I flick on my bedside light and read the page again.
"Dear Sydney,
I hope you're reading this. I told Jordan to give this to you, and I know he will. But you always could just throw this away. So I'll get to the point.
I'm Katie. Jordan's wife.
I wanted to write to you so you could understand how much giving you up has affected him and his life.
He'll never admit it, and he really hasn't even told me, but it's obvious that he regrets what he did and how he handled things with your mother and when you were born. For a while when we first started dating, I was curious why he held everything close to the vest and always had stacks of paper. But then when we got serious, and he told me that he had a child with another woman, it all kind of made sense, especially when he showed that he was in charge of your parents insurance, and had your name in an alert online.
It even trickles down to our kids. He has all sorts of protections set up in case something happens to us.
Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm just trying to find a way to convey how important this meeting is to him. He wants to get it right this time.
I'll be honest; Jordan told me everything he knows, so I know what happened, and how you've emerged online for the first time ever. Which scares him; because to this day nobody knows that he's your birth father. The last thing he wants is for you to even have a second of anger because of what he did, or have it inconvenience you at all.
He's thrilled that you wanted to meet, and we've both settled on inviting you over for dinner sometime. Maybe you can bring your new boyfriend to ease the transition. If you'd like we can remove the kids and have a quiet dinner, whatever works for you.
Katie"
…
I pop my neck, then fold in back up and put it back into my bedside drawer, under an old pearphone. We're going on Friday to have dinner.
Austin and I said they can keep the kids there, and that it'd be fun.
I think they're catering something in. I don't know what we're having.
But this is the distraction, or topic really I've been trying to focus on.
Today is Wednesday.
Wednesday.
Hump day. And it's never been so accurate.
Except I'm flaking out.
I don't think I want to sleep with Austin yet. Which is a total flip flop from how I felt over the weekend.
I'm so indecisive.
I don't think I'm ready for this decision yet. I've changed my mind way too many times.
I mean, it's simple.
Yes or no.
Sex or no sex.
To allow myself to open up, or to remain the little hermit I am naturally.
…
I sigh and look to my clock.
7:54.
I've been up all night.
I tossed and turned for a good 2 hours, then messed around online, ending up on a blogging site where memes and pictures reign supreme.
Then showered, fell back into this Austin hole, tried distracting myself, and obviously have failed.
Austin's grandma leaves at 8:20.
I'm getting breakfast and going to his grandma's house to spend the day with Austin.
And in all that time, I have to make a life changing decision.
Or not and stay my perfect little course.
Ugh.
Don't think that way!
I almost talked to mom about it.
Almost.
But then I backed out at the last second and made up some BS excuse she bought about my music.
Ellie keeps on saying that she knows a lot of girls that have had sex and lost their virginity.
But she doesn't get it.
Maybe it's because I'm stupid and want my first time to mean something.
Maybe it's because I'm afraid I won't be good enough in bed for him.
Maybe it's because he might not be into me that way.
Maybe he's seeing somebody else.
I don't know.
AHHH!
I grab my brush and throw it behind me.
It harmlessly falls to the ground after hitting the wall.
I need to go.
Traffic and music will distract me.
I scoop up my purse, with pregnancy test at the very bottom.
My backpack is in my car with a change of clothes, toiletries and a notebook.
Somewhere I have a brush and makeup.
Oh, I have that too in my bag.
Go.
I walk downstairs and knock on mom and dad's door.
"It's open!" Dad said softly.
I peek out and see that they have morning TV on lightly, and that both of them are up.
"Hi. Just wanted to say I'm going." I smile.
Mom sat up and reached for me. "Have a good relaxing day with Austin sweetie."
I hug her and smile.
"Yeah, you guys need to go be normal and stuff. Do something sappy and romantic." Dad smiled.
Mom swatted his arm and said "Robbie!"
"What? They're always doing stuff. They need to be normal and mushy. As long as it's not here."
I fake a laugh and hug Dad.
"Thanks Daddy. I'll call you if anything comes up." I say.
He smiled, and Mom said "Sounds good!"
"Bye!" I say, and then shut the door.
Before I know it I'm driving towards the gate.
Music.
And breakfast tacos.
In that order.
...
…
…
Really?
