With Just Celine
"Mau, mau, mau." Celine chanted merrily as she easily worked her way through the dense crowd.
"Well now, what have we here?" Came a eerily calm voice as Celine was gently lifted up. "You're a bit young to be wandering around on your own, aren't you?" The man said to Celine.
"Mau!" Cheered Celine.
"Well we certainly can't have that, now can we?" Asked the man shadily. "Especially in such a large crowd. Who knows what kind of monsters could be out there?" Wondered the monster idly.
"Mau!" Cheered Celine again.
"You know little girl, you're a tough little trooper; getting lost and still keeping a cheery attitude." The man complimented. "I think I may have something on me that would be perfect for a little girl like you." The man said as he found his way out of the densely packed crowd and walked over to a quite and secluded place.
"Mau?" Wondered Celine idly as the man set her down.
"I've heard that you have a fondness for cola, little one," He said as he pulled a soda bottle out from his coat. "So let's see how you like some Mellow Cola, shall we?" Sallem said with an eerie grin.
"Mau!" Cheered Celine as she happily took the cola from Sallem and started drinking it, completely unaware of all the danger she'd nearly gotten into, and of the danger that lie in wait in the beverage she'd gotten from her good friend.
With Just Rito
Rito was frantic in his short search for Celine. He called out her name as loud as he could and kept his eyes glued to everywhere on the ground he could see.
"MAAAUUUU!" Came a warbling voice, through the crowd. Rito, knowing only one person who made that sound, instantly rushed over to its source.
"Excuse me! Pardon me! Coming through!" Rito said as he frantically worked his way through the crowd, hoping to find Celine at the end of it somewhere. After he managed to work his way through the crowd, he saw two people, the first was Sallem, surprising Rito, as he thought he'd gone home for the night, while the second was...
"Celine!" Exclaimed Rito in relief as he saw her on the table and rushed over, glad to see that she was perfectly safe and unharmed, happily drinking... Wait, was that a soda bottle? "Celine, where did you get that?" He asked nervously as he cautiously took the bottle from her.
"I gave it to her." Remarked Sallem, casually ignoring everything else. "It's a special blend of cola made from the tears of a kind of sphinx. It's pretty much a super cola, better in all regards to anything you'll find in some supermarket." He explained.
"Better in all regards?" Gulped Rito fearfully, too scared to focus on anything else.
"MAAAUUUUU~!" Shouted Celine drunkenly as she darted off again.
"NOT AGAIN!" Exclaimed Rito as he took off after Celine again. Thankfully, the crowd moved out of the way this time, giving them both a large area to run in. Why they wouldn't just stop Celine and hand her back to Rito was beyond him, but he knew that they were pretty shocked at what had just happened and weren't thinking straight. Hell, he wasn't thinking straight. If he was then he'd remember that if any of them grabbed Celine there was a good chance of them getting sprayed with her pollen.
With Yami
Yami was calmly making her way through a scarce part of town, just like she'd done every night for the past two weeks. Normally she didn't like to be predictable and stuck to a schedule of simply wandering aimlessly and stopping for food and new books whenever she needed them. For the past two weeks, however-
"Celine! Come back!" Came a familiar voice.
'So he finally makes another move.' Thought Yami as she turned to her incoming target. "Rito Yuuki."
"GAAAHHHH! Yami! Look out!" Exclaimed Rito as Celine jumped onto Yami before she had time to react.
"MAU!" Exclaimed Celine as she sprayed Yami with a huge cloud of pollen from her flower, completely covering her in the stuff, before passing out.
"This is not going to end well." Rito gulped as he grabbed Celine and waited for the pollen to dissipate. Regular cola only caused people to fall in love with him for about half an hour, but Sallem said the cola he'd given her was a different kind of blend; better than commercial cola in all regards. So how would the pollen Celine produced from such a cola effect a person? "Guess I'm going to find out soon." Gulped Rito as the pollen began to dissipate. When it did, Rito had to blink a few times, rub his eyes, and then blink a few more times just to be sure he wasn't seeing things.
Standing before him was Yami, but not as Rito knew her. This Yami wasn't the same girl who looked to be about Mikan's age. No, this Yami had the body of a woman, a body that most women would kill for at that. She'd grown a good head or so taller; most of which was in her legs. Her chest and hip were huge; about the same size as Ryoko's used to be before she put on several pounds of muscle, whereas her waist had remained remarkably small for a woman of her new height. While all these features made Rito blush uncomfortably, the feature that worried him most was the flower he saw on her head. Unlike the usual flowers that sprouted on the victims of Celine's pollen, this one was red as blood and snapped down on a fly that flew near it, making him gulp uncomfortably.
Blinking a few times to get any residual pollen out, Yami noticed Rito and her normally cold expression turned slightly softer. "Rito." She said as she took two steps closer to him and Rito took two steps back. "Stop." She ordered.
Rito immediately complied.
Yami took two more steps toward him, bringing them face to face. Several moments of silence passed between them, as Rito silently panicked and Yami just kept staring. Finally, the silence was broken. "You're blushing." Yami observed bluntly.
Rito's face got even redder. "I-It's not what you think!" He panicked. Much to Rito's surprise, Yami started chuckling, only slightly, but still...
"I know exactly what it is, Rito." She told him.
'This is not going to end well for me!' Panicked Rito.
"And I'm fine with it." She informed a dumbstruck Rito. "Rito, I know firsthand that Celine's pollen makes people fall in love with you." She reminded him. "But after being sprayed with it once before, I have better control of myself this time." Yami blushed slightly and Rito was now seriously confused. "What did she drink this time, anyway?" She asked as she observed her current appearance.
Rito snapped out of his stupor. "Some special cola Sallem had." He informed her, his hands up in his defense. "He said it was better than regular cola."
Again, Yami stared at him for several seconds before relenting. "Then it's highly likely that there's a major ulterior motive for this." Rito looked shocked. "You really should pay better attention to these things," She scolded him mildly. "Sallem is relentless in his tactics."
"I'm really gonna have to have a word with him about this." Said Rito bitterly. "Bothering me is one thing, but Celine could have gotten seriously hurt with that stunt of his."
"I somewhat doubt that," Muttered Yami as she looked off into the distance. "Sallem always calculates every angle in great detail. It's said that the things that go through his mind could fill up three large books a day, and he's certainly published enough material to more or less prove that claim." This threw Rito for a loop. Sallem wrote books! "Celine was probably safer during any portion of a plan of his that involves her than she would be on a day to day basis."
"Maybe, but still-" Rito was cut off by the sound of party horns.
"Hey guys!" Exclaimed Sallem from where he'd teleported, which happened to be right behind Rito, shocking the poor boy into nearly having a heart attack. "How's it going?"
"Don't do that!" Rito shouted at him, but realized that he shouldn't be yelling around Celine while she was asleep. Much to his relief, Celine was still asleep.
"Celine is actually why I'm here." Remarked Sallem as he snatched Celine out of Rito's arms before he could notice, obviously having read Rito's expression again. "I'll be taking her home for some rest, you two enjoy your date." He taunted as he disappeared in a burst of confetti.
Staring at the space Sallem and Celine had once occupied for several seconds, Rito finally broke the silence. "It's amazing how that somehow never gets any less nerve wracking." Just then, a holographic message appeared in midair, floating above the confetti pile. On it was a simple message.
Oh yeah. I'm that funny.
"Why do I even bother?" Sighed Rito.
Because sentient beings will always seek to ask questions. Though I'm not entirely sure if you would qualify as such.
"Did you really have to add that?" Whined Rito, half knowing what the answer would be.
Yes, yes I did. Yohohohohoho!
"Just ignore him." Intervened Yami. "Rito, do you think you could come with me?" She asked as she began to walk off.
"Why?" He asked, before he remembered that she currently had one of Celine's flowers on her head, albeit one that acted differently. Very differently at that, as evident by her current appearance. Rito quickly complied with the request when Yami turned her hair into fists.
With Rito and Yami
"Hey, Yami-chan," Began Rito. "Where are we going, exactly?"
"It's a surprise," Responded Yami bluntly, still keeping her back to him as he followed. "And it's Yami."
"What?"
"Yami." Yami repeated, this time turning to meet his eyes. Rito noticed she was blushing slightly; a fact that made him very nervous, since such an expression on her face usually meant searing pain for him. "It's just Yami." She quickly turned away from him again and resumed walking, this time a bit more stiffly.
'Well that's one thing about the pollen that hasn't changed.' Observed Rito. 'She's obviously in love with me, for the time being at least.'
They walked for a while in complete silence, neither one making any effort to start a conversation. Rito out of fear, and Yami out of social awkwardness. After walking for several minutes, Yami drawing all manner of stares at her figure from almost everyone they walked past, they finally arrived at the destination she'd been headed to when she first set out.
"Yami-ch... Err, Yami," Rito fumbled. "Why did you bring us to the community center?"
"I've been coming here every night for two weeks..." She paused. "To learn how to cook."
That was understandable to Rito. He knew she wanted to learn how to cook, and since Mikan had refused to teach her when she can asking, and Rito wasn't much of a teacher, it was only natural that she'd seek help elsewhere. "But why did you bring me with you?"
Yami quickly turned away, but not before Rito noticed the blush that had managed to creep back onto her face. "I... wanted someone to try my cooking."
"Er, alright then." Replied Rito, not certain how to deal with Yami when she acted like this. He was used to her keeping her emotions locked up or hitting him, and even though they were still very subtle, he could tell she was acting out of character. 'Maybe this is just how she shows that she likes someone. She obviously doesn't have experience in these sort of things, and she did act like this the last time she got hit with Celine's pollen.'
"Let's go inside now." Yami interrupted his thoughts as she went inside, pulling him along with her hair.
