I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favorites!

Chapter 21

Kensi lay down in the bed of her mother's guest room. The same room where Narah had slept the night before. And it hurt Kensi just to think about Narah. From the look on Deeks' face, Kensi knew Narah was most definitely not okay. And it was her fault. She had tried to do the right thing, only ending up doing the wrong thing. She had promised to keep Narah safe and she failed doing exactly that. She didn't even try to stop the tears from flowing freely. She did not turn her head when the door opened. The mattress went down a little as Julia sat down.

'It will get better,' Julia told her softly. 'Giving Narah some space was the right thing to do. Wait for her to come.' Kensi couldn't hold a sob back as she feared that Narah would never come. 'Most of her anger is towards her mother. Not towards you, Kensi.' She gently stroked Kensi's hair. 'You know that's it's hard to see your mother after such a long time.'

'I messed up,' Kensi cried. 'I hurt Narah...what kind of parent am I when I do such a thing?' Julia moved onto the bed so that she sat next to Kensi and she kept stroking her hair.

'That makes you a caring parent,' she told her daughter. 'You knew Narah wanted to see her mother and you gave her her mother...not knowing...realizing the feelings Narah had for her mother...It's not easy for Narah. She's angry, sad and confused all at once. Alice left a couple of months after her father died. Within a year Narah was all on her own. No more family or home...that is scary for a child...' Kensi turned around to face her mother.

'She told you this?' she asked and Julia nodded. The answer made Kensi feel even worse. She and Deeks had always avoided talking about family around Narah. Simply because they did not know how to handle that subject. 'We only made it worse...'

'You and Marty were thrown into the parenting of a teenager. Of course you two weren't perfect at it. Especially when feelings are a difficult subject in general.'

'We made her keep it all inside...never asked her if she wanted to talk about it...' Julia looked down at Kensi and Kensi calmed a little at the sight of her mother's calm eyes.

'Narah isn't exactly the girl to speak about her feelings,' Julia told her. 'She might not even have talked if you had asked her.'

'No...but instead of trying I sent the source of all the problems to see her,' Kensi said. 'And now she is hurt because of me.' Julia bent down and kissed Kensi on top her head. As she rose again, she said nothing. All she did was stroking Kensi's hair and soon Kensi's eyes became heavy.

Deeks sat in the chair in the guest room, watching how Narah was sleeping restlessly in her bed. Monty was lying at her feet, as her trusted guard. Deeks wanted to stay there. Be there when Narah would need him. She had been already been through so much and she could no longer stay the strong one, the unbreakable one. This could be one event too much. This could be her breaking point. And he had no clue about what he could do for her. So he sat here in the room with her, waiting for her to wake up and telling him what he could do. Until that happened, he had to be useless and had to let his thoughts run freely through his head.

He could not believe how Kensi had acted. It surprised and hurt him the most that she has done it on her own. Left him out of all of it. Because she thought he did not care for Narah. Only because he was not ready. That hurt him the most. There wasn't anything in the world he wouldn't give to keep Narah safe, to make her happy. He would do everything for that girl.

When Narah began to toss around, Deeks got up and walked over to the bed. All he wanted to do was make it better. So he climbed in the bed and took Narah in his arms. Remembering how a loving hold could make all the hurt disappear and make it all better. As he held her in his arms, she calmed again and soon she was breathing evenly and calmly.

Standing in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to be made after a night of hardly any sleep, Deeks sighed. He was glad Narah was able to sleep through the night but he feared for the emotional state she would wake up in. His phone vibrated and again it was Kensi. She had been calling every five minutes since half an hour again. It had actually woken him up. No longer wanting to hear the vibrating he wanted to turn to phone off, but for some reason he picked up instead.

'Deeks...' She sounded surprised he had picked up in the end. He listened to her breathing on the other side, both seeming to wait for the other to speak. 'How is Narah?' From those three little words he heard the tiredness and sadness in her voice. But he felt the anger inside of him rise again.

'She is still sleeping. Still exhausted from Alice's surprise visit...'

'Deeks...please...I knew it was a mistake asking her to come...but I did it in Narah's best interest...I wanted to help her...'

'But you clearly didn't! You did anything but help her! You might as well have kicked her in her stomach...it would have probably hurt so much less! So yes Kensi, you did make a big mistake and it's up to Narah to forgive you!'

'And you did nothing wrong at all? You're innocent in all of this?! You can't simply blame me for all that is happening to Narah! She feels abandoned! Alone!'

'Kensi, stop going there all the time: I do not want to adopt Narah! Do you truly want to adopt her because it's the best for her...or because it's the best for you?'

'What do you mean...I want to adopt her because I want...'

'No, Kensi, you were afraid of losing her, now that she was looking for her mother. And you could not stand the thought of losing someone else, so you planned in your head that the only way of keeping Narah was to adopt her! All you are is afraid of being alone again!' Deeks heard Kensi gasp and when she spoke, her voice was shaking.

