and Haruna, but would my life really be a good one if I hadn't met Lala?' He shook his head vigorously and shuddered at the thought. 'Get away from that kind of thinking Rito! You're starting to sound suicidal, and that's a path that no one wants to walk down!'
To try and get his mind off of things he'd rather not focus on, he changed his thoughts to the first thing that came to mind.
Flashback
"Second... Date?" Haruna asked, unsure of what she'd heard.
"That's right." Confirmed Ryoko as she hugged a red-faced Rito into her massive breasts. "Rito here is such a charmer. We had our first date just yesterday, and I already want more."
"R-Ryoko!" Exclaimed Rito as he struggled to get out of the hold Ryoko had on him, but to no avail. "Don't say things like that witho-!"
"Ryoko?" Said Haruna nervously. "Why are you calling her by her first name? Are you two... Really...?"
"N-No! It's not like that! It's just-!" Rito tried to explain, before he was cut off.
"Don't worry Rito," Cooed Ryoko as she let go of Rito. "I have other things to do right now, so you can explain everything to my future sister-wife." Rito and Haruna both got redder at that.
"S-S-Sister-wife?" Stammered Haruna.
'This is not my day.' Groaned Rito inwardly.
Flashback Over
'Even though I was able to explain everything to Haruna, I still feel like I'm committing a crime or something.' Panicked Rito. 'I guess if it turns out like Lala and Ryoko hope it does, I actually will be committing a crime. Polygamy isn't exactly legal after all.' Rito realized painfully. 'Lala said that it would be okay on Deviluke, but given how naive she is, I'm not so sure...' Rito shook his head furiously again. 'No, no, no, no! Stop thinking like that Rito! Before you know it you might actually be giving serious consideration do their ideas!' Deciding to leave such thought behind him as he rang Ryoko's doorbell, he quickly gathered his nerves as Ryoko opened the door.
"Ah, Rito, so good to see you." She said happily. "If you'll just come in we can get our date underway."
Rito noticed that she wasn't wearing the lab coat that she usually did, leaving her very well muscled arms, which were both currently curling very large dumbbells, unobstructed from view, showing every bit of strain and pull they were doing. A sight that caused a slight blush to creep its way up his neck. Luckily for Rito, Ryoko was already walking further inside, so she didn't notice it. Unluckily, however, Ryoko inviting him inside made Rito slightly nervous about what they would be doing today.
'Please don't tell me that my idea about the first date being so easy was just to get my guard down was right!' He panicked as she led him upstairs, where he knew her bedroom was. 'If she wants something from me, there's no way I can stop her! I couldn't even move when she held me at school!' He panicked as she led him down a hall, where he knew her bedroom was. 'Please don't let this happen! Please don't let this happen! I'm too young, and I'm not ready!' He panicked as she led him to a door, where he knew her bedroom was... And walked past it? 'What?' He though, confused, as she opened the next door, a door which he had no idea what was behind it.
"Come on Rito. We're going to spend our date in here." Explained Ryoko as she walked into the room.
'So... We're not going into her room?' Wondered a suddenly relieved Rito. 'But then what's behind this door?' He wondered as he followed Ryoko into the room, where he saw...
"File cabinets?" Asked Rito of no one in particular.
"Yes," Replied Ryoko as she put down the dumbbells he only now realized she was still curling. "It's a bit embarrassing to admit this, but I've fallen way behind on my work. I figured that we could spend today sorting things out." She explained as she stretched her arms above her head, every stretch of every muscle caught by Rito's suddenly embarrassed eyes.
"So let me get this straight," Began Rito. "Our second date is going to be spent sorting through files?" He asked, still unsure of what he'd heard.
"That's right." Said Ryoko as she crossed her arms under her massive bust, making Rito's momentarily confused and somewhat relaxed face once again red and nervous. "I figured that having a man around would help with my work. That, and I figured that you could use some practice for when you have a job of your own someday."
'Is this it?' Rito wondered, baffled at this turn of events. 'On the first date she takes me out to breakfast, and on the second date she has me help her with her work. Is she planning something, or is she honestly trying to build a good romance with me? For all I know, getting closer to me might be part of some long term goal to get in bed with me or something.' He wondered, until he thought better of it. 'Well, when you have a strong romance with someone, something like... well... that... isn't anything out of the ordinary.' He reasoned.
"Alright then," Said Rito. "So what do you want me to do?"
"Oh, it's very simple..." Ryoko said as she began to go over what needed to be done.
Later
'Very simple indeed.' Thought Rito as he sorted another file. 'I've been here two hours already, and the work is hard and it just keeps changing. I had no idea having a job was so hard.' He thought as he typed some information onto a computer that looked like some kind of spaceship part. 'Ryoko really has it rough. She has to do this all the time, and she doesn't usually have anyone to talk to, well, except maybe Oshizu.' He thought as he shredded some paper. He had to admit that he was grateful that he had someone to talk to while he did this. Once they had both gotten into a good rhythm for their work, they spent a lot of time talking while they did all this work, and they'd learned a lot about each other. 'I had no idea that being an adult took so much work. I can't believe that Mikan puts up with doing so much work around the house, and she does it with a smile. Granted, Ryoko said that she'd gotten well behind, but this is still tough work.'
"So Rito," Began Ryoko as she stood up to stretch, every muscle and curve on her body suddenly becoming much more vibrant and noticeable, once again causing Rito's face to flush. "Exactly what are your feelings for Lala, Haruna, and myself?"
"What?" Asked Rito nervously, though he was perfectly aware of what she had said. "Can't we talk about something else? Something that doesn't involve something like that?" He asked hopefully.
"We're running out of things to talk about." Pouted Ryoko. "I even saved this question for last, since I wanted you to be more comfortable around me, and with sharing your feelings. I don't want you to suddenly run off and not even give me a chance to really get closer to you."
'She was worried about how I would feel.' Realized Rito, at least before he realized something else.
"What do you mean 'really get closer to me'?" He asked warily.
"I mean that I want to make this relationship work." Ryoko explained. "I may be mischievous, playful, and free with my body, but I'm not a pervert... Well, not a big one anyway." She amended while playfully scratching the back of her head. Normally a pose like that could be considered cute on the right kind of girl. However, Ryoko, with her muscular figure, was most definitely not the right the right kind of girl.
Rito wasn't quite sure what to make of the pose Ryoko was in, so he instead focused on her comment on her being at least a slight pervert and blushed. "W-Well..." He stammered. "It's... complicated." Ryoko ushered him on with a knowing smile. "I... I really, really like them both and..." He trailed off.
"Rito, you're going to have to tell me more about how you feel about them if I'm going to have a shot at becoming as important to you as they are." Ryoko explained to a red-faced Rito.
"I-I-I," Stammered Rito. "I-I've l-l-loved Haruna for a long time now, and-and th-then I fell for Lala too just a few weeks ago at the pool." He managed to yammer out.
"Hmmmm." Ryoko hummed, deep in thought, as Rito panicked under her thoughtful gaze. "Have you ever gone out on a date with either of them? Just you and one of them."
"Uhhh." Rito blanked. he had to really think about this question.
'Have I ever gone out with either of them?' He asked himself as he went over his history with both of them. 'I don't think I have. I mean, there have been times when I've been alone with one of them for awhile, but those times are usually interrupted before we can really make any progress that could be considered even somewhat romantic.'
"I... don't think that I've really ever been out on a date with either of them." He concluded. "There have been times where I think that I managed to get closer to one of them, but those times are usually interrupted before anything can happen." He finished, somewhat red-faced as he recalled some of the more... inappropriate times when he had been interrupted.
"I see." Said a very pleased sounding Ryoko.