Inside The Community Center
"Hey Yami," Rito began as he struggled to get out of her hair grip. "Do you think you could put me down?"
"Put you down?" Yami wondered aloud as she turned around, mild shock on her features when she saw him in her hair. She quickly dropped him. "I'm sorry. I didn't try to do that."
"You didn't?" Wondered Rito as he rubbed his sore rear, before he was wrapped up from head to toe by her hair.
"Eh! No, no. Stop, stop!" Yami floundered slightly, managing to get her hair to let go of him.
Rito was gasping for air as soon as he was free. "What was that all about?" He wheezed.
"Sorry," Yami paused to think. "It must be the flower."
"What was in that cola, anyway?" Wondered Rito as he stood up.
Just then, another hologram appeared in front of both of them.
Don't bother with that. Just get on with the date. You're on a deadline.
"Are you going to keep following us around?" Voiced Yami.
If I deem it necessary, then yes. Otherwise I'll just watch a recording of it later.
"Just leave it Yami." Sighed Rito tiredly. "He's never going to listen to anyone but himself, and he can backup anything he says."
Smart boy. Learn good. Ook, ook.
"I've learned to just ignore stuff like this." Rito walked off, Yami trailing shortly behind.
He's getting too used to this. I need to reevaluate my strategies. The hologram signed off silently, it's last message unread.
Community Center - Kitchen
'This is not how I planned to spend my night.' Thought Rito as Yami took him to her cooking station. Everyone here already knew her rather well, so to say they were surprised to see her in her current condition was an understatement. But after she'd lied and said that she was the younger Yami's older sister, they quickly let it go. The fact that she'd referred to him as her boyfriend when some brave perverted soul asked if she had one did little to help. 'She says that she's in control, yet she's fine with calling me her boyfriend when it suits her needs.'
"Here." Said Yami as she handed him a white apron. "The things they cook here can get rather messy."
"Okay." Replied Rito as he began putting it on. While doing so, he noticed that Yami was using her hair hands to tie her apron as she washed her regular hands. He also noticed that no one seemed to find this the least bit strange, leading him to conclude that it was likely a regular occurrence for Yami to use her powers here, and everyone just took it as some weird genetic trait. 'Why is it that everyone except me seems to readily accept all the aliens that keep coming to this planet? Is everyone on the planet weird, or is it just me?' Rito wasn't entirely sure if he really wanted an answer to that question.
"Alright everyone!" Began the instructor enthusiastically. "Eyes off Yami and her boyfriend and on me." Rito blushed. "Today we're going to be making burgers, I hope you've all brought your ingredients." At this, everyone brought out bags of paper and plastic, each containing the various ingredients for the various burgers everyone hoped to make.
"Have you had that on you this whole time?" Asked Rito as he noticed Yami placing a plastic bag on the counter.
"Yes." She replied monotonously. "An assassin must be able to conceal items on their person from time to time. It's become something of a habit for me."
Rito was tempted to ask why she would have the need to hide anything, or where she could hide it in the first place, since she could just transform any part of herself into a weapon if need be, and her outfit wasn't exactly fit for concealing anything. But a better question occurred to him when she pulled out a knife and started cutting everything that needed cutting for the burgers. "Hey, Yami," She paused in her cutting and turned to him. "Why are you using a regular knife instead of your transformation power? I'd be much easier for you to cut it like that, wouldn't it?"
"I prefer not to use my powers for cooking," Yami explained. "The food gets into my hair and nails, and my hair can get into the food."
"Oh, that would explain it." Chuckled Rito as he scratched the back of his head. "So do you need my help with anything?"
"Listen to the instructor, I don't know how to cook this dish yet."
"I suppose that's why you're here in the first place, isn't it?" Said Rito as he washed his hands and got to work.
But, since Sallem wasn't there to scare the evil ghost into submission, there were a few... accidents.
Accident No. 1
"So, Yami, what kind of burgers are you planning to make?" Asked Rito, trying to break the uncomfortable silence that had set between them since they'd started.
"I've brought beef, bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, eggs, and buns," Yami listed as she started making the patties. "I was hoping to get all the essential food groups in one dish, making it more convenient for me to make a quick meal."
"That's a good plan." Commented Rito as he tore the lettuce. "But just make sure you cook the beef and bacon thoroughly and don't use too much. Meat has a lot of fat and can make you sick if it's not prepared properly, not to mention that too much fat isn't good for anyone."
Yami looked emotionless at the meat in her hands, and quickly removed a good chunk of meat from the rather large patty she'd made. "I'll keep that in mind."
"Uh, Yami?"
"Yes, Rito Yuuki?" She asked as she inclined her head his way, abruptly turning his way completely when she saw him tangled and struggling in her hair again.
"Do you think you could put me down?" He asked fretfully.
Yami tried to will her hair into going back to normal, but found that she could not. Realizing that her normal way of doing things wouldn't work, she decided to take a more hands on approach to the situation. After putting down the meat she'd been working with, and washing her hands so as not to get her hair greasy, she managed to turn her normal hands into large metal ones, and tried to pull her hair off of Rito manually.
But that proved to be disastrous. Because no sooner than she got a firm grip on her hair, did her hair decide to coil itself around her as well, effectively entwining them both in a writhing heap on the ground.
"Y-Y-Yami!" Rito panicked as his right hand landed on her breast, his left on her rear, and his left leg found its way in between her legs.
"I. Hate. Ecchi." Yami strained as her face turned red, and she found her left hand between Rito's legs. She struggled frantically to get out of her hair and beat Rito, but only managed to make things worse.
By the time they got untangled: Yami was red from head to toe. Rito had three new lumps on his head, a black eye, and swollen lips, all of which would disappear by the next scene. Both had gotten more acquainted with each others body than they'd ever been before, though no sex or nudity. And every straight man in the room with some manner of camera had struck 'dirty gold'... Before all of said 'dirty gold' was smashed to pieces by an irate Yami.
Accident No. 2
"Never. Do that. Again." Seethed a recovering Yami.
"But I didn't do anything." Sighed a recovered Rito, silently enough for Yami not to hear him. He knew from painful experience that women, or at least the ones that surrounded him, scarcely acted rationally. 'I already have feelings for an airhead alien princess, a flirty and muscular alien doctor, and Haruna. And Sallem is trying to set me up with Yami too? Isn't my life troubled enough already?' As Rito tried to process the problems in his life, he suddenly heard a faint yelling, that quickly grew louder and louder. Just as he realized that the noise was coming from outside, something suddenly shattered the window and broke a nearby table. The cause of which was...
"Owwie, that loli pink haired girl with the combat gloves and her bandaged albino friend with the claws sure pack a punch." Chuckled the heavily injured, but unfortunately still conscious Principal perversely. "Now where did I land?" He wondered as he looked around.
Panicking, Rito swiftly grabbed Yami and pinned her to the floor, not wanting The Principal to see her in her current condition.
"Rito Yuuki." Seethed an angry and red faced Yami.
"Shh, be quiet!" Hissed Rito. "We can't let The Principal see you like this. Who knows what he would do?"
"I'm perfectly capable of handling myself around that thing." She said disdainfully as her face got redder.
"Under normal circumstances, yes. But that flower is messing with your powers, remember?" He explained quietly. "For all we know your powers would make everything worse right now."
Yami went wide eyed, as if struck with epiphany. She hadn't thought about it that way, and had to admit that what Rito said was completely possible. If she had tried to use her powers on that monster and they had backfired on her... Well, she really didn't want to think about it. She was very grateful Rito had thought about that before she had to act.
"I'm going to check and see if he's gone, alright?" Rito whispered in her ear, making her skin tingle. Yami silently nodded as her face turned a darker shade of red. Peeking above the counter, Rito saw most of the class in shock, some damaged and scattered items here and there, and Karasuba holding a badly cut up Principal by his collar.
"Damage control." Karasuba explained once she noticed Rito. "Benitsubasa and Haihane pummeled him in here, I'm pummeling him out." With a malicious grin, she violently hurled The Principal out of a window, giving him more scratches from the glass. "Beating that guy within an inch of his life never gets old." She said contently as she cut a hole in the wall and jumped out from rooftop to rooftop.
"It's scary that I'm getting used to this kind of stuff." Rito remarked almost immediately once she was gone. "He's gone now Ya...mi..." His train of thought ground to a halt once her saw where both his hands were.
"Rito Yuuki." Growled Yami as she pushed Rito, and more importantly his hands, off of her. "You're lucky I'm hesitant to use my powers right now."
"Thank you." Mumbled Rito from his face down position on the ground.
Outside - After the Class
"That was... interesting." Remarked Rito, his left arm in a bandage for his burns. "Even with how much you read, I still have a hard time believing you knew how to lure that Emu away from the classroom. How much do you read anyway?"
Yami didn't respond, her whole world still spinning from when her powers malfunctioned when the Emu feathers tickled her nose and she found out how Rito usually feels for once. Rito, much to his credit, was taking that particular part of their encounter much better than Yami was. It really didn't help matters that the flower fell off of her head and she returned to normal right when her hands wound up where they shouldn't have. And since she knew it was her fault this time, she couldn't bring herself to do anything. Though her over stimulation at the time may have had something to do with it as well.
"Yami, look if this is about-"
"I don't wanna talk about it!" Yami said in a frantic, red faced rush.
"Well... At least the burgers were good." Rito said in an effort to cheer her up.
"Y-Yes." She stammered.
"Do you think you're gonna be alright?" Rito asked, starting to get really concerned.
Yami just silently nodded, and for a few minutes, there was an awkward silence between them. Neither one felt comfortable enough to let their... - What was it? Date's too strong a word. Interactions? That would work well enough. - Neither one felt comfortable enough to let their interactions for the night end on such an awkward note. But what could they do?
Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, depending on your viewpoint, Yami broke the silence first. "Rito Yuuki," Rito stiffened. "About tonight... I'd rather we never bring it up again." She said as she adamantly refused to make eye contact with him.
"Agreed." Rito said quickly.
"I guess I wasn't in control of myself as well as I thought I was." Rito could see her blush growing.
"Celine's pollen is really dangerous after all." Rito struggled to make eye contact, but was doing a poor job of it.
"And... as for all the times you've been... ecchi before," Rito tensed his body, preparing for the worst. "You've... had it more rough than I have." That threw Rito for a loop.
"What do you mean by... that?" Rito trailed off as he suddenly turned to Yami, only to find that she wasn't there anymore. "What was that all about?" He asked the air.
School - The Next Day - After Lunch
Rito wasn't the least bit happy at the moment. His reasons for this disgruntled demeanor were four-fold. One, Sallem had endangered Celine with his bizarre, twisted, and suspiciously perverse scheme. Two, he kept forcing Rito into everything he could think of to get him and Yami together. Three, he'd taken the liberty of making himself scarce ever since his date with Yami had ended. And four, everyone else had been in on the whole thing! Rito could still remember his conversation with everyone else last night.
Flashback! Whee!
"... And that's the whole story." Finished Rito, still stressed out from the night's events.
"Wow, so you two got pretty far, didn't you?" Teased Mikan.
"This is serious! Celine could have been seriously hurt!" Outburst Rito.
"Relax kid," Sighed Karasuba. "Sallem already had the part with Celine planned out perfectly. It's just everything else that he left up to chance." She made a passing glance at Benitsubasa and Haihane.
"Hey, don't look at us!" Defended Benitsubasa. "We just beat the crap outta the sicko and sent him flying when he tried to attack us. How were we supposed to know where he would land? I'm surprised Sallem did."
"His I.Q. is over 10,000," Reminded Haihane. "It's not surprising that he could figure that out. Though it is pretty funny that he landed right in the middle of your class." She chuckled. "Emus are so funny." She doubled over laughing as she recalled the worst of that night.
"Why do you three love him?" Mumbled Rito.
"He's a gentleman." - Benitsubasa.
"He make me laugh." - Haihane.
"He scares me." - Karasuba.
Everyone's gaze immediately shot to Karasuba, fastest of which were her fellow Sekirei. Karasuba was afraid of someone! That was a shocker.
"It's a long story," She deadpanned. "I'm sure Rito understands how I feel to some extent."
"Yeah, the guy's a total jerk when he wants to be." Huffed Momo. 'He's ruining everything for me.' She thought.
"I don't know," Said Nana pleasantly. "He pulls pranks on Momo a lot. Anyone who does that is fine in my book." She suddenly started laughing out loud.
As Momo was about to make a grab for Nana's tail to get back at her for her remark, Karasuba caught her by her wrist before she could do so.
"Don't even think about it." Karasuba glared at a now quivering Momo, her quivering being due to the blade Karasuba was now resting against her neck. "I have been very angry for the past month and a half, and the last thing I need right now is for you to start having tail sex with your sister. Understand?" Momo nodded slowly, careful not to cut herself on Karasuba's longsword. With a satisfied grin, Karasuba sheathed her blade. "I'm sorry. What is it were you saying, Rito?"
Snapping out of the trance caused by Karasuba herself, Rito fumbled over his words for a minute before getting his bearings again. When he did, he opted not to address the issue of the recent death threat against Momo, fearing for his own safety. "I'm saying that something needs to be done about Sallem." He explained, exasperated at everything that had happened that day.
"Why?" Chorused everyone, causing Rito to fall on his face.
"Why?" Exclaimed Rito in disbelief. "Sallem's causing problems all over the place! His pranks are getting worse and worse! Just yesterday he lead a herd of rhino mounted gorillas through the school!"
"I remember that." Lala giggled. "The rhinos were really fun to ride, and the monkeys all had cute red ties."
"Monkeys and gorillas are two different thing Onee-sama." Reminded Nana.
"Will you all please focus?" Pleaded Rito.
"Relax, Rito," Mikan said calmly. "Sallem had everyone's permission to do this."
"He had... permission?" Said Rito dumbly, hoping he'd heard wrong.
"That's right, Rito." Said Telly from his perch on the table. "Mister Cortez always thinks at least five steps ahead of everyone else, and he always puts safety and ethics first in all matters, though he is very mischievous."
"Then what about my safety and ethics?" Wondered Rito bitterly.
"It can't be helped." Answered Telly. "With that evil spirit still haunting you, if he doesn't properly balance making you panic, leaving you alone, and making you happy, then he won't be able to scare it into submission anymore."
"So basically, my life isn't really changing at all from how it usually is, and everybody knew about this except me?" Sighed Rito pathetically.
"Um, I'm sure that Mister Cortez will get rid of that ghost for you as soon as he can... eventually... maybe..." Telly trailed off. "He's always eager to turn more evil spirits into portraits for his mansions." He finished eagerly.
"'Evil spirits into portraits'? That sounds like something out of a video game." Said Rito uncertainly.
"Mister Cortez does love his video games." Thought Telly aloud.
End Flashback
'I'm really beginning to think that Yui has a good point about trying to get Sallem out of the school.' Thought Rito as he walked back to his classroom from lunch. 'Even if he really does always put safety and ethics first, these pranks of his are really beginning to grate at people.' When he opened the door to the classroom, the first thing he did was launch himself into the nearest wall behind him with an involuntary nosebleed. The reason for this was very simple.
All the girls in the class were all kinds of sexy, buxom, mature, and were doing a striptease for the very excited boys... and The Principal, but that really went without saying.
"What's going on here!" Exploded Rito.
"Sallem, that's what!" Exploded Yui as she stormed toward the door, dragging Sallem along by his collar, not that he seemed to be bothering to put up any struggle. "What did you do to all the girls!" She demanded as she turned his face to the striptease.
Quirking an eyebrow, twitching an ear, and drooping his tail in annoyance at the sexy scene before him, his response was simple. "I didn't do anything." He denied bluntly, receiving a punch to the head from Yui for saying such, though it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest. If anything, Yui actually hurt her hand with that punch.
"Don't try to deny it! Only you and Lala are capable of causing something like this! And Lala's too innocent to try something like this!" Yui exploded, her fist throbbing in pain.
"But I didn't do it." Repeated Sallem.
"Alright then," Seethed Yui. "If you didn't do this, then how do you explain it? You're the super genius, after all."
"So that's what happened." Said Sallem casually as he looked in his book bag, completely ignoring Yui.
"Don't ignore me!" Shouted Yui as she picked him up and shook him by his collar, though again, it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest. "What do you mean 'So that's what happened'? You'd better have some way to fix this!"
"If you'd stop shaking me for a moment I could do something." Sallem said evenly, even though he was being shaken like a rag doll.
"Then explain what's going on and fix this!" Yui demanded as she dropped him on his ass, once more, he wasn't bothered.
"It's very simple, really," Sallem began as he made himself comfortable. "I've been working on a formula to make a woman sexy instantly-"
"So you admit that you did this!" Declared Yui, cutting off Sallem.
"In the hopes that I could market it for big bucks." Sallem continued, undeterred. "Unfortunately, there are still a few bugs to work out. Like how to keep the women that use it from getting the uncontrollable urge to do a striptease-"
"What kinda side-effect is that?" Asked Rito in disbelief, again cutting Sallem off.
"I've been bringing it to school to work on it in my free time, and somebody got their hands on it." Sallem finished, undeterred from the second interjection.
"Even if someone got their hands on it, how would they know what it does?" Asked Yui skeptically.
"I can think of only one person who would have that information and would want to do this." Sallem remarked bitterly as he pulled up the leg of his pants and opened up his leg at the knee.
"What is that?" Panicked Yui as she jumped against the same wall Rito had launched himself to.
"I'm a cyborg." Remarked Sallem, mildly annoyed. "Wasn't that obvious by my elbows and neck?" He asked as he took aim with his opened leg at a spot on the ceiling of the class. "They'll still remember everything that happened to them while under the influence of the formula, unfortunately for the manhood of the rest of the class... and The Principal, but no one really gives a shit about what happens to him. But a single noise of approximately 180 Decibels or more will snap them out of it and return their bodies to normal... And quite possibly cause inner ear damage, I'm not all that picky." He shrugged as he fired a rocket out of his leg at the ceiling of the class; demolishing the ceiling, setting off the sprinklers, and causing everyone in the room to run out in a panic.
"What was that for, Sallem!" Demanded one boy.
"Yeah, we were enjoying the once in a lifetime view!" Exploded Saruyama.
"Sallem! This is outrageous! I'll have you expelled for ruining my real life fantasy!" Exploded The Principal in a once in a lifetime bit of at least semi-responsible attitude. This highly unexpected bout of responsibility drew stares and slight respect from every boy in the hallway and Yui, as the rest of the girls were too busy panicking to get their clothes back on. "And for having those rhinos and gorillas use my office as a toilet two days ago!" With this, any and all respect for The Principal instantly vanished, some even broke out in laughter, Sallem among those laughing.
As the men continued their rant at an uncaring Sallem, they failed to notice all the girls had finally gotten their clothes back on, and were not happy about having had their bodies be changed and go on display for a bunch of shameless, hormonal, teenage boys and The Principal.
After all the members of the male sex in the hallway aside from a cowering Rito and a bored Sallem were beaten, bloody, unconscious, and lacking any form of photographic equipment that wasn't broken into several pieces, they turned their fire and hate filled eyes to Sallem.
"Now you get yours, prankster." Growled Risa, who had apparently taken up a leadership role of the angry mob of girls.
