I had a horrible, horrible time with this one! I think I started over 3 or 4 times. I appreciate everyone that reviewed!
Chapter 6
"I'm Kira," his voice is soft and unsure. His eyes watch me, waiting for my reaction.
Honestly I am not surprised. I've always known where the evidence points. Building an emotional attachment to the suspect, that was my own blunder. The way he trembled in my arms and the slip in his control; it was absolutely addictive. What made it more so was knowing it was Kira who was submitting to me.
"I know." He stares at me silently, no more surprised than I was.
"You will die," he turns his eyes away.
"It's to be expected. Everyone dies eventually."
He chuckles darkly.
"No Ryuzaki, you will die in a few days, if you're lucky." My eyes widen without my consent. I had already assessed he would have a plan for this, but I had thought I'd have the notebook's powers confirmed before his plan could come to fruition.
"So, Light-kun, this was your true goal all along. Was there ever a moment of sincerity?" I suppose I would deserve it if there weren't any, considering I did the same to him.
Light smiles regretfully, eyes avoiding me.
"Too many to count," he says softly. "Why else would I be here like this now?" When his eyes finally do find mine I can see his inner turmoil has been resolved. "I don't want you to die anymore, Ryuzaki... L."
oOoOo
"I've done everything you've asked. What more can I possibly do?" he's angry. His eyes burn bright with something akin to hatred. "I've manipulated Misa to do my will. I've given you the only other death note I'm aware of. For Heaven's sake I've even broken the poor girl's heart! All for you. If that doesn't merit some kind of trust then I don't know what will."
The only thing left is for him to forfeit the death notes and his memory. Just as he had in his confinement. I wonder what he'll remember of this day.
"Forfeit them." It's all I have to say. He glares up at me spitefully.
"You won't give me an answer first?"
"Light-kun," and just in the way I say his name he knows the answer. I don't need to continue, but I will because we both need to hear it. "Light Yagami is Kira, and I cannot trust Kira. Even though you saved my life, it was still you who developed and executed the plan." I reach out, gently lifting his chin. His eyes are shining with anger and unshed tears. "Love, cannot exist without trust. At least not the kind of love that leads two people to share their lives with each other."
"What kind of love can it lead to?" he asks softly. And at the sound of his voice, and his pitiful expression I realize:
I have broken him.
He wants nothing more than to be with me, no matter how I treat him. It's a horrific sort of power that rushes through me. To think I could convince him to stay with me for the sole purpose of fulfilling my sexual desires. It's a dream I want to see realized. I want to have him around, I enjoy his company, I can only think of how fulfilled my life would seem.
Is this what is considered love? I hook my arm around his waist and pull him closer. He gasps softly and I catch his lips with mine. He pulls away and I fist his hair. He breathes a soft moan and gives into me allowing me to take control of the kiss. I had always thought of love as something that was slowly cultivated, taking many long years of work to perfect. This fire that I feeling burning within me now is only physical. I break the kiss and give him his answer.
"I believe, a more accurate term would be lust. I lust for you, Light Yagami, but I do not and will not love you."
I can see his heartbreaking before my eyes, anger builds in his eyes as they narrow in a very calculating fashion. For a moment I'm fearful he'll refuse me and try to continue on as Kira.
"I forfeit everything," he breathes suddenly, and I can't help but watch fascinated as his rage transforms into tear filled eyes. It only takes a moment and then Kira is gone, and only Light Yagami is left. As soon as it happens his face turns away and I can see his shoulders shake in silent sobs.
oOoOo
I dig my fingers into his hips, holding him tightly, guiding his thrusts, faster, harder. His soft, tight, wet, heat enveloping me and casting all thoughts from my mind. All I can do is watch him, straddling my hips, hands in his own hair as he moans wildly. He doesn't use my alias now, instead opting to moan 'L' over and over again until it sounds like one continuous stream.
Tears still stain his cheeks and continue to flow periodically. Presumably every time his sex-addled brain starts working and he realizes this will be our last time together. Watching him like this, it's possibly the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. For the first time it feels like we're lovers. Funny how things work out.
Afterwards he lays on me, with his head on my chest. His tears have stopped and we're both reluctant to end this moment. I run my fingers through his hair, and he releases a soft sigh against my chest.