Nothing on the radio? Are you serious right now radio producer people?
Ugh.
You can never count on people for anything.
I end up back on the foreign affairs channel and half listen to how some dude is evading the US government by hiding in the Moscow airport.
Can't stay forever.
Looks like we've got him cornered.
…
…
Now onto Austin's.
I nibble on an extra taco I bought on the drive over.
I have a problem with eating fast food on the way home.
As I joked with Austin, I have problems.
When I pull into Austin's grandma's neighborhood I see an orange sedan coming my way.
His grandma has a car matching that description.
I slow down and play it safe, and sure enough, she stops when she comes up to me.
"Hi!" I smile.
"Hey Sydney! He's still asleep, but the front is unlocked honey." His grandma smiled at me.
"I'll get him up. I brought breakfast." I smile at her.
"That'll do it. You kids have a relaxing day!"
"Thank you!" I say, before she drives off.
…
Breathe.
I hop out, grab my purse, backpack and food and walk inside.
…
I can hear his snores.
I drop my bags on the couch, lock the front door then creep upstairs.
Where Austin is sprawled out, shirtless.
I giggle, and set breakfast on his dresser, then kick of my shoes and slip under the covers with him.
Ahh…
He's WARM.
I quickly cuddle up with him and bury my face into his back.
…
…
He's so strong.
And sexy.
And irrsist—
Where'd his snores go?
It's too quiet.
"Please say this isn't a dream, and that my grandma is gone." He said quietly.
"It isn't a dream, and your grandma is gone. It's just us."
He suddenly flipped over, and then smiled.
"This is the best way ever to wake up."
"Thanks." I smile.
He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me good morning.
…
"I brought breakfast." I point behind me.
H peeked up, and then smiled.
"You're the best. The absolute best."
"Want me to get plates while you get dressed?" I ask him, already sliding off the bed.
"No, I got plates." He said.
"What?" I say.
He rolled over, and then revealed that his bedside table IS A REFRIDGERATOR.
"Are you kidding me? Seriously?" I ask.
"Don't get it. Late night carbs are awful. And irresistible. Here." He said.
I hop out of the covers and grab our food.
He snatched the bag away from me and portioned out 3 breakfast tacos each.
We both eat in silence for a moment.
"Hey Austin?" I ask, as he is digging around in the fridge for something.
"Yeah? Here's OJ if you want it." He handed me a bottle.
I smirk. "That's where you got it from."
He smiled. "Yup. What's up?"
"Uhm, whatever happened to your sister? You mentioned on my birthday that you had one, but I've never seen her or anything. Is everything ok?" I ask.
He gives me an odd look mid bite, but puts the food down and wipes his hands.
"I thought I told you this."
I shake my head.
"Oh. I'm so sorry. She's with my uncle in DC. That's why I'm going back next week. For the baseball tournament, and to pick her up and bring her here."
"Why? For the divorce trial?"
"Yeah. Verdict is coming in a couple of weeks. The plan, for now is for her to live here with Grandma and me. But if the judge throws a wrench in that, then we'll see."
"Why'd she go to DC?" I ask.
"My uncle wanted stability for both of us. That was his main thing when he came down a few months ago after taking my sister. Nobody was sure my grandma could handle my sister and me all at once, so I came here, and she got sent up there to stagger it and to make sure she was fine."
"Are you excited?" I ask.
"To see her? Yeah. I can't wait for you guys to meet. I feel like I've been living a different life since she left." He said quietly.
"Well, you have."
He smiled. "Yeah, one full of having to put up with you."
I giggle and smile, then keep eating.
"I'll admit, you caught me off guard with that question." He said with a smile.
His hair is perfectly messy.
…
"Sydney?"
"Huh? Sorry. What's up?" I ask.
He's giving me an odd look.
"That wasn't your big question."
"Huh? Yeah it was." I say defensively.
Uh oh.
God he looks hot.
I could easily just say "Screw it, I'm doing it!"
But I can't.
He's looking at me, clearly not buying it.
"What is it?"
"Nothing!" I say.
"Liar!"
"Yeah! Can we move on?" I ask.
"No. What is it? No secrets remember." He looked me in the eye.
Yeah.
I can't look him in the eye any longer, so I find the bedspread.