"For the record, I would like to state that he's the one responsible for all this." Remarked Sallem calmly as he jerked his thumb over to the doorway, where a miffed looking, abnormally lanky, mildly burnt man with short spiky white hair and a pinstripe suit was standing. But the most striking feature of this man were the pointed wolf ears on the top of his head and his bushy white tail. "Ladies, and Rito, it is my great displeasure to introduce the man who was hiding in the ceiling panels and spraying you all with the source of your horny mood swing, body alterations, and eventual maidenly fury," He paused to point out the spray bottle loosely grasped in the charred man's hand. "One of my four clones, Victor Cortez."
There was a brief silence before anyone spoke again. "Your... Clone?" Asked Risa disbelievingly as she glared at Victor. "He doesn't look much like you."
"My species have an incalculably complicated and unstable genetic code." Sallem explained. "Even clones will look and function vastly different from their source material. Unfortunately for me, one of my clones just happened to be this annoying idiot."
"Aw, come on Sallem," Whined Victor teasingly. "We're like brothers. After all we've been through, after all the "vacations" we took together, after all the jams we've gotten each other out of, you still call me annoying? I'm hurting inside."
"Yeah, and soon you'll be hurting on the outside too." Grinned Sallem as he glanced at the angry mob behind his clone.
A puzzled expression on Victor's face soon gave way to one of painful realization as he heard the growling of several furious girls behind him. "Hey Sallem, do you think you could help a brother out here?" Victor gulped as one of the furious girls grabbed him by his shoulder.
Smirking as Victor was pulled away, Sallem replied. "Not a chance."
The Teacher's Lounge
"Thank you again for helping me grade these papers you two." Said Honekawa-sensei. "I would have taken me much longer without your help."
"Anytime Honekawa-sensei," Replied Haruna with a small bow. "I'm class representative, so I know I have to do things like this from time to time."
"Well, you two should head off to class now. I still have a few things to take care of here, so I'll be a little late."
"Okay sensei." Replied Lala with the usual enthusiasm she put into everything. "Let's hurry up Haruna." She said as she pushed her friend out of the room in a hurry.
"Lala, what are you doing?" Questioned Haruna once they began walking down the hallway. "Sensei isn't going to get back to class before we are."
"I know that," Said Lala. "But I just wanted to talk to you about something."
Haruna sighed, she knew what Lala wanted to talk about. She rarely brought up anything else in conversation with her as of late, after all. "Lala, you know what I think about that idea. I just don't feel right about polygamy." She knew exactly how this conversation would play out, they'd already had it at least a dozen times before, after all.
"But why?" Asked Lala innocently, as she had every other time they had this conversation.
"I've told you before, it's how I was raised." Haruna responded just as she had every time before this.
"But why were you raised like that?" Asked Lala again, in an effort to get to the root of the problem and uproot it completely.
"It's just a standard of society. The people that came before me built this nation on these customs, and I don't feel comfortable breaking away from them." Haruna answered as she had many times before.
At the mention of history, which was unchangeable, Lala usually got stuck, just as she had every time before. It was at this time that Haruna usually managed to change the subject to something she was more comfortable talking about, but this time, Lala had spent most of last night coming up with a counter to that response. "But if they made things that way themselves, doesn't that mean they changed the way things used to be?"
Haruna froze at that. She honestly hadn't been expecting Lala to come up with a counter to that, and a fairly good one at that. Though she supposed she should have expected Lala to come up with a response eventually, since they had this conversation on a very regular basis. "Well... yes I guess they did change things from how they use to be." She admitted. "But... that doesn't mean that I'm willing to change my ways."
"Come on, Haruna~!" Whined Lala. "If we do it this way then we can both have Rito."
Haruna turned as red as a tomato at Lala's words. It wasn't as if Lala hadn't mentioned the idea of both of them getting together with Rito before. It was actually the first argument she'd come up with in favor of the idea, and she'd mentioned it several times before, though it hadn't come up in awhile. Bringing it up after so long, coupled with the decent argument she'd just made, just sent her reeling. Before she could even try to come up with a counter however, they rounded a corner and ran into someone she could have gone without seeing for awhile.
"Hello girls, nice to see you again." Greeted Ryoko as Haruna and Lala found themselves face first in her breasts.
"H-Hello Mikado-sensei!" Panicked a blushing Haruna as she and Lala removed themselves from Ryoko's cleavage. "I'm sorry I walked into you. I wasn't looking where I was going." She explained as she walked away stiffly, dragging Lala with her.
"It's alright, Haruna. No harm done." Said Ryoko as she began following them. "It's not like things like this won't be a common occurrence once we're sister-wives, after all."
"S-S-Sister-wives?" Panicked Haruna, her blush turning even darker and her movements getting stiffer. "Would you please not say things like that?"
"Why should I stop?" Ryoko asked mischievously. "We both love Rito, and he doesn't seem opposed to the idea."
"You don't know that." Said Haruna before she knew what she was saying. "From what I've seen, he doesn't want anything like that."
"Hm, that's odd." Hummed Ryoko thoughtfully. "I could have sworn I told him to..." As she trailed off, Ryoko's eyes twinkled in realization. "So that's it. Lala, aside from pranks, what has Sallem been doing these past few weeks?"
"Playing matchmaker for Rito and Yami." The young Devilukian princess replied cheerfully.
"What?" Haruna gasped in disbelief, all color draining from her face.
"That would explain it." Nodded Ryoko. "Setting Rito up with me, and then Yami. That dog really has no self-control at all."
"With you... then Yami..." Haruna felt as if someone was twisting her whole world upside-down and inside-out. "But, what about... about..." She couldn't even begin to find the right words to summarize what was going on.
"Monogamy? Polygamy?" Guessed Ryoko. "It really makes no real difference to me, just so long as I'm with Rito." Her face took on a much more mischievous expression. "And given his confession to me just a few weeks ago, it look like I'm going to get my wish."
"C-Confession!" Stammered Haruna fearfully, her fears about Rito not returning her feelings confirmed, or at least in her own eyes.
Lala, noticing the sorrow in her friend's eyes, took the initiative to cheer her up. "D-Don't worry about that Haruna. Rito confessed to me too, so I know that he's... Oops." Lala realized her mistake too late.
"He... confessed to both of you?" Haruna said on auto-pilot, as the majority of her brainpower was going to processing what she'd just heard.
Ryoko sighed. She knew Haruna would have trouble accepting the fact that Rito was a closet polygamist, the man himself certainly was. Carefully picking the young girl up with the ease granted by her immense muscles, she brought her to eye level. "Haruna, I can just tell that on some level, Rito is as much in favor of a harem as he is against it. He loves me, yes. He loves Lala, yes. And I know it isn't really my place to say this, but if things go on like this, Rito will already have a full harem by the time he gets around to it, so I'll just have to tell you myself." She cast a glace to Lala, silently informing her of her plan.
Just as Lala figured out what Ryoko was planning and made a move to stop her, it was already too late.
"Rito love you Haruna."
Haruna was in shock. That was the only way to put it. Her mind needed several seconds to catch up with what was going on around her, but this is what she heard when it did.
"Ryoko, why did you tell her that?" Exclaimed Lala angrily. "Rito was supposed to tell her that on his own! It was supposed to be special for both of them! How could you be so cruel?"
"I know he wanted to tell her on his own, but I have my reasons for doing this." Insisted Ryoko as she set Haruna down.
"What reasons could be good enough to ruin such a special moment?" Asked Lala, still bitter.
"Because if I let things develop on their own, Sallem would have probably kept setting Rito up with so many girls, Haruna wouldn't have stood a chance." Explained Ryoko.
Lala's expression quickly changed from one of anger to one of embarrassed realization. She had to admit that, for all her history of a good friendship with Sallem, he would probably do something like that in a heartbeat if he got the chance, even if she would be upset by it.
"Plus I was getting impatient," Ryoko added. "After being trapped on that exercise machine of yours for five days straight, I may have gained a mountain of muscle, but I've lost the virtue of patience."
"You were just tired of waiting?" Exploded Lala. "That's so childish!"
'Says the girl who's probably the most childish person I've ever met.' Thought Ryoko playfully.
"Rito... Loves me?" Asked Haruna, who finally snapped out of her trance. "How... How could you know that?"
"I figured it out a long time ago." Ryoko explained. "Though I made sure to confirm it with Rito when he stayed overnight at my place a few weeks ago."
"Overnight?" Squeaked Haruna. "As in... Sleeping in the same house as you?"
"Not just in the same house." Said Ryoko with a mischievous glint in her eye. "We slept in the same bed while I was next to naked." She sighed sensually as she held herself.
Haruna didn't think her face could get any hotter or more red. Rito love multiple women, herself among them. All the women she knew but didn't want to admit he loved returned his feelings and all of them save herself were totally fine with being in a harem. And to top it all off, Rito had slept in the same bed as a next to nude Ryoko. It was official, her brain was completely on overload.
"Hey, what going on?" Asked Lala as she pointed to a large crowd of girls outside their classroom.
"It looks and sounds like they're beating someone up." Realized Ryoko as she easily parted the crowd of angry girls, their cries of protest falling on deaf ears. When she saw who they were beating up, her expression twinkled in recognition. "Well look at what the cat dragged in. Exactly what did you do to make these girls so mad at you this time?"
"Hello... to you too... Ryoko-chan..." Groaned Victor from his position on the ground. "Yohohohoho... I can see your panties from here." He chuckled perversely, only for Ryoko to stomp his face into the floor with a satisfying crack, the tile floor cracking against his indestructible bones.
"Let me set something straight," Ryoko began angrily as she picked up Victor and held him at eye-level. "I may like to flaunt my body for the world to see, but as of about two weeks ago, my underwear is for Rito's eyes only. Get it?" She growled as she tightened her grip on Victor's neck, all females present except for Lala reeling in shock from her declaration.