If I stay here in Japan I may, in a moment of weakness, seek him out. And though he poses a minimal risk, without the death note and his memories, he is still a threat.
In that case there is only one thing for it. I will have to leave soon. Tonight is best.
He can feel my anxiety and sits up to look at me.
I think it is his eyes I will miss the most, or perhaps it's his intellect, my eyes trail over his body. No, I will miss everything about him.
This is right though, this is just. Actually, it makes perfect sense that both of us should suffer from this. He can't get away from all of this unscathed, after all, it is only proper that I should be the one to punish him. And since I am the one releasing him from certain death, it only makes sense that I should suffer as well.
I can see the question in his eyes. I don't want him to ask. I don't want to hurt him with my answer. I don't want to see tears in his eyes again. I reach up and gently cup his cheek, and it's of no use as his eyes glaze over with tears anyway. He makes a face, clearly trying to overcome his emotions. He leans down and we kiss, it's deep and sensual and nothing like we've shared before. When we break away he's the one to gently stroke my face watching me, studying me. Then soundlessly he rolls off of me, and I begin finding my clothing and dressing myself. When I am done I see him fully dressed, staring down at his hands as though they can give him the answers he seeks.
He looks up at me and our eyes meet. He pleads silently again, not willing to break his pride by speaking the words. The answer will be the same regardless.
When I leave I don't look back.
oOoOo
Light Pov
(3 years later)
oOoOo
It's late, Sayu and Dad have gone to bed. Mom and I are the only ones awake, she sits across from me at the dining room table. She knows what I am going to say, I can see it in the way she purses her lips with worry. I sigh about to begin, and she gasps deeply to steady her nerves.
"I have my degree," I say, watching her carefully. She nods, and when she lifts her head she avoids my eyes. "I kept my word. Now I'm going to do what I need to do." She nods again.
"I wish you wouldn't," her voice waivers and she stops. She inhales slowly, closes her eyes, and continues. "You deserve better. Someone to love you and take care of you. Someone you have equal ground with." I reach out and place my hand over one of hers. I wish I could tell her everything. The truth about my time away, but I don't think I could bear to see that kind of disappointment on her face.
I don't remember being Kira or using whatever kind of murder weapon L found, but even I have to admit that the evidence points to me. The reason I've come to believe it is because of Raye Penber and Naomi Misora. I remember them, vaguely, but it's a remembrance nonetheless. I told L that I was Kira and he let me go. I can only come to the conclusion that L's feelings for me must have been much stronger than I had thought.
"Give it more time," she says suddenly. "Give it another year, go out and have fun. Meet new people, start a new relationship, a career." Her tears begin to slacken and her voice becomes more energetic. I try to smile at her.
"I did what I promised, and now I want to try. If-If it doesn't work then I'll stop." She nods, looking a little more relieved than she did previously. She desperately wants to believe my lie. We've had this conversation time and time again and every time she managed to push it out a month, then months, then years. But she can no longer push. I don't begrudge her, she's only being a mother.
"I just wanted to let you know," I tell her. She smiles sadly. I pat her hand once and then leave to my room. She's the only person I've ever told about my clandestine relationship with L.
I've done what I could to forget him. I delved into my school work with a newfound devotion. I dated numerous people, gone to bed with twice as many. No one compares to him. Perhaps it is because he was my first or maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. Either way I know what I want.
If L will not come back for me, then I will go to him. I had, at first, thought I was simply being weak, wanting to be with him again. But now I understand. L is incapable of being my knight in shining armor, so I will have to be his.
The reality of the situation is I've already contacted Eraldo Coil and received a reply.
I step into my immaculate room, eyes quickly finding my suitcase. I turn out the lights and sit on my bed watching the thin line of light from beneath my door. I don't have to wait long for the shadow of my mother passing to block out the light and then the hall light turns off. I wait a few minutes and then stand with my suitcase in hand. I don't know when I'll be back, I don't know what will happen. But I do know this:
I want L, and somehow, I'll get him.
end
A/N: I'm not very good with happy endings (actually I'm terrible at them.) I didn't want to make Light sound like a victim going back into an abusive relationship... It's hard though... Emotions suck! XP Well I hope you all liked it anyway!