I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favorites!

This chapter is for secretxlittlexdarling, for being the best helping elf there is, and making my Christmas Eve an amazing one. Still smiling xD
So I hope that you like this chapter ^^

Chapter 27

'Are you sure you want to do this?' Kensi asked one more time right before she and Narah were about to leave. 'I mean, we can call and tell her we're not coming. You don't need to go.' Narah took a deep breath and shook her head. She really needed to do this. So she waited for Kensi, who stood hesitantly at the door.

'I am sure, Kensi,' she told her.

'Okay,' Kensi nodded and she stepped outside, closing the door behind her. 'It's just last time you saw Alice...you had a hard time...just don't want that to happen again.' She stroked Narah's head and the teenager smiled.

'Don't worry,' she said. 'I'll be fine. I just need some answers which my mother only has. And last time I didn't know she was coming and was caught off guard. I had all day to think about it and I am sure.' She took a deep breath and hurried downstairs towards the car. If she waited longer, the doubt would only grow. She wasn't sure at all. All day she had been thinking about it. About what to ask her mother. Which answers she needed. But she had no answers on those thoughts. She only began to doubt more, the longer she thought about it. A sickening feeling to her stomach had started rise about hour ago and now she felt like she was going to throw up.

'Narah? Are you getting in?' Kensi asked, pulling Narah out of her thoughts and she saw Kensi already sitting behind the steering wheel, ready to leave. Narah took another deep breath and got in the car.

A white house with beautiful flowers in the front garden. A wooden bench at the porch. That could have been her house, Narah realized and she kept staring at it. It looked so homey...such a good place to raise a family. Kensi had told Deeks about the man and baby, when she thought Narah had been asleep. The house looked peaceful and nothing like the apartment she had lived in with her parents. How different her life could have been was shown in just this one sight of the house.

'I can just continue driving,' Kensi said when Narah made no move but Narah shook her head. She had come this far. When she turned to Kensi, it looked like Kensi was the one who wanted to leave. She seemed uncomfortable being here.

'I can go in alone,' Narah told her but Kensi shook her head.

'No, I will come along,' she said. Narah smiled weakly and turned her head back to the house. She almost screamed when she saw someone standing in the door opening. Now there was no turning back. Narah took a few deep breaths and stepped out of the car. As she got closer, she noticed Alice was shaking and smiling nervously.

'Hey, Narah,' she greeted softly and she invited them in. Narah glanced around. She actually liked how it looked. It seemed warm and light. Effort had been put into making it a home. Something that was never tried with their apartment. That always been an empty room. Simply because her father used all the money to buy drugs.

'Do you want something to drink?' Alice asked nervously. 'Some water...soda...tea?' Narah shook her head and Alice gestured her to sit down. Alice sat down in the chair opposite of her. For a few moments they looked at each other, taking in each other's sights.

'You wanted to ask me something?' Alice eventually said and Narah nodded.

'I want...I need to know...' Narah started to stumble, 'I want to know why you left me all alone...telling me you went to get some groceries...just to never return again...' Alice looked at Narah for a long time, without saying a word. Slowly Narah saw tears forming in her mother's eyes and for no reason she had to fight her own. Why did it hurt so much to see her mother tear up? Tear up because of her questions.

'I...I would have destroyed it all if I had stayed with you,' Alice managed to speak and she took a deep breath. 'I never saw you when I looked at you...I saw my husband...I couldn't handle that anymore. I would have been destroyed...and dragged you along with my misery...I couldn't do that to you. You were just an innocent child...my innocent little girl, who had already seen too much...too much for such a little child. This was the only way, to keep you safe. I was too weak to take care of you...I wasn't as strong as your father...I was only twenty-four and suddenly a widow and single mom. It was too much...I could not live another day knowing I would have to miss your father...being reminded every day of him, by you...' Alice's tears were flowing freely from her own eyes and as much as Narah tried to stop hers, her tears were flowing freely as well. Alice took Narah's hand and this time Narah's first instinct wasn't to pull back. It felt good to feel her mother's hand.