"Got it... Ryoko-chan." Said Victor weakly, his nosebleed due more to arousal than any form of injury.
"Good." Said Ryoko as she threw Victor head first into the ceiling. "I'll be seeing you two around later." She said with a wink to Lala and Haruna before walking off.
"What just happened?" Wondered Haruna once she found her voice and she and Lala walked up to the site of the incident.
Suddenly, as if on cue, Victor fell out of the ceiling. "Orooo~." He said groggily as stars and scantily clad women danced around his head. Getting his bearings straight, he stayed on the floor and secretly looked around to enjoy the view of many panties, until he stopped at one pair. "Wait a second... I'd recognize that crotch anywhere." Saying this proved to be his own undoing.
"Pervert!" Shouted all the girls as one as they resumed stomping on Victor. During the beating, many other biting remarks were flung. "Disgusting", "You were peeping the whole time", and "Enemy of all women" being among the top of the list.
Once the girls were satisfied with their work and stormed off to wherever, apparently forgetting that they had class to attend, Victor got his wits about him again. Turning his gaze to where it had been previously, he grinned perversely. "Hello, Lala. Long time no see cutie." He said as he used his long arms to reach around and make a grab for Lala's butt.
But before he could reach her ass, two bat-like wings shot out of Peke and stabbed Victor in his hands. "I see you still haven't learned your lesson about boundaries, Victor." The costume robot remarked coldly.
"Never have, never will." Grinned Victor through the pain in his hands.
"Victor!" Scolded Lala. "I can't believe you! You're still as nasty as ever."
"Yohohohohoho, and you're still as cute as ever when you pout like that." Victor grinned as he stood up, his extreme and lanky full height of 9 feet easily towering over Lala and Haruna. "I just wanna grab you so much." He said as his fingers moved in a disturbing typing pattern menacingly, frightening Haruna, and angering Lala and Peke.
"Don't you have your own assortment of willing whores, sluts, prostitutes, and bizarre walking fetishes to annoy?" Questioned Sallem as he jerked Victor down to eye level by his hair.
"Owowowowowow!" Panicked Victor. "Will you stop doing that?"
"Not a chance." Remarked Sallem before he casually threw Victor head first into the ceiling again. "Sorry if my clone was annoying, disturbing, and/or scaring you. I try to keep him locked up and satisfied with porn mags, dirty movies, nasty internet porn, and any women that are willing to do it with him for whatever twisted reason can be found, but he gets out sometimes."
"Your... clone?" Wondered Haruna as she glanced at the abnormally tall body hanging out of a second hole in the ceiling.
"Yeeeeaaah, my DNA is a crazy, unstable, smelting pot of chaos. Don't ask questions and I won't pull any horrible pranks on you... For this at least." Amended Sallem. "I'd have to say that making four clones of myself was more or less the biggest failure and mistake of my entire life."
"You can say that again." Huffed Lala. "Maverick still scares me whenever I think about him." Lala visibly shivered after she said this, obviously recalling something traumatic.
"I wouldn't exactly go so far as to say that Maverick's scary," Said Sallem as he scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "He's really mellowed out since he got married."
"Maverick got married?" Shivered Lala as she tried and failed not to imagine what kind of woman would marry someone like him.
"Yeah. Nice gals too, once they disturbed each other enough to scare the evil and insanity right out of them." Sallem elaborated.
"'Scare the evil and insanity out of each other'?" Quoted Haruna nervously. 'What could be bad enough to scare people to sanity?'
"Yeah, apparently they each did a project to compete and see who was eviler." Began Sallem. "Each project on their own wouldn't have caused more than a few thousand square kilometers of destruction, but together they caused a massive outbreak of; mutants, zombies, massive natural disasters, malevolent robot overlords, rapid global warming, and obesity, effectively destroying the entire planet within the span of just one day."
Haruna and Peke shivered at the unimaginable horror of what Sallem had just described, while Lala was the only one to manage a response. "That's awful! Why did they do that?" She huffed.
"They were competing to see who was eviler." Repeated Sallem easily. "And as a matter of fact, many people, mostly men, were actually very thankful for what they did. After all, it was the planet of the Twilight series that they destroyed, so they were actually doing all of existence a huge favor."
"Were the people of that planet *gulp* really evil?" Shuddered Haruna fearfully.
"No, but the most torturous book series in any universe is based on some people of the planet, so it's all good." Explained Sallem. "They even got an award for destroying it so fabulously, and even recording a great deal of it. Yohohohohoho! Though they do occasionally complain about the swarms of literally rabid fan girls that try to kill them on a regular basis."
"That's still not right!" Huffed Lala.
'Your dad would argue otherwise. Not to mention that I've killed entire swarms of those fan girl beasts on a regular basis due to proxy.' Thought Sallem, but in light of his long held friendship with Lala, opted to keep his scathing remarks to himself for once. "Whatever, I don't really have the time or attention span to care about that right now." He said as he yanked a groaning Victor out of the ceiling and hoisted him onto his shoulder. "I've gotta get this horny lump back to his cell and put up a whole new set of traps, locks, barricades, and vicious guard beasts outside of it to make sure he stays there this time... At least until he gets bored and breaks out again. Which, if history is anything to go by, should be in about 4 months, plus an additional week for him to make it outside." Sallem added sadly. "Well, anyway, locking up this lump again will take a whole day, so I'll be playing truant again to do so." He remarked as he pulled out his remote, pressed a button, and a giant spring popped out of the floor, catapulting Sallem and Victor through a third new hole in the ceiling.
"Doesn't Sallem usually just teleport out in a flash of light?" Wondered Peke aloud. "Why would he use a giant spring?" Suddenly, as if in response to Peke's question, a letter fell out of one of the three holes in the ceiling and landed on Haruna's head. "I'll take that." Remarked Peke as she used one of her wings to grab the letter and open it.
"What does it say Peke?" Asked Lala as she tried to get a look at the letter, but since Peke is attached to her head and was reading it just out of her field of vision, Lala only succeeded in spinning around and around like a dog chasing its own tail.
"Let's see here..." Hummed Peke as she started reading aloud. "It says, 'Since we already had two holes in the ceiling, I figured making one more would do no harm.' That Sallem. Does he ever think about the consequences to his actions?" Wondered Peke, before curiosity got the best of her and she turned the note around, and her limited expression turned as deadpan as she could manage. "It says, 'I think about them plenty. With my I.Q. it would be impossible not to. I just don't really care.' I guess that's my question answered." She huffed.
"Check the other side for more." Requested Lala as she continued to spin, trying to get a look at the letter.
"There's not going to be more, Lala-sama." Explained Peke, though she did as requested anyway. "There's more!" Exclaimed Peke in shock.
"How is that possible?" Asked a baffled Haruna. From what she knew, paper only had two sides.
"Let me read it. It's probably going to answer your question." Deadpanned Peke. "Lala-sama, could you please stop spinning around for a moment. I'm getting rather dizzy."
"What was that Peke?" Asked Lala as she teetered around, swirls of dizziness in her eyes.
"Thank you Lala-sama, I think." Said Peke awkwardly. "It says, 'I could explain it to you, but it would require a through knowledge of at least fifth-dimensional physics, and at least a rudimentary understanding of the process and complexities of multi-location teleporting to even remotely understand. Since I know that none of you posses either of these things, I won't even bother trying to explain the complexities of it all. Please ask a random question now, and I will answer it.' At least he told us why we wouldn't understand any of it." Remarked Peke. "But does he really think that he can predict whatever question we can come up with next? Granted, he already answered three questions in a row, but telling us to ask something at random in an effort to predict it is a little much, even for him."
"What is he planning with Yami and Rito?" Haruna blurted out before she could stop herself. Part of her was already aware that Sallem would be expecting that exact question, but that being the case, she figured she may as well ask it anyway.
"Well... Let's see here then..." Said Peke as she turned the note over again. "This time it says, 'Haruna asked about Rito and Yami, didn't she? If so, then that's ten points for me.' Always such a wise-guy." Grumbled Peke."'Anyway, to answer your painfully obvious questions once again, it's very simple. My plan is... absolutely none of your business. I have a right to remain silent don't I? So mind your own business and wait your turn like everybody else!' He truly loves having fun at the expense of others." She sighed.
Haruna sighed in disappointment. She had hopes of thwarting Sallem's plot. Even after the discovering that Rito had apparently confessed to both Lala and Ryoko, and also apparently had feelings for her, and recalling the conversation she'd had with that pink haired girl a few weeks ago, she was still set in her opinion on harems. However, she had to admit that there were distinct benefits to the idea. Everyone would be happy for one, for another, Rito might finally got some peace in his life. Oh, she was no stranger to how hard Rito had it. She knew his life wasn't exactly pleasant by any measure right now, and she was quickly becoming more and more aware of where the vast majority of his strife was coming from. Women, and to a certain extent, Sallem as well. She didn't dislike Lala, Ryoko, or Yami by any measure, but the idea of being in a harem with them was... Bad, right?
'Oh, why did I sound so unsure of myself just now?' Panicked Haruna internally. 'Don't tell me I'm actually thinking about joining in on this?'
With Rito and Yui - A Few Minutes Ago
'What is going on here?' Shouted Yui internally. 'Some clone of Sallem's making all the girls in class horny!? What did I ever do to deserve any of this?' She thought angrily.
'What's going on here?' Though Rito as he tried to make sense of the situation he suddenly found himself in. 'Sallem has a few clones that don't really look like him, though they seem to have ears and a tail like his. At least I'll know what to look out for next time I run into his clones, and knowing my luck, there will be a next time.' Rito sighed. 'Why was it that out of all the people in the world, I was the one made the haunting target of a dangerous ghost that somehow attracted the attention of a super-powered alien?' Part of Rito realized that the fact he was able to keep such a level head in this situation was proof that his life was far more chaotic than it had any right to be, but he'd rather not focus on that right now.