'Just as I had hoped and thought.' She said to herself. 'He only fell for Lala a few weeks ago, and from what he told me, it was mostly because progress was so slow. Not to mention that he likely wasn't very open to the idea of polygamy before he fell for two girls at the same time. But now he's going on official dates with me, and he's a bit more open to the idea of a harem. I can definitely use this to my advantage, but I'm still going to have to go the extra mile.' She thought as she recalled a conversation she'd had earlier that day.
Flashback
"So what exactly are you doing here Sallem?" Asked Ryoko. "Is running the most powerful business in the galaxy getting boring?"
"Please," Scoffed Sallem. "It's been boring since day one over ten years ago. At least back then I didn't have to worry about the near constant assassination attempts by professionals and amateurs alike that have become so prevalent in my life. So I'd ask you how things are going, but in all honesty I saw your little date yesterday."
"I had a feeling that was the case the moment you stepped in here." She replied. "I've heard about your hobbies. Are you here to help me win over the man of my dreams? Or maybe a zombie attack is coming soon?"
"Nah. My wives made me give up zombie hunting once I got married." It was obvious he was very depressed about that. "They said it was too dangerous."
"You've gotten married?" Asked a disbelieving Ryoko. "How many?"
"Three, but I'm trying to get more." He smiled.
"You're a real perv, at least as far as I can see." Ryoko teased him
"No arguments there." Agreed Sallem. "So, are you going to explain to me how you managed to get Lala's fiance to go out with you, or do I have to guess?"
"I'm not surprised about how much you know. But I am surprised about what you don't know." She said.
"Even I, with my I.Q. of well over 10,000 can't know everything." Deadpanned Sallem. "So spill."
"Well, it's like this..." She said as she began to explain.
"That's quite the start to a story." Replied Sallem once she was done. "So you've almost completely wasted one date, and don't give me that look, you totally wasted that date. Contrary to what you may think, explaining to a guy how you fell for them, and getting the guy to call you by your given name is not really any big progress. If you want to get the guy to fall for you in your remaining four dates with him, you have to make sure that every move is right."
"And what exactly are the right moves?" Ryoko asked as she tilted her head slightly.
"First of all, you have to force the guy to get comfortable around you. The best way to do that is to put him an environment where you have a huge advantage over him, your house would be best. After getting him there, you have to show him that you're no real threat to him, and show him that you really want to make this work. In other words, show some self restraint and make him feel relaxed." Sallem explained.
"So I have my second date down." Smiled Ryouko slyly. "What about the third date?"
"This is where it gets a bit complicated..." Began Sallem.
End Flashback
'Sallem was right about this.' Thought Ryoko happily. 'Rito is really letting his guard down. Now I just have to wrap this up and start planning the third date. Of course, who's to say that I can't enjoy this a little longer?'
"Mikado-sensei!" Exclaimed Oshizu as she threw the door open, much to the shock of Rito and Ryoko.
"What is it Oshizu?" Asked Ryoko once she got over her initial shock. 'She's pretty shook-up. Either there's a dog in the house, or something serious happened.'
"There was a huge car wreck right in front of the house!" She exclaimed.
"What?" Gasped Ryoko. That was serious. "Rito, come with me! I may need an extra set of hands!" She said, quickly taking charge.
"Wha? R-Right." Stammered Rito, who was still getting over his initial shock.
They quickly rushed outside and saw a car wedged into one of the concrete walls acting as fence for the house.
"This was most likely drunk driving." Ryoko observed. "I'm going to try and pull it out." She said as she got a firm grip on both sides of the car.
"Ryoko! Are you crazy?" Exclaimed Rito. "You may be really strong now, but you can't possibly-" He was cut off by Ryoko as she yanked the car out of the wall and even tore the roof of the car off while she was at it. "Sh-She did it." Gasped a very shocked Rito.
"Three people, all male." Ryoko observed. "This car must be an old model, since the crash caused a lot of damage." She said as she hoisted the three men out of the car. Rito gulped nervously when he noticed that all of them were bleeding profusely. "Come on you two! These men need serious medical attention!" She ordered as she rushed inside, Rito and Oshizu followed soon after once they regained their nerves.
Three Hours Later
"That was scary." Sighed Rito once they were done providing the medical attention the men needed, and they had needed a lot of attention. Anesthesia, stitches, draining of bodily fluid, blood transfusions, and a few other things that Rito wasn't sure of. And even with all of that, two of them each lost part of one of their arms, and the third one had lost both of his legs. Needless to say, they weren't very happy when they woke-up, but that was partially due to the hangovers they had.
'Ryouo was right about this being a case of drunk driving.' Rito observed. 'At least they're okay, even if their lives have just been seriously messed-up. Hopefully they'll be able to adjust.' It was then he noticed Ryoko walking out of her surgery room, some blood staining her clothes.
"That was pretty tough." She sighed. "I've never had to operate on three people at once. I'm sorry Rito," She said as she turned to her date. "It seems our date was interrupted by this little accident."
"No, it's okay." Replied Rito. "These people needed help, and you are a doctor after all."
"I suppose I am." She consented. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to change and take a shower to get all this blood out. You can go home now, I can handle everything from here."
"Alright." Replied Rito uneasily as he made his way to the door. "Ryoko," He said as he suddenly turned back, getting the woman's attention. "That was... really impressive." He said with a slight blush. "You have a tough job, and sometimes it's hard on both you and your patients. You have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. This date was... nice." He said before he quickly rushed out the door.
"Well, I suppose I can call this date a bigger success than I thought it would be." Observed Ryoko happily.
Outside - With Sallem
"For the last time I did not plan for this to happen." Growled Sallem on the phone in front of the car crash at Ryoko's house. "I may be criminally insane, but even I have standards. They fluctuate wildly and with no rhyme or reason, but I have them nonetheless... Yes I want to see the progress made by the others." He said as a holographic screen popped out of his phone, right in front of his face.
On the Streets Somewhere
"My sister was right," Said Haruna as she walked back to the apartment where she and her sister lived. "I really did need a walk to clear my head."
"I can't believe this!" Exclaimed an angry voice from Haruna's left, causing her to turn to the source of the sound in shock. "That bastard thinks he can get away with treating me like this. I'm not that kind of girl!" The person mumbled before shouting again in outrage. The person was a girl wearing a black kimono-like shirt with a short skirt and a large red bow tying a band around her stomach. She had red protective gloves used for fighting on her hands, and had her pink hair tied in a ponytail on the left side of her head. She didn't look any older than Haruna, and was much less developed than many of the women Haruna called her friends.
Feeling courageous, Haruna decided to see what was wrong with the girl. "Um, excuse me." She began, getting the attention of the angry girl.
"What?" The pinkette snapped at her, causing Haruna to second guess herself at what to do with this girl.
"Well, you seemed pretty angry, and I was wondering if there was something I could do to help." Haruna explained.
"Tch, unless you know how to make someone who's more confused than should be allowed sane, I don't see how." The pinkette scoffed.
"What do you mean by confused?" Haruna asked.
"Well, there's this guy..." The pinkette murmured, suddenly rather nervous and taken aback. "And, well, he's got problems."
"What kind of problems?" Asked Haruna, as she began to grasp the situation this girl was in.
"Well, at first I thought he was just confused about his, er... preferences." She explained red-faced. "But then I find out that he's not really confused about that... but he's just confused about how much he wants."
"How much he wants of what?" Haruna asked, becoming more and more curious and baffled by what this girl was saying.
