Chapter 8
I couldn't remember opening the empty sherry bottles that had been shattered against one of the walls; but the blinding headache I was experiencing was suggesting that I had too many sorrows.
The completely drained firewhisky bottle was centred on my desk – looks like I'd finished that off as well – curses to Albus for opening the damn thing, else I wouldn't have emptied it. Thinking of Albus, maybe I should be checking on him; but he could wait. I needed a place to think, the Astronomy Tower was always a good place to clear my mind, besides there was a clear sky tonight; maybe I could just relax.
I made my way to the highest tower – as usual – there was no one around; I pushed open the door to the roof of the tower. I'd been staring over the buttresses for years – since my third year in fact – but not until now did I fully want to throw myself over the edge into the cobbled stones below.
I was being plagued by the thoughts until the door once more swung open clattering against the wall; it was either Potter or Dumbledore, I guessed at:
"Potter", but I didn't turn around to check.
"Not quite, sir," it was the female tone of Granger.
"Miss Granger, what are you doing up here?" maybe I wouldn't like the answer but I had to ask.
"I wanted to think, sir, mean it's been a weird week; you cancelling your lessons and all, " she drew a breath and continued her blabbering which was somehow making me feel better not worse but still I had a lot on my mind. Her talking faded to the back of my mind as I took a slight step forward, I didn't realise Granger had gotten so close to me as she pulled my arm; forcing me to turn my head. We stared into each other's eyes for some time, she seemed to find something she didn't like. "I do hope you're not thinking about jumping; you would be missed and not just by McGonagall," she laughed and left me to my silence. For once the silence was unnerving, despite what Granger had said – about me being missed – I couldn't bring myself to believe her. I'd always known that one day I wouldn't be able to cope with the sins of my past; but lately they'd been catching up with me. It was time to end the need I had to hide from the world, it was time to move on. I only knew of one way to do that when everything I had lived for was gone. It was time to jump, just to end everything. I'd already failed everyone, why stay alive to remind them of that fact was inhumane. It was inhumane for me to live any longer; I took a step over the wall into the darkness of the cobbled stones below. The jagged edges cutting into me – but if I could feel them, how could I be dead? Unless I was alive.