"Well, I suppose it would be best if I locked Victor back in his cell," Thought Sallem aloud, breaking Rito and Yui's lines of thought. Pausing for a moment, Sallem sniffed the air, pulled out his remote, pressed a few buttons on it to create a piece of paper and a TV screen in the air, fast-forwarded through the contents of the recording, and began writing.
"What exactly are you doing?" Asked Rito cautiously.
"Writing a note for Lala and Haruna," Responded Sallem. "I smelled them right outside, and I feel like messing with them."
"I'll never understand how you're able to predict exactly what people will say with such absolute certainty." Remarked Yui, glaring at Sallem intensely.
"That's because you don't think as far outside the box as I do." Explained Sallem. "Now under normal circumstances, I would press the fact that you just admitted to being inferior to me in some measure, but I don't have the time nor the patience right now to do so."
"I hate you so much right now." Scowled Yui.
"I aim to please." Smirked Sallem. "By the way, with the girls storming off in a huff, and the boys and The Principal in comas, I think that it's safe to say that school's out for the day, so I'll be going now." He remarked as he left the room to seal away Victor for the time being.
After they were sure that Sallem was gone, Rito and Yui shook their heads in exasperation.
"Clones." Shuddered Yui, placing a vice like grip on Rito's arm. "It's bad enough that aliens, ghosts, and The Principal are causing problems almost constantly, but clones too? What is this world coming to?" She whined as a few tears escaped her eyes.
Rito sighed. "I wish I knew Yui. I wish I knew."
The Day After Victor Caused Problems - Yuuki Household
"I'm back, and boy am I tired." Announced Sallem loudly as he limply shuffled back into the house from his hard work of locking Victor up. "Where are my loving wives?" He asked groggily.
"Right here, Sallem!" Exclaimed Benitsubasa excitedly as she jumped onto his back.
"And here." Sighed Haihame contentedly as she wrapped her arms around his right arm.
Sallem quirked an eyebrow as he turned his head 90 degrees to the left to get a good look at Haihane, and then he turned it another 90 degrees to the left to get a good look at Benitsubasa, while also placing his head in a position that would be extremely painful and quite possibly lethal were it not for the fact that he was a cyborg. He knew that something very weird was going on. Benitsubasa and Haihane didn't usually get along, and Benitsubasa certainly wasn't the type to not go off the handle when someone else was after her man, even if they were supposed to be partners.
Sallem quickly went over the list of obvious possibilities for such behavior. 'Is it either of their birthdays? No. Is it my birthday? No. Karasuba's birthday? No, and she tends not to celibate those anyway. Any other holiday? No. Wedding anniversary? No, we've only been married a little over a month and a half. Anniversary of the day we met? No. Half way to any anniversary or birthday? No. The birthday of someone else living here? No.' After running over these ideas and about fifty other idea that may explain their unusual behavior, disproving them all one by one, all in the span of exactly 1.54861 seconds, he opted to try the direct approach.
"Alright, I'll bite. What the hell did I miss? And did somebody record it?" Asked Sallem, who just noticed that his head was still backwards.
"You missed Yami and Rito going on a date." Explained Haihane.
Sallem's eyebrows both shot up and his head snapped back in Haihane's direction when he heard that. "They went on a date?" He asked, clearly astonished. Haihane nodded. "By their own violation?"
"Yami actually kinda forced him to go." Explained Benitsubasa. "But more or less, yeah."
Sallem stared at Benitsubasa again. "Yami took the initiative to drag Rito on a date, without me tricking or outright forcing them into it?" He asked, his voice getting louder as he did so. "Is Rito dead?"
"He's not dead," Came Karasuba's voice from the opposite direction from which his head was currently facing, prompting a still reeling Sallem to turn his head an additional 180 degrees to his left, bringing his head about full circle. "But if you ask me, he looks pretty close to it."
Staring long and hard at Karasuba, then Haihane, then Beitsubasa, then back to Karasuba, Sallem finally spoke. "At the risk of sounding redundant, what the hell did I miss, and did somebody record it?"
Smirking, Karasuba was the first to respond. "I might be convinced to tell you, on one condition."
"Riiiiiight." Retorted Sallem, smirking just as much as Karasuba, already understanding what it would take to get her to talk, at least on her terms. Good thing he never once played on the terms of anyone but himself. "You do realize that I not only do I have rather violent and extreme ways of making you talk, but I also have some photos you may want to be kept secret."
Glaring at him, Karasuba worded her next question carefully. "Exactly what kind of photos are you talking about?"
"The kind of photos that only a pro could create," Answered Sallem evilly, knowing that he had Karasuba in checkmate. "The kind of photos that a woman would pay out the wazzo to keep hidden. The kind of photos that would make one person pay out two favors for." 'Come on Karasuba, you're smart enough to piece together the obvious innuendos here.' When he saw her expression swiftly change from one of mild confusion to shocked recognition, he knew she would do anything to keep him quiet.
"You didn't. You couldn't." She hissed through gritted teeth. "You were drunk at the time. You couldn't have gotten that on film. Why the hell would you even want to get that on film, anyway?"
"What photos are you two talking about?" Questioned Benitsubasa from her position on Sallem's back. "Is there some kinda secret code here? Somebody tell me what's going on!"
"I don't know anything about a secret code," Began Haihane as she moved from Sallem's right arm to his back. "But whatever is on those photos they're talking about has gotta be pretty bad if it's making even Karasuba scared."
"Hey! Find your own spot!" Snapped Benitsubasa.
"In this order," Began Sallem snidely. "I did. I could. So what, I do some of my best work while drunk. I have cameramen, in case you've forgotten. What's so unusual about what I did? Lots of people do that... And will you two stop having a cat fight on my back? It's making it very hard for me to keep my balance when you're doing that." He finished as turned his head around again to give the two girls on his back a firm glare.
"Sorry Sallem." Muttered both Benitsubasa and Haihane as they settled in a comfortable position on his back peacefully.
By this point, Karasuba was trembling with barely restrained rage. "I will get you for this, someday." She finally seethed.
"But, not someday soon." Remarked Sallem bluntly. "Now, tell me what I wanna know."
Sending him one last resentful glare, she finally relented. "Go talk to Chibi about it. He's got the recording."
"Thank you kindly."
Sallem's Room
"Thank you kindly for recording this, Chibi." Said Sallem gratefully as he took the disk from the robot. "Go to your house and buy yourself something nice."
Nodding happily, Chibi took his leave.
"Maybe now I can get some answers as to why you two are acting this way," Sallem remarked as he glanced at Karasuba, Beitsubasa, and Haihane, who were currently lounging on his bed. "And why you'd wanna watch this a second time. It must be pretty good if you both wanna watch it again." He remarked as he put the disk in a computer.
"You break out some good food when you watch movies, and I have nothing else to do right now." Answered Karasuba bluntly before she took a bite out off some of the Jewel Meat Chibi-Robo had prepared, signifying that she was dropping the subject.
"What can I say," Shrugged Benitsubasa. "It was a wonderful tale of romance." 'What I wouldn't give to be treated like that by Sallem.' She added internally, forgetting that the man in question could read her expression/mind like a book.
"I just think it's really funny." Chuckled Haihane as doubled over in recollection of the event in question.
"Good to know you enjoyed his suffering as much as I do." He grinned maniacally as he sat down and hit play.
The Contents of the Recording - Rito's House - 9:53
"What was that Yami?" Asked a black-eyed Rito nervously. It was at this point in the recording that Sallem realized they hadn't managed to capture the beginning on camera, but he more or less knew where that black-eye came from, and that he was more than capable of filling in the blanks once the film got going.
"I said, that since you say Sallem is too busy with the matter of imprisoning his clone Victor again, that I would like to get your opinion on my cooking again." Said Yami, obviously having stated this once before.
"Why?" Asked Rito befuddled. "I mean, no offense, but the only reason you asked me along last time was because Sallem brainwashed you, and as you remember, that didn't wind up so well." It wound up well in Sallem's opinion.
"True," She admitted. "However, while Sallem likely has the planning skills to plan out and control the actions of people for several days at a time, I've read enough about him to know that whenever Victor escapes, Sallem devotes almost all of his brainpower to coming up with new ways to keep him locked up again for awhile. Ergo, with Sallem as busy as he is right now, there won't be any way for him to push us together." She explained.
"I guess you have a point then," Admitted Rito. "But still, why would you want me to judge your cooking? Wouldn't Mikan be a better choice? She is your best friend after all."
"Exactly, which is why I'd prefer the opinion of a third party, to whom I have no such bonds of friendship to give me their honest and impartial opinion." She justified.
Sallem could easily see an expression that said 'I'm not so sure that you could call our relationship impartial, whatever it is at this point' flash on Rito's face. Outwardly however, Rito was more polite. "Well when you put it that way, how could I refuse. I suppose I was the one who got you so interested in cooking in the first place, after all."
"Very well," Yami nodded. "I'll meet you in the park at noon for lunch." She excused herself.
"See you then." Waved Rito pleasantly.
Scene Change - Park - 12:07
"Hey there, Yami." Greeted Rito as he walked into the park. "Have you been waiting long?"
"I haven't," Yami responded. "I only just got here myself."
"Well what have you got?" He asked. "The food last time was pretty good, so I'm actually pretty anxious to see what your recent cooking tastes like."
Yami turned away as her face turned slightly red at the reminder. "I would rather not remember that incident." She said as her hair instinctively turned into knives.
Rito chuckled nervously at the blades as he recalled that particular incident. "Yeah, I won't bring that up again."