'I left you, to protect you,' Alice said. 'I was tired of fighting. I needed the rest...you needed a safe place to grow up...I am so sorry for leaving you that day...each day of my life I regret not having the chance to see you grow up...it hurts to see my own so...I just wish...wish your father had fought a little harder...' Alice struggled with the words and only sat quietly crying on the couch, hiding her face from Narah and Kensi, but still holding Narah's hand. Narah took a shaky breath and squeezed her mother's gently. She wished she had been there for her mother...she couldn't believe she felt sorry for her mother, after all the hatred she had felt all those years.

'You became such a beautiful girl,' Alice cried and she looked up to the ceiling. 'Still your father's face...his beauty...you're just a gorgeous girl.' She stroked Narah's cheek and Narah felt herself lean into her mother's touch. 'You're...you're a daughter to be proud of...' Narah felt Kensi's hand on her shoulder and the little squeeze. She glanced up through her tears to look to her.

'She is a daughter to be so proud of,' Kensi agreed, her voice thick from the emotions and she smiled weakly at Narah. Alice patted Narah on her hand and took a deep breath.

'No matter what you been through...I'm happy you ended up with Deeks and Kensi,' she said. 'They clearly love you very much...and that is what you deserve: a loving family...I'm so sorry I could never offer that to you...' Narah grabbed onto Kensi's arm and Kensi kissed her on the top of her head.

'Will you tell me about now?' Narah asked after they took some time to collect themselves. Alice glanced up and once again just looked at her. Then she nodded and she grabbed her phone. She showed the background of her phone of a smiling little boy.

'This is Jamie,' she smiled. 'He is already seven months and growing such much...he is such a smiler...' She showed some more pictures. 'And this is my husband Carl. I met him four years ago ..he was such a charmer. He is an accountant and an amazing dad...he helped me through a lot like your father's death...' Alice took a deep breath. 'He...umm...doesn't know about you. I could never explain it to him. I couldn't even explain it to myself by that time...I regretted it all...but Carl and Jamie made me feel better...gave me my life back...' Narah looked at the picture of her little brother smiling so brightly. He was having the life she wanted to have with her mother...but she could not hold it against him. Her life had turned out different but it had turned out good. In the end it was good. It was to her little brother to enjoy her dream life with her mother...their mother.

'You can meet them if you want,' Alice suggested hesitantly. 'I can explain it to him...and Jamie is going to love his sister...' Narah shook her head. That was not what she wanted. She got all she wanted...almost everything.

'I just wanted answers,' Narah told her and she took a deep breath. 'Nothing more... Just like you didn't want to do anything with me seven years ago, I want nothing to do with you now. You gave birth to me but you never were a real mom to me. I just wanted answers...' As she looked up to see her mother, she saw only the tears. She closed her eyes. This was never how she had imagined it to go, but she was sure. Sure for now. It wasn't Alice what she had been dreaming of. It had been her family with Deeks and Kensi.

'I'm sorry,' she mumbled and Alice shook her head.

'No...no it's okay,' she said. 'It's my own fault...It's my fault I lost you...I just thought...' Again she shook her head. 'Just not how I imagined it...'

'I know,' Narah said and she looked up at Kensi, who smiled at her. 'We should go.'

'Are you sure?' Kensi asked and Narah nodded. She was tired and wanted to go home. So she got up and walked with Kensi towards the door, only to turn around at the door.

'Where is he?' she asked Alice, who was sitting like a lost little girl on the couch. 'Where is my father?' Alice looked confused.

'He's dead,' she answered. 'He is nowhere...and everywhere.'

'Where is he buried?' Narah rephrased her question.

It was like the temperature dropped several degrees when Kensi and Narah walked over the graveyard. Narah had never gotten the chance to see her father's grave. To say a proper goodbye. Last time she saw her father, she begged him to wake up...but it had already been too late. He wasn't waking up ever again.

'Here he is,' Kensi said softly and she pointed at the filthy gravestone. It seemed like no one had been here in a long time, except for the white rose. One white rose was lying in front of the grave. Narah wondered who would have put it here. Who had cared about some guy who had lost his way. Narah crouched down and brushed off some of the dirt and it revealed her father's name. Tears were gathering in her eyes as she stared at the familiar name. It was really him. After all this time, she could say goodbye. She put her hand against the stone and closed her eyes.

'Sweet dreams, daddy,' she whispered.

TBC.