'I love Narah...that is why I want to adopt Narah. Not because I am afraid of losing her. I do not want to lose her...I will not abandon her. She has you for that!' Deeks took a few deep breaths in and out to prevent him throwing his phone around.

'It's better you do not show up today!'

'I want to be there for Narah...I need to be...'

'I do not care about what you need! You are not what matters right now. You should be thinking about our foster daughter who is devastated by her mother's visit! She is hurt so right now it's all about what Narah needs!' With those words he lowered his phone, hearing to the words Kensi was screaming through the phone, and he hung up. He slammed his phone on the kitchen counter and just leaned on the counter, taking deep breaths in and out to calm himself.

Narah was biting on her nail as she walked back and forth in front of her school. It was still very early. She was there even before Principle Pumford. She had never been so early at school. But she needed to get out of the house. Her mother had suddenly showed up, Kensi had left her and Deeks did not want her...once again her life was falling apart and what she hated the most was how affected she was by it all. She had lowered those walls just a little too much. As she sat down on the steps, she looked at the bag beside her, filled with all that she needed. Once again she was on her own and this time the streets scared her. They gave her no safety this time.

'Narah?' Principle Pumford asked confused as he showed up to begin his workday. 'You were the last one I would expect to be here so early. Is there something wrong?' Narah took a deep breath to put her mask and the walls back up and she smiled at the man.

'Nothing wrong, sir,' she told him. 'My foster parents just had to leave early for work so they dropped me off early.' Principle Pumford didn't seem to believe her but he opened the doors for her.

'You want some tea?' he asked walking to the teacher's lounge and Narah shrugged.

'Is there anything I can do you for you?' she asked him. 'Like doing the dishes? Put letters in envelopes? Sorting papers on color?' Anything that could take her mind of everything. To erase yesterday from her memories. Principle Pumford stared at her for what felt like forever before shaking his head.

'I'm sorry, Narah,' he said. 'Cleaners came by yesterday, there are no letters being sent and we do not sort our paper on color...but I can put you in a classroom so that you could maybe do some homework?' Narah shrugged. It was better than nothing. She still had the book to read. But being inside an empty classroom gave her thoughts all the freedom to go crazy. 'Alone' was going through her mind the entire time. With every word from the book she seemed to be reminded. At least she now knew what the book was about: abandonment.

'Kensi, you know Marty can't keep you from seeing Narah,' Julia told Kensi, as she saw her daughter sitting on the couch and only staring at the white empty wall. Kensi shook her head at her mother's words.

'He thinks it's best I stay away from her...' she said. 'And I did cause all of this mess...so he is right. I should stay away from her.' Julia sighed and stepped in front of her, looking down on her.

'You're doing what Narah thinks you would do,' Julia said. 'You are abandoning her. Okay, maybe you made a big mistake that hurt her...but it's her mother who hurt her the most. You need to show Narah you won't leave...that you stay with her, no matter the mistakes that come along...' Julia's speech was cut short as the house phone started to ring. She stroked Kensi's head as she went to answer the phone.

'Julia Feldman?' Kensi watched the posture of Julia turning stressed. 'Missing?! Where is she?' As Julia turned around with a worried look on her face, Kensi knew something was wrong with Narah and she jumped up. She grabbed the phone from Julia's hands.

'What happened to her, Deeks?!'

'She left, Kensi...she's gone...I called the school and she was there...but never showed up for English. The principle thought she acted strange but decided to wait with the questions. When he wanted to check up on her...she was gone...'

'I am on my way!' Kensi walked to the hallway to grab her jacket when a person appeared in front of the door and Deeks' words stopped her.

'I'm already at your place.'

'Why didn't you check up on her? Even if she was asleep, you should have checked up on her! When was the last time you did that?!' Angry tension filled Julia's living room as Deeks and Kensi standing opposite of each other, both screaming at each other.

'It had only been an hour since the last time I checked up on her! I'm not stupid, Kensi! I know how to take care of her! I didn't hear a thing from the room, so I assumed that all was okay! Besides, I was on my way to check up on her!'

'Never assume, always check!' Kensi yelled. 'That is what we learn! And the one time you don't, you lose Narah!'

'Okay, stop it you two!' Julia shouted and she stepped between Deeks and Kensi, looking pissed off at both of them. 'You two fighting and blaming each other is not helping in finding Narah and finding her is the priority right now, right?' Deeks and Kensi nodded obediently. 'Good...then we agree and focus on that.' She faced to Deeks. 'What happened between the check-ups?'

'I made coffee, Kensi called, we fought...' he started to sum up.

'We yelled,' Kensi interrupted him and Deeks nodded irritated.

'Yes we did...anyways, I hung up and...'

'No Deeks...we yelled at each other!' Kensi said. 'You yelled you did not want to adopt her!' Deeks and Julia stared in shock at Kensi. 'I left and you yelled you did not want her to adopt her...we abandoned her...after we told her we would never to something like that.'

'We need to find her,' Deeks mumbling, realizing what huge mistake they had made.

TBC

Where did Narah go? Who knows?