"W-W-... Women!" Exclaimed the pinkette. "He-He wants more than just me! He's not satisfied with just me! It was bad enough when I thought that the competition was just a few small obstacles that he didn't really care about, but now he's saying that he loves all three of us, and I don't know what to do!" She panicked frantically.
"W-Wants all three of you?" Haruna asked, unsure of what she'd just heard. "You mean like... polygamy?" The pinkette nodded feverishly. Haruna took a long pause to think this over, the pinkette twitching and shaking all the while. "Well, I-I ran into a similar problem recently." She admitted.
"You did?" Asked the pinkette, suddenly very interested in what Haruna might have to say.
"Yes. One of my friends likes the same boy I do, and... well... now the nurse at my school likes him to, and-" She said before...
"So you're mad about it, right?" Assumed the pinkette. "You're mad that some other people are after what you want, and you want them out of the way?"
"No, no!" Panicked Haruna as she waved her hands in front of her face. "I mean, they're all my friends, and I'm sure we all like him, and none of us want to be disappointed, but... it would be nice if... if we could all just... get what we wanted, without anyone's feelings getting hurt." She murmured at the end.
"So let me get this straight," Said the pinkette sternly after a stunned pause. "You want this boy, but you're not willing to hurt any other people in your way to get him?" She recieved a nod. "That's just stupid! You're basically saying that you want this guy to be with all of you! Do you really want to have to share him?" Haruna was silent for at least a good minute after this.
"W-Well... I'm not sure." Haruna replied uneasily. "I mean, it would be nice if it was just me and him, but..." She trailed off as she remembered all of the good times that she's had with Rito, Lala, and everyone else. "Maybe... it... wouldn't be so bad if we could all get what we want. They are all my friends after all." The pinkette just stared at her, mouth agape until...
"YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" She exclaimed. "You mean that you don't care if other women get the attention of the man you love?!"
"W-Well, it's not that I don't care... It's just that... everyone else has an opinion and a life that matter too... If everyone else wants this, I guess... something like that could be nice." Haruna said bashfully.
"Well... When you put it that way... I guess it's something to think about, if nothing else." Murmured the pinkette.
"I'm glad I could help." Said Haruna. "You've even helped me a little too."
"Yeah, I guess we could both stand to learn a lesson, whatever the hell it is." Grumbled the pinkette. "Say, what's your name?"
"Haruna. Yours?" She said as she held out her hand.
"Benitsubasa." The pinkette replied as she grabbed the outstretched hand a shook it.
On Another Street Somewhere
"Who does that new student think he is?" Growled Yui as she walked back home from the grocery store. "He drugs the teacher, rockets into school with his feet, violates the dress code, and cuts class!"
"Excuse me." Said someone as Yui felt a tap on her shoulder.
"What is it?" Yui asked as she turned around to see who it was, and was rather shocked at what she saw.
The girl she saw was wearing a tattered black kimono over her bandaged body. She had disheveled gray hair, chalk-white skin and narrow eyes giving her a slightly Grim Reaper-like appearance. She also wore a large spiked dog collar around her neck and had gauntlets with scythe-like blades for fingers. Seeing those made Yui check her shoulders frantically for cut marks, thankfully, there were none.
"Do you think you could help me find this person?" The pale girl said as she held out a photo. "I was told to meet this person here."
"L-L-Let me see that." Stammered Yui as she grabbed the photo, still a little freaked-out by the pale girl's appearance. "Wait a second..." She said when she saw the photo. "This is me!"
"It is?" Asked the pale girl as she looked between Yui and the photo. "Oh, it is." She just noticed.
"What do you want with me? I don't even know you!" Said Yui, a little louder than she needed to.
"Is there a boy you like?" The pale girl asked. "Someone clumsy with orange hair? I was told to talk to you about that."
"Wh-Where did that come from?" Stammered Yui, wondering how and why this girl had just given her an accurate description of Rito. "Why would anyone tell you to talk to me about that?"
"I don't know," Replied the pale girl. "I was just told to tell you that he's got a lot of other women after him, and that you should start thinking about sharing him." She deadpanned.
"H-How shameless!" Exclaimed Yui red-faced, finally drawing some stares from the people around them, making Yui even more red-faced. "Do you have any idea what you're talking about?" She hissed.
"I think it's called polygamy." Answered the pale girl. "Based on experience, it's actually rather nice once you get used to it." Yui just starred at her like she was some kind of freak.
"Ex-Experience?" Questioned Yui nervously. "What kind of experience do you have? Who are you anyway?"
"I'm married, and my name is Haihane." The pale girl answered her questions, before jumping onto the rooftops, causing everyone to stare in shock.
"Wh-What just happened?" Asked a suddenly fearful Yui.
On a Spaceship
"This is a very good book." Observed Yami as she turned a page in a book she was reading. All of a sudden she felt an intruder on her ship, a skill she'd gained during her time as an assassin. "Who's there?" She demanded as she turned to her intruder, only to find nothing there.
"My, my," Came a taunting feminine voice from behind her, prompting her to about face again, though this time she had transformed her hair into blades, as she knew that someone with the skill to move behind her so fast without her noticing would be a challenge. "A very interesting ability you have there," The woman before her observed, a longsword in her hand blocking the blades aimed at her. She wore a tight black leather top and miniskirt, stockings, and over her shoulders was a gray cape. As for her physical features, she easily had the body of a very decent model, though there was nothing overly exaggerated about her figure, and she had long blondish gray hair tied up in a ponytail in the back and gray narrow eyes. Yami could easily tell that those were the eyes of an experienced killer, more so than she was. But her eyes held something else in them, something Yami couldn't quite identify. "It's a good thing my husband warned me about that power beforehand."
"You're married." Said Yami as she pulled her blades away from the unknown killer. It wasn't a question, but the unknown killer nodded anyway.
"Yes, my husband Sallem told me to come over and give you a little present." The unknown killer explained as she held out a rather large box that Yami hadn't noticed was there. Yami was back on full guard immediately. "Don't worry, it's not a bomb or anything like that," Teased the unknown killer. "And I'd appreciate it if you'd put those things away. I was forced to leave my violent ways behind me once I tied the knot."
'That would explain the look in her eyes.' Observed Yami. 'She's obviously killed far more people than I have, and she enjoys it all, yet she's being forced to deny her true self by a greater power.' Yami wasn't really all that surprised by it. Many assassins, warriors, and other killers often left behind their violent ways once they came across someone who horribly outmatched them, and they started to feel fear more acutely.
"What are you doing here?" Yami asked as she took the box.
"Like I said, my husband sent me here to deliver a package." Responded the unknown killer evenly. "After that, I'm off." In spite of her words, she didn't make a move to leave.
"You want me to open the box." Said Yami. Again, it wasn't a question, and again, the unknown killer nodded in response to her not-question. Deciding that she most likely couldn't trust this woman; she placed the box on the ground, stepped a fair distance away, and opened it with her hair. When a few seconds passed and it didn't blow-up, Yami decided it was safe to approach. What she saw in the box was unusual, though not enough to surprise her. "'Black Cat', 'Rurouni Kenshin'." She said as she observed the titles on some of the manga inside the box.
"I think I should be going now." Said the unknown killer suddenly as she got out a remote.
"Wait," Said Yami. "Who are you? You have the eyes of a professional killer, yet I've never heard of you."
The unknown killer smiled evilly at her and said. "Karasuba Cortez." She pressed a button on her remote, and she was gone, leaving a stunned and speechless Yami.
"Karasuba... Cortez..." Said Yami slowly. "Sallem... Cortez..." She said as she connected the dots. "I'm in trouble." She observed bluntly.