"Can we just…watch TV and cuddle? We haven't gotten much 'us' time recently." I say quietly, and then plop onto his pillow.
Cold.
I hear him gather up the plates and then feel a cover get thrown over me.
I try to relax as he kicks on the TV.
"Have you ever watched Beck's show that he broke out on? It's actually really good. I'm 3 episodes in. Want to watch with me?" Austin asked.
…
"No, I've never watched. Sure."
He smiled. "Great, it's the kind of show that you'll be clinging to me."
"That bad?" I ask.
"No. Not bad. It's awesome so far."
I glance at the TV, where the PVR screen is up.
Twisted.
What a name.
Austin hops onto his bed, grabs the remote and presses play on episode 1.
(6 Hours Later)
"Hahaha!" I laugh, as we both walk out of the restaurant.
Austin smiled and swung our hands as we stopped at the light and waited for the walk signal.
"So why are we going to your record again?" He asked.
"I want to see if Andre has done anything with those beats. He said he would, and since we came here for lunch, can't hurt to pop in." I say.
Walk.
We start towards the large, yet nondescript building with smoked out windows rising over 40 stories in the air.
3 blocks to go.
"Makes sense. Does this mean I get to listen to that song everybody was mentioning? Something right?" he asked.
"Right Here. And I'm still tweaking it. Still room for improvement."
"Oh. Ok. Well I don't want to hear it if it's not ready and you don't think it's done."
"That's not what I meant!" I say quickly. "I want you to hear it. But it won't be the final version."
"Fine by me. But it's up to you if you hear it."
Green.
Ugh. I sound like such an idiot sometimes.
"Thanks for buying me lunch." I change subjects.
He smiled. "Of course. Just because we're on an off day doesn't mean we can stray from our lunch schedule now do we? Today was Philly Cheesesteak day. And we had them."
I laugh and see that the walk signal is ahead on our last crosswalk.
We cross it, and then Austin holds the door for me on the way in.
As we pass the front desk, the guy tipped his hat and said "Ahh. Good to see you two again."
I smile. "Thanks."
When I press the up elevator, one instantly opens.
But when the doors close, Austin grabs me and kisses me passionately.
…
"Can't do that upstairs. So needed to now." He smiled, letting me go.
I peck his cheek, and then grab his hand again as the doors open.
We walk by the unoccupied front desk and swipe into the studio and office areas.
A few people wave to us as we walk in.
"Sydney!" I hear as I wave to one of my normal producers.
I turn and see Mom and Ellie waving to me.
"Hey!" I say, as Austin laughs and follows me.
Mom quickly hugs me, and I see that she, Ellie, Aunt Jade and Uncle Andre are here. Along with Olivia.
"Oh, you're both here! Isn't this a day off?" Aunt Jade asks, as Ellie hugs me and gives me a look.
"Yeah, but we came for lunch. And she wanted to see what those beats are, along with a potential song. From a producer I think." Austin said, smiling and hugging Aunt Jade.
"Oh. Yeah. I know who wrote it. I'll get him." Mom said, and then walked off.
Andre poked Olivia, and she spotted Austin and grabbed for him.
"Aga!"
Austin laughed and took her. "Hi! I'm Aga huh?"
"Aga!" Olivia smiled.
Jade smiled. "She's spending the night with Beck and I. Matt and Ellie will be with you Syd."
"Cool. Are we all having dinner?" I ask.
"Yeah. I'm sure you're invited too man." Andre said.
"Thanks." Austin smiled, as they exchange fist bumps.
"I've almost got those beats done by the way. I can bring them down tonight."
"Ok. No rush." I smile.
"You say that, but you came to check on my progress. Doesn't add up." He smirked at me.
Ellie giggled.
"Well, I was trying to play it cool." I say defensively.
"Didn't work. We've known you since diapers." Andre smiled.
"Yeah. I was the first one to hold you." Jade smiled, and then rubbed my hair.
I step away and quickly smooth my hair back out.
"Wait, seriously?" I ask. "I know mom had some troubles with me, but I thought dad first held me."
"No, Robbie was working at the Pear Store that night. I called him and he came over. But you didn't wait for him."
"Oh. So that's what he means when he says I never wait." I say.
"Exactly." Uncle Andre smiled.
