Sleepless in Manhattan : Chapter 6
There was more fan mail than Castle had anticipated. Piles. Pfft. Dr. Susan wasn't kidding. He had decided to make a conscious effort to be more relaxed or to at least seem more relaxed around his family. Besides, moping wasn't doing him any good. It wouldn't bring her back. And if she were back, she'd just be annoyed by it anyway. Nope. Better to be in a good frame of mind and hatch a clever plan to lure Beckett back to civilization. For that, he had to get his mind in a better place.
And so he had come up with the brilliant idea of converting what used to be 'movie marathon day' into 'let's sift through piles of fan mail day'. There was popcorn, candy, soda, unsolicited-advice-rendering-Martha – the whole shebang. Alexis looked genuinely happy. She'd even prepared bins; lovely organized daughter that she was.
"This is crap," he threw a note in the discard pile. "This is crap," he said, throwing another. "This is crap."
"Dad!" Alexis exclaimed, exasperated. "Are you even reading them?"
"Uhuh. I'm a speed reader, remember?"
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. How about this one then? Ahem. 'Dear Rick, you sound like a lovely gentleman, and fairly smart. Maybe it's time for you to move on. If so, I'm available and willing to entertain. I like reading, long walks on the beach, and martinis. My number's at the bottom. Love, John."
"Ha. Hahaha," Castle said flatly, as Alexis was practically crying with laughter, and Martha wasn't fairing any better.
"I don't know, darling. He sounds delightful."
"Eh. I'm more of a tequila guy myself," Castle said with a wink.
They went through a number of letters. Most went into the discard bin. A few went into the reply bin. They were really nice. Good advice, or just a kind word. Some very lewd ones made it into the fire place to light the next cold winter.
"This one is nice," Alexis started, only for Castle to interrupt.
"Hey! No more Johns, Jacks, or Peters, young lady, or I'm hiding the gummy bears," he threatened.
"No, no. It's good. Listen."
"Fine, you may continue."
Alexis huffed, but started reading.
"Dear Rick,
You seem to think you know a lot about Kate. Maybe there are things that you don't know. Things that she doesn't want you to know. Or maybe she wants you to know them but she won't tell you – can't tell you. Maybe she thinks you're better off without her. Maybe she's feeling the same things you are, but she can't do anything about them. Because she cares about you, too.
I know what it's like to have been through a bad period. A storm. To be burned and then rise from the ashes. It sounds like it takes strength, but you don't feel strong at all. Far from it. Maybe she's just sheltering you from the next one.
X
StormRise."
A shiver went through his spine, right down to his fingers and toes. He gasped, remembering to breathe.
"You don't think –"
"Dad," Alexis said sadly, lowering her eyes.
"No – I just. You don't think this person knows who I am? StormRise? That can't be a coincidence. The storm series, and – and I'm writing Heat Rises."
"Nobody knows about Heat Rises except the three of us," Alexis pointed out.
"Oh," Castle said, slightly disappointed. It couldn't be – he couldn't; shouldn't hope.
"I just don't want your hopes to be crushed, dad. Again."
"They're – not," he hesitated. They weren't crushed because they were blooming. It sounded like her. It sounded wise, and sad, and – it's written by someone who's smart and well read. Maybe he was stretching it. But it sounded like her. And StormRise? Come on. "It's good advice though. I think I'll keep it aside to answer on the show. StormRise has obviously put a lot of thought into it, I can at least reply on air."
"If you're sure." Alexis didn't sound very sure. She sounded skeptical.
"I am," he said confidently, trying to shelve the discussion. "Now, give me more. More, child. More!"
"Jeez, fine, narcissistic loon," she muttered, but with a smile.
That was that, for now. But Castle noticed Martha looking at him thoughtfully. She subtly tilted her head, a knowing twinkle in her eyes, before returning to her own set of the pile. Hmm. Interesting.
Kate had left the window open about an hour ago. That was before she heard a car back fire. Before she broke out into a sweat, climbed up the stairs, far from any point of entrance.
She knew it was ridiculous. Knew it was the car backfiring. So she worked on calming herself down, and getting her breathing under control. She splashed her face with cold tap water and made her way down slowly. Only hesitating a little while on the way to the open window, she closed it slowly. The slight resistance causing her muscles to go taut – not in a painful way anymore, but not so comfortable. She was even able to laugh at herself a little.
It just caught her off guard. That was all.
That was all.
She made her way to the radio, and turned it on. Even before she heard his voice, she felt better. Better for knowing that she would soon be hearing his voice. And that was enough for now.
"Welcome to the late show with Dr. Susan. I'm Dr. Susan, and today we're continuing our talk with Rick, our very own Sleepless in Manhattan. Hi, Rick."
Wow, did she practice that?
"Hi, Dr. Susan."
"Where were we?"
"Dissecting my personal life."
"Ah, right. You were saying Kate wasn't a very open person."
"I was saying she had her reasons not to be."
"Right."
"I did some things that would have contributed to her thinking I was too immature. A couple of times. I have some degree of trouble with self control."
Kate had to suppress her laughter.
"I can't imagine," said Dr. Susan, sounding very much like she could imagine it.
