Disclaimer - I do not own Homeland. That pleasure belongs to Showtime. No copyright infringement or money making scheme intended. This is purely for reading enjoyment.
A/N Was meant to be a one shot, but apparently Carrie has more to share. She's still feeling alone. Angsty chapter. Caution for minor swearing.
Sitting on her bed trying to calm herself down, she knew that being able to use pregnancy hormones as an excuse for breaking down in tears wouldn't hold up much longer. Watching Lockhart trying to be understanding but failing miserably had perhaps been worth it. Give him an international incident and he would handle it no bother, confront him with a crying pregnant lady and he becomes a useless mess.
She had never been in love before, scoffed at the very thought of that happening to her. She hadn't intended on it, but dared to fall for someone no one approved of.
She was fed up hearing everything would be ok and she would feel differently once the baby was born. Baby this, baby that, as if she could forget about it. It was suffocating and the only person who would understand is the one who isn't here and never would be again. On and on everyone goes about this baby, ignoring the reason she is so sad.
Psychologists are full of "talk to someone, don't bottle up your feelings". Who is there to talk to when no one wants to hear how much she misses Brody? Who is there to talk to when they all seem so intent on ignoring the fact that he is the father of this baby they keep going on about, like it is a fucking inconvenience to them?
It is as if they expect she'll be ok now because the "problem" isn't here anymore. He's not a problem. She loves him and, every time someone dances around the issue, her heart breaks that bit more. She lay her head on her pillow and lets the tears fall. The bed is empty and cold without him.
He is out of sight, out of mind to everyone but her.