Back at Ryoko's House
"Yohohohohoho!" Laughed Sallem as he watched everything unfold from his perch on the totaled car in the wall. "Looks like everything is proceeding according to plan. I just love stacking the deck!" He cooed playfully. "I can't wait to see how this all plays out!" He exclaimed maniacally, before bursting into laughter. "YOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
On Route to the Yuuki Household - With Rito
'That was really intense.' Thought Rito as he walked home. 'I've never really thought about it before, but Ryoko really does have a tough job. She has to fix people up, and sometimes she fails. Sometimes people die.' He knew that he shouldn't be thinking about this, but he couldn't help himself. 'When her patients die, I suppose she has to break the news to any friends and family they may have. I'm pretty sure that something big like that doesn't usually happen, since she runs a small clinic, but it's something to think about.'
'Maybe that's why she runs such a small clinic, because she doesn't want to have to deal with that stuff, and since she seems so relaxed all the time, even right after she had to tell three people that their lives have just been screwed-up, she must have experience with this stuff.' He couldn't help but wonder why she would be used to it, until he remembered something. 'She used to be with the mafia, or at least worked with them on occasion, so she's probably had a pretty rough life so far,' He sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. 'She's probably had it worse than I've ever had it, and yet she's still kept a positive attitude every time I've seen here. Whereas I complain and yell whenever things go wrong for me. I wonder why she takes it so easy when I don't.' He thought as he opened his front door.
"I'm home." He said to let everyone know he was back. Suddenly he smelled something really good emanating from the kitchen. "Mmmm~. I wonder what Mikan's cooking that smells so good."
"I'm not cooking anything." Said Mikan as she suddenly appeared behind him.
"M-M-Mikan! Don't sneak-up on me like that!" Startled Rito, who hadn't noticed her until she spoke-up and scared the crap out of him, until he realized what she said. "Wait. If you're not cooking, then who is?"
"Check the kitchen and find out." She replied with a mischievous smirk that Rito really didn't like.
"Well, okay." He said a little stiffly as he walked to the kitchen. He didn't know what to expect, but what he saw in there was definitely not it. "I don't see anything." He said as he looked around. Well, that wasn't entirely true. There were some pots and pans with various contents on the stove, but no one was manning them. "Whoever is cooking should know not to leave the burners on when they're not around." He said as he went to turn them off until...
"Excuse me!" Said a tiny, somewhat garbled voice from nowhere, startling Rito. "But my friend is cooking for everyone right now. I'd appreciate it if you'd leave the burners alone."
"Wh-Who said that?" Asked Rito nervously. "Where are you?"
"I'm right here!" Came the voice again, this time, Rito could tell that it was to his left and turned to see who it was.
Whatever it was looked like a tiny metallic TV with tiny spikes for arms, orange dots legs, and a propeller attached to a stick on his head. The 'screen' of the TV was orange, with a black dot for a left eye, and a black dot on a larger white circle for a right eye.
"Wh-What are you?" Exclaimed Rito, even though he knew that the TV was most likely one of Lala's inventions.
"Oh!" Went the flying TV robot. "I'm sorry for not introducing us properly!" The TV flew over to the stove, where Rito noticed something was on the brim of what looked like a custom pot, given that the pot had a wide brim and a ladder of all things on it.
Standing on the brim of the pot like it was a walkway was another small robot, completely metallic colored this time. It had a battery-like body, stick-like arms and legs, a head resembling a circular plastic container, black dots for eyes, and a black electric plug coming out of his, for want of a better word, but.
"This is my friend Chibi-Robo," The TV explained. "And I'm his manager..." He began dramatically before...
"Chibi-Robo?" Asked Rito quizzically, cutting off the TV. "That's a pretty self-explanatory name."
"Telly Vision..." Mumbled the TV, sad that he didn't get to introduce himself.
"Oh, sorry," Apologized Rito once he took notice of Telly's sorrow. "I didn't mean to cut you off, er, Telly Vision, was it?"
"Oh! Well that's okay." Bowed Telly, which was kinda weird since it looked more like him swinging his head backwards. "I guess Chibi-Robo really does stand out more than I do, since he does most of the work. And you can just call me Telly."
"Nice to meet you Telly," Greeted Rito. "So I'm guessing that you two are some more of Lala's inventions."
"Oh, no, we're not." Replied Telly. "We were actually created by-" He began before...
"Me~." Came a grizzly, grave, and cold sounding voice from directly to Rito's left, sending chills up his spine, and making him shakily turn to its source, when...
"GAHHHH!" Exclaimed Rito fearfully when he saw the scared face of his new classmate, Sallem Cortez.
"Yohohohohoho!" Laughed Sallem at Rito's reaction. "You should see the look on your face! Yohohoho, that gag never gets old!"
"Wh-What are you doing here?" Rito exclaimed.
"I asked your family if my family and I could stay here during our three month stay on this planet, and they all said yes." He explained.
"THEY DID WHAT?" Rito exclaimed.
"Quiet down Rito." Complained Mikan as she and Lala walked in. "They've already expanded Momo, Nana, and Lala's part of the house to accommodate them, and they've already paid for their stay here. Not to mention that they paid a lot."
"You mean this is some matter of money?" Complained Rito. "Why didn't I get a say in this?"
"You weren't here." Argued Sallem effortlessly. "Besides, do you have any idea how much you can buy for 5kg of 24 carat gold?"
"You paid that much!" Rito gaped
"That was Nana's reaction too." Said Lala cheerfully.
"And besides," Began Sallem. "It's just me, Chibi and Telly, and my three wives. Six people altogether, nothing big." He explained calmly, though Rito's face was one of shock and astonishment.
"Three wives..." Strained out Rito. He was about to comment further when...
"Do you have a problem with a man having three wives?" Came a cold and dangerous voice from behind him, as a blade was held up to his neck. Paralyzing Rito in shock.
"Karasuba," Scolded Mikan. "I told you not to try and hurt Rito when he comes home."
"Sorry Mikan," Apologized Karasuba as she removed her blade from a grateful Rito's neck and walked over to the stove. "But I just couldn't help but take offense when he sounded like he disapproved of my relationship with my husband and sister-wives. I guess I'm just turning into some kind of overly loving housewife." She said with subtly hidden sarcasm.
Slowly overcoming his fear from his close encounter with death, Rito looked over at the stove to see who it was this 'Karasuba' person was. When he saw her profile looking over the stove, he couldn't help a blush that worked its way onto his face at how much like a model her face, figure, and everything else about her but her sword were. He also noticed how much like a housewife the scene made her look like. 'Mom would probably love to have her as one of her models.' He thought.
"Enjoying the view?" Sallem asked as he slung his arm over Rito's shoulder, his scar in full view, making him look like some crazed psycho. "Well I sure hope you aren't even looking, since she's mine." He said as he cast a glare at a suddenly shaking Rito. He kept his glare on Rito for a few seconds before... "Yohohoho," He chuckled. "I'm just kidding, it's okay if you look. What good is having such a hot wife if you can't show her off every once in a while, right?" Rito just nodded nervously, not really wanting to argue with a man who looked like he could kill him without hesitation. "Hey Chibi, is dinner done?" He asked, turning to the stove.
Chibi turned to Sallem flipped open the 'lid' of his head, and a white sign with a green exclamation point on it popped out, before it closed again.
"Do you need any help to set the table?" Sallem asked helpfully
Chibi opened his head again, only this time a sign with a red cancel sign on it popped out. Chibi then pointed to Mikan and then Karasuba.
"We already agreed to help him with that." Said Karasuba, as she and Mikan began setting the table.
"Then I'll just call everyone to dinner." Sallem nodded as he cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted. "Dinner time!"