"To answer your question, I've prepared a few different easily portable items." She explained as she pulled a few sandwiches out of a burlap sack she had brought with her. "Such rations are ideal for an assassin like myself, as we have no way of knowing how long we'll have to be in the field. Here." She said as she handed him a sandwich.
"I suppose you've got a point there." Rito said nervously as he accepted the food. Sallem could see that his face was saying something along the lines of 'You're still going on about that assassin thing? It's been over a year since you first came here, you still haven't killed me, I'm doubting you ever will, and you still consider yourself to be in that line of work?' Looking at the sandwich somewhat dubiously, which Sallem saw as proof that Rito has had more experience with Yami's cooking than what he was already aware of, he threw caution to the wind and took a big bite out it. After chewing it skeptically for a few seconds, he looked to have realized that there was nothing particularly wrong with it and swallowed.
"How is it?" Questioned Yami expectantly, not even noticing her own sandwich.
"It's pretty bland," Answered Rito. "I can taste some lettuce, a little cheese, and... Is that peanut butter? It's unusual, though pretty decent, but all of it's pretty unflavored."
"I used ingredients that would last unrefrigerated for awhile without spoiling," Explained Yami. "I also made sure to balance everything according to the amounts outlined on the food pyramid." Looking at her own sandwich, Yami took a modest bite herself. "You're right," She admitted after swallowing. "It's not as good a Taiyaki."
As always, Rito's face spoke volumes to Sallem. 'I have the feeling that she's going to compare all foods to Taiyaki.' His expression said. "Well, I can see why you'd want something like this, though you may want to consider adding some spices to it... But not any super powered alien spices!" He added hastily, obviously recalling Lala's rather disastrous attempts at cooking.
'I feel your pain, Rito.' Thought Sallem, sympathetic for once, as he watched this part of the film. 'You're not the only one who's suffered through the hellish disaster that is Lala's cooking.'
"I suppose you have a point," Said Yami, back on the film. "What kind of spices would you recommend for making this dish more appealing?"
"That's not really my area of expertise." Replied Rito as he scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "You'd really have to ask Mikan about that kind of stuff. Like I mentioned before, she usually does the cooking around the house."
Yami stared thoughtfully at Rito for a few seconds. "Just as I thought. There really aren't very many positive features about you." Rito's expression showed that her words cut like a knife, or perhaps her hair. Sallem always had some measure of difficulty discerning the exact level of feeling people's emotional cues and body language spoke of. The fact that Rito kept his expressions subtle around Yami didn't help either. "What do you think of this?" She questioned as she pulled a canteen out of her bag.
"Well, let's just take a look." He replied as he took the canteen and unscrewed the cap. "You wouldn't happen to have brought any cups with you, would you?"
"I did not. Such things would weigh me down more than necessary, and take up space that could otherwise be devoted to rations and other essentials." She reasoned bluntly.
'Must she always have the mindset of an assassin or some soldier?' Rito's expression subtly said. 'She obviously hasn't been getting any work since she got here, so isn't it about time that she adapted?' Vocally however, Rito remained polite. "I guess that's okay." He said before taking a few sniffs of whatever concoction was in the canteen. He must have decided that it didn't smell bad, because he took a few swigs of it. It must not have been very good, however. Because after doing so, his face contorted into a slightly pained expression. "It's kinda bitter. What is it exactly?" He asked as he handed the canteen back.
"Herbal tea," Yami said before she took a drink herself. "I used some potent leaves that were high in nutrients for the brew and stored it in a special canteen to keep it warm and fresh. But you're right, it is quite bitter."
"Next time you might want to try adding a few sweet things." Suggested Rito. "Like some fruit juice or honey. Even a few ground up fruit seeds or leaves added to the brew should add enough sweetness to make this easier to get down. Or you could go the other way and add something sour, like some..." He trailed off as he noticed Yami was looking at him oddly, though in a different way than usual. "What are you looking at me like that for?" He asked curiously, without a hint of the fear he usually felt around Yami.
If Yami heard him, then she wasn't doing anything to show it. She just stared at him. No, stare wasn't the right word, more like... Observed, though for what, Rito had no idea. Finally, after several awkward seconds of silence, Yami finally spoke. "How is it you know so much about tea, but so little about other foods?"
Now Rito had to take pause. He really had no idea how to respond to that, but after a few moments pondering, he settled on an answer. "Well, I suppose it's a combination of things, really." He began. "I may not know much about cooking in general, but I do know a lot about plants. I've taken care of them for long enough to know what smells, and therefore, to some extent, tastes work well together. I've also had to help out my dad at his job a lot, though I don't know much about his work, so I just do odd jobs for him instead. Stuff like picking up supplies, keeping his workspace clear, and sometimes making snacks and tea, since he and his assistants are always so busy writing manga."
"Manga?" Yami parroted questioningly. "Your father's a mangaka?"
"Yes." Answered Rito uneasily, no doubt recalling a similar conversation with Ryoko.
For a moment, Yami looked to be deep in thought. "Your father wouldn't happen to be Saibai Yuuki by any chance, would he?"
"Yes." He repeated, obviously afraid of where this would go.
After thinking things over again, she finally responded. "His work is very good." She said simply, and let it end at that.
Rito exhaled in relief, no doubt thinking 'I'm glad she didn't react like Ryoko did.'
After the Meal - 1:07
"So... Thanks for the food, I guess." Said Rito, gratefully yet awkwardly as he helped Yami pack up what was left.
"You're quite welcome," Yami replied as she finished putting away her supplies. "Though your knowledge on cooking is almost nonexistent, you've at least helped me with my tea."
Rito's face showed that he was awkwardly conflicted about whether to be grateful for the compliment, or upset about the insult. Vocally, he settled for something simple, "Well, glad I could-" Or at least he tried to, before he was cut off by...
"YAMI-CHAAAAAAN!" Interrupted a loud voice that sounded oddly familiar.
"What was..." Began Rito as she and Yami turned towards the source of the shout. "That?" He finished fearfully.
IT WAS THE PRINCIPAL! But not as either of them knew him. Instead of a short, flabby, ugly looking man, there was instead a giant, muscular, ugly looking man. AND HE WAS RUNNING STRAIGHT TOWARDS YAMI!
Before he could even get to Yami, and before Rito had time to try and process what was happening, Yami had already gone on the offensive, paying no heed to The Principal's sudden transformation. She slashed him with a wide array of blades, beat him with many fists, and even threw in a few dragon heads for good measure. However, The Principal's new muscle mass was quickly proving to be too much for Yami to handle, as he was still slowly making his way through her defenses.
During this entire ordeal, Sallem paid little attention to The Principal and Yami, having seen the man get beaten several times before. Instead, he paid more attention to Rito's physical cues, as he found such things to be incredibly fascinating, more so than usual in this case. The reason for this being the condition Rito's mind was clearly in at the moment. The condition being a massive spike in brain activity caused by chemical reactions, which causes all senses a person has to temporarily process the world much faster, making it seem as if everything was in slow motion, and allows them to have many more thoughts per second than usual. It was a condition Sallem was very familiar with, as he would often induce it through artificial means, and though Rito was having his naturally, it was no less effective.
'Is that The Principal? It is The Principal! How did he get so huge? Sallem isn't here! Did someone else cause this? Lala? No, why would she do this, and what invention does she have that could cause something like this instantly? Momo? No, she's just as disturbed by The Principal as anyone! Who then? Is this just some kind of freak accident brought on by aliens I don't even know about?! Wait a minute... Yami's losing! The Principal is getting through her weapons! Why isn't she running? The Principal has her by the arm! What do I do? What do I do? He's just torn away some of her clothes! What do I do? I have to do something! I have to stop him! But how? He's almost impossible to keep down under normal circumstances! How do I keep down a giant, perverted monster who's trying to... Wait! That's it!' Rito's rapidly changing expressions showed.
Moving quickly, Rito ran toward the monster that was The Principal in an effort to save Yami. Using all the leg strength he had built up over years of soccer, and over the past year or so of running from the occasional bizarre alien problem, he pulled his leg back, and shot it forward into a kick straight to The Principal's family jewels. It took effect instantly.
"OOOOOHHHHH!" The Principal cried out in a pained helium voice as he let go of Yami to comfort his sore nuts.
Wasting no time, Rito grabbed Yami bridal style, and got the hell out of the park.
Scene Change - Back Alley - 1:27
Rito was panting frantically, obviously having been running for awhile now. "That *pant* was *pant* close *gasp*." He took a moment to get his breathing back to normal. "Hey Yami, are you..." He stopped short as he realized that The Principal had torn the top half of Yami's outfit off. "I'M SORRY!" He panicked as he slammed his eyes shut and braced himself for impact. After a few seconds of not getting hit, Rito dared to open his eyes. "Yami? Are you alright?" He asked as he kept his eyes on her face and only her face, and in doing so, he saw that her eyes were closed and that her breathing was much more relaxed and shallow. It was then that Rito realized something which should have been obvious much earlier when she didn't hurt him for carrying her while her clothes were so badly damaged. She was asleep!
'I guess The Principal must have knocked her out.' Rito's expression showed. 'Either that, or she passed out from fear, but that's not very likely... Her clothes are still damaged though. What do I do? What do I do?' Rito took a moment to try to find something to cover her with, only to be struck with epiphany as he remembered that he was currently wearing a jacket.
"I hope she doesn't wake up as I'm putting this on her." He gulped as he positioned her so that her head was resting on his shoulder as he took his jacket off and gingerly draped it around her shoulders. Propping Yami up against a wall and zipping up the jacket so as to preserve what was left of her modesty, he couldn't help but wonder.
"Now what?" That was the question. Now that they were out of immediate danger, he could be a little more at ease, but she was still unconscious, and though he didn't want to leave her alone in such a state, he also didn't want to be around when she woke up, fearing what she would do to him if and when the admittedly brilliant girl deduced what had happened. Taking her home was clearly not an option. Not only did the fact that he had been running in a random frenzy cause him to have no idea where they were at the moment, but he knew there was a good chance that she would wake up on the way home.