"Sydney." A man's voice behind me said.
I turn and see Jones, Mom's regular producer, and my mom.
"Hi. What's up?"
"Well, this is the proposed song. Feel free to take it or leave it, no hard feelings either way." He said, then handing me a binder.
I flip it open.
"Start Over" by Cat Valentine, Jade Oliver and Andre Harris.
Wait…
Mom wrote it?
I look up and say "You wrote it?"
Austin immediately comes over for a peek, and Jones smiles.
"I'll just be back in 3 if you need me Cat."
"Okay…" Mom said, then smiled and nodded.
"Wait, there are 3 names." Austin pointed out.
"Yeah, but usually the first one listed is usually the writer." Aunt Jade pointed out.
"But this time, it's all 3." Uncle Andre says.
"Oh. Okay. Thank you." I say, then smiling.
"No problem. Just look thru it, maybe record a few notes and get back to me. If you don't like something, we can tweak and stuff." Mom said, then flipping a page or two.
I glance down and scan for anything out of the ordinary.
…
"Uhm…there are a lot of high notes. And is this a duet?" I ask, causing Ellie to come peek at it.
Olivia cooed and Austin smiled. "I can't read music, so I don't know."
"I can teach you if you'd like to learn." Aunt Jade said.
Austin smiled. "I'd like that. So I'm not completely clueless."
"Yeah, it is a duet. Guess who with." Uncle Andre said.
Austin immediately pointed to my mom.
Who lit up and smiled.
"Mommy…" I say stuffily, and then hug her quickly.
She grabbed onto me, and then smiled. "Right Here is really good. I tailored this towards your strengths. I mostly am backup."
Suddenly Ellie said "Wow, it really picks up in the last part."
"Her idea." Andre points to Ellie's mom.
"This is so not fair…no other song is going to be able to compare to this." Austin said.
"Hope so. Put Syd AND her mom on a song. That's a lot of firepower." Aunt Jade said.
"Blow em away." I say quietly, at the same time as mom.
I look to her and laugh.
"I'm teaching you well apparently." She smiled.
I smile back, and then look to Uncle Andre and Aunt Jade.
"Thank you, I really appreciate this."
"No problem Syddo. Glad you're on board." Andre smiled.
"So now what?" Ellie bluntly asked.
I close my eyes and try not to sigh.
Really?
"Well, why don't you guys get back to your lazy day, and take the kids with you?" Jade smiled at Ellie.
"Hey!" She said.
Aunt Jade smiled, and Mom giggled.
"Car seat is in my car. You have a backup key." Mom said.
"Ok." I say.
"C'mon. Hold my hand as we walk out of here now okay?" Austin held his hand out to Ellie and smiled.
"Oh shut it Austin. Not funny." Ellie said, as Andre, Aunt Jade and Mom all laughed.
Austin frowned and stuck his hand out again.
"Oh fine…" Ellie groaned, and then held his hand.
I laugh and shake my head, then turn to mom.
"Bye."
"See you at dinner." Mom said.
"Ok. Will do. Now come you all." I wave Austin, Ellie and Olivia forward to follow me.
I lead the way and shut the door behind us.
"You're such an asshole sometimes." Ellie frowned at Austin.
"Hey!" We both snap at her.
Olivia?
Hello? Earth to Ellie?
"Sorry. But he is?" She pleads to me.
I roll my eyes and Austin removes his hand from hers to punch the down elevator button.
"Had a good day so far?" I ask Ellie, as Austin is tickling Olivia.
"Yeah, slept late. What about you guys?"
"Fine, fine. Just watched your dad's first TV show." Austin said, as we step into the elevator and press for the garage.
"Oh. Did you like it?" She asked.
"It was good. Your dad was kind of scary though." I say.
"True. But he's a good actor."
"Damn straight. And you didn't hear that." Austin says to Olivia.
"Aga." She lifted her head, then plaid onto his shoulder.
We hop out of the elevator and into the car.
Ellie sat in the back, and we listened to that same radio show all the way home.
"Home sweet home. Now, let's get you a new diaper, and then you want to go swimming?" Austin smiled at Olivia.
Ellie is gesturing with her eyes for me to come upstairs.
Olivia giggled and kicked her feet.