"Finally, dinner." Sighed a pink haired girl that wasn't Nana or Momo as she, a chalk-white girl, and Nana and Momo walked in.
"Are Chibi's meals really all that good?" Nana asked the pale girl skeptically.
"Sallem programmed him and Telly himself." Replied the pale girl. "Not to mention that Sallem gets some of the best ingredients you can find in any dimension."
"What can I say?" Sallem boasted. "Being the kind of guy I am, I settle for nothing less than the best."
"You mean we're eating food from other planets tonight?" Asked Rito fearfully, having had nothing but bad experience with alien food in the past, Rito was afraid of what was in store for him tonight. However, something else got his attention as well. "Say, who are you two?" He asked the two people he didn't know.
"Ah, where are my manners?" Remarked Sallem as he slung his arms around the two girls he didn't know, much to their embarrassment, given the slight blushes they had. "Rito, I'd like to introduce you to my three wives. This is Benistubasa," He said as he hoisted the pinkette on his right shoulder. "This is Haihane," He said as he hoisted the, now less than pale girl on his left shoulder. "And you've already met Karasuba." He said as he put down the two girls on his shoulders, and looked over to the woman who'd held Rito at sword point just moments ago. "Look all you want, but if you touch you're dead." He said cheerfully.
Rito couldn't help but stare at his scar and think that he'd really follow through on that threat if he had to. Unsure of what to do, he just decided that he'd already had enough trouble for one day, and that he'd probably just get himself into more trouble by opening his mouth again. For now, he just wanted to eat dinner and go to bed.
The Next Day - With Rito
"School's probably going to be tough today." Mused Rito sadly. After all, his house just got six new boarders, four of which scared him half to death. "But then again, I suppose it's been tough for a while now, hasn't it?" He realized as he recalled what happened last night.
Flashback
"Don't worry Rito," Reassured Sallem. "School's going to be a walk in the park for me. My I.Q. is over 10,000 after all!" He boasted.
"If you're really that smart and you run your own company, then what are you doing at an Earth school?" Rito asked as he hesitantly bit into the fish that Chibi-Robo had cooked. His eyes shot open as he exclaimed. "This is amazing! What is it?" Based on the looks on the faces of everyone else, the feeling was mutual.
"It's called King Land Shark," Explained Sallem, making an effort to dodge Rito's first question. "A great delicacy from the Gourmet World."
"'Gourmet World'? What are you talking about?" Asked Mikan.
"It's a long story, but the gist of it is that there's a planet with incredible foods out there, and to be able to gather some of the more 'dangerous' ingredients, and make a decent full course meal out of some of the foods you find is considered quite an accomplishment." Sallem explained, putting an unnerving tone on 'dangerous'.
"What do you mean 'dangerous'?" Asked Rito nervously.
"Kill you seven or more times before you have time to blink 'dangerous'." Explained Sallem to a very nervous crowd, minus his wives and Lala. "But given my modifications, I can easily take on any plants, animals, and climates that planet has to dish out and keep on kicking for days."
"Modifications?" Asked Lala quizzically. "Are you really a machine?"
"There's no way." Said Nana. "Don't you remember that he used to be a lot shorter when we were little kids? Machines may wear down with age, but they don't grow-up."
"Yes and no." Sallem continued as if Nana hadn't said anything, which kinda pissed her off. "A few years ago, I got tired of the limitations of my physically weak body, and decided to have it modified." All present except his wives just stared at him. "I've had approximately 88% of my body replaced with machinery. I've become what you might refer to as a cyborg." He explained as he took off his scarf, revealing a clearly mechanical neck underneath.
"That's just creepy." Shuddered Nana while Rito nodded, showing he agreed with her.
"I actually think it's kinda cool." Said Mikan.
"Well, since you seem to like the fish so much, I'll be sure to have Chibi make some more dishes from Gourmet World." Said Sallem as he brought his food up to the gaping hole in the side of his face and ate it, much to the disgust of most present. "Consommé Magma, Ashurasaurus, ET-Rice! All of these dishes and many more will be cooked and served by Chibi over the course of my stay!" He explained dramatically as he took a drink.
"If we get to eat more food like this, I'm not complaining." Said Mikan.
"Wha're you looken' ah', UH?" Slurred Sallem.
"Huh?" Said Rito, and everything just snowballed from there.
End Flashback
"Who knew that Sallem had such a low alcohol tolerance?" Asked Rito of the air.
"I did." Groaned Sallem in response, shocking Rito at his sudden appearance, especially with the way he looked.
Rito had to admit that, even though he knew Sallem was an alien, he didn't expect him to have such a bizarre appearance. In his school uniform, Rito noticed that, in addition to his mechanical neck that he'd seen yesterday, his elbows and some of the surrounding area were also mechanical, but he could sorta brush those aside, since he already knew he was a cyborg. And his drooping posture was easily explainable by his evident hangover. But his most striking features by far had to be the pointed, furry ears on top of his head, and the bushy, brown tail coming out of his pants and drooping down to the floor.
"Before the topic about my ears and tail arise, let me just say that my people evolved from canines, not felines." Sallem groaned as he clutched his head in pain. "And before you say anything else, could you tell me what happened last night? I can never quite recall what happens when I get drunk aside from the taste of the alcohol." Rito just looked at him uneasily, clearly showing that he didn't want to discuss it. "That bad, huh?" Rito just nodded.
"You don't know the half of it." Said Mikan mischievously as she walked to the door. "You got really preachy about how much you loved your 'Precious Misseses' and let's just say their reactions were entertaining to say the least."
"How entertaining? Urgh!" Grunted Sallem, not showing any emotion except discomfort over his hangover.
"Haihane and Benistubasa were happily kissing you all over your face well before you were done, and Karasuba either tried to kill you or ravish you on the floor when you were finished." She explained to a surprisingly straight faced Sallem, whereas Rito was tomato-red just thinking about it. "If we hadn't gotten Lala to help get her off of you, who knows how far it would've gone."
"That's not surprising." Deadpanned Sallem, still hunched over with a hangover. "I've been told that I'm surprisingly poetic when I'm drunk."
"Who told you that?" Asked Rito curiously.
"Karasuba, when I was still wooing her, as well as various other people who had some serious problems. Did I give you any ideas?" He asked Rito as they walked out the door.
"Er, well, I wouldn't say, er... Where's Lala?" Rito asked as he sped-up, obviously trying to change the subject and get away from Sallem.
"I drained Peke's batteries, so she'll be late." Said Sallem nonchalantly, Rito opened his mouth to scold him but... "I needed to get some time alone with you." He explained. "First of all, I know about how you're Lala's official fiance, or at least that's what her old man said the last time I saw him, which was last week, in case you were wondering." Rito looked a bit angry, and was about to try and complain again until... "However, that guy's too stubborn, self-obsessed, and short-sighted to really make any good judgment calls regarding matters of relationships. If you've seen what some of Lala's other fiance candidates were like, then you know what I'm talking about."
Rito couldn't help but agree with him completely. He'd met three of Lala's other fiance candidates, and two of them were the lowest-of-the-low in both his and Lala's opinions. He didn't much care for Ren either, but he wasn't as bad as the other two, though one out of three isn't exactly a good figure either.
"At any rate," Sallem continued. "I wanted to ask about your relationship with Lala. Though I may be legally insane, rather violent whenever the chance arises, a poker buddy to some very evil people, and a complete monster to those I don't like... What was I talking about again?" He asked a shaking Rito.
"Errr, something about Lala?" Rito guessed. His mind had momentarily scrambled when Sallem mentioned some of his flaws.
"Right." Remembered Sallem. "Anyway, she's an old friend of mine, and I wanted to know what you think of her as, since I know that she sees you as the perfect guy, and I try to look out for those who mean something to me."