"Both times I managed to wriggle my way back into her life. I realize now that both times, it was because she let me. Whether she knew it or not."
"Because she had gotten used to you pulling her pigtails."
"I think it went deeper than that. The second time was a little painful. She was seeing someone. I was seeing someone."
"Oh."
"I broke up with the person. It wasn't fair to her. I shouldn't have gotten into it in the first place."
"So why did you?"
"Broken heart, broken ego? I'm not sure."
"Did she break up her relationship, too?"
"No. I had the feeling that she was unhappy. She even confessed as much to me once. But Kate isn't one to give up. She gave it go."
"That must not have been easy."
"It wasn't," he said, his breath hitching. "I knew she went back to him at the end of the day. I knew she drew comfort from him. I knew that he got to hug her, and more. I knew that this guy was allowed to give her what I couldn't." Rick drew in a pained breath. "But I also knew that she told me her secrets. I knew that she didn't need to say anything for me to know what she's feeling. She just had to look at me, and I her. I knew that she would come to me when it was time. She did."
Oh. Wow. Kate knew to some degree. Of course she did. But she didn't.
"You mean she did break up with him eventually?"
"No. I don't think so. I mean she came to me when -"
How was he going to describe it?
"-when the thing most important to her came up. And then we fought."
"Really?" Dr. Susan even let out a breath of air. "It sounds like you've spent forever pining over her, and then you fought?"
"Yes. And I would do it again, because it involved her safety. That is always going to take precedence."
"What kind of things is she involved in?"
"Important things."
"Okay. Okay, so you fought, and somehow it involved her safety?"
"Yes."
"And …?" she waited.
Kate waited too.
"And then she was fighting for her life."
Dr. Susan gasped.
Yeah, Kate would have thought it was a thrilling tale, too. If she hadn't lived through it.
"I told her I loved her. When she was dying, I told her I loved her."
"Oh God!"
It was slightly disconcerting that the usually calm Dr. Susan had her emotions all over the place.
"I am the king of good timing," Castle said, laughing.
"What did she say?"
"She was kind of busy trying to live."
"But she survived."
"She's a survivor. She's a fighter."
"What did she say after?"
"She didn't remember."
"The incident?"
"That. And the fact that I love her. I haven't heard from her since."
"You mean she doesn't remember that you told her you love her."
"Isn't that what I said?"
"No. There's a difference. I could recommend some light reading on good communication," Dr. Susan joked.
"Nah. I'm good. So, about the fan mail. I wanted to reply to one on the air. Can we do that?"
"Sure."
"Okay, so this is in reply to a thoughtful letter by a person pen-named 'StormRise'. I hear you. It sounds like something Kate would say, honestly. But those are just excuses. Not talking to me isn't protecting me. It hurts to not get to hear her voice. Not knowing whether she's okay or not. I don't know if she needs me, or wants me. I'm already in deep with her."
Kate could tell that Rick was working himself up. He took a pause to take a breath. She did too.
"I do know her. She is the strongest person I have the honor to know. I'm better off with her. I'm better with her. I said that before too, didn't I? Well, the best part of me was always her. She doesn't need to shelter me from any storm. She just has to let me be there. And if it comes down to it – no – when it comes down to it, we can face it together. That's what partners are for."
That's what partners are for.
Is that what we are?
Kate let the treacherous tear escape the confines of her eye and slide down her face.
"You still love her," Dr. Susan stated.
"Of course I still love her," he said softly, his emotions bleeding into his voice. It was so easy for him.
"After everything you've been through. Now she isn't talking to you. You're still willing to wait for her?"
"She said she needed space and time. When she gets back –"
"If she gets back?" Dr. Susan interrupted.
"When she gets back, I will be here," he said resolutely.
"And if she isn't ready?"
"My daughter thinks I need to move on. I've been moping at home, so I don't blame her. But I don't agree either. This is the example I was to set. I don't want to move on. Kate is it for me. I won't force her into a relationship – at least, not a romantic one. We already are in a relationship. It's just a quirky, unconventional one. I wish we can be more, but I will reclaim what we already have. I'm going to fight for her. If that means I need to fight her for her, then so be it."
"Glad to see you haven't given up."
"I haven't. If anything, talking about her has reminded me what I'm fighting for. For the sake of my family's sanity, I'm just going to be a little more myself while doing it."
"Sounds like a plan."
"Mhmm. Part of it. It's going to take a well executed, full on siege to tear down that wall of hers. And I will do it all with smile on my face."
"To charm her?"
"No, don't you listen? To drive her nuts."
There, Kate thought, he might already have succeeded.
A/N:
Sorry about the delay in getting this one out. I've been shuttling between doctor duties, daughter duties, and then an unfortunate merger of both. Thank you guys for your patience and for sticking with me.
To that one Guest (you know who you are), I say, you should read whatever makes you happy.
It would've been further delayed, but I'm posting it today in honor of the coming out of the underrated genius of my friend, soul sister, confidante, baggage handler, PR person, beta, banter-partner, fellow freak, etc etc etc. Fembot77. You did an extraordinary job as the person behind all the parody accounts. Your wit, intelligence and kindness always floor me. I'm grateful to Chuck and Castle for a lot of reasons. One of the most important is you.