"Guess she's gonna beat me up when she wakes up." He resigned himself to his fate as he did his best to make himself comfortable on the pavement beside Yami. "I guess it's not really all that bad. I'm used to her pounding me after all."
Time Change - Still The Back Alley - 2:06
Yami felt dizzy and slightly sick, there was no mistaking it. The last thing she could remember as her head was pounding was going on a picnic with Rito. Other that, it was all a total blur, and she had no idea how she lost consciousnesses. After straining to open her eyes, and waiting for the initial glare of the light to wear off, she made a quick assessment of her surroundings. She was seated in an alley, Rito was sitting next to her, and she noticed that there was something wrong with her clothes.
They were damaged, and she was wearing a jacket that she knew Rito had been wearing before.
"Rito Yuuki..." Yami seethed as she slowly changed her hair into every melee weapon she could think of.
Gulping, Rito turned his attention to a now conscious Yami. "Yes Yami?"
"What happened to me?" Yami demanded with an eerie calm, a Terminator-like glow seeming to be coming from her eyes as she poised her weapons at a feverishly shaking Rito. "Answer truthfully, because I'll know if you're lying, and know that your answer will determine whether you live or die."
Gulping again and trying his best to reign in his nerves, he answered slowly and cautiously. "Something weird happened to The Principal, and he managed to knock you out. I more or less knew what he would do to you, and I just couldn't let it happen. So I took a chance and kicked him below the belt. It worked, but I knew it would only last for a short time, so I grabbed you and got you out of the park as quick as I could. When I finally stopped running, I realized you were asleep, and that The Principal had torn your clothes. So I set you down in this alley, put my jacket on you, and waited for you to wake up." He answered, hoping that Yami would be satisfied and not kill him.
Yami, for her part, could sense no deceit in his words, and did a good job of containing her shock at this, though Sallem could still see through the cracks. 'He really didn't do anything to me, despite having more than enough of a chance to do so.' Sallem could see in her subtle expression changes. 'All this time, I've been operating under the knowledge that he was always ecchi. I justified it by his constant groping of my person, but... What if that's not the case?' Sallem could see that she was going over some mental checklist. No doubt recalling as many encounters with Rito as she could. 'He's... never really tried anything ecchi on purpose. Every time... it was always a misunderstanding... But that time where he flirted with me...' That threw Sallem for a loop. Rito? Flirting? That would take something on the level of a major behavior altering drug to cause. 'No, wait. That was far too out of character for him, and I've experienced firsthand what the wide array of aphrodisiacs of the galaxy can cause. He's... not ecchi at all.' She finally realized.
"Rito Yuuki," She addressed a thoroughly nervous Rito. "My job is done." Rito's nervousness instantly changed to confusion, more so when she changed her hair back to normal. "No, that's not accurate. More like, I never had a job here in the first place." Now Rito was even more confused. Job? Was she referring to the fact that she was hired to assassinate him? "You're confused." Yami observed. "If you recall, I was originally hired by Lacospo to kill you. He told me that you were a perverted fiend that planned to take over Deviluke," Rito sighed as he was reminded of that bastard and his corrupt methods. "But that was entirely a lie. In fact, from what I've only recently come to understand, you have no interest in ruling anything, and you detest ecchi just as much as I do." Rito nodded frantically, extremely glad that Yami seemed to finally be getting that. "In short, you are in no way the man I was hired to kill when I came to this planet. In truth, the target who was described to me never existed in the first place, and I can't kill that which doesn't exist."
"But... You said you never cancel a job once you start it." Uttered a very baffled Rito, realizing too late that Yami was essentially letting the assassination thing go once and for all, and that he should just have kept his mouth shut.
"My job was to kill the horrible man named Rito Yuuki," Reiterated Yami. "Up until now, in my mind, you were that man. Now, in my mind, you're a gentleman named Rito Yuuki. The you I once saw is now dead, and in his place is what I now see before me. Is that a satisfactory answer?"
Rito sighed in the greatest wave of relief in his life. Yami was going to stop trying to kill him on a regular basis! He'd dreamed of such a day for so long now, and it was finally here! "Yeah, that's good Yami." Rito replied, only half aware of what he was saying.
"But be warned, Rito Yuuki," She said as she turned one of her hands into a blade. "If my old opinion of you resurfaces, I will have to kill it again. One way or another. Is that understood?" Rito nodded frantically. "Good." She said before she took her leave, leaving a mentally exhausted Rito behind.
"Well... I guess not much is changing for me after all." Rito sighed. He knew his track record. He knew why it happened. He knew his reprieve probably wouldn't last long. He just wished it would stop already.
After the Recording
"Wow. So that's really what happened while I was away for the day?" Wondered Sallem. "Hard to believe that Yami would actually take the time and initiative to do my job for me. I'm also very impressed with the work you three did in getting this recorded." He praised as he wrapped an arm each around Benitsubasa and Haihane, while also wrapping his tail around a now snarling Karasuba. "But what I can't understand is how this could correlate to your sudden change in perspective on harems. Frankly I'm baffled, and that does not happen often I'll tell you that much."
Benitsubasa and Haihane both froze. Sallem could easily see that something was troubling them, but for the life of him, he just couldn't figure out what it was they were both obviously trying to hide. And was he imagining things. 'No, I'm not imagining things.' He thought as he double checked. 'That is definitely Karasuba looking as nervous as I've ever seen her, though that's still not very nervous.'
"Alright. I know you three are hiding something." He insisted. "I may not know what it is, but I at least know you had hopes that I'd make some obscure, false connection between that recording and your change in attitudes. Now we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way." He informed them as he held his left hand up to the right side of his face.
The result was almost immediate. Karasuba panicked as she remembered the last time he used that pose. The time he had cut her head off. And judging by the way she held both her hands up to her neck, she could still remember the feeling, both the physical and mental trauma, of the decapitation all too clearly.
"CHIBI-ROBO!" She shouted in a panic. "IT WAS CHIBI-ROBO WHO TALKED SOME SENSE INTO THEM! HE'S THE ONE WHO GOT THEM TO WARM UP TO IT! THE RECORDING WAS ALL JUST A RUSE THOSE TWO THOUGHT UP BECAUSE THEY WERE EMBARRASSED BY WHAT CHIBI SAID!"
Sallem quirked an eyebrow at Karasuba skeptically. He could tell that she was in no way trying deceive him, but the very idea of what she had just said was preposterous. He looked at Benitsubasa and Haihane again, and their expressions reaffirmed the fact that Chibi-Robo did indeed have quite a bit to do with their current outlook on the concept of harems, and judging by their faces, they were quite flustered about what happened in that conversation.
"If I were anyone else, I'd be extremely doubtful that Chibi could have convinced you to finally go for my harem idea." He said. "I mean, come on! I built Chibi-Robo to; cook, clean, garden, and maintain my body from the inside, and that's it. He's not even designed to talk! He just uses a green exclamation point for yes and a red cancel sign for no. How in all the dimensions could someone with such a limited vocabulary convince three women that harems should at least be treated fairly and without instinctively bad judgment or attention to their supposedly bad reputation?"
"Two women, actually." Corrected Karasuba uneasily.
"Like I said. Three women." Repeated Sallem, simply to spite Karasuba.
"Well..." Gulped Benitsubasa. "Even with just yes and no responses, he manages to say an awful lot."
"And all of it is pretty persuasive and well timed." Added Haihane. "He has a way of saying things that you don't want to hear, but actually kinda have to hear. Not to mention that there's a lot of unspoken things he manages to get across as well."
"Alright," Said Sallem as he threw his hands up in the air. "While I'm still somewhat skeptical that Chibi could manage all of that with just two words, I'm also much more open-minded than most people, so I'll accept that for an answer." He consented. "But there is one thing that's still on my mind. Exactly what kind of conversation did he have with you?" It didn't escape his notice that all three of his wives tensed at the mention of the unknown conversation. "I'll admit, the idea that Chibi could be more knowledgeable on matters of relationships than even me, his creator, not to mention the most well renowned matchmaker and all around genius in the entire galaxy, is very interesting in and of itself. I'm quite curious as to how such a phenomenon could come about."
"Er... Well... You see..." Hesitated a madly blushing Benitsubasa as she fidgeted with her hands.
"Is it really all that embarrassing?" Asked Sallem curiously.
"Yes." All three girls responded at once.
"Fine then," Surrendered Sallem coolly. "I won't ask any further questions on the subject. You three are entitled to your own privacy, after all. We'll just say that Chibi is the most persuasive being in the entire galaxy and leave it at that."
"Thank you." Sighed Karasuba, reinforcing Sallem's suspicion that whatever Chibi said to them had affected her too.
"But their is one other thing though," He hummed. "What did you mean when you said that Rito looked close to death?" He asked Karasuba.
At this, Karasuba actually smirked. "I think that you should see that much for yourself. I know you have a way of telling things about a person that they don't even know themselves from just a glance."
"Like how I can tell how much you really love me?" Sallem teased.
"Sh-Shut up!" A red faced Karasuba stammered. "If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times! I don't have feelings for you!"
"Tsundere," Realized Sallem. "Surprising, Karasuba. Surprising. You know, I actually always pictured you as the type of person who expressed her feelings through straight-up violence instead of flustered, lovesick, violence."
"I am not lovesick." She growled as she pulled out her longsword and attempted to cut Sallem down.
"I'm gonna go see Rito now." Sallem said to excuse himself as he casually caught Karasuba's sword and flicked her into the wall. "If he's really as expressive as you say right now, it'll definitely be a sight worth seeing." He said as he walked out.