"Er, well..." Rito trailed off, uncertain as to whether or not he could trust this man who had just called himself insane.
"You can trust me, I'm on medication right now anyway." Sallem said suddenly, shocking Rito, who suddenly thought that Sallem might be able to read minds. "I can't read minds, I'm just really good at guessing what people are thinking," He explained to Rito, who was unsure as to whether or not his comment should make him more or less suspicious about whether or not he can read minds. "But even so, I find it much more polite not to guess at what people are thinking whenever I can help it, and prefer to ask them about the issues at hand upfront, instead of prying into personal things without permission. In other words, if a person who can easily get any answers he wants decides to ask about something, instead of figuring it out for themselves, doesn't that show that you can trust them to some degree?" He phrased eloquently.
"Well, I guess you have a point." Consented Rito.
"Of course I do." Said Sallem confidently. "I'm a businessman, Rito. I have to talk smooth, and make good decisions for a living. The many inventions and medical techniques I developed are just the tip of my expertise. So why don't you tell me about Lala and any other girls you may have in your life?" He teased.
"Wh-What do you mean 'other girls'?" Rito stuttered.
"One." Sallem marked off, holding up his right index finger. "There you go again, wearing your emotions on your sleeve for the world to see. Even if I try not to notice it, it's so obvious that you have more than one woman in your life." Rito suddenly felt his face flush with embarrassment at how accurate he was. "Two." He marked off, raising his middle finger. "I have three wives, so I'm naturally curious as to how many significant others someone might or might not have. It's not too often that I come across someone else with an eye for polygamy, so I try to be on the lookout for people in a similar relationship that I'm in who I can relate to." He explained.
"Well, er, I," Rito began nervously. "You're right." He sighed. "I do have feelings for two girls." He conceded, knowing that there was no point in trying to hide anything from this man. Even though he didn't know much about Sallem, Rito was expecting either teasing words of encouragement for his feelings for two women, or genuine understanding and words of wisdom from someone who has experience with polygamy. What he was not expecting however, was what happened.
"Yohohohohoho." Sallem chuckled. "Yohohohohohohoho!" He burst into a boisterous fit of laughter. "Only two? Rito, my friend, you have to aim higher than that!" Rito face-faulted at that. "Listen. I once met a guy who had eight wives. EIGHT! And I myself have three! If you really want to say that you have problems, like you so obviously want to, you're going to have to get five women. AT LEAST! Yohohohohoho!"
"Stop laughing at me!" Exclaimed Rito. 'And here I thought you might have something smart to say.' He thought as he sighed.
"I do have something smart to say." Replied Sallem at Rito's thought, shocking the poor boy. "Forgive me for guessing, correctly I might observe, about what you wanted from me, but I've seen and heard reactions like yours before, and it was just too obvious what you wanted." He apologized wholeheartedly. "If you want my advice, which you do, whether you know it or not, it'd be best for you to just listen to what your heart wants."
"But what it wants is two women." Half sighed, half deadpanned Rito.
"So then go for both of them." Sallem said bluntly, Rito's brain and body just ground to a screeching halt as his face contorted into a mixture of shock, disbelief, and fear. "Very interesting reaction." Sallem observed jokingly. "Rito, let me explain something to you. The fact of the matter is that some people just aren't made to be content with one significant other. I'm living proof of that. Tell me, how many women within a few years of your age do you know, who aren't related to you, and don't already have someone they really like?"
"Uhhh, how many do I know?" Rito repeated. "Well, uh, let's see-"
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
"DON'T THINK!" Barked Sallem, his gun-smoke spewing right fingers to the air. "Number them off the top of your head!"
"N-nine! I can number nine!" Exclaimed Rito fearfully.
"And who are they?" Growled Sallem. "Given names only."
"Well, there's Lala-"
BANG!
"I already know that one!" Barked Sallem.
"R-R-Right! Th-There's also Haruna!" He said fearfully, hoping it wouldn't set him off again.
"Lala told me about her." Sallem said in an emotionless, almost bored tone.
"And then there's Y-Yami."
"Mikan told me that Golden Darkness had come to this planet to kill you, but so far all she's done is make friends and beat you only half to death." He chuckled, somewhat amused.
"And Yui."
"Who's that?" He acted.
"This one really strict girl in my class. She's the one who scolded you about coming into school the way you did." Rito explained.
"I remember her." Hummed Sallem. "Next."
"R-Ryoko." Rito stammered, remembering that he'd gone on two dates with her, and had three more to go.
"Oh yes, the infamous mafia doctor. I've heard that she was in the area." Sallem said as if he wasn't already aware of Ryoko's involvement in all this.
"And then there's Run." He explained, glad that was finally over with.
"I don't really like her all that much," Sallem admitted. "Call me bigoted, but there's something about the gender confused that just pisses me off."
"There's also Nana and Momo." Rito added.
"I'd fire off my gun again, since I'm already aware of them as well, but I think the cops are coming." Sallem said as he opened up his knee, and fired a rocket of into the distance. "There, that should keep them busy for a while. And last?"
"Oshizu, she's Ryoko's assistant, and a ghost." Rito explained fearfully, the rocket freaking him out.
"Ghosts," Muttered Sallem curiously. "This might prove useful..." He hummed as he drifted off in thought.
Rito was still shaking fearfully when he realized that something weird was going on. "Why did you ask me to list off all of those people?" He asked in equal parts suspicion and caution. Sallem just grinned evilly, scaring Rito even more.
"It should be obvious once you think about it for a few seconds." Explained Sallem slyly as he snickered and walked off. "Now we might want to get going before the cops figure out where the rocket came from."
"Eh, r-right." Rito stammered as he ran to catch-up with Sallem, his words still heavy on his mind. 'I'll say it's obvious.' He panicked. 'This guy's as bad as Momo when it comes to romance... Well, maybe not as bad as her, since he seems to be marking off some girls as no, instead of assuming them all to be yes.' He amended. 'But still, why would I think of those girls right away? Lala, Haruna, Run, Momo, and Ryoko I can understand, but Yami-chan, Nana, and Yui only pummel and scold me, though I guess that would make them stand out in my mind anyway.' Rito wondered. 'I don't know what's going on in his head, and I'm not sure I want to know.' He observed from what Sallem said today.
'Just as I suspected.' Thought Sallem mischievously. 'I'll have to do something to make sure that hesitance doesn't become a problem, but all-in-all things are looking just like I suspected them to be.' He thought as he made a mental checklist; one with pictures of Lala, Nana, Momo, Haruna, Ryoko, Yami, Run, and Yui on it. 'Rito already has feelings for Lala and Haruna, and vice-verse,' He thought as he checked off boxes on each side of Lala and Haruna. 'Ryoko, Run, and Momo like him openly, but he doesn't really feel that way for them, yet anyway,' He thought as he checked off a box on one side of each of these girls. 'Yami, Nana, and Yui, however, I'll need to work on at a later date, though my wives have at least done all that needs to be done with them for now.' He thought with a wicked grin on his face. 'As for anyone else, well, Ryoko said any number is okay, so I have a lot of legroom to work with.'
The Next Day - Yuuki Household - With Rito
*KNOCK*KNOCK*KNOCK*
'There's only one person that could be.' Thought Rito wistfully as he straightened his necktie. Why was he wearing a necktie, you might ask? Well, to understand that, and bring up a few laughs while we're at it, we'll recap the most eventful things from the last few days.
Flashback - Day 1
"YO EVERYBODY! SALLEM'S IN THE HOUSE~!" Sallem exclaimed as he walked into the classroom for the first time.