"That's a yes if I've ever heard one. I'll help you." I say.
"And I'll be upstairs if you need me." Ellie said, and then started upstairs.
Austin smiled and walked to the guest bedroom, where all the diapers and stuff are.
Together we easily change her into a diaper that handles water.
"Thanks for the help. You coming with me?" Austin asked me.
"In a minute, I have to use the bathroom." I say.
He nodded, and then led us into the kitchen and we went our separate ways.
I jog up to my room, and shut the door and hop onto my bed.
Ellie suddenly burst in, then closed the door.
"Talk." She ordered, not looking happy.
…
"I…"
Ellie's eyes furrowed, and her face fell.
"We did it."
She looks up and freezes.
"No…"
I shyly nodded.
This is kind of embarrassing.
"Well, what happened? How'd it feel? Did he rise to the occasion?"
I gulp, and then say "Well, originally when I walked into his grandma's house I wasn't going to do it. I flipped again. I woke him up; we had breakfast and kicked on his TV to your dad's show."
I swallow again, then grab my water bottle and take a swig then continue.
"About halfway thru the second episode, it hit a little lull. And we started kissing. It got heated, and before we knew it, both of us were in our underwear. I asked if he wanted to go farther. He said yeah, but left it up to me if we did go farther."
"So what did you do?" She asked me.
"Kissed him and grabbed his ass. Then he started being a little forceful while digging in his bedside table."
I gulp again.
"Then…we did it." I say simply.
Even though it was way more than that.
"How'd it feel?"
"Actually, not as bad as I was afraid it would. I bled a little, but I didn't notice anything. I was on another planet."
Ellie laughed quietly. "So he did good?"
"Very. Gentlemanly, until instinct took over."
"What happened then?" She asked.
"Can I be blunt?"
She made a gesture that said "Sure."
I glance at the door.
"He fucked the hell out of me. And I wouldn't have had it any other way."
"Wow. So I'm guessing you weren't quiet."
"No. Quite the opposite. I screamed, he groaned loudly and basically collapsed onto me. And…"
"And…" She prodded me to go on.
"He said he loved me."
Ellie smiled.
But then I continued.
"He pulled out, rolled next to me, told me he that he loved me, and…that he never wants to kiss another girl in his life other than me." I say, then noticing the tears flying down my face.
I think I've found my boy.
I collapse into my pillow and totally break down.
I feel Ellie sit next to me and rub my back.
"I…I love him too Ellie. I do. He said he'd marry me if he could." I gasp out.
"That sounds great. Am I invited?" She innocently asked.
I laugh and sit up.
"You're my Maid Of Honor. Of course." I smile.
She hugged me and smiled.
"So…that was it?" She asked.
I giggle, and then wipe my eyes.
"No…we changed the sheets and watched two episodes. Then it devolved into another round, followed by a shower. We went to lunch, and then saw you."
Ellie smiled. "So you basically told the truth downtown. Just left out a detail or two."
I laugh. "Yeah. A few."
"You're not wearing makeup. Are you." Ellie said.
"No. Austin said before we left his house that I looked perfect without it. So I trusted him and went out like this."
Ellie giggled. "You've got it bad for him huh."
I nod shyly.
"Do you want to swim with us?" I ask, grabbing a bathing suit, and offering her a spare.
"Sure. Are you sure you can, after today?"
"I…cleaned. In the shower." I blush madly.
She gave me a scared look, and then said "Ok. Just asking. Now would he mind if we changed like normal?"
Usually we just change in front of each other.
We've seen each other's boobs before.
I laugh. "Doubtful. He won't care."
"Yeah he will. He'll be sad that he didn't see you naked again."
I whip around and say "I f you say that to him, I will kill you."
She laughed, and then started changing.
I shyly do the same.
"Ok. You're not bruised too badly." She teased, sticking her tongue out at me.
"Let's go." I grab he hand and swing my door open.
(A/N: Hi! Sorry about the long gap in updates! My house got 3 new guests, including my brother. And my personal time and space essentially evaporated. But hopefully this chapter helps a little. Hope you enjoy it. As always, I appreciate everybody that reads and reviews, and I'll reply to your questions as they come. And on a personal note, I hope all of you are doing well and having a great summer. Thanks for reading. - James)