"There you are! I'd like to have a word with-" Yui began, but stopped short when she and everyone else in the classroom saw what Sallem looked like without all his fancy clothes. Sallem just smirked at their reactions.
"Yohohohohohohoho." Chuckled Sallem. "Are you going to continue that line of thought, or are you just gonna keep staring at my pretty face?" He taunted as he tilted his head upward, showing a certain degree of superiority.
"You-You-You," Gritted Yui. "You may think you're so great, but you're nothing but a delinquent from what I've seen of you so far! Things may be different on whatever planet you're from, but here on Earth we show respect to teachers and classmates!" Nobody seemed to take much notice of the 'planet' comment, telling Sallem that it was most likely that pretty much everyone at this school knew of the existence of aliens, yet for some reason, nobody seemed to be making a big deal of it.
'Maybe they don't really care, so long as the aliens that attend school here are hot?' Sallem briefly wondered as he stared at the ceiling, finding it much more interesting than whatever it was Yui was shouting.
"And don't think that you'll be getting away with anything here from now on!" Continued Yui. "You got lucky yesterday since the Principal was going to put cameras in the girl's changing room, but as far as I'm concerned, you're treading on thin ice! And stop ignoring me!" She exclaimed when she realized he wasn't paying her the least bit of attention.
"Did you hear something?" Sallem asked a fearful Rito.
"Look at me!" Demanded Yui. "Meet my gaze!"
"Who?" Sallem asked, suddenly interested. "Those two girls?" He asked, pointing at Risa and Mio.
"Why are we getting dragged into this?" Asked Mio.
"Hold on a second..." Hummed Risa, before her eyes lit up in realization. "Hey! We're not gay!" Mio also suddenly got very angry once she realized what Sallem was implying.
"You are by my eyes," Retorted Sallem. "And I've seen a lot of lesbians in my time. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you." He quickly added. "Sensei! Can you start class now?" He asked gleefully.
"Er, very well." Said Honekawa-sensei as he began his lesson, effectively cutting off everything else.
If there was one thing Sallem had already learned in this class, it's that once the teacher starts talking, no matter what's going on, everyone else shuts-up. Personally, it made little sense to him, but he used it to his advantage splendidly, regardless.
Flashback - Day 2
"I wish you'd stop causing so many problems at school." Sighed Rito as he and Sallem made their way home.
"Hey, that gym teacher was asking for it." Retorted Sallem. "He told me to 'take off those retarded bangles ya hippie' like some kinda drill sergeant. These happen to be part of my body, thank you very much." He said as he knocked on his left elbow, making a clanking noise.
'But you shaved his head and left him half naked in the girl's changing room.' Thought Rito.
"Not only that, but I also took pictures of the little incident and sent them to the school board as well." Remarked Sallem.
"Stop reading my mind!" Exclaimed Rito.
"But it's so much fun~." Whined Sallem. "It's almost as much fun as this." He said as he put his foot under Rito's leg and gave him a firm push to the left, causing him to fall over into a sight that everyone will agree that he sees way too much of already.
Panties.
White ones.
"Yuuki Rito." Said a soft, monotone voice, though one could easily sense the hidden malice in it.
This was all Rito needed to see and hear to know he's screwed.
"Ohhh, so the great assassin Golden Darkness shows herself at last." Grinned Sallem as he quickly pulled Rito away from her panties by his hair. "Y'know Rito, from what I've heard, this happens to you far too often." He taunted as he shoved Rito behind him.
"Sallem Cortez." Said Yami in her usual monotone. "I've heard a great deal about you."
"You have, have you?" He goaded.
"In my profession, or any profession for that matter, it would be impossible not to." She rebuked. "You're known as an assassin killer, and everyone who's ever made an attempt on your life has instead met their own end. They say that you've killed over 1,000 assassins." Rito's eyes widened at that.
"919 actually," Sallem replied playfully. "You know how these things tend to get exaggerated, and a fair deal of them were amateurs who either worked cheep, or couldn't find the money to hire somebody else to do it for them. Those weak ones mostly come from people I've run out of business, and the few decent ones I come across are almost always from companies I'm about to run out of business. Do you have any business with my friend here?" He asked, changing the subject.
"I was not aware he was your friend." Responded Yami. "This will make killing him much more difficult."
Rito wondered what she meant for a moment, before he realized something. 'With Sallem around, Yami won't attack me!' He realized with a sigh of relief.
"Not really, me saving him right now is just a one time deal." Sallem said easily, as Rito's jaw dropped, his body froze, and his mind started panicking. "If you see an opening to kill him later on feel free to take advantage of it."
"I see." Remarked Yami. "Very well. I suppose I'll just get back to my book then." She said as she flipped open a book that Rito only just realized she holding.
"Say, isn't that Black Cat?" Noticed Rito, Yami nodded. "That's my favorite manga. What volume are you on?"
"Volume three." Said Yami. "It's an interesting story. However, Train is highly inconsiderate, and a very contemptible character. He reminds me very much of you, Yuuki Rito, but more competent." Rito's expression suddenly got somewhat awkward. He personally found Train to be very cool, and he wasn't sure whether to feel complimented or insulted by the comparison Yami had made.
"I find Sven to be a much better person. Like a mother and a father rolled into one. He makes me wonder what it would be like to have a family." Yami's words struck a chord within Rito, and they also made him somewhat curious. Her words told him that she obviously didn't have any known family to speak of. Truthfully, Rito had never given any thought to what her past was like. He knew that she had to have come from somewhere, it had just never occurred to him to ask about it. And was he imaging it, or did Yami sound somewhat... sad when she said that. Rito decided that it was best not to ask about it, since she would most likely rip him to shreds if he asked.
"And Eve..." Said Yami hesitantly. "Her appearance, personality, powers, and even her name are almost exactly like mine. It's as if someone knew all about me and wrote me into a story." Thinking about it, Rito had to admit that she had a very good point. She and Eve were virtually identical in every way. The only thing that differed was the fact that Eve didn't like killing people, whereas Yami made a living from doing it.
"Well, I suppose it's time for us to go, isn't it Rito?" Asked Sallem as he pulled Rito away, rather harshly, by his collar.
What Rito didn't notice, but Yami did, was that Sallem had been observing their whole conversation with keen interest. Yami wasn't aware of what he was searching for, but she didn't like the man scrutinizing her, and she especially didn't like the fact that his expression showed that he had found whatever it was that he was searching for. Not to mention that he was pretty blatant about it, as if he actually wanted her to notice that he'd found something in their conversation to be highly interesting.
'Not good.' Yami thought once they'd left.
Flashback - Day 3
"Do you plan to prank somebody every day?" Asked Rito as Sallem was laughing his head off at his latest prank as the made their way home.
"Yohohohohoho! Of course I do!" Exclaimed Sallem as they came to a stop, all three of his wives violently and mercilessly beat the tar out of the Principal in the background. While that was for a completely unrelated matter, it didn't stop Sallem from having Chibi and Telly record it. "There's nothing like telling Run that some guys were shoving you into the girls changing room in an attempt to frame you for being a pervert, AND THEN DUMPING PEPPER ALL OVER HER FACE ONCE SHE GOT IN THERE! YOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" He laughed. "You can hardly recognize the poor boy anymore!"
"Why do you hate Ren and Run so much?" Asked Rito.
"I already explained my reasons a few days ago," Replied an annoyed Sallem. "But I'll repeat myself if I must. Ren and Run are a boy/girl thing. And I'm a bigot who hates people like that." Sallem explained.
"Uhhhhh." Rito went, baffled by how Sallem could be so callous and jerky.
"Don't worry about them too much," Sallem remarked casually. "His/her species separates into two separate people once they reach a certain point in their life, which should happen in a few months. I'll stop pranking them once they've split, but until then, they're my prank targets." He said as his wives gathered around him, done with beating-up the Principal, who's body was blocked by mosaics for some reason, though Rito could see some splashes of blood here and there.
"They will?" Asked Rito fearfully, the sight of Sallem surrounded by very dangerous looking girls making him want to run for the hills.
"A quirk of biology, in order to adapt to a harsh desert planet." Sallem explained. "But that's that, and this is this. I ran into Ryoko earlier, and she wanted me to give you this." He said as Karasuba handed him a clothing box, which he then gave to Rito. "She said something about 'wanting you to look fancy for your date tonight'."
"D-Date! Tonight!" Stammered Rito.
"That's right!" Exclaimed Sallem happily. "She said that there were directions in the box as well, so you'll want to open it up at home so nothing falls out." He said happily as he and his wives began to walk off. "Well, regardless of what you decide, I hope you lead a happy life. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to put the finishing touches on setting up Zasty with Saki and her two lackeys."
"Wh-What?" Exclaimed Rito, hoping he'd heard wrong.
"I'm setting up Zastin with Saki, Aya, and Rin." He repeated. "I feel somewhat guilty that Zastin kept getting caught in the crossfire of some of my pranks on Ren/Run, so I decided to set him up with three girls who would do him some real good."
"B-B-But, how did you manage it?" Rito asked in astonishment.
"Zastin was easy, since he was already so scared of me that he'd do whatever I asked if I told him that I wouldn't harm him." Sallem began. "The girls were a bit more tricky. I had to convince them all that a Devilukian of Zastin's status would never have any less than three women at one time. Since I told them about Zastin being the greatest swordsman on his home planet, as well as an accomplished mangaka assistant, with a great shot of writing his own great manga someday, they were all hooked." He took a pause to chuckle. "Saki already had feelings for him, Rin has respect for his skills as a swordsman, and Aya was interested the moment I mentioned mangaka. The fact that her flunkies are totally loyal to her, combined with the great bond they had, made Rin and Aya even quicker to volunteer for the idea, and Saki quick to accept."
"H-How do you know so much about them?" Rito said fearfully.
"Yohohohohohohoho!" Guffawed Sallem as he threw his head back and placed his right hand over his face, letting his left eye peek out between the gaps of his fingers menacingly. "Rito, I'm an expert at gathering information! How the hell do you think I got to be where I am today? It wasn't just my genius at figuring out how invent and innovate almost everything I could think of, I'll tell you that much!" Almost instantly, he regained his composure. "Well, if you'll excuse us, we really ought to be getting home." He said as he pulled out a remote, pressed a button on it, and suddenly, he and his three wives were gone.
Rito just stared blankly at the space where the four of them used to be. "I wish Lala's teleporter was as good as his." He muttered to himself, recalling how much trouble her teleporter, as well as several of her other inventions, had caused him and so many others in the past.
End Flashback
"Rito~! Your date is here~!" Sang Sallem loudly from downstairs.
"I'm coming." Sighed Rito as he slowly made his way downstairs. Given how his last two dates with Ryoko were, he hadn't expected her to suddenly ask him out to a suit and tie restaurant. Truth be told, he was a little nervous about how it would all turn out. If it were something else he might not feel this way, but given the fact that she'd made him dress-up, he was rather nervous about what she would be wearing. Modesty wasn't exactly very high on her priority list after all.
Hoping for the best, while preparing for the worst, he opened the front door and braced himself for whatever might await him.
"Hello Rito," Said Ryoko once the door was open. "Thanks for finding the time to see me tonight."
"You're... welcome." Replied Rito uncertainly. "That's a rather... interesting choice of clothes." He commented, observing her unusual choice in apparel.
"What, this?" Ryoko asked as she gestured to the trenchcoat she was wearing. "I'm just wearing this until we get to the restaurant. It is the middle of Autumn after all, and I'd rather not freeze wearing nothing but my dress." She commented playfully.
Rito gulped nervously. 'There goes my hope of her wearing something decent.' He observed. 'Given her taste in clothes, if I make it through this date without a nosebleed, it'll be nothing short of a miracle.'
"'Rather not freeze', huh?" Observed Mikan playfully. "Exactly how much, or rather, how little of your body does your dress cover?" Rito's face got slightly red at that as he turned to his sister in shock.
"Ah ah ah Mikan." Playfully scolded Ryoko. "That's for me to know, and for Rito to find out." She said as she hugged Rito from behind, her large breasts squeezing his head on both sides, making his face even redder.
"Lucky you, Rito. Lucky you." Teased Sallem. "Be careful, or she'll have you on your back before you know it."
"I-It's not like that!" Stammered Rito, his face at an all time red.
"Don't worry Rito, I'll save that for later." Cooed Ryoko, her mouth right next to his ear. "Like say, when we're married." Steam blew out Rito's ears at that.
"Stop saying stuff like that!" Rito panicked.
"Come on, let's get in the car before you pass out." Said Ryoko as she led a stupefied Rito off by his hand.
"Yohohohohoho, well that was fun." Observed Sallem once the door was closed.
"I'll say," Replied Momo, who had apparently been spying the whole time. "I must admit, I've never seen Rito get quite so red before."
"That's the plan." Laughed Sallem. "Looks like our little scheme is working out perfectly."
"'Our little scheme'?" Asked Mikan uncertainly. "What are you talking about?"
"It's very simple Mikan," Began Sallem. "Momo told me all about her Harem Plan, and it sounded so fun I've decided to help her out with it! Yohohohohoho!" Surprisingly, Mikan's face lit-up at this.
"N-Now hold on!" Stammered Mikan. "I'm fine with teasing my brother about these kind of things whenever I can, but actually following through on it is-"
"Now, now, now, Mikan," Scolded Sallem playfully. "I'm a professional matchmaker. I'd never set-up two or more people who I wasn't at least 90% sure about, and that's at least 15% more than most matchmakers would demand as a minimum." He reassured, though Mikan still looked unsure. "And don't worry about the fact that I'm setting him up with multiple people. Just look at me, I've got three wives, and we're all quite happy with this arrangement, thank you very much."
"Speak for yourself." Scoffed Benitsubasa as she and Haihane walked in on them. "I still say that having just me would be good enough." She insisted.
"Then why are you wearing the ring that he gave you?" Asked Haihane teasingly. "If you're so opposed to the idea, then why are you wearing something that shows how much you love each other?" She repeated, pointing to the gold band with a fair sized ruby embedded in it on Benitsubasa's left ring finger.
"Sh-Shut-up! I'm just waiting until he realizes that I'm the best that he'll ever do." Benitsubasa muttered red-faced, hiding her ring from view. Trying, and failing to save face. "And what about you? Why are you still wearing yours?" She demanded, pointing to the gold band with a fair sized sapphire embedded in it on Haihane's left ring finger.
"I'm fine with sharing him." Haihane replied bluntly, looking fondly at her left hand. "We've always had to share him, ever since he first winged us, so why should I mind doing it now?" Benistubasa was about to retort when Karasuba walked in and put a stop to it.
"I'm not opposed to the idea either." She commented, showing off the gold band with a fair sized black diamond embedded in it on her own left ring finger. "Now come on, we have to get ready for our own night out, remember?"
"You're going out too?" Remarked Mikan. "Where are you going?"
"Shouldn't it be obvious?" Asked Sallem with what could only be described as a devil's grin. Mikan fearfully shook her head. "Why, the same place Rito and his date are going of course. How else am I going to keep